Since the big cry fest over four weeks ago, my life has pretty much gone back to its usual state. I hardly even remember it anymore. I continue to work, eat, sleep, and shut the world out as I usually would.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPZMba0Qli
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuBUUrlguY
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPeUCWRNtP
There's only one minute problem; I've been avoiding David, and I'm sure as hell that he's noticed. How could he not notice that I haven't been available in over a month?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJOZ4moXkI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5DPugOOwa
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2zItfR32u
I let his calls ring out, and I don't call him back. I don't reply to his texts, or his WhatsApp messages. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzM7LYaowzx
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2pbkN4oWg
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJyypRlrLv
It's pathetic, really, but who can blame me? That night, I realised that I was beginning to feel something very strong for him, and I also realised that he had already begun to feel that way a long time ago.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R3TaCngF8
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBvB1Qzry1
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVeRmInQAR
as long as you stay here with me590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzemb0UpVIc
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejLMt4L6vU
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCxkqNsSJc
That's what he said after the wedding. He meant more than what was happening in that moment. I could feel it, and that night at Poetic Justice, I could see the way he looked at me, as if I meant the world to him.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5DeXDAkJq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpENTiWbPFG
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGoH5thUWf
This has to stop.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmUYssMPdA
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZeFKSSTJo
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFpMQiFQR5
I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch, feeling that sharp pain in my pelvis again, and I yelp. It's been happening more frequently now, and it's getting worse. I really need to eat more.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt92vrNF0w8
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4GwJTHwYS
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraJEWdhwmV
I get up, not knowing what I'm going to do today — I have no work — so I go to make some coffee. I'm just about to pick up the jar that is now placed safely on my kitchen counter, rather than high up in a cupboard, when I hear knocking on the door. Somehow, I know that it's him; it's as if I can feel his energy through the door. Still, as I pull the door open, I didn't expect his expression to be so... worried. My first guess would've been that he was angry, but here stands before me, a man who looks like he is on the verge of shitting himself.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYRbHPfOFi
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAM0cbHpe6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4ubpf2yuQ
"Are you okay?"590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSFOGDfmxa
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSR1UqPDWw
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVUK4BJzKL
"Yeah," I say letting out a heavy sigh. It seems as if every time I think of him, he appears. "We need to talk."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyarK8ulVcD
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcXTraNZW2
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOeVJG0F6K
I step aside to let him pass, and follow him to sit on one of the couches.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBQcrxDOQf
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsSWwWpzuX
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt8zH6G2Df
What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't love you? You're better of without me? It's not you, it's me? 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DRR45uYxS
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPdIsx4M1G
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQ2Qv3aRcZ
Instead of going with any of those options, I choose the best thing that I can think of.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHle25crfO
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlrR1ViXE9
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj67ehdMJAb
"I don't want to do this anymore," I say to him, sounding like Rihanna.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuH8vgMXw4
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ5s660JWi
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnwM1oiMcL
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't give you what you need.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDFoy6FO2y
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB2npCAaCB
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zOYJOO6nF
His eyebrows knot together in confusion. "Do what?"590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdehD7GxIAw
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7YQYZvMfy
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV5pIwl5ht
"Us," I say, but he still looks confused, so I decide to elaborate. "I can't give you what you want."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63B5agW14t
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3HpRRILfI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Xr8sUgy8O
He puts his hand on his forehead and rubs it, letting out a sigh.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeNP4rdTTb
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzVBIw0i0B
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazylDgqGuE
"Yes, you can."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtlusOdqtf
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANBJDxPb46
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ1X3DV8Jm
"David—" I interrupt, because to be honest, I'm tired of people telling me what I can and can't do; but then he throws something at me that I didn't see coming.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fsP1K3rnU
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY9hjTioGh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLBy58SE6B
"You can, but you don't want to. You're holding on to the past. There's a difference."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU09qgHjZgd
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3u5qGAwls
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7nvdXckH7
All of this is said with a look of sympathy on his face.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9DaoIFJCX
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabfn8su2Kc
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8RgTTBrs6
To be honest, I can't tell him that he's lying, because he isn't. That's exactly what I'm doing; holding on to the past, to my dead lover who's ashes are kept in an urn under my bed, who I will never see again; but there's more to it. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdxILcU8yF
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLHbNGoxQR
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkV3q4Y5pQw
I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to lose again. If felt enough pain to last me an infinite amount of lifetimes and then some.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBnY7SY2Ws
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYXtnaWSnO
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjkemqnxLe
"You're holding on to the past," he says, repeating himself. "I get it. You love him, probably infinitely more than you could ever love me; but do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Would he have wanted that?"590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhGgBsbdsI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRT1lwBTo2v
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDYua7EiqU
I stop and think for a second. Would Andrew have wanted that?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFzVTuwZ46
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLwthOygTt
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1I4bbrGkO
No, he wouldn't, because the last thing he said to me was "be happy, for me; live, for me." 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41MweInAhI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnEtGImGmo
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSuYIBD0fr
I'm a disappointment to my dead boyfriend, because I can't get over my dead boyfriend. This is so fucked up.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsISRh6oWm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADLOClLBc7
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvmyf6ANzQ
I don't even realise that I'm sobbing until I'm in David's arms, and my face is in his chest; he's rubbing circles into the small of my back, just like he did four weeks ago.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U7MHcZtnA
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkV6y18Oaj
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyL6h3teoy
The sobs wrack my body so hard that my pelvis starts to hurt again, which causes me to groan.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Fwx5vNdqr
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAh7cryRWNB
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqaMbi5ITv
"What's wrong?" 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE3DrnW6So
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2vJQIQ5ZX
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpESc9U0F6e
I take a few deep breaths, so that I can calm down; each time my breath hitches, I feel that sharp pain again.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBjTr9iNnr
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJBgoW8uI5
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69mS9h4lmo
Once the sobs stop, leaving only tears flowing from my eyes, I speak.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMd3wQS4ytI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7IgOnhyv6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82HHossVgT
"My pelvis hurts. I feel pains whenever I don't eat enough."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjGT1coLJr
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcvoPBtHTI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0R5WzUmCb
He gives me a disapproving look.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhT92rFzv8M
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjbHJIeoBm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgWfJqQxbu
"Are you anorexic?"590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnNujjHDPB
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPiQbu6W2S
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiZCXkJBOl
"Oh, god, no. I just only eat when I feel the urge to. The problem is that sometimes I feel the urge to eat once a day, or I feel hungry and I don't want to eat solid food, but there's no liquid food in the house. Other times, I stuff my face like a pig."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdzIxdx0JG
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv7gCMleQq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNESLo4vRX
He looks at me like I'm the strangest creature on earth.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJPN6pBQIn
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlLT5w7SH7
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskP9nGxSRC
"Okay," he says in a resigned tone.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jkUpm5VHW
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WlfIKk3Kd
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFMzudA38n
The tears are slowing down now, and I'm beginning to realise that David isn't going to just evaporate into thin air because I order him to.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvQsKNGe9w
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvOiSbbpgh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPZcWPzliW
Almost as if he hears me, he smiles at me and says, "I'm not going anywhere, babe."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00T0ICN5Yw
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0jwxIQJFu
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBxCzTVVcA
Not yet ready to accept that, I let out a sigh — then wince when my pelvis hurts again.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr0nW3I36A
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpuZV0x8mh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dLPIrpfmZ
I ignore it.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYS9AxAU5Y
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7u4UEyPhd
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoPFhU4dOA
"I don't want to get hurt again."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfbaQPL2PC
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Hhlpqo8fr
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTdVVobRCy
At this, he has nothing to say. What can he do? Promise me that he won't die? That would be a lie.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG4RVc06do
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXM6ukhn0N
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGH5zr2HthI
"I won't let that happen, and I can't give you what you want. I can't give you love."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OkFoz3TC8
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucUH5ZhJty
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRwq5SAGHp
He knows that he can't give me a legitimate reply to that. I've lost every important person in my life. He can't ask me to risk that happening again by becoming close to yet another person.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg4cXUuDQ1
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp2UA6MrEr
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Rn6TVsOTg
"This is why I don't have friends. I don't date. I live on my own. I just cannot endure any more pain, David. Love is a weakness; it it my weakness. It feels amazing when you're with the person, but at that funeral? You feel so distraught, so hurt, you're in so much pain, that you feel as if you're being tortured to the point of death, but you aren't dying; you're stuck on the threshold between life and death yourself.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4HntGR7Qt
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZo27ZuEWP
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9U6izlllc
"When I love someone, I do it with my whole heart. Whether it is my friend, family or lover, it consumes me. I can't help it; so when I lose that person, it is absolutely devastating. I can't do it again.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEAYjFN9nX
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpd0XREkJsd
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TNP6WNRJB
"So please leave, David, because these feelings that I have? I refuse to allow them to blossom into full blown love, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already inevitably have."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL60KWHLj28
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBUFvmL2xF
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd89Nf2MeDb
He gets up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding. It feels like it takes years for him to cross the room and make it to the door.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2PNhqZ5Qj
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCroPJIyNrb
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmJ3ZzrFAD
As he opens the door to leave, I know that I have done the right thing; I couldn't use him anymore.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDxs19k3eh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRc1DJdjHNM
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo61fdGfP8X
So why is it that I felt the urge to call him back?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqL1Tcluap
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcMO2Ipa4X
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXK3nc6Gtr
***590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvG9MLsgsXM
For the past two days, I've been doing everything to get David out of my mind; and I've been epically failing. Every time that it is most inconvenient for me, he just pops up into my head, out of nowhere.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LNlbOn359
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LWaNIhgW2
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvVBjcZMvS
For example, right now, I'm at a photo shoot for a man who wanted a few portraits of himself, and I can't see the subject through the viewfinder.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUQTgUlgxS
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRF9U3Cxdv
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIJ9umFVdo
"Excuse me, can I get a glass of water? I'm parched."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVPPa2gn2I
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVnrXlR5Fa
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5ylHlS5MB
He smiles at me.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwtJFLuBQR
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf387n7bzc7
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolTQTkZzDB
"Sure, hon."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW8wWIUCO1
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZySaA9G43
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsz7yeW07Z
He walks off, and like the masochist I am, I pull out my phone and read David's messages. So much for trying to forget him.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq7zah0p3f
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIa0MbZ7N6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5Fy4QSOXe
The very first ones:590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EAkmGPxJq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMsGtMfn0T
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1my2rJ1qyo
Hey! I miss you.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCclpdwwlaZ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6asgx9bhT
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDDHsyE1Bd
How about you come over to my house and sit on my face? 👅💦😉590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLwIHqyFku
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrMSOl47Pm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld9p80Qr1h
Leah, I have a special present for you... 🍆💦590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YImT1Ekcq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3D0QDeQmf
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNwUbIcTjs
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DRbEi0awR
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYUgmc1ddp
Then, when he realised that I wasn't reading or replying to my texts:590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUrk0EpW2M
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXFBAuzq5r
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYg4GFLZqCM
Hey babe, why aren't you answering my texts?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHsH34ap28
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAysmZFtYXH
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT4akJ0CGx
Are you okay?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jfVemXesm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGNFxDlgCs
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0OjkSQu5n
Did I do something to piss you off?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTqxk8rtDI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnImMqcLtZ6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc0iTq9hFs
Then, he caught on to the real reason why I wasn't replying:590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj4f8oISK0
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ590D5RMAjD
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVXyHA1ThM
If it's about the other night, please remember, it's okay to feel.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNvZU7nRvQ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCxHXbgJbA
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrJLppiD34
Then, something that caught me completely off guard:590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdOYVUKo95
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPzmazAYVW
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2DiCQa9le
Leah, I've peen wanting to tell you this for a while; I wanted to tell you this at the poetry night, but I didn't know how. I love you.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpAdJvVb47
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IwoyDpND9
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoTbLKsQiC
Suddenly, it feels as if all of the oxygen has been removed from the air; as if I'm dying from CO2 poisoning, and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it is trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYB2vPJu7l
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJKDowfchZ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBTGwiO88z
"No," I whisper, my voice cracking, and I let out a sob when I work out the date on which he sent the text. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxv8jxAy9h
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPF6Q3y2LMl
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbELd8uXhKm
Two weeks before he came to see me. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiENreNlZ3Y
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqdP3K1odj
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJChcnV1V0q
Of course, my fucking pelvis begins to act up again, but the pain is barely noticeable over the pain I feel at knowing the extent to which I've hurt him. I knew that he felt strongly about me, but love?590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc037JFJjH
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicCt71VOy2
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"Leah?" Trevor says, with the glass of water in his hand.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgmD1Vq05Y
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I wipe my face quickly.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNTHgZAlj4
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"It's okay. I'm fine."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgTMEezplb
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"You don't look fine," he says, with concern on his face, handing me the water.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bTB4uLjZG
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"Don't worry about me. Lets get back to work."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AeIMcAqte
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***590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR403QObQS
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I'm in David's driveway. I know I shouldn't be here after promising myself that I'll leave him alone, but I feel as if I have to say something to him after reading his confession, even though I know that seeing him in person again will probably end badly for both of us.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDmspix5IR
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Still, I called him to inform him that I wanted to talk, and he invited me over.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyu2BTeq6qc
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I can't get out of the car. I'm fucking nervous out of my mind. What the hell am I supposed to even say to him? 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtydkFkMpc2
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I don't even realise how long I've been here, until I here knocking on my car window. I jump slightly, yelping in fright, before realising that it's only David. I open the car door slowly.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I9BxGeaso
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"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the night in the car," he comments.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs75NhLmnqf
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I close my eyes as I stand and lock my car.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z31kIFd62
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"You finally read my messages," he states.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOZYpuuoeo
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"Yes," I reply, realising that the ticks must have turned blue.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkwGAmD67B
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I just look at him, and he looks back. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it plain as day. He loves me. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy74hfSY9p
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If I'm going to be honest, I should've seen this one coming. He always wants to cuddle, he always looks for an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me. Now that I think about it, most men who are trying to keep feelings out of a relationship would rather sleep on their couch.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvtQraaDmP
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He fucking stalked me, followed me to a water party.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTfcTfOGU8
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"When did you start having feelings for me?"590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfq1ovycp9
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He exhales loudly, and then looks at me as if he knows that I won't like the answer.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFpqyCSVlH
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"That night that we had dinner together, right here."590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiFKk8dIR9
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Wow. That was an actual date. A romantic date. I feel like a dumb fuck.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCtZu0WJEg
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He loves me, but I don't love him. Despite the fact that I feel drawn to him, the fact that I want him, not just sexually, I don't love him. Not yet.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRPTXzK3FI
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I'm attached; I swore that I wouldn't let this happen, but I've become emotionally attached. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcX572sbEn
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"Leah, are you really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life alone?" he asks, interrupting my train of thought. I can't even think about the weight of that question, because he continues.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2egyI9azj
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"You say that you're afraid of pain, but right now, you're hurting yourself. You aren't happy. I know it's nothing compared to the pain of losing someone, but at least when you let other people in, you'll have some light, people to laugh with and cry with. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr03OsgrTIp
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So I'm asking you again: do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?"590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAXgruPsWO
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I look at him, and I can't say anything; I'm speechless. Everything he just said makes sense, and it hurts, because I know that either way, I'm screwed. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSng4GOUz5
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If I say "no", he'll hold onto it the way that Jack should have held on to that lifeboat in Titanic, and if I say "yes", that may not be completely true, because I don't know anymore. I hate being alone, but I fear emotional pain. 590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGKrYoqXs0
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I just stand there, silent. Instead of trying to talk, I do the only thing that I can do in this moment; I hug him, and to my elation, he wholeheartedly returns the gesture.590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjboojEJQ0
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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️😘💋
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