最近我將涼樹的《王座騎士》讀到最新，接下來會挑一些部分跟大家分享。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbHXsp901T
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM16mp9vI6e
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrVPBps0H0
先從角色說起好了。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqeo2uCx0q
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTupczNpdRu
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrYcYfhzav
裡面我比較喜歡，而涼樹也比較認真刻劃的角色很明顯是親王殿下。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5kO4JWwGa
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgw4JSgeyA
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVgPR5yoyq
明明身為親王，卻有著疑似暴露狂屬性，加上還會在危機時挺身而出，算是裡頭很用心經營的角色。同時，我很喜歡本篇章結束時，女主跟他的互動變化。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2N9EEtZUz
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoTbGDnWPc
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zC4cSyoDm
但反過來說，其他角色就刻劃得很不明顯，也沒什麼記憶點。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3rPOLCywc
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYU3XhXpAY
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQWAuwTCgK
在劇情主線下，女主角幾乎沒什麼變化(除了本章最後跟親王的互動之外)，這點是一大硬傷。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYGjrb1IfV
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9GtiejzLe
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVWo4ZnEoG
關於這點，第一篇章因為主角比較抑鬱，所以整篇都維持在這種氛圍之下，因此會比較勸退讀者。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNX1RSsAFF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoDO7uvwik
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3fxUBNz2U
個人認為，本章的重點在於親王挺身而出，保護了御風，讓她稍微敞開心房，因此讓兩人關係改善。不過，在親王救御風時，這個御風的心境變化並未加強刻劃，因此會顯得有些突然，且沒抓到重點的感覺。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC4gPc0tOZ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuHRqULdaJ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60iTkHMMjR
另外，在劇情上，敵對的角色一下子就被撂倒，感覺御風只是稍微露個兩手，對方就招架不住，鋪陳許久，最後一下子就解決事件，有點少了什麼的感覺。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmc2dLHQiR
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ORvE8O2rJ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmGfe1zj1t
我認為在貓貓這點很有巧思，不過在敵人塑造與劇情設計上，會因為敵人太弱而顯得張力不太足夠。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNP0XfdIzU
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsFcaCIWGo
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfdL7Fby9g
而在女主角的設計上，真的感覺不出她是女生。給人的感覺就好像抑鬱的青年。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0SDhMv8J3
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2AdicUsBb
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAGWQRovsA
或許可以針對女主角本身可愛的地方多加描述或是設計，當然，她可以個性不好，可以抑鬱，但肯定也有弱點或是可愛的地方。這點真的非常重要。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxl8Vop5ku
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkrsRuXnMI
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xd1J0ovwq
親王在高貴的身分下，卻是個有著暴露傾向的青年，由於這點是個很大的反差，會讓人有記憶點。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6NHx1pKfF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W1t6urhkL
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZem6y62ebk
而女主角的設計也能從這個思路著手。她可能個性嚴謹，但在某個方面卻沒輒，或是有什麼古怪的堅持或癖好，都是可以發展的點。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9t7ZbHgUoF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHNjolZAT3
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBzTdOOlAq
目前的刻劃下，她比較接近於一個空殼，稍微缺乏了人味。我是這麼認為的。當然，在送玫瑰花那段有所改變，多了點人味是好的。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEM3Mq1tjAM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpOffvaWen
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjisnJ4LJw
而在摯友角色方面也是，雖然從她跟親王的對戲，知道她其實想要保護御風，但在讀者看來，還是缺乏了什麼，因為也缺乏了她跟御風等人對戲的鋪陳、相處橋段。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2XVS5U1qC
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcoK0WTACd
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFc6oJ4qFY
到下一次見面，他們已經是要託付和送禮，因此會顯得有些突然。讀者沒有跟上這股情緒。另外，當她遺失禮物時，也並未刻劃出焦急的感覺(當然可能是我漏看了)，所以會顯得讀者帶入感不足。劇情卻逕自發展下來的感覺。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8FqR2NC8R
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvltjATG3X
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOliZTyw7cA
然後是世界觀呈現。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MKbvCAQJb
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFgfBTpKHV
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPmJSvp5LP
在介紹高塔時，我的印象是涼樹利用御風跟親王的對話，來帶出相關介紹。如果有記錯，我先說抱歉。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Yfq7Z8kL1
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17PAx9Tzr8
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdzxvI8NDg
利用對話來帶出世界觀是動畫之中常見的鋪陳手法，雖然這個手法也能用，但這多半是用在主角視點不知道世界觀的情況下使用。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyXvDPxRI5
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2rN23tZlN
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrBMwutp5U
倘若主人翁知道這個世界的背景，直接用小說常見的敘述法帶出就可以了。這樣會顯得更加直接，也能顯的比較完整。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaRf4SVckB
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZKSykldFv
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtBq16x4vA
否則台詞一大堆，卻還是講不清楚，會顯得十分可惜。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oHL0Tarwd
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jMzXRDzL1
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgdC2coPZs
而目前的戰鬥，給人的感覺好像是，御風啟動身體的魔法。然後出招。就沒了的感覺。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoimw7bbFS
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIi0YAazfwf
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZncSmfYBkk
倘若還不習慣寫戰鬥，可以先從特色著手。起碼把特色作出來。像是她出招時魔力會出現玫瑰的光、身體出現啥紋路，或者召喚出什麼幫助戰鬥的東東，先弄出個特別的東西。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzMO2odMkJ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca7tGaHiYX
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiCIfcm7yX
搞不好，還能跟貓貓連動，後面出個組合技。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmmuhWvBl8
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMPLonZu3X
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ3bt5VQPx
個人認為，倘若要增加整體的爽快感（除了戰鬥鏡頭之外），在劇情設計上可以些微調整。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09nY0rZlJK
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16rvzeWZpt
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bM50VY6fL
首先，女主角一開始嚴厲反對要成為親王的直屬騎士。理由可以自己想。以此創造劇情的衝突點。然而，儘管女主角不想成為直屬騎士，但在女王的要求下，依然妥協陪同親王出第一次任務。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWdLESGl4w
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ePAt9plyz
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPvd2uSqLy
兩人關係超級不好，但是透過這次事件，他們拉近距離。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPskStBfhH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaTFd2rOup
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLelWOcUO8
這樣劇情張力會更大。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48D5fv6dYz
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeb1K7W7PTo
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCKHoAaNMD
而在跟朋友的對戲中，或許兩人曾經有了矛盾，但內心其實很擔心對方。我知道原作中有這類想法，但我覺得可以更加強描寫這點。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRA5tPjtR6
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvxz5fyfy4
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3BJNvXM5f
接下來是行文。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXMfxcxca3
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnIHXizoZw
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTieTM1RQq
整體而言能知道涼樹想表達什麼。不過有些地方，主要是心境描述，有時會寫得繞來繞去，有時又會缺乏描寫。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycexImFSf4
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxEaI0Nb5x
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlgQlcrKe4
所以可能還得再拿捏一下。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3fenqebgQ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW74oylfn0I
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tZFJTsgbX
不過，在高塔內設備面板、樓層的描述上十分清晰，這點我很喜歡。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBNY2ekajw
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUTekQRtIK
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4epcZtu5sO
所以整體而言。就是幾個要點。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnlbq8uDJF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KsQEVrkVq
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmSlwvHwLE
第一，劇情設計上，可以多想想「變化」。從喜歡到不喜歡。從冷淡到熟悉，從結怨到寬恕。這樣的走法才能拉出劇情張力。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlFZ1iZRUa
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E6aLWbjGK
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3j61we4Yll
第二，角色方面，多利用反差，塑造人味。像是前面舉過親王的例子。女主角可以嚴謹，但或許可能在某個地方脫線，或者對戀愛很遲鈍之類的。其他角色也是按照這樣的邏輯設計。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zMUf7jrHf
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMBnLeqsc3
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFQy9UqADK
第三，行文上，世界觀倘若是女主角知道的事情，直接敘述出來，或是對話提到時，用描述句補充就行了。不用刻意開一場戲來講世界觀。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEzbmZqQgn
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYKYOBYpgN
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5sPxXIOdn
同時，在心境描寫上，要著重刻劃重點。特別是女主角應該要多講一點。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCnBBKn3Jn
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AcpZiKsIb
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gEJ22OyIW
以上是我讀完第一篇章的看法。可以參考一下。
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuoZ4VBmpe
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2ER55yk1P
下列為後面補記： 403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT9GRNA6Fx
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQX1TKrXN1f
當我讀到目前的更新，也就是最新的篇章後，我對這部作品老實說是充滿期待的。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJBRLV54dD
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uGqVqbcQa
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoGkxEWAar
在作品一開始，抑鬱、內向，對人不敞開內心的騎士御風，因為各個事件，她交到了朋友，有了能並肩同行的夥伴，以及跟過去的因緣達成和解。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQhwE4XOQF
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIlcwfTNB2
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVf3Bl2sZY
在劇情概念上，我認為涼樹想表達的，正是這種細膩，且不易描繪的情感。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHQrIYpTlG
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Tj9hOcLM3
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BgQOfQKVM
而這樣的目標亦是目前的我也無法達到的領域，因此在這方面，我對涼樹的理想和對於作品的堅持，懷抱一股敬意。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHNop5SWWi
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRElv2N08PQ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoZcUebSSr
那麼，差不多是這樣。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DclwkJ3lz
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFlJFyAvcJ
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSIfQGz3ep
有興趣的讀者，不妨試著讀一讀。403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtTD5OPAuH
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkElV0NxaM
403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt0USvqNBp
penana.com/story/57690/王座騎士
