前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtURJwFrKBl
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozGOgXe4Pw
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHutIiYY3BR
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6q5gKafLpZ
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54XUThqZm9
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAU8y0tkqe4
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVNwvqxRac
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWKHPj7tS0
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobvAdwkQhq
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfYxLdlxaf
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRokfM7Hvz
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1JBlKVOF9
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYchq1UXYMr
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10WfnFHwQi
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6O6skDoeOE
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMtGtzi8Y4
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rZjcu7ouc
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjZyqvZEhb
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1XJGHKH00
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbKiKg0j9S
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39I9MKpCR5
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2e3ULTFxp
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9ImJABoNd
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oNrO59k0A
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfX3jDkxnmb
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe862BhlyGN
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXdLALRg6G
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX17uGydCR4
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaiZfJfQ7D
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkSUnvnfJZ
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKqzvcsSe2
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsiBL3w14i
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEGgs91bmu
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcZxUZs2Ns
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLPlBqp8pj
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZbULdQ3gu
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsjK5r6mOM
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsYJTEUAcm
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoATAG1ZL1r
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS4I0TEH7u
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0ep2pu3No
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLp04oboH9
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡen1klCDyF7
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9rxjEA85L
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLE54J1kase
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUse80MBFU
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2xU5pjyOz
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohs1atTFPq
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZCac9R7YF
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiLFH7d1X6
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTQpnWV85U
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0OjfyGbXT
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkaoLw1UJf
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PDa7bOIRE
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAzXArIKLd
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvcIZoLZ3O
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrjTuDm70O
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMcYkWEvFU
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoANUzZK8R3
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCyHtMXH2M
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlK0FXzxfe
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP7Kp7ESUZ
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NjhPF8OmL
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXFkXJtaH2
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLnZWIdKLC
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpPIppA33N
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOK1MAIHSE
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucfwOIHdbt
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6cC4gmLeT
另外，稍微補充一點。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpIAP0851U
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb89uxC3LjH
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6krIWhc234
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6L5s4viw4
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg30XOH1dY0
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRYOJpqymJ
（以下都我隨便舉的）427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyjazeScJD
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例如：427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwE5iE2pH1
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D2FC5Rnoj
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXEB6doKOd
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FJBuJ2wWM
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aKLvYBgcf
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdqMhjzFH1
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkKUIoO2lD
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a6KIqQIqO
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJJINxJYWG
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYHLSKf2fG
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEgtzwKUvn
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8m9ZMZ3vMX
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aWLA45o19
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPU01VDXUD2
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDFGVwVpWG
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sVMfzi1tv
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhZfHXBDnf
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGyXkAyeEi
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0AkIiED18
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz6QEgNjeA
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHeOuH1Kn9
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MOwbknC6O
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxaNyqIgSF
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXucktNQpv
大概是這種感覺。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dC1qPC4o1
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGjmOIfY85
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HLK4NcunN
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6BPLFZejR
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LJCribeDV
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMf2ihTI6l
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