前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLHUdcHrvb
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jfNnePhDl
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOzB0dERTC
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YhMMM4X9B
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoDLcmEiuN
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0QRFaf2ft
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuJtcv04s8
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18U92LQApf
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvspRMq5YBe
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoft86Tf8x
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMtctFscRY
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRPO3GFdBz
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GprgZni5m
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu9z557QIE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYLmzyanjE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcUTbVCwHg
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8JTHwSDBq
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXcQG3kyKE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYvlrMEcvh
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVSxXN9s8M
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvBaN5ibih
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4Dbl2FmGp
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQYxoyzBuS
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtU8dGcJl3
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdW06Z1zkjZ
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLK4SaNxqS
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLckni5NNR
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQGCR4CwwB
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbWZdvVqeD
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiAcvShf1m
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oZuedBqzf
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICf3C7j20I
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczbueJs5ZK
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oZ9v6AmWr
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISJEjLug31
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg3pogfSnC
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDXEifYqPG
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3cH6zk3fr
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbuu98VDAY
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrF2Yn5QOr
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p3FzGUWmW
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n2bFgRDVi
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNbUx81p0X
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sRGld83B1
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWi2qEFWpsw
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0TX9P9QIH
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtelvyy1jcR
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl10nMXLca
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsgFMkHymD
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5x0SJ5RPO
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMVOXD5hJ1
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡume5shNZGa
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9neyppOqDV
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRClW6Gqyu
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvASuppVds8
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDj3b1DHcW
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW1xeOUhld
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpu1YwaII4
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsUorcGdOi
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7hrYdVUus
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nEIpTi9NJ
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS7gMHKDch
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387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN3ugfCOpE
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhpa2h0ymb
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另外，稍微補充一點。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZI9ulG62h
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ903YMS0BPZ
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlsU65Hizx
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr2PXIzjJ5
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpdwi9pkEa
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（以下都我隨便舉的）387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUYxIrCQzw
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQ5dFW3JM3
例如：387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81oKzd52dE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffiVw1bX7o
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7rsIuEV2g
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xEm9ujmzS
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdzlZsnH44
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzNNGBMC60
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw3gg3BlNg
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjqkg4i5Wa
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsC3zDLz2X
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrrlq0zSF7
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaKWQmwBO9
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFNlwnhkC8
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEsIYuqKVy
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJ4Mns8ihi
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVz8y6N8OK
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9mnSeopD5
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTtkSHAfdg
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwIY1QRk55
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f1dXeaxyP
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDZboEUdvH
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVfY8oj7uA
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMcd9Zip3Z
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeH3IijOXe
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3Mpu7mfO6
大概是這種感覺。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuuqfFw9HC
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmalEdnVu0N
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dtn7w7r8b
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ190nVWl976
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQC5Gou4jHn
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUraO9LEJn
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