前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdZjs4hQr7
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxGRfXEt2S
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對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOs1gUVNUz
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzjZmodfli
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd8l2xS7HT
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qfTncYkW1
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硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSizvZdLkfb
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9l4nr4HTG1
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqvSwUwGBL
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6ui3vAKg6
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXczT7y9E0H
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgA8pyWF1Ea
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkLGo74G4k
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBunx2qpcc
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435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXrotfowWL
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeB8aCepHHw
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OwIpWtlSw
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz2rKUthPW
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMKw802LWe
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUySbHIuRZ
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vu9kM738s
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvzaXKhVVg
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuE72egfzOQ
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2CSWeaoDp
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbltz50vHfi
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscJdUW1pGi
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNsiEiP8Vh
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6okb7E8C9
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITFyuTcN4k
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而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpH7xKtEBe
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoF58jtlqE
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaS2YYzflCM
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanv18MhP13
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HnVKv2rL6
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可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUx57KeoUEM
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyHeB7hvQN
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKsprXwIBr
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAFX1Rb7pw
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWhWot1CyR
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSSK9dTf2G
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUgbXXEdwO
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKupEHdPDg6
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnkkkQiFLQ
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BEehTWqKs
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435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvlTfeGeDv
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0ZEcOmnmg
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLVEolM0jk
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換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJe94SblYJs
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435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6qzrmJ0yU
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopO7ftbVdz
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435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDCe9SxErJ
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEyWuFKvTl
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另外，稍微補充一點。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXponHsroV2
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld0DTbZM3D
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g9jC7xIMe
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBQuWef7FP
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJdECEgZIX
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN7UdIp2EU
（以下都我隨便舉的）435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6iksDOD7d
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqLlgaYrv1
例如：435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC8abpU8Gb
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeJhMFyq0Y
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKOGIqaZHd
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQSH7GUywc
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j07xk4Sqk
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jTljNSm1x
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6mmvyOLWP
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcSQ8Shluo
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJ7f7JHsfX
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nNgWcEmne
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyfFJEo6wO
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyxvdRBIQe
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZLk0fg99U
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnwkyezINU
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiq6Bd6PMmA
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90acDDEcO3
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxYKeBEYrH
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50CD2mWgeR
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbG0maVpW82
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx5t9G1jyT
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuGZlwMxNG
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGEJCSYW9V
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnazV344UZb
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vOHOFCyTN
大概是這種感覺。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksdiVO9gzR
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMDb9vKLcb
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06YrGJe8v4
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuqnMvaDbA
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435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJovfW3Qpm
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