前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjh5kiF8rl7
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLZEnRyhbK
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7H7AMMjWH
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLG79xJWGc
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PGk3LqfAY
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUJ0x5UYSq
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Js5PVmsDq
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUsENfvFJ5
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYxq28kf8M
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmgfHKKyx2
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pZAdUk3zY
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIB17T3K5ym
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjVr8f3GCu
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVDsS8pVWG
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCJ4uuKFuV
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrykGfzVtD
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq9Q9YN6k9
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6Gm9Lfj9a
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuP5WAiAf3m
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u65cJoMlz
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWZYdRJhOh
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpJIsag5oo
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfJw5kMLph
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4vhDvVau2
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbGJnOE1Bz
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNM2YIhTVn
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuH3hssKkh
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN7bSc8Sjm
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefm0C5ntf5
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtEGJA6oM9
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2dWOsidfD
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNeVZwDfI7
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCRqbwhksE
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcitI82OCqO
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6ZPMWTzdl
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd43SLR7VBc
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDayOY51OF8
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HVS3A0viM
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosPNiyO1dv
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvnDMugHnm
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5QCQ7omok
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg35IVPXOIu
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vjNNpxJZo
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHF0FwQxIs
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFMo4s5Uf4
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWSAZZllQy
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylkLVhERHK
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEYOrW9hIL
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EImlJTWMi
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWH5ulIdZS8
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNSN39VOnz
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6W6JJItNR
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUedYl2ymL
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQJlLgaKma
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BwIgGefuu
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhltYXjfX5X
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PtWwW7c41
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUUemSin3N
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aZTpgF9ZC
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQARAvuKPq
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0isKn11TIr
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE60FK5MKQL
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso30CVvcGR
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI18P464wBV
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yW1OTHWYp
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yp8lyj57y
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnWKmqnxkV
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI7MZvFJHW
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrreHjjtDQS
另外，稍微補充一點。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9EsxeND03
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpReeKZsHAE
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdL1t23lVo
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KCTnl2ylJ
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZPsvbcnBz
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsE8FENm5H
（以下都我隨便舉的）487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfznFa1Zj2
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorKgQdxop6
例如：487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDfDg8MLnb
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbVKy9i3cs
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqVloSpv3N
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNG3OzZD8C9
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFPuZA8J22
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20M8Hdw5pn
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtBAMzdVpT
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl1sVSKv6g
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CV7IaCVDP
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGomMpMaXLA
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToyPVm6doc
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhn1DJxqvDe
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrrhdtB0NU
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5V33g0laI
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL00oPvpyim
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UWYnVrA8z
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu8vMYgM0O
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvZ9i3uP55
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsB5QEL1orA
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sCEAD2G1J
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgisdvNBaOl
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PFnEQ8xvO
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeExfpS8wB4
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIFlVWF7gf
大概是這種感覺。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4ozyt256V
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JsVxomaHc
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfJzq4BEtA
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyuQkyXIoW
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfssZVxq7hA
487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cf6p82Xlq
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