【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DjY6e72XH
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Yqf6WZniQ
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERzb2fM1d3
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ee8az6Hpg
感謝參與～191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaCurJEoZj
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGtirLMxzA
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiO7PcWVt0L
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1lxnQds7c
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmKNeGOYvD
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLLL8dKH8Z
～～～～分隔線～～～～191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmKDbhMOnW
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWrVF9BoYm
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeQTyDWpBN
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Er47NBloq
〈限制和自由〉191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuef6XUCOHL
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ro1EOYOA8
penana.com/article/1024895191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsPnBsN2ZT
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsprj2IQQmQ
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqcqRf2sc2
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIHALDs6tg
詩度 0。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIk08ZfbD7
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZ4tlyOMvy
～～～～分隔線～～～～191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBvChkyIao
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9OPA8IYtB
〈問〉191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3rB9K0vcb
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S2D0Ec9i1
penana.com/article/1024944191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKRxi7QZou
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvaQycin5D
詩度高一點。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF6CX84xOT
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CU7jQawzR
～～～～分隔線～～～～191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNsENXNxun
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtI49pGveMd
〈摩天之輪〉191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkk6SLxPEB
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvPHNLXWOP
penana.com/article/1045705191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5wTM2xBcZ
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2KUJ8Gpwn
詩度再高一點。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahXHPEUnx8
～～～～分隔線～～～～
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUqyHXqu2n
〈蝴蝶酥〉191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4fCWopEyM
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVDfiaX3Jn
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OuwNeYBEx
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGt21zYRPf
詩度比前三首都高。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJk0LcEhhS
～～～～分隔線～～～～
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QoIGVewfG
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzL6ZwljMa
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF26vg2uCJh
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2n44dZ3qJn
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEkiIWzNDo
跟你分享。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qnVpbDLYY
～～～～分隔線～～～～
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGYjRE3f1S
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh1J9sB0WG
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyc940KlOq
【認識新詩的基本元素】191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUhVwIEdK7
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNyke9jjvE
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmmwjuwrIi
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMKv4vkcp8
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRr79UYgWv
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2lrtGz7kv
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloIP1IMfb4
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WJYLCM4AX
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfvnJcGm3v
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIxzHBC9Nt
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPaflad0oQ
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxnxOR9T27
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAfQAdsftt
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTjDMQItKy
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgF394M1q3
【這次全新寫的感想】
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarJc4efjMZ
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTceQWfKUj
〈詠栗〉
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCLxTgaOr0
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfr7AJilNrK
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVNQT52zNA
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRRGP4nbjD
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zTeRRUwjC
如果寫成
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBnpnAlAys
〈詠栗〉
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaKRap7Jxl
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhI6jQQEx2t
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKcvNMEWsh
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8GXUcUl39
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlXvk3XNmg
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw9rRnroLw
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
191Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6PyDTRkPF
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns216.73.216.238da2
