【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XsVtTWpkU
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnC00ydeiF
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHbaggZUOH
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRO0lHtcCH
感謝參與～81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpwsaYqc5s
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXuamwaw5H
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT0gzsGuz7
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesUZOInzrB
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBD38SdsHN
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68TgRyaoXN
～～～～分隔線～～～～81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAA02tX4baq
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kC2GpnaQW
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWXCG6DZ2P
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFy9m4MCc8
〈限制和自由〉81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPvRwuvN4n
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhDxPNdXsS
penana.com/article/102489581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3T36ZsBTXC
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInalc8HzJG
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSayEXUS6Jw
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSapO08CNfA
詩度 0。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6ntNII50R
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlvc3wfe75
～～～～分隔線～～～～81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEZdFaYguC
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8h4mT6Go1
〈問〉81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XiMDAwOrD
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6T5eNilooy
penana.com/article/102494481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pUSKeumNn
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUqfA6HXny
詩度高一點。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt1t54wLNh
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIPmKHXCq5
～～～～分隔線～～～～81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIQ1zvHSZ1
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWQl5TdC5o
〈摩天之輪〉81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHwNnEab0N
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3h5etP7lpK
penana.com/article/104570581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLn3Zmc06oJ
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZF1k0wsZTC
詩度再高一點。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX670AdTYX3
～～～～分隔線～～～～
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5g9wupLwT
〈蝴蝶酥〉81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N8jJHLFMq
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhSuNwUUdM
https://www.penana.com/article/159771381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96QFG4JQ8D
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlZ8fRe2BI
詩度比前三首都高。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvDM44W7i7
～～～～分隔線～～～～
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnnKWrw3M6
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFZmcPEphY
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1FWjVOxZC
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHGcjXPt2f
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvx5Qwbomd
跟你分享。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTRSTXZxd4
～～～～分隔線～～～～
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZKf6bmL6r
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8RrywwfYn
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaROfc6BFS
【認識新詩的基本元素】81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LViPJbecK
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNNLfEtdrh
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDlvGnVjvE
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzASIlyfdB5
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVskLkiLuAg
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwq7riJQKal
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡletdvBa3CE
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21jGTLJC7P
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqdEwbPqNO
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ000PtjWihK
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJRJnVo2Sn
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCcV7g7lb3
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJX3U7YdQj
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIivWu9g1jN
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHk6u4DoKy
【這次全新寫的感想】
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNyluPx8P2
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQPfcUySzb
〈詠栗〉
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3UG85l9kz
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRFutUd2Ly
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6g07GxROH
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CaNhZj7bz
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVunOpwex5q
如果寫成
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1DJuSD0KJ
〈詠栗〉
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR98X3ZAom7
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbveMCoXYK
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLhwFhoz4B
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8JRfchujJ
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGCM4Ro2Oy
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TuFTyPXld
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgAehNKW9f
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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