【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyA6O4LknI
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwkzjJhTLT
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PUFcmAgSa
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk85mONgEmI
感謝參與～138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpx7SFgGjY
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyh9zHX2fD
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbYGucaCsh
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKPjgOHMYl
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq5xHO4epG
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DDJjlXEyG
～～～～分隔線～～～～138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOaVaG5K9N
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllptIiFZMX
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiELgQVcI2
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeZhIcG1W5
〈限制和自由〉138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix4yptirVF
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0yneov7dm
penana.com/article/1024895138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfprEswSxY
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR58xfrX9Wd
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfKjtfnxfv
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbifuswcURF
詩度 0。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6odeSPpnyj
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dfIbL4fgx
～～～～分隔線～～～～138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MXjSleRAC
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXytooHvrhm
〈問〉138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqztC5hiADI
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SVqhaTOow
penana.com/article/1024944138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyyIsUwklf
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOI3aiEC8dY
詩度高一點。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYR5o4O8nO
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV4toOE1bn
～～～～分隔線～～～～138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXeVHW1g5T
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuk3quVWCdb
〈摩天之輪〉138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnCOPopOD9
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqG1S6PSlIy
penana.com/article/1045705138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71z73FjtWj
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuf0vfcsFE
詩度再高一點。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOmn9h4Dhz
～～～～分隔線～～～～
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMr28M96ty
〈蝴蝶酥〉138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rfCyhIvnF
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXih6Gy1Rrj
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvslLpic7IA
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyB72iWpar
詩度比前三首都高。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cxcCOBCTv
～～～～分隔線～～～～
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnhnV4q5Ll
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3BuVRjcEr
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I4zwYTKxp
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLOomH8NM2
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbgKyBrv1h
跟你分享。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUqDT9Ujq5
～～～～分隔線～～～～
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMOv0mIAT7
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPbQ8O5zFE
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LJvxStYd0
【認識新詩的基本元素】138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJSLOVqqvP
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Xdim9QM3z
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuaSMWqmOQ
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW7lNNJY3s
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjIa1IVkAl
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL9oxHsZfb
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgDepz3k2Z
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9TimNAmeY
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgDpgBoLk4
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygvEwOqiDi
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNAK4bJCqV
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh44cx0ttY5
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCBP8ub2PP
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5yJUEWeEm
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8A98Q2lti
【這次全新寫的感想】
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7q1Bysd4B
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPzAnG8cbb
〈詠栗〉
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEfcPBSbzs
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3RWVMaxtg
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKH1zwvJJbL
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0FA6RBrqg
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDJsXZ1MM1
如果寫成
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxAmlJlJFV
〈詠栗〉
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7QzZ8epEx
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3r6u6XrC3
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGArahx7ltW
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS6hUcL750
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaN2hSdMAY
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdBF5lbBEm
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
138Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKlkFLC3Ax
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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