【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHefNf2ckON
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感謝參與～207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNj05xY7V3
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3Xssi6Eh5
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6raTIibAH9
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIARraGNT4
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUR48uXEUR
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3X6nNsNPm
～～～～分隔線～～～～207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WlnCftEu6
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskG2r5JlCw
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QMLEIQrtE
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〈限制和自由〉207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5cqpWNTx3
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0Nk1ck1ig
penana.com/article/1024895207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSvNaMHlwn
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4KeayKRmi
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHM1wdwSQt
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36g1XOMrfa
詩度 0。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssVIZiNRfs
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNtdv5p5A1
～～～～分隔線～～～～207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxsTgSNttT
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〈問〉207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLl9UASCvb
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penana.com/article/1024944207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKRA044dwh
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Efbk416lv
詩度高一點。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2lpgX3vgq
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcROKtiX2BI
～～～～分隔線～～～～207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tLpgibMZp
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5Iwafj01g
〈摩天之輪〉207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZb3FKOER6
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZK9sTdOMnK
penana.com/article/1045705207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡni2mNPERcK
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tlprqgkTy
〈蝴蝶酥〉207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7YRG47mF3
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbMnyhqiba
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhBogJ01e0
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjN7YReI1g
詩度比前三首都高。
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39uTSQdXwc
～～～～分隔線～～～～
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvWjwFgrRX
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMLPIk2Tm2
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVBmekqiKR
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FLc2UhScV
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY5gn1hhZe
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8dz6W2yew
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL55o2mwx9F
【認識新詩的基本元素】207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hlFP9un4c
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JxbTGEVnx
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaCiegyr4C
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJERUtJfoi8
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDaTTaH3q0
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207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64NYeqzDf8
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5h783gZvd
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm6qySORUF
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4qxL0B837
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhhKUoafJt
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivlzNbUnkM
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7dru9iVaM
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMZju7DC0C
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IirLyEjb5
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxrFXqOkOR
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhgOyFc0b8
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rElv6h6gT
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzTES4i6nn
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbLwyt5haH
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxItkAqTgQ
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKk4tmAmIE
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
207Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZCfU1X4nQ
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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