【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhvzEXhAde
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBaMyEgX4h
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFbTNRs4oo
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrY2j3P2v5
感謝參與～105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYH6S9QgNr
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkEm87VmFp
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OZLPa5XvM
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIV6wVIP0lZ
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JqAd2EUpY
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVr8mW4zVI
～～～～分隔線～～～～105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcJLTd5ZGx
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi2fosS69N
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIAp4IL8vR
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmESt9xrumh
〈限制和自由〉105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM6NTxWRCk
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1JSVzUccd
penana.com/article/1024895105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebvi4MMoEH
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9eCAxT7tN
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKTPJtxHF3
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEx45blls2
詩度 0。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dOHzgl14k
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sZ6AgeL2S
～～～～分隔線～～～～105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYtdPeyrsd
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt22GYXJy4e
〈問〉105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahmzGkt9N2
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX8EH1FWEg
penana.com/article/1024944105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekfhQqsXgU
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRCIftCbQh
詩度高一點。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZm9PDchFe
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKbElclxFH
～～～～分隔線～～～～105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpI0v0TOj6K
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAAiNpXC0s
〈摩天之輪〉105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJAc2B7glS
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mRekMgPTx
penana.com/article/1045705105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSIl7g6VQo
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWRsEqHANJ
詩度再高一點。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1RlTa4TUg
～～～～分隔線～～～～
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5iPYflPK1
〈蝴蝶酥〉105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmboFe315by
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UciJrCVEI
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDyyPRyvE4
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsF2tK448C
詩度比前三首都高。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYmVkdy2tm
～～～～分隔線～～～～
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8dc4AM4Gy
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7y49DJMh0
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEtEQpfTHk
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbs6i7t4i8
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跟你分享。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUvYpPH9J5
～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl9S5Fd11L
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLJihsoYIG
【認識新詩的基本元素】105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmijYjtwgqG
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtynxw9TeD
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SdYLmaqtC
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkVCPjkEiE
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgjkFTKYZs
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5RHE7WUvy
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQohRLMQU4p
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsosl0Qh1i
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WzpmaXoh0
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdeQ7ajQc4
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXFMWfppWO
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡog4QlxvrAQ
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLMOLjprwF
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQetDuSopN
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1Lfqsst41
【這次全新寫的感想】
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zGCJAkQ9D
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTKU5kcd4p
〈詠栗〉
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV1ipsMAMk
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYwZB3YVWv
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcwOef61If
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvy1czWaPMv
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjF1jA1Y0N
如果寫成
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrgWEaMk3l
〈詠栗〉
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKslOQ2INWM
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhi2xo8eMq
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxPub60IuW
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk2aHdGy76
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pH9idOD3B
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC67t3mMi50
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
105Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZepfUwi9rv
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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