【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOQOLArilR
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia5GBg0kAW
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsRDdY9isf
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn10rKbj8B
感謝參與～137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooWwwSuCkv
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQz258QfXS
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ9ufFE16O
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJi27po2WEo
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3C9UftZlL
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7qcpHO7ZW
～～～～分隔線～～～～137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlpEm84mZr
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1DiTcz0fF
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZvoKrECyB
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFJ1Ug1AGL
〈限制和自由〉137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlzWcKow5k
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzyMvLU6UU
penana.com/article/1024895137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFRWbkGHht
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZox9jgs4lh
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzmhJec2Yw
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndWSayRDWf
詩度 0。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQKniW8tFk
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gPN8Wn8hU
～～～～分隔線～～～～137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDycPP6PdC
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMD8DfFgUb
〈問〉137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjypAmBzqgS
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEibjC9Ex8R
penana.com/article/1024944137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy3y5SN1UT
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIXEZi5CQu
詩度高一點。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEbSK9zI7a
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWzd4bJMsu
～～～～分隔線～～～～137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOyonW7ENl
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMJ38mK7TQ
〈摩天之輪〉137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv3YTRV8CH
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtpS296pWr
penana.com/article/1045705137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uo4awmrPt
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf9Z8B3Kvp
詩度再高一點。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyg08yVYIlm
～～～～分隔線～～～～
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiwJW3sDKt
〈蝴蝶酥〉137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUb3Yr8vGR
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOEjiYP6AZ
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlDvlsKucK
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UCN2XUDc7
詩度比前三首都高。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrSSekYYFq
～～～～分隔線～～～～
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2IN6cLI51
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWmm36nlCt
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF5hBH4jUp
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgj7A66ZCrd
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8VM6l38tW
跟你分享。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuUZspbPuK
～～～～分隔線～～～～
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dc0niTv4A
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQ0rQTRYIy
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZIzgn51KU
【認識新詩的基本元素】137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xBkRZpe4b
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58jg6IVbLQ
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5h4jALzOhf
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXQTNvNqAs
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMQuan9us5
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ4e1IRLCM
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWKSwy5mT8
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBjGeOtk0H
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6ezOtpgBE
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYk6crWVnX
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRj2vrBO6A
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVn7QMR8xd
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUZojAEaGD
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WfTFOFklW
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDia11mvafC
【這次全新寫的感想】
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MQrUciv6r
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf89zlhLvV
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lmrlABPQ4
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGOrJcuNBc
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpM9AOMZqEE
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7Cvw2A4yq
如果寫成
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZxL1vvIgZ
〈詠栗〉
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJegchu2cRx
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjkN4uBh4u
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQWVnE7iU2
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TQw15hxrL
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64dLdGpJHk
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UJn0fh1oQ
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv01vn9ofIr
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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