【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
138Please respect copyright.PENANAnyA6O4LknI
138Please respect copyright.PENANAtwkzjJhTLT
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後,所寫的留言轉正文,供大家參考。
138Please respect copyright.PENANA4PUFcmAgSa
138Please respect copyright.PENANAk85mONgEmI
感謝參與~138Please respect copyright.PENANARpx7SFgGjY
138Please respect copyright.PENANAAyh9zHX2fD
老實說,這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩,是散文十行。138Please respect copyright.PENANANbYGucaCsh
138Please respect copyright.PENANAPKPjgOHMYl
雖然文章有哲理,但是詩度很低。詩的要素,如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡,甚至欠奉;內容太趨近說明,解釋過多,太黏了。138Please respect copyright.PENANAIq5xHO4epG
138Please respect copyright.PENANA9DDJjlXEyG
~~~~分隔線~~~~138Please respect copyright.PENANAtOaVaG5K9N
138Please respect copyright.PENANAllptIiFZMX
我回頭看我自己寫的詩,有些也算不上是詩,例如138Please respect copyright.PENANAMiELgQVcI2
138Please respect copyright.PENANAZeZhIcG1W5
〈限制和自由〉138Please respect copyright.PENANAix4yptirVF
138Please respect copyright.PENANAl0yneov7dm
penana.com/article/1024895138Please respect copyright.PENANAVfprEswSxY
138Please respect copyright.PENANAR58xfrX9Wd
現在看來,我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故,還是收進詩集)。138Please respect copyright.PENANAsfKjtfnxfv
138Please respect copyright.PENANAbifuswcURF
詩度 0。138Please respect copyright.PENANA6odeSPpnyj
138Please respect copyright.PENANA7dfIbL4fgx
~~~~分隔線~~~~138Please respect copyright.PENANA6MXjSleRAC
138Please respect copyright.PENANAXytooHvrhm
〈問〉138Please respect copyright.PENANAqztC5hiADI
138Please respect copyright.PENANA2SVqhaTOow
penana.com/article/1024944138Please respect copyright.PENANAJyyIsUwklf
138Please respect copyright.PENANAOI3aiEC8dY
詩度高一點。138Please respect copyright.PENANALYR5o4O8nO
138Please respect copyright.PENANAXV4toOE1bn
~~~~分隔線~~~~138Please respect copyright.PENANAjXeVHW1g5T
138Please respect copyright.PENANAuk3quVWCdb
〈摩天之輪〉138Please respect copyright.PENANAqnCOPopOD9
138Please respect copyright.PENANAqG1S6PSlIy
penana.com/article/1045705138Please respect copyright.PENANA71z73FjtWj
138Please respect copyright.PENANAMuf0vfcsFE
詩度再高一點。
138Please respect copyright.PENANACOmn9h4Dhz
~~~~分隔線~~~~
138Please respect copyright.PENANAAMr28M96ty
〈蝴蝶酥〉138Please respect copyright.PENANA6rfCyhIvnF
138Please respect copyright.PENANAXih6Gy1Rrj
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713138Please respect copyright.PENANAvslLpic7IA
138Please respect copyright.PENANAtyB72iWpar
詩度比前三首都高。
138Please respect copyright.PENANA4cxcCOBCTv
~~~~分隔線~~~~
138Please respect copyright.PENANAxnhnV4q5Ll
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論,詩人有句話簡單卻有道理:「詩,是『換句話說』,『再換句話說』」。138Please respect copyright.PENANAW3BuVRjcEr
138Please respect copyright.PENANA5I4zwYTKxp
我在筆記本上面,寫下自己的句子:「詩,是常句和變句的雙人舞。」138Please respect copyright.PENANAxLOomH8NM2
138Please respect copyright.PENANARbgKyBrv1h
跟你分享。
138Please respect copyright.PENANAvUqDT9Ujq5
~~~~分隔線~~~~
138Please respect copyright.PENANAhMOv0mIAT7
此外,這篇連結文章也可作參考。138Please respect copyright.PENANANPbQ8O5zFE
138Please respect copyright.PENANA6LJvxStYd0
【認識新詩的基本元素】138Please respect copyright.PENANAJJSLOVqqvP
138Please respect copyright.PENANA3Xdim9QM3z
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193138Please respect copyright.PENANAmuaSMWqmOQ
138Please respect copyright.PENANAwW7lNNJY3s
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考&自己詩作/非詩作的例子,寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。138Please respect copyright.PENANAjjIa1IVkAl
138Please respect copyright.PENANAiL9oxHsZfb
138Please respect copyright.PENANAPgDepz3k2Z
138Please respect copyright.PENANAc9TimNAmeY
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
138Please respect copyright.PENANAYgDpgBoLk4
這不是我的標準啦,算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。138Please respect copyright.PENANAygvEwOqiDi
138Please respect copyright.PENANAzNAK4bJCqV
第二版「詩度」有提升,因為用了複沓/排比結構,綿延的音樂性增加了。138Please respect copyright.PENANAh44cx0ttY5
138Please respect copyright.PENANAwCBP8ub2PP
寫詩要多看詩,也不用急,我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果,發現好多不熟的,甚至是皮球假裝成果子的,哈哈~
138Please respect copyright.PENANAS5yJUEWeEm
138Please respect copyright.PENANAf8A98Q2lti
【這次全新寫的感想】
138Please respect copyright.PENANAz7q1Bysd4B
我拿自己青澀的詩果,甚至非詩的皮球作例子,無非是希望讀者能做個比較,認識一下不同詩度的詩,長什麼樣子;這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例:
138Please respect copyright.PENANAXPzAnG8cbb
〈詠栗〉
138Please respect copyright.PENANAWEfcPBSbzs
殼斗,第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸,為了
豐美的內在
138Please respect copyright.PENANAw3RWVMaxtg
剝去愛,尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
138Please respect copyright.PENANAKH1zwvJJbL
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
138Please respect copyright.PENANAU0FA6RBrqg
138Please respect copyright.PENANALDJsXZ1MM1
如果寫成
138Please respect copyright.PENANATxAmlJlJFV
〈詠栗〉
138Please respect copyright.PENANAf7QzZ8epEx
殼斗,第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸,為了
內在的果實
138Please respect copyright.PENANAH3r6u6XrC3
剝去殼,尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
138Please respect copyright.PENANAGArahx7ltW
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
138Please respect copyright.PENANAOS6hUcL750
詩度就不見啦,成為一篇分行的散文,而且是說明文。
138Please respect copyright.PENANAaaN2hSdMAY
會寫詩的讀者,可將自己詩裡的詩句 (=變句),換成一般常用的句子 (=常句) 玩玩看;而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者,反其道而行,將自己作品的句子,改動幾個詞彙,以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替,或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
138Please respect copyright.PENANAXdBF5lbBEm
當然,詩的面向不僅在於詞彙,但這是一個開始。
138Please respect copyright.PENANArKlkFLC3Ax
祝各位被詩淋透,不,淋得半濕就好。
ns216.73.216.64da2