又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ5EtG1H2p
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ398wAF2PDT
「…係？」我回答。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vGR4Qe8Gj
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6E4xDgvLwQ
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelVm2NgiGV
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwFROokeLj
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmlaf7x9Ld
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeA0U0vTjCT
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXc6mNEa6LI
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwAnKgrBLR
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSoHu42saT
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxfnakpWcX
我等著她最後那句。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuKlDt49jc
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1WpqEtyjv
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhOHAhOtMA
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBei2tO9SZ
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdsdxHJFoz
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf43JKEbsKU
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYRdbwUhPP
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8UmsQYGJb
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ978e04fi3Y
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab5XKyKN78
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6x0VGZg9O
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CkxFvsrsF
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNu84ofLuM
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0kvv4avk6
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTO90reXfL
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDTAW6AKmV
「咁…」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS2b6INURY
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJemfC1qc2n
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qAL5h2gRr
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTOzx1g7fB
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTojrO3rTdY
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxbEigi3m3
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDWhhm69iF
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqA0UxP5th
「嗯，你講過。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrBUkM0478
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKolWi2Fyq6
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXVmNnAIAJ
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIXYeGszLd
「咪笑我啦。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcKLlQnVOH
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt2UOtUwcq
她笑了。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjU0AbVMGj
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53rIfWowzE
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI7bYN5kvb
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Sq2qq6gLr
「係好夢定惡夢？」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PuYEyfsIu
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzNhAhY4Wo
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsfTwrR8Eo
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKj7bg7Nbu
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFSS72h6AQ
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMkXDxgUF8
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNABWKRWojY
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGImQAiGY0
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8DkTSWGSs
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkJmJgZdMP
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcA0KkkAGd
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBNVwaRsRW
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1mGHQQQep
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qspSP1oOR
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXW6Y94KRa
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWW9MTLnMy
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRGhiD1HVa
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh0jvFvLlz
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZWHAXCiRt
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAQOZNuvmU
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDgYJKiuow
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnBN6JmfGQ
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPa7Y4DJ4Dr
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Sk1omqr2c
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIsz6BxHTw
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDG8XNj5QY
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtPBeAvYoD
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQ56bmUxkL
萬物的崩潰。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtyps9lhsb
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXPXYbRwrg
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaHdjr6N0f
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLESScuZER
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkO3NAGWzJ
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZrKudX84U
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01psS6R9Ny
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdkSVBrG0k
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWHrIykrkj
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXJCGN6xxW
愛的反面不是憎恨。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQL16rgYOQE
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkb5dOd5tb5
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5VE5ynruY
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdWOJIuFt9
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75RPjCtEdp
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8VpmqRoPB
這光景，我看過。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNLxbnGgSL
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8mOBQ96th
我在曾經的自己身上看過。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVkiSPIN6K
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvC1pnEPTaD
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6em71MKsyO
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QfgjMbhr1
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaI1RypRO4
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMARaMtVkp8
「無可能。」我搖頭。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpjlxAXfhe
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡec0pG9Ym3x
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6TRkA95rB
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdru5ntRDU
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWDTZ2Q1qj
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKG4piDZet
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMBqYh2zFo
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLl1b30zcR8
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIkCU51iIA
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbzwTtnkuk
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ycVBQSNyu
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhDCR57Vro
甚麼也再沒需要了。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSDIZrvRpY
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGlOxVAjAZ
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5YqyqaD7f
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsorEHHJqqm
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTXFIjEcpy
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5ljgjD1R1
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhmLZ4OzGg
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6iv2metad
話畢。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp0vikSE9p
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrICfF4Nz7m
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknKSwerlhq
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zrJl6OSZg
「你想既，幾時都可以。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBsIRjjEVl
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ete06ykjX
她沉默了片刻。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNi8PEsuKP
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1AUtsl7Xu
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjIRg8P1ZJ
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAvctX7aWF
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iMvbaIyuM
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhFAHHxUL1
「無興趣。」她微笑說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1utw9EsPK
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN91h3ivkay
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bPXyPGORj
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeFlyHk6xH
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3FgNa5mhw
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8YgF4CgvW
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGVuSXow9T
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfJEbavzVw
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlOfI0TPqo
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQHEkNNy8Z
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdm8Yt2BU3
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNS86nEBSd
「連你都咁講，嗚…」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10X6xXUjtA
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRAHB84Ocl
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qphkKOhoU
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBfvFUbyf4
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgRAceubRc
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkedPNkXGLk
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EOQYRXHzf
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUn8isEVF1
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmANy3rmHT6
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcx2wYvQT1b
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4c726B0x0
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQcmLo09xp
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrTAn4suXZ
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMu6atuRWtX
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡped0EJOnEa
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtzGQMBYyY
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG1aayS8nh
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNpA3L0fbI
「……」996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHixgiQ73T
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNDKyGMESJ
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y0VXZ84YO
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii8VB20Z75
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fqva5no9e
996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xlFV8Vr7K
夏天，也到尾聲了。996Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eimJ9WF85
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