又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xceh5YQBQ
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP2ft2ecPd
「…係？」我回答。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlB8IEtZTt
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnkUFThmSW
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN51MXXpdyy
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wEazSujws
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRnnlIeJI3
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdQx06sCHK
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaQymp3F6t
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHItXubJCf
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5fLgB0xFa
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocjIfYdE10
我等著她最後那句。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6V3KgQHvQ0
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLanQQ1Y8i
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF56q2td9Qz
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT4xFIGVto
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P2K4fpeZo
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpRkmF7h6F
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9Mv11m0x4
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6rS2zC139
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMaXx0nJhA
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrsyTuDdNj
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1Tvt9mxks
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWXBfM35YZ
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZQeqFN2BW
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvSUvTpVNm
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshga2OXZUu
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0d8YmZM3M
「咁…」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0FT4wjukW
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwq79kNK9cv
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsgMb7MNUc
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSRj8Yt68K
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOVl4jmITt
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtWvmiMivm
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gu3LOWaMU
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeillL0mOE
「嗯，你講過。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uIJilABdK
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEa8VfAZ2b
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9qEccWs6O
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGddNv98AbE
「咪笑我啦。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPthSBzdo5
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r07GltFGy
她笑了。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYgzEC2H7F
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGySbuXlqV5
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSfbpZ645U
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzt9ZqEEmo
「係好夢定惡夢？」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmpLPu97Mi
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinQeMRiADd
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEMr6mVM3O
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEmUnKnGzY
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kOUc9zeKC
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAAXI1KXb7
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjftG0pNctT
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEn9cDMdld
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQVM1zh4Db
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuvRXJE92t
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXX0VzGZMtQ
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVAgBEuXCa
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG2LicNxOm
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttu4bG8ihb
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERwZy6nMGv
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMs59aKUaE
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsvXdDfTOW
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ7gFROGdm
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAX2XIDfTSR
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡba1BpvMk9M
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrRg0njfPd
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeDlXEZSXS
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvzaENGMxy
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3eBU2LPtJ
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULgOjyrFRB
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnagSpIhfaJ
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwtzCcpjBC
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacZt9ajqc3
萬物的崩潰。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbugxbkZIH
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DMXHKc9pE
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLk2Pu4m42
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39J5dxu3J1
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylKd7xzSEh
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmjVzCjFyT
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33JFaTHo5p
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs0a3tDZly
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFv6pkkMbm
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVaOsRMbyk
愛的反面不是憎恨。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpINGaNnZvu
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqnE4kLA47
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvssyxlS1fv
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jPJBLPVN0
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYYuXGCTOp
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkB5KVSGY1
這光景，我看過。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxT4FE2ryC
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXue4vRX83
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo8ly6Iu3L
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vQ0JpUj2i
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLxr7JJj6r
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGjzwr3mTn
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9wWBYChk7
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHC6BTFALGg
「無可能。」我搖頭。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHFZVOkVFw
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ193WQdfK1P
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRxAh1rlG7
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7mTnRWRVj
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0vm5ZDUEA
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudd6HFEIws
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8qm3i9TBe
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9DxawUx0q
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0GySYC2kF
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczoeMkr3GC
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgHKeKxjbv
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJhARPfZrv
甚麼也再沒需要了。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KPZybXkmF
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypWYhyWkc7
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyP8Fr9EOf
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Oj84ibKgS
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWuMACZMVe
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88oke1nQfh
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mwjmhIP4C
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7MvxbBm4c
話畢。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFGMLtNnAK
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGupQownqU
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1gLmQlSjT
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb2cOndRpX
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhb3hyFNGsE
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo7VmJ1iCF
她沉默了片刻。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBq8kF6Kl7
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOugxCPQ7Ch
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUiL6eRMkR
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TG3mMqa3Q
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjCld2CdnH
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOFaYGhhSD
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPciJuVQLPw
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDh5iMWYWfv
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCGmOxsxEn
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShA9DrnuJJ
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKtZtdSrO9
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJz48Bfd7Sm
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E4XmgPbNb
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAXBrt06pN
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw60TkXBf3R
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDrs9p8CDg
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQBZTnxzdS
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgp1PXGedx
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdCseu1QWm
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wGd55FrN6
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9y8jJpoOe
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GyuZGfgjf
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HxtLrQUco
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zGeQ9z9m6
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC15M96janG
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnXV9t4Kau
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJCh05FOky
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakvPfpLibq
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkR77q99f5A
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYCMI1uwRj
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TUyDVC65t
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDSa31oioD
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbTpKlXvjz
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiSmJb54Yc
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZTEo3eoDm
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb7XLkRQkM
「……」1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ477CfxGMAB
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBG9aYtyot
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPgefFsYEt
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYvVfnesDv
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aFR33Erpy
1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ROZGveV9w
夏天，也到尾聲了。1047Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqI7Uo1Ddc
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