又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsezz1L4qy8
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZTjH3E5i6
「…係？」我回答。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoHA2FvPKc
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCmnF9Mh9E
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIYOFu5qJF
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2NawkktzM
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqRvdGUWMF
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJh8Oo6JOL
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8lUJSyOht
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtKdrBgzig
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgTwH0zinK
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGSCz9bXPw
我等著她最後那句。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRi15EuoYU
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9sAtKVAY1
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFU5SinbOf
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9CnPb67FN
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikkmKhANVO
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOkvPJA5wV
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcCEF0ohhV
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHqPvSb5Gx
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OxrFhgJIK
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIjA73mvKZ
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwTAZbe2oH
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhzLKhDoip
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdLg9A3VRz
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAFGUCzORy
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHWIihuZFN
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCSUJljbdZ
「咁…」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyajUEsivlQ
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtnRN668L4
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL9qBQ6uZi
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURLYH5vaRO
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXe4AZlX7j
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMtEcwTRt0
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ129Dm4yWII
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIlmuj0bQq
「嗯，你講過。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGtjDVQg7s
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDqaaiHC3F
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuhCZ8Kwpo
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm73MO7Jdkw
「咪笑我啦。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDA5uBM2hj
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLTyefH6FR
她笑了。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEyeZlzyd6
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsioqh4KGq6
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTD3rAJ6Gy
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHKseL3olI
「係好夢定惡夢？」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV33asAa3z
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9p0zhyIrW
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g8j5EF9bL
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGVHyjVwcK
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIZB5JiZ9Q
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe0JfyEai4
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJH9xCAqGb
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvrmCEpT1k
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdwqJ8CuYy
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdlnJ7pAng
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4MKbx170P
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYtjp0qZfj
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyeRrh3lBC
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KucaL4MYk
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBOvjkgPbr
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnnUqUZPWh
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJp9df20AFq
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOGkrZM2v9
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITjehAxtAF
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ey2DATYjV
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ8HKYXo8K
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQxRyqjxxf
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHHoj9yucf
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoo1uLdBnn6
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5l244G4mnL
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKr9KJYWml
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRPGrLwgPB
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUfFRHnCkn
萬物的崩潰。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp14TSHvijh
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7sPBeBrvJ
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQzbK3WweG
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCXshbMcT0
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoL8gToI5H
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50eKZBOjYF
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ6m6Os7nM
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4Nrw9B5Uw
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHt7uxTBVu
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeD6vMVuOQq
愛的反面不是憎恨。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJyM3WonWd
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDJaI7ixIC
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyznkEVxshA
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHeghcj2Kg
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWNLpovwn8
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlaO1Za4VO
這光景，我看過。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgYXK1FdZC
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeY6DcxTjmW
我在曾經的自己身上看過。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF1VDSHcbd
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzxcfqKuez
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMHjmwUhzr
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKb1THJo7Am
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkFR6af12H
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Pr0Mg6Sy6
「無可能。」我搖頭。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwV9vPZHwci
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfDNCoVa6n
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDmoZrwyl0
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWSWpcDbov
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7yyAgmIXu
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrT8Lo4aL3V
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPXAXwABaz
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVLYitqSxt
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBozvxvnPLq
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJ2dyUuUa8
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7iJot9ixK
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLprT8lX7Pk
甚麼也再沒需要了。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02GErj7Sq7
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS4Ci4RtPX
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOep8XhE6hL
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSI7yQisrJ
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oc71L5AiG
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZSTL7JLUN
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2YM1bMxvz
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIH0lcuTHr
話畢。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTEq7RBIqC
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUf1P6YeTx
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeTo8O8EjU
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsratxzfPg
「你想既，幾時都可以。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDQStx5j5o
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvasgqmZ4k
她沉默了片刻。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKPcpIihHb
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgUq3X9SRG
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIrCqMzd26
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmaDRPlRXG
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUvmMPH1DL
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYXIqfQZXe
「無興趣。」她微笑說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzlZp9lgT2
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuML6gEZuR
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jYjS5LJPI
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04DomDnmIi
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHW5lUjIEg
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4ihcDM62Q
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaomqlVw1Aw
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5weOn9q7gT
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSXr4xcs6r
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuA4IigdeG
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrLvMfmmJX
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuxdHltbU4
「連你都咁講，嗚…」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Pn8RiXE2n
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdKqqUUkUk
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0kUf5qBvs
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYmpD12kDr
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3584IGd5DI
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOPF4oPmIx
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPZGJbuoEL
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIElIKcr8T
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYjwh3M4YQ
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2sQgFno18
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPIgLOmtBt
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxisdQSXqsL
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlNciCq7bo
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsfjTmiV5g
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnrtYHPA2P
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhRX6J787m
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1RhepKdSk
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEbrftYui5
「……」939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMivSMXpjsi
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzs5LehwhI
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdrBoL55fE
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmrwpnOWUd
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYYVHGUnCB
939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc5uCIfYSF
夏天，也到尾聲了。939Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSONfdZJe8
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