又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLVP5cjOG9
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5V8Hga2qR
「…係？」我回答。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MaesxdNta
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBjj1APWNN
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUp0vDN6dnW
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXa3AH7d7k
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASAKi1qlan
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgntElunR0
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DkH23CYke
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwAonqhbXs
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0avvvXYE0E
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1YFwC01ko
我等著她最後那句。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSzJkqCkuP
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt357P9Nxwd
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmD0oVp9JZ
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpJrE6scgL
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBvvgrVnL2
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaiMPy3FjG
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6x4dsPjn3
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rG2vUAVKp
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ096ZvX50V
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWwTi2s0By
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKde5jJ66f
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmg0CZr2zR
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO6v8ORReB
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXXcP9N7Aa
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsgThbFxBv
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbTiqGphB3
「咁…」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr8x7QYTMt
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGnXc29ndx
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIRQ8cqHBM
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw1Ze1c1KF
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir7EIo7rBo
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1xcv5J0oA
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8PagkHx9h
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN1Ar7g7M4
「嗯，你講過。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwGG93wwGP
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvzbdDwIey
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVE1OVAblK
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTA23QVDn0Z
「咪笑我啦。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8xMjHleWu
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkfyAC6G0L
她笑了。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpcT06PyN8
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddFOWFIwTH
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqISd88YGoz
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKO2Re0t4bg
「係好夢定惡夢？」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfzPBXlOmN
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaF5bIYL7wJ
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIZs6lyFu2
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytHdZcSbn4
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIKlnPpxXO
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7acDdgjOEK
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLnF4iDvIV
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR5143xn6O
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ104Qv4Md6W
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaWe9j2WOz
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76ZmQmAYSx
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuItTDSwEv
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1aOYEqpV9
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiUW1gQmQj
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxDqPjLgik
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OUICxYnuP
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppqbf84Lre
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAEQW2dGnP
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3cg8u8yTF
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMhWNCDAWr
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lhOOT1TVH
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡED9lrlKwR2
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCtfyzbzGb
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz6L9kjSFm
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgqZYUUpEw
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qlDnpNHnT
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNEt5esOaT
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC06kR3Gwto
萬物的崩潰。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK05RfWIaTJ
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tSgseeHkh
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdSe03yFGA
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAwUdqtrxJ
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCh3RB2nJ4
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8apL4b6zqH
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRaZ7v7gaL
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLphohQf7u
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XKMxLRX28
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2KYxeiBqM
愛的反面不是憎恨。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiUgSMWgC5
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTProfA1Cq
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKb3feC48XC
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPLMMS0w6r
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZncf6st1p
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVdtNjLaFz
這光景，我看過。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGPLUowScI
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT906vCeyY4
我在曾經的自己身上看過。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSumdyaqvOW
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvALtYfvKSR
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zdCAqmv9x
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lUVFfDKty
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Myfml2ZBU
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hAAgF7Jqo
「無可能。」我搖頭。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69VCWgfcHC
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA16m39n6r
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhsaHIGiqv
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmm8c2mmEET
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1z41P3ExKf
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCspPesQ5X
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOGCSHw5PQ
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6O1soDr0F
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuN6QLCBNgq
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDT8JmTysZ
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEZhF0Ty2L
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9blBcgxOIt
甚麼也再沒需要了。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9mUZeIA2A
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69bokkXF8E
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDikGlAcxEg
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyqUHUZn1g
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjnebZogX3
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB2bCFpSDo
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W7thyEfD6
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZjjGjoOoc
話畢。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PrMwSjMPR
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0RIF3SHFW
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbnrVA0a8m
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqlozqGDz2
「你想既，幾時都可以。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdOZcIFuVH
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN1Gwuxo8u
她沉默了片刻。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Dtx1kq16z
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kwUuaq4xM
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgy4FVSMul
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYlEuUD9lU
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurXyfAF9eP
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqFQoJNw75
「無興趣。」她微笑說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIvGHJ6SIi
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ7zaaJDIj
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6lfIqETUX
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlnllvFVB9
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8asWRKkxa
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cvnixND3r
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAkcSmpoqN
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yZYEc0KiL
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTOCCWgSfO
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2mORFVtbN
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecjMw6Qm6b
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcGSLZrJ0c
「連你都咁講，嗚…」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dnwIMVwZl
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJXNnuIsL2
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQGY1bCkUU
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7aqFLWQkW
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7ABApcl1q
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8F7lqNgSz
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ471Nwg3B20
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mqOVFrYiZ
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLx3U9RHUHS
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNAIvD3MED
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlRXI8JxFo
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJpBGALnbG
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6DWj4IDYv
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoJ883rk7K
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJrPKtsrgf
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MPBWEciGn
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vf2eX34EC
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlQ64mSeoU
「……」995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqL7om3rNI
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1nT1dArVN
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSxQbCsNHD
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaDV8m6n8p
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNrkGH83oD
995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDWna1e3zn
夏天，也到尾聲了。995Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLqdrzsvD8
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