又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAcxuUQBvU3K
762Please respect copyright.PENANAQRP15sbiZg
「…係?」我回答。762Please respect copyright.PENANAT0OJJXW0oU
762Please respect copyright.PENANAb19PqM8UW7
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」762Please respect copyright.PENANASZs9ZAmo1O
762Please respect copyright.PENANANsc4np110Q
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…762Please respect copyright.PENANAzfZzBxrCJd
762Please respect copyright.PENANA86vIVOBxVT
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。762Please respect copyright.PENANAqNXQTA4Knz
762Please respect copyright.PENANA6g1nc5J2xy
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」762Please respect copyright.PENANAqhooIvPemF
762Please respect copyright.PENANAciyyrGKxHT
我等著她最後那句。762Please respect copyright.PENANAAHzroNjK2d
762Please respect copyright.PENANAibHd9xLgHk
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。762Please respect copyright.PENANA1fZPm9oTFi
762Please respect copyright.PENANA8nHYKoahs2
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。762Please respect copyright.PENANAnrd1J40Eoe
762Please respect copyright.PENANA8v6tBBPH0s
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAaUinMdEqpa
762Please respect copyright.PENANAlScDJhoRVc
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」762Please respect copyright.PENANA9uSCIDXx5j
762Please respect copyright.PENANALVr5MA5ovf
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。762Please respect copyright.PENANAGf879YGE1s
762Please respect copyright.PENANAqf4NOiGR3r
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。762Please respect copyright.PENANABSeFtaEuRN
762Please respect copyright.PENANA8bcKDdFmJP
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」762Please respect copyright.PENANA5vHfloZZRI
762Please respect copyright.PENANAWOGM32eHsB
「咁…」762Please respect copyright.PENANAIitPxTVKAN
762Please respect copyright.PENANAfJtKX9XM5J
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。762Please respect copyright.PENANAnvia9PIkjD
762Please respect copyright.PENANAsaS6z41cwF
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAifIKUTNYY3
762Please respect copyright.PENANAvuamchHVJQ
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。762Please respect copyright.PENANAfxwhXvhRDO
762Please respect copyright.PENANAcXNzMl5GIR
「嗯,你講過。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAvqV4ShgooJ
762Please respect copyright.PENANAGgjhK7cqv7
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」762Please respect copyright.PENANAoa7SSi6s4B
762Please respect copyright.PENANAItX9DFcXXo
「咪笑我啦。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAVcEU6Cmjre
762Please respect copyright.PENANAk2Au9HJYIl
她笑了。762Please respect copyright.PENANAebEYmsB0ir
762Please respect copyright.PENANApRm0ANHEGL
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAYfB2d4KfNE
762Please respect copyright.PENANATLKfYAk6Bq
「係好夢定惡夢?」762Please respect copyright.PENANA3gUBJvdULu
762Please respect copyright.PENANA35DSDvdf79
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAfdDA4YmA50
762Please respect copyright.PENANA0uKikzYnGf
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。762Please respect copyright.PENANALGg4oYfpbK
762Please respect copyright.PENANAZ299duFV6g
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」762Please respect copyright.PENANASeFerPGdDJ
762Please respect copyright.PENANAlsVUAbmK4j
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。762Please respect copyright.PENANADld3f7vqMN
762Please respect copyright.PENANAD6i2SNd8dz
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。762Please respect copyright.PENANA5NzNaaqV17
762Please respect copyright.PENANAnIN1Y024xp
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。762Please respect copyright.PENANA625hC2bzRf
762Please respect copyright.PENANAnuRLfITDmc
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。762Please respect copyright.PENANAErMPytcMOz
762Please respect copyright.PENANAT9Fpd0lhuo
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAS6KBBnT1mI
762Please respect copyright.PENANARELfO7MKEK
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。762Please respect copyright.PENANAEAYpCCaOMs
762Please respect copyright.PENANAFLcFMXDpkj
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAg1OgwjesYA
762Please respect copyright.PENANAi0m6naBRm8
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。762Please respect copyright.PENANADu1Exr6R8e
762Please respect copyright.PENANAAlEEBs9osl
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。762Please respect copyright.PENANABnympLqOaj
762Please respect copyright.PENANA4QN2Qfk4Nn
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。762Please respect copyright.PENANAM9B4ARiSpu
762Please respect copyright.PENANADUZxAzvpMm
萬物的崩潰。762Please respect copyright.PENANAw55FAsY2zk
762Please respect copyright.PENANAIBDYHFpdGE
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」762Please respect copyright.PENANA9HJS7z7PLg
762Please respect copyright.PENANAA9W7pid58A
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」762Please respect copyright.PENANA1UEW5BOgvc
762Please respect copyright.PENANAPAfoRLLCSz
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。762Please respect copyright.PENANAoSmAT8Avad
762Please respect copyright.PENANAJe6YgcKww5
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。762Please respect copyright.PENANAaGuOAzKScI
762Please respect copyright.PENANASWIZLW11v9
愛的反面不是憎恨。762Please respect copyright.PENANA9mRzKtrrMg
762Please respect copyright.PENANA72ZqIfAew6
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。762Please respect copyright.PENANAa95NT4WwLE
762Please respect copyright.PENANAsU3tSeweBG
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。762Please respect copyright.PENANAB83teqf9o4
762Please respect copyright.PENANAKGCdWt1CnR
這光景,我看過。762Please respect copyright.PENANANAJNJUuu1t
762Please respect copyright.PENANAsoiKeSIPBS
我在曾經的自己身上看過。762Please respect copyright.PENANAERd8dNReWc
762Please respect copyright.PENANAfRlwUfGFyF
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」762Please respect copyright.PENANARHwrJBXsvP
762Please respect copyright.PENANAMhIRGk07dv
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAj4DrPQlQ3L
762Please respect copyright.PENANAFUXrOcnLMZ
「無可能。」我搖頭。762Please respect copyright.PENANAzixmFMWYaf
762Please respect copyright.PENANAq1lH0TXl5y
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。762Please respect copyright.PENANAeOTKW1z50Y
762Please respect copyright.PENANAMKxX1x9Rwr
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」762Please respect copyright.PENANA3veYD1npBL
762Please respect copyright.PENANAhpdeQXOvAs
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAPuZyVX9yra
762Please respect copyright.PENANA6meEcfvNHf
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。762Please respect copyright.PENANA24ShTFxcaM
762Please respect copyright.PENANAgupEEVpFPv
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。762Please respect copyright.PENANA4ODnREpAbh
762Please respect copyright.PENANAD93C4UDDqM
甚麼也再沒需要了。762Please respect copyright.PENANAZfJPMYWPse
762Please respect copyright.PENANAMaJ2VFSHnK
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。762Please respect copyright.PENANAVTi5LbrRIZ
762Please respect copyright.PENANAbiY5dAfTlw
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。762Please respect copyright.PENANAxfsEH3N3tG
762Please respect copyright.PENANATPTF6sIbUk
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。762Please respect copyright.PENANA490FxMknM6
762Please respect copyright.PENANAyzmOJXojYx
話畢。762Please respect copyright.PENANA5BcoD8IzoE
762Please respect copyright.PENANADQEDle5QOU
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAiaPwZFoPk2
762Please respect copyright.PENANApxJKLQ6RIt
「你想既,幾時都可以。」762Please respect copyright.PENANACoCKXAGKBr
762Please respect copyright.PENANAczcaTnjEQL
她沉默了片刻。762Please respect copyright.PENANAE3QTI88pcu
762Please respect copyright.PENANAUuAdQg5arO
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。762Please respect copyright.PENANAIs2PXLAWHy
762Please respect copyright.PENANAXBX70pYyka
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」762Please respect copyright.PENANACDUOcePyqX
762Please respect copyright.PENANAhHtmp50TjK
「無興趣。」她微笑說。762Please respect copyright.PENANAAOiyMY79Tq
762Please respect copyright.PENANAlZkpWhkBk3
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。762Please respect copyright.PENANA1deDIoB92a
762Please respect copyright.PENANAU4Ts5cKJNH
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAawTowVB6vb
762Please respect copyright.PENANAntjPNwH0BJ
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」762Please respect copyright.PENANAkFBUkcNuge
762Please respect copyright.PENANAwNF2s1hw9K
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。762Please respect copyright.PENANAXuM7dW9CPh
762Please respect copyright.PENANAelQRzvYmhE
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」762Please respect copyright.PENANAm07I54qFJJ
762Please respect copyright.PENANAZPYZJxL2za
「連你都咁講,嗚…」762Please respect copyright.PENANA9apAnAzeQY
762Please respect copyright.PENANAVAF1XHT7MQ
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。762Please respect copyright.PENANAE8ZePtZLp7
762Please respect copyright.PENANAykdnZ9sok6
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。762Please respect copyright.PENANA5NgvxPQdXi
762Please respect copyright.PENANA2i4AYYmBHa
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。762Please respect copyright.PENANAOqH795Jced
762Please respect copyright.PENANAER60zSvyJH
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。762Please respect copyright.PENANA3D8LOnlPyx
762Please respect copyright.PENANA8NeK7wk2JN
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。762Please respect copyright.PENANASVxlh5EZnL
762Please respect copyright.PENANAjJGK2Ca6so
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」762Please respect copyright.PENANA5spVUfklUD
762Please respect copyright.PENANAm4J7iCNNfr
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。762Please respect copyright.PENANABrcIzOxVhc
762Please respect copyright.PENANAPrhM5unt85
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。762Please respect copyright.PENANAD8W4ei5RHZ
762Please respect copyright.PENANABZt3gzqkNc
「……」762Please respect copyright.PENANAwzc09IiYZu
762Please respect copyright.PENANA9lQKO2dsBt
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。762Please respect copyright.PENANAHxrrrPtwDR
762Please respect copyright.PENANAm5ZoiQDucb
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。762Please respect copyright.PENANAYaFBeR0aXx
762Please respect copyright.PENANAJ5UE2wvXDe
夏天,也到尾聲了。762Please respect copyright.PENANAtPuNahetKK