又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANATxwrzR4GT2
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAsmIVwRUvmE
「…係?」我回答。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAPQr697Ptrc
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAOL9ujoGlBN
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAe7FjlZxPfj
1046Please respect copyright.PENANARjuZeUHVrm
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…1046Please respect copyright.PENANA6h8V5UjBn4
1046Please respect copyright.PENANARdOEaEtxio
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。1046Please respect copyright.PENANArKcaF39mfI
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAdnvvTtUJI4
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」1046Please respect copyright.PENANA80uLSeCLfe
1046Please respect copyright.PENANACJeYWO0Et3
我等著她最後那句。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAL6oJVfeuRd
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAJ77fn09Wcf
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAd4Y4PcnCU3
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAjvTa2S36yw
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAKGbbFq1Z1U
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAI85FPpo3uS
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAZPgOwoxJaq
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAmtYI93Jp6o
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAHxEEGBCpXC
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAkD1NCV6own
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAkktFGylLjr
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAWjcX49LoaS
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA9eDsAsOz4q
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAuRuqveEGTV
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANA8d2umL3y9I
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAKMWCe57tLb
「咁…」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAKF22jYagcm
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAlQIZtaE4CU
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAIhazQzTQWu
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAAg9GUwYIgU
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAC3rzlZINVL
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAvWWCcrPkDH
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAplgD0t608x
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAhvwCuuZzNo
「嗯,你講過。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAO9og4B2wQt
1046Please respect copyright.PENANANBZmdD6qKi
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAp3JOPrNcRt
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAW9vI6s7n09
「咪笑我啦。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANA8i3HJnrZBk
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAJL4PfrvRsK
她笑了。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA8ijy75ZchE
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAJrixXxxcKd
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAqtz4QyE1sf
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAbYB14x4kPz
「係好夢定惡夢?」1046Please respect copyright.PENANA1NrpuWvVDn
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA3MtnwrubvY
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANARD3pplo3X8
1046Please respect copyright.PENANABJoRL5lbPl
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAzgak0RbWID
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA1NFkmm40Lj
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAHQhjMm1CQv
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAHttpY3VFCu
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAKMs8kRsj7r
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAs7PEHjzkaI
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。1046Please respect copyright.PENANALDqOAm64R5
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAhfhims2Q5P
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA2s4dveBxJk
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAYXpgwvarrr
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAl2OU7rQjdX
1046Please respect copyright.PENANARLeWVfCuxg
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAbo1uAapYAp
1046Please respect copyright.PENANALhb2ZI34VX
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA0m6vwKsgv3
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAf4mRoKqrjk
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAMg1sBiBiqM
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAGbdkt9EMKJ
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAhQuuKN5amd
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAmtUhhNn97S
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAGxPXDH6OTR
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAz8MpscWDQ0
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAI19KmRw9Mu
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAhR5aSOVaW8
萬物的崩潰。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAg9GjCEEJ9e
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAq6x22iAHVo
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAtYnr1jBWOh
1046Please respect copyright.PENANADigYpJ6lCr
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAGSQSttLvpn
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAYZUVbeVZFG
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAHB2pOshZRe
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAJdbXh4pRmh
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAcUV0GdPVS7
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA5uaCwP3nNs
愛的反面不是憎恨。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAYbxReKcIXD
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAQBMljBXEwJ
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA19d3wJzBic
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA3VhdChyRUa
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAyO5MOaMeem
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAQKFsiJ8cKw
這光景,我看過。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAnXNGpNoPG7
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAQe2prFecca
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1046Please respect copyright.PENANARl05KJnOXg
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAWQ8gSS6GO3
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAfyiaMKMdQd
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAVI5W9WzqHg
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAM2QuhutBpt
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAUXcEJKIs5K
「無可能。」我搖頭。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA40wIPpf9BM
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAzdc2swxYim
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAbnyPMjsSC9
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAOFMYVLpjhP
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANA16nTc725ME
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAfXIgxS3Hqy
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAzthPUX1gRU
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAKWXlvaMILW
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAs0hFrVa1zf
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAnXj1KX36KT
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA2MJmCn2bAp
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA7cAzF3jCVo
甚麼也再沒需要了。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAne4XTQuN00
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAiH7b4IvOpt
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1046Please respect copyright.PENANABTCa9DxuVe
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA26vTIEfaxs
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAOSPjeKpwY6
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAypdyZecinP
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAPVI6rflRFn
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA7toVXmaFEa
話畢。1046Please respect copyright.PENANApfLVYkTimk
1046Please respect copyright.PENANABtqwMLZ25T
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANA732sTnQ0Si
1046Please respect copyright.PENANANBVBxKUXE8
「你想既,幾時都可以。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAkJbF8AXlmv
1046Please respect copyright.PENANARq3cVP3RdD
她沉默了片刻。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAW9EBbKyRWP
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAIuh2eWRfjc
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA1GiwuOLDV3
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAZB02mmxG5E
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAF4od5oeMHn
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA8J0LUuL4uo
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAMeXYwAYrhb
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAyafIYzcHok
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA15NRSteoOu
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAX0ZoA1IfOS
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAsq2KGVLn6I
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAlGEs9DNtsL
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAIevVkp1VT4
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAlUEs5nFYf7
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAyDkgk0aTpJ
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAb07SwlDmsS
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAX8pVIbqWv2
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA9BbshiHdrz
「連你都咁講,嗚…」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAZAt24YMvKY
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA53VjZSjfPZ
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAqZyWZHcZhE
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAGwKMoYO1BX
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAj0JCoGjm43
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAi72b9K6hdW
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAgTTW773C9z
1046Please respect copyright.PENANADJ1uquIMgX
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA9peZjprksO
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAh80xwRQli5
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAsN0WwZRdk1
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA9IkU4rLW8p
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAAa98dX7pLq
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAKoEgnNXbXx
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAaTbWKAxYBE
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAolab8fNI20
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAorFvbDuw0f
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAyl4RU2Rl71
「……」1046Please respect copyright.PENANAH8zkhLo902
1046Please respect copyright.PENANA9j0fKa8L0c
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1046Please respect copyright.PENANA8eo1rH3ZuP
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAYB8uN0TKlL
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。1046Please respect copyright.PENANACSvMVn2DvU
1046Please respect copyright.PENANAoRQxdKhVur
夏天,也到尾聲了。1046Please respect copyright.PENANAMIaJvzxCBd