但現實是這樣又如何?786Please respect copyright.PENANAUy9UAXtwkv
786Please respect copyright.PENANAONIBmLi158
沒法理解,沒法接受。786Please respect copyright.PENANAGhZBiaQTaW
786Please respect copyright.PENANADtViZ5Hgeu
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。786Please respect copyright.PENANAh1DpL5tH12
786Please respect copyright.PENANA0TX4qqe2Da
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。786Please respect copyright.PENANAqeIiuZgykn
786Please respect copyright.PENANA6UndH0AUE1
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。786Please respect copyright.PENANAtvmS1nnStU
786Please respect copyright.PENANA6sDr0LYcv6
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。786Please respect copyright.PENANAkDFPuIP8zs
786Please respect copyright.PENANA5fXaWMYj8k
現在卻。786Please respect copyright.PENANATgoLCoxfYU
786Please respect copyright.PENANAJWqelXQhBl
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。786Please respect copyright.PENANAIA6WY21Cmm
786Please respect copyright.PENANAwT91WqEcIn
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。786Please respect copyright.PENANA6iiLHOJpTm
786Please respect copyright.PENANAYf60lcVbnZ
因為我的童年…786Please respect copyright.PENANAM5YznhfOc6
786Please respect copyright.PENANALKPJFtpnVl
…真真正正的,結束了。786Please respect copyright.PENANA4MujxyM09V
786Please respect copyright.PENANAt3TPmBY8st
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」786Please respect copyright.PENANA8nXTWm2yq1
786Please respect copyright.PENANAmYLuozWjbj
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?786Please respect copyright.PENANA9MSf0vphxH
786Please respect copyright.PENANAM4jzfiw6Fy
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。786Please respect copyright.PENANAykDZtFJIUz
786Please respect copyright.PENANAOhQv4uLtcJ
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。786Please respect copyright.PENANAG7NMVZ2MbM
786Please respect copyright.PENANAzuKwJPttPC
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。786Please respect copyright.PENANAXA0sLGjxKn
786Please respect copyright.PENANA6zHQhuplpt
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。786Please respect copyright.PENANAhEcpfo2MJm
786Please respect copyright.PENANAbR9sOAcUJW
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。786Please respect copyright.PENANAiZGUIiYFpm
786Please respect copyright.PENANA4ASFpoJnwI
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。786Please respect copyright.PENANAEG1TSjB7bx
786Please respect copyright.PENANAFz5EnyAp58
愛慕她的好。786Please respect copyright.PENANAURsaDMxfTb
786Please respect copyright.PENANArJK3g0WcNQ
便要接受她的壞。786Please respect copyright.PENANAvTCc6gXDmm
786Please respect copyright.PENANAc9gmKUmT7f
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。786Please respect copyright.PENANAsEM9EtjFkB
786Please respect copyright.PENANAyqIJqvqD7v
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。786Please respect copyright.PENANAdQLAPKewDz
786Please respect copyright.PENANArD4kbgosHt
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。786Please respect copyright.PENANA0RHnp8Z8bh
786Please respect copyright.PENANAsheabWe1CJ
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。786Please respect copyright.PENANAqZOIXofRjW
786Please respect copyright.PENANA4LjM5ApXZo
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。786Please respect copyright.PENANAWMPTtIJuj5
786Please respect copyright.PENANAl5fbqt6gvr
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。786Please respect copyright.PENANAIbmmgIPc8p
786Please respect copyright.PENANABLAr3x0Nqv
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」786Please respect copyright.PENANAijf8NvWwP6
786Please respect copyright.PENANAfwmxfFeKiX
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。786Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7Zpp4u8yO
786Please respect copyright.PENANAuYUeDMU3OC
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」786Please respect copyright.PENANAeaaXs0Bjgn
786Please respect copyright.PENANARJWwylr3OC
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。786Please respect copyright.PENANAAluplxnSdJ
786Please respect copyright.PENANAppKqTx49Wo
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」786Please respect copyright.PENANASVe9nXy2Ms
786Please respect copyright.PENANAJjISdtis5a
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。786Please respect copyright.PENANAgGrWVdI9YD
786Please respect copyright.PENANAUoVafTpatG
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」786Please respect copyright.PENANA52MuG4aq79
786Please respect copyright.PENANAM6StTxJwzM
然後,我推開了她。786Please respect copyright.PENANA8SKdF3iheP
786Please respect copyright.PENANAF44lNyfYYK
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。786Please respect copyright.PENANAuRTTigwLcS
786Please respect copyright.PENANAeaPmdzpxHq
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。786Please respect copyright.PENANAGfqelHe88n
786Please respect copyright.PENANAGOOKVrMLqo
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAGrMPqmLA6Y
786Please respect copyright.PENANAqF8upd4iq4
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。786Please respect copyright.PENANAqMjjNegclP
786Please respect copyright.PENANAgsMwSphdSl
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。786Please respect copyright.PENANAhrCgqRwTAk
786Please respect copyright.PENANAD6YEuhdGfI
「係…?」786Please respect copyright.PENANABvMCvZzDCr
786Please respect copyright.PENANAJlqGsUMJGr
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。786Please respect copyright.PENANA2cF8TaByX7
786Please respect copyright.PENANA7M6v6NgP0r
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。786Please respect copyright.PENANA4vOhNvpOcK
786Please respect copyright.PENANAaf5ON1aMvB
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。786Please respect copyright.PENANA4COuUjaZwg
786Please respect copyright.PENANAcn6nzG44kI
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」786Please respect copyright.PENANAAnq2HK3ea7
786Please respect copyright.PENANAWl2Rp293im
「我先唔係。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAwTplMWRcSP
786Please respect copyright.PENANAkmFM8HgDNr
我早就不是甚麼好人。786Please respect copyright.PENANAsQO2DkWN9T
786Please respect copyright.PENANAnazPmEo7So
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。786Please respect copyright.PENANAxpqWLKeq8C
786Please respect copyright.PENANArSpPsbE6yC
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。786Please respect copyright.PENANAzbEQ0vFnc6
786Please respect copyright.PENANAZFNjrd5jcn
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAw7YpeO9Qod
786Please respect copyright.PENANAWhL9VaDM7y
「……」786Please respect copyright.PENANA8KAh4XzPXC
786Please respect copyright.PENANAM2cNQLPVhD
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。786Please respect copyright.PENANAoVpmLYGTgR
786Please respect copyright.PENANAayFNqKZxWe
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。786Please respect copyright.PENANAW1FlDfVV1a
786Please respect copyright.PENANAP6uz8DK3de
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。786Please respect copyright.PENANAkfPbio1emm
786Please respect copyright.PENANA6WA4Zcby1l
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。786Please respect copyright.PENANAttQkCDhXW1
786Please respect copyright.PENANA6WYk0tx83Q
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。786Please respect copyright.PENANAPP3hAXnGgJ
786Please respect copyright.PENANAqvVfyVYHD5
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。786Please respect copyright.PENANAb9VykgKMsT
786Please respect copyright.PENANAt0P76yb2m4
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。786Please respect copyright.PENANA3jf04GFJoF
786Please respect copyright.PENANAi8Qjop0oeG
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。786Please respect copyright.PENANAMalrAy22gM
786Please respect copyright.PENANAtgR2aYdv57
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」786Please respect copyright.PENANA2RSpw3SM1N
786Please respect copyright.PENANAVYgdMViYlk
「呀遊…」786Please respect copyright.PENANA1TaMlH2VoE
786Please respect copyright.PENANADg1T99ehQj
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAlig06FwK1L
786Please respect copyright.PENANAj9f9yz8gfB
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。786Please respect copyright.PENANAaxveW0PLrK
786Please respect copyright.PENANANtooIvRjba
做不到。786Please respect copyright.PENANA66pJ6x2IEE
786Please respect copyright.PENANA5iJRbmv7YW
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。786Please respect copyright.PENANAgjQwnsDT5D
786Please respect copyright.PENANAIZ1LakdlgR
做不到。786Please respect copyright.PENANAIlCpkjZYKK
786Please respect copyright.PENANAHULFR32oBW
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。786Please respect copyright.PENANAI06YZz5uIu
786Please respect copyright.PENANAqhiJHj1dIn
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。786Please respect copyright.PENANAcHKmZucRbZ
786Please respect copyright.PENANA1DSBIyO52A
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。786Please respect copyright.PENANAJJ2lscx2bQ
786Please respect copyright.PENANAzbEfCRcYrh
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。786Please respect copyright.PENANAFF6mja1MwK
786Please respect copyright.PENANALqg1wdeROP
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。786Please respect copyright.PENANATnBq07Fob4
786Please respect copyright.PENANA8LBZslwp5g
既,沒法坦白。786Please respect copyright.PENANAziEaJrtODq
786Please respect copyright.PENANAZghtwzGllY
又,沒法斥責。786Please respect copyright.PENANAG4nqV6ItXb
786Please respect copyright.PENANAngRv8zDDie
既,沒法接受。786Please respect copyright.PENANAGfKZaIz6QW
786Please respect copyright.PENANAk81gQhlRs2
也,沒法忘記。786Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3EHW36HAp
786Please respect copyright.PENANAzcCigrk3kO
而且…也沒法理解。786Please respect copyright.PENANAdKBqezmj36
786Please respect copyright.PENANAf9dA5Jxg4d
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。786Please respect copyright.PENANAcSN3LpGTxw
786Please respect copyright.PENANAQ64b4opBc3
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。786Please respect copyright.PENANA5JYn9kicNA
786Please respect copyright.PENANAcD2Sroo1op
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。786Please respect copyright.PENANA8amq5m8g8p
786Please respect copyright.PENANAw8co6Bru5h
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAkKDSK93rjr
786Please respect copyright.PENANAr6jDpS2LGF
「……」786Please respect copyright.PENANAMyQRHZxNa5
786Please respect copyright.PENANA21XoQ039St
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAePf9oYbJpm
786Please respect copyright.PENANANZC0t3Dafp
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。786Please respect copyright.PENANAPmst0SVjVr
786Please respect copyright.PENANAUU2j0zNpiH
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。786Please respect copyright.PENANAULGfNJMtp9
786Please respect copyright.PENANAomYzXGKJKA
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。786Please respect copyright.PENANAhkNmWSuB6K
786Please respect copyright.PENANAB5mKc6p1iH
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」786Please respect copyright.PENANA7SwViZF8bV
786Please respect copyright.PENANAK3w2o4UrAg
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAmfUQvWTTR3
786Please respect copyright.PENANAaG7ChmHVmu
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。786Please respect copyright.PENANAiUpgEkJbJY
786Please respect copyright.PENANA7yfOccYndI
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。786Please respect copyright.PENANA4P9Niu9wJW
786Please respect copyright.PENANAKsalyXgwop
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。786Please respect copyright.PENANA6hCpj2excp
786Please respect copyright.PENANAtLUcfGPoJh
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。786Please respect copyright.PENANAs1MpB5cpf2
786Please respect copyright.PENANAmm7eOlbAYh
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。786Please respect copyright.PENANArIAqkUZ7FT
786Please respect copyright.PENANAlq6noi2wep
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」786Please respect copyright.PENANAxgpmsrvZKy
786Please respect copyright.PENANAcvy6ugnZ10
咦?786Please respect copyright.PENANAvKPxEgPnOE
786Please respect copyright.PENANAcsEYy5RCKc
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。786Please respect copyright.PENANAStzbDzkaqV
786Please respect copyright.PENANAmhwMOVNkxM
「接受與否」,是我的想法。786Please respect copyright.PENANACUgAfbG4wc
786Please respect copyright.PENANA5HuHOQjvmo
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。786Please respect copyright.PENANAvLlVatUtPt
786Please respect copyright.PENANAgZOWPxkh9D
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。786Please respect copyright.PENANAkrxWs9iEnq
786Please respect copyright.PENANAYQwD45K5lj
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。786Please respect copyright.PENANAtloAyHbkWP
786Please respect copyright.PENANA4e3H4jY5pE
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。786Please respect copyright.PENANAmtCBfI54pf
786Please respect copyright.PENANAbYX2gNi6gy
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。786Please respect copyright.PENANA0ppaPf81fS
786Please respect copyright.PENANASUIE3rUG4Q
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…786Please respect copyright.PENANA7T0kL41NWx
786Please respect copyright.PENANAPVgPRAlxPI
…我真的不想。786Please respect copyright.PENANAn6wvdG2cZW
786Please respect copyright.PENANA1AVgDvRxxX
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。786Please respect copyright.PENANAkJ3VXLVMWT
786Please respect copyright.PENANAz2KZbXeFi9
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。786Please respect copyright.PENANASvywsJbmWr
786Please respect copyright.PENANAs1wac2lx7t
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。786Please respect copyright.PENANAMrLOVh7oSc
786Please respect copyright.PENANAp07uMVzLZO
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。786Please respect copyright.PENANAsSjWgbLK8v
786Please respect copyright.PENANANDvY4CiIkJ
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。786Please respect copyright.PENANAhL01frKFAD
786Please respect copyright.PENANA292SxhMktz
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。