但現實是這樣又如何?1052Please respect copyright.PENANA99SzFtd6vN
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAEHyq38iOJ6
沒法理解,沒法接受。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAfxRhD1B38c
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAg8kJBoH5kp
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAFXR6TzUkyp
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAl11p7NGLXQ
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAt1G9ZDwZgx
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAcLtp3SDnuX
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAYSB8U8yzmA
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAz95Ec7shof
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAnKHIZzBUGO
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAurHblBLRz7
現在卻。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAa5paNxqVFq
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAbH50A4moIZ
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAe52I9LfbNT
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAMJgXcN3bvP
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAYYRlGdACW1
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAfZQh3TxgTh
因為我的童年…1052Please respect copyright.PENANA8WXSrK0rQr
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA97puUXZPqG
…真真正正的,結束了。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAPZQHw4EXK4
1052Please respect copyright.PENANARXSUIjRcRi
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAV63CEOfk5W
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAY6CJ7a7HhR
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1052Please respect copyright.PENANArsK8zYvB8v
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAIXzsr95u7Q
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA2EO5lFqm2f
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAWvMee3Vzg5
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAAfhWcyJMhb
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAxlavxQIV77
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAvB1lQk7dIZ
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAFPkTx92Oz1
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1052Please respect copyright.PENANATrhfa2tBEj
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAJeLgRGwWlN
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA7ftSUsyxJ7
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAGm22urzt18
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAh21k3Wjd7M
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAmRFbwoIuRV
愛慕她的好。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAFCuC0RvHiE
1052Please respect copyright.PENANADAikBs29pX
便要接受她的壞。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA71X33tlb4u
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAWyKWc4cztG
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA3ryA0vrOyH
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA3yHepDZ1e4
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAmsvAxfxLaC
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAvUeCjKQecM
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAqb8iFEG8tq
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAST3eRCXVlH
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA8wWNxkBthb
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAnvphL7bA7j
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAshTnboFsm6
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAbkUXYABOmf
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAKFjzfdTpiZ
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAc9gEGkigoQ
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1052Please respect copyright.PENANATNbBI0p6Hh
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAfPuJ8eSi0B
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAOG86PIBynU
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA3dJPGmboph
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAlqYWsm2euz
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAWOHZ8bMJFJ
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAWHNvjbtMFR
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAOwve9TU3SX
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1052Please respect copyright.PENANASXYJNHStJS
1052Please respect copyright.PENANANppX7UQflg
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAYzPsUN29LG
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAdUVeT0vcZv
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAZd2rGZvlJl
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAKvb8efrWp5
然後,我推開了她。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAyp1PmrdOR2
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA0S1U1Q14o6
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAydtOSECyGB
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAXJE6gN2bUV
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAv28URpHiWN
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAYdoA20mItl
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAcyIXujSL8c
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAsx4ccHYSJ6
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAh4BZMqrc6n
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAqIcAKFmwMD
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1052Please respect copyright.PENANApZecQcnlAI
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAV7TOy4Ex8v
「係…?」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAh2NGkajPqt
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAUC0TBPMpGL
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAMOkCORftFa
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAMT1aXM20Ob
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAS7D8nVQScI
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAD9Tqa8fG1E
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAvIqz23OT8A
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAye6wWDP4OI
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAj7o2qLAI1n
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAqkj3Axw2bT
「我先唔係。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANATHOFboco7F
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA4TEwG8ndk1
我早就不是甚麼好人。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAiLcPCkWlEi
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAurKxvlBHQR
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAlRaMsydHTO
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAy6rMtP00P3
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAkkN1fBUDEb
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAO3E1o3eXnv
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAR3Ji07UQ43
1052Please respect copyright.PENANANeFbYAOFAz
「……」1052Please respect copyright.PENANA5cjL6g6ysC
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAj0w16uJcWh
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAu5oSCVRYRt
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA51WlRGV3ot
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA1cUb2cGsuT
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAxAuuI6BWzP
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAylvqKnaVrH
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAnVrz0vzNIM
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAr3VVWQkn1l
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAXauR52jmGS
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAmxlBdXee8G
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAzabGOhvIZC
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAGUbkpKUUdP
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA42cQWXvqde
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1052Please respect copyright.PENANATt5XpUgYmd
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAEtcUgb3RHM
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAkCjtAhVvdk
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAOrgEWmN6n2
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAPeg20jZvjv
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA93v5iJ1l8p
「呀遊…」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAk9IOc6hYqn
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA8DSiywir45
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAsPom0Cwj6t
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAOp5h4REy4T
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAkmZBAFYU1i
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAu1ja7dtjuI
做不到。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAX6z2vQrokh
1052Please respect copyright.PENANABTkI0vi7Mx
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAAFtRVN4M5y
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA6n1JS9C0CH
做不到。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAKtYk2J7vli
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAvM4FYnYfrf
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAAJIqQ19Kna
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAOHjK92RSz6
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1052Please respect copyright.PENANArrWkU6pTki
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAH56PYHvqMS
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAdt2bAZBi11
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAq8GG9Z9qFG
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAgoBPxmrRFp
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA4nAthgqVWd
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAihU5AXDYgs
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAo6csKRpGbT
既,沒法坦白。1052Please respect copyright.PENANACRSmVL3G4O
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAH4JbuZzC9V
又,沒法斥責。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAip51RrT0l9
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAwa8T3qGfJS
既,沒法接受。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA0584arnEt8
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAM0B28XLjej
也,沒法忘記。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAnN9M8IznD1
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAb3xYaNjeSB
而且…也沒法理解。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAYJnIlDA5Mw
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAk1BkSTv1f1
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1052Please respect copyright.PENANALjx7r1ACd9
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA0YVz1jtUnH
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAH5xR8EvgwU
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAi3o1gBslLp
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAuyzwKrdOVX
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA4EJYGHgt4c
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAHqxVmfnyWM
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAU5UFOjoNTv
「……」1052Please respect copyright.PENANAqRDjYgCy4s
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAwK46lD5wsg
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANA20ClR9CgsC
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAGTwemk134H
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1052Please respect copyright.PENANApfZB8vSawx
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAaUoqmV2YTV
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAec6R49yudf
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA0AgFXvkEUZ
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAk3LkmRWPFv
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAMnMLs8vOdt
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANADu0NOjbNQP
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAGWzMviGqxx
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANA9MCRuJ2s3c
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAQaJzSZitHw
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAQf2ZVyfAir
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAkEiuHfqDSo
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAHtlKkcMOja
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAnrIWeEkflO
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAKC6FTjklRd
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAmdfyG24Y6M
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAyLPhj9yeh7
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAhR4qorbhOG
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAsQUvoVbtpH
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAqtG4dMxq8S
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1052Please respect copyright.PENANA7l4A8Y1Aus
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA4pmHErO9Md
咦?1052Please respect copyright.PENANADQEfaJ9JZS
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAARwNmqJTUZ
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAj9R3iTKM0O
1052Please respect copyright.PENANA0CRQuUHto9
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAYifZep4veT
1052Please respect copyright.PENANADjqVV93ZN2
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1052Please respect copyright.PENANATMhmYcahCs
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAVUTjnrcgTP
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAOQarTMiRd2
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAGcuey9JQOi
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAKyWRHMWNEV
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAIWHAVpTayZ
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAQYWxrYm8RD
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAA9G5FBvaN5
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA8bbEKNqrK5
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAd4xicWcdFD
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1052Please respect copyright.PENANA9mpFhLdaX7
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAg6pu1LJxit
…我真的不想。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA6LdZ2Buc6u
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAMYXO0cjZZf
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAFJdnotDHA9
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAFSDPhjoIrP
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1052Please respect copyright.PENANA1m7FVZjKeU
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAsM3uTHh5eE
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAILQpJC5y8J
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAbD5yOJ6fEj
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAcdgyTwPuif
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAg2WGppFmvs
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1052Please respect copyright.PENANAm5aZA0OeJe
1052Please respect copyright.PENANAXwo4aDBSyU
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。