但現實是這樣又如何?1082Please respect copyright.PENANANkIlOBAWba
1082Please respect copyright.PENANANWJUePGZvu
沒法理解,沒法接受。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAokpNr2Na6B
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAjTUrq3Jq2J
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAq1oA9NemcO
1082Please respect copyright.PENANARWz3FAkb9W
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJro1qQ2BJT
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA5VvAC6ZTsu
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAp6wNz3deay
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAOQgf8pIkMk
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAdVRaG3cugC
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZYdXJcWzq
現在卻。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAUtGbLeMgyF
1082Please respect copyright.PENANALhqObFrujD
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAIrrIx0gmoQ
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAAgIQiBpqnQ
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAIVQC2ESWmr
1082Please respect copyright.PENANApRd3RgoL1o
因為我的童年…1082Please respect copyright.PENANAbGEDCr9rYN
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAuIay1QClub
…真真正正的,結束了。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAIj21KpmTTj
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAw1asZZlOTX
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAoRV4pAXPC4
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAWTP4WbFSqu
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1082Please respect copyright.PENANAc6l46itypY
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAERafAetTAQ
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAGE1KmhYDVn
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAVJOZjMMnqW
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAc2wp3KKBw9
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAfFU8v7agjH
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAEup139FGu8
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA9NfJ4zyxbz
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1082Please respect copyright.PENANArx5TqOMwBM
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAySTY0cTYJU
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1082Please respect copyright.PENANADYVIZB8JGs
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA8dnQS27Ds8
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAsYbBcowhMW
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA7mUwq3llDg
愛慕她的好。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAkpfnbypDmi
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAqJkk8w2wvN
便要接受她的壞。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAWY0lIIw3y7
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA1l716MXoHe
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAelkCAdTbVO
1082Please respect copyright.PENANANGToL9JOra
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAYogt6FdBf8
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAUMly1BiEhn
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAvOB2O2vKhH
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJgbgu1Fyk3
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1082Please respect copyright.PENANANVwOIlioDX
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAtjLNkrFynr
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAz4bK4mqXil
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAGD95y07JaD
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAXV4Ny6T1ZY
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAplSMq4mziV
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1082Please respect copyright.PENANANhbkvo0qq2
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAV9rGuRR2m8
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA2JpE7Ty4L8
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAYn94foBiiW
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAOZ1weZBpsH
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAF8awAjkmaB
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA1WLEmaMtUL
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAnSqkVJC98w
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAE2RdzQp8Ty
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAMI6O97iQMt
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1082Please respect copyright.PENANABUuwu1G3Td
1082Please respect copyright.PENANALx9jDVGs6J
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAXMeyMRnure
1082Please respect copyright.PENANABGqVaeOlnT
然後,我推開了她。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAxPfhaI0xV4
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAEh0ZlnuZJY
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAH3FtxaXiEF
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAS38WZGKpEX
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAep3jSI4VEg
1082Please respect copyright.PENANArdjVs2mGCx
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAkLEIqy6IBP
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAhO9rHArXz4
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1082Please respect copyright.PENANASh0EJP1Zat
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA4KpevqMIdC
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAVo7XwgfnqS
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAkAqAkUXdLD
「係…?」1082Please respect copyright.PENANALiWJzDNqT7
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAWc5iDt9yDW
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAeL8QQHEE4Q
1082Please respect copyright.PENANArFn7ya2MDM
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJn2rO5O9Jo
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA19fb76uFPD
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA16XyDb6NlY
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAKhvzTifE9s
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAQGrpp7mgGS
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAe3pbPd5Q5Y
「我先唔係。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAI0EBBWz2Yb
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAPg9dxjxPUH
我早就不是甚麼好人。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAICjicgFefM
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAFv9rKOOz1L
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA4Fr6UfYSwL
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAW9IbGY4obx
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAYjnnd7MxkV
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAEfGebyje78
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAVbHcrvvp7E
1082Please respect copyright.PENANABzojY65HqO
「……」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAaQ3gcxbDHZ
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAkBUxd8vaAj
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAv1eZ1IKle9
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAPbFjRfJgAJ
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAu0Tc2I8eId
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAKBBtTSuL7c
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA0lm5j2ZIOp
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAdSAl2WtQK4
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAntvZ0FKRuD
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAoVsaLGKbhm
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA5IPxDYdfdV
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJDD05LIpAj
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAaftGP05RNR
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAV4q2nKkgxV
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAweWXxJGeqz
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA6WdkCAFmmT
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAqVN1rPnfe9
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAyrPuf5BEoN
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAtyfLIETrtT
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAGRZ0fiVEjP
「呀遊…」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAMSI3RhV3g5
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAjVhrVVN6yx
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANA8c740fe7jc
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAUuDO0gGXOS
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1082Please respect copyright.PENANARuTxIMUUmX
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAKNpQCOUsHq
做不到。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAd3i2DQwsIo
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA6NOzRnGnEY
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAtv576PLrC8
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAk3CfNhq1cG
做不到。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA5U2fBuVSKC
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAqRVNRjJWsp
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAecbociCEWD
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAeoCldpTDQl
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAzI7EGWMUYm
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAFeHwIDOXJb
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAL0Y5sVAfcE
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAWJu0gth5zr
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAIQUgFoIQIx
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAOcm7Hrf1Hl
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1082Please respect copyright.PENANALSnuJ9qzW3
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAPu4QSz5Dh5
既,沒法坦白。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA1C7iowMvcH
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAir7LamYgKE
又,沒法斥責。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAP6JYIoNQlf
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA7bHQTH9qFu
既,沒法接受。1082Please respect copyright.PENANACQAej6DHyM
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAAZMsP8FVVo
也,沒法忘記。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAsyeoWzsNax
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA2LeT7cpFT7
而且…也沒法理解。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAjrH12qp1lC
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAGv2opP97No
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAMIvpYOhQ8r
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAZaGg0lm4c1
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAXDKfdzP1br
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAnhz5EIcCzL
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAzlfBahrdve
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA7mt0fSIm4D
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAwmhFjkADdV
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAkDvJ1UlSPD
「……」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAdScOMSSkOU
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAvgJl42AQ2l
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAjTvVe2bw10
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAVx2x0tgMuU
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAM1UmzRVQZh
1082Please respect copyright.PENANArhNkZeWaay
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAEeGsAsg2c6
1082Please respect copyright.PENANABp2roeoB7B
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAFbDjm4nCy4
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJP8tBqWmQh
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANASAP5GCJwWC
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAtHMFOOcj6W
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAWJ3WCUyee7
1082Please respect copyright.PENANARg3ePpyPms
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAodkvlUnTrT
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA3PZBlABWTx
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAFWhc26fSmy
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJISkeyUvrr
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAMabhMjAWEP
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAseqjV4wcoA
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAGef189jNqW
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAsOI2KlNuwh
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAHMtG025AXS
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAlxIocUYFGw
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1082Please respect copyright.PENANAKE4isHpLVX
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA0lYsGXidZt
咦?1082Please respect copyright.PENANAcbTQM4awaj
1082Please respect copyright.PENANALwAbrM4WJb
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAfKAr5qomZG
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA1e8HPYph8f
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAntTBejnmqx
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA46XZcYtaEF
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1082Please respect copyright.PENANANTwosK4XqO
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAaidVD91fwo
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAP2qeuNj5G0
1082Please respect copyright.PENANANjXZL2DgVv
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAecSKpl0qXM
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAB2j7Lfs9hd
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA9Gi8JsD8My
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAdwqAEJjeQJ
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAiMSkIE9LPS
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA5pglcQQI5Q
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1082Please respect copyright.PENANAHSV28lWhl7
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA7AMfRTn8e8
…我真的不想。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAwAvn5nHhFe
1082Please respect copyright.PENANA0nyA1D62n3
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAHf0hLVfjmj
1082Please respect copyright.PENANANTqBqPqzZ1
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAASyJIcnNRp
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAnOIw8Llkr0
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAyuvLDEzeM3
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAVTYlIOcGdm
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJIdLWT4CHO
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAZkco28BHfr
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1082Please respect copyright.PENANA3KLMr4d5GL
1082Please respect copyright.PENANAJU43a7Tjv3
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。