但現實是這樣又如何?1002Please respect copyright.PENANAucvp23p3w2
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAbaE7919UBY
沒法理解,沒法接受。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAzh1o5tckxG
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAjt4ylkLGKu
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAxYjomYtmkL
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAjMycdruqnb
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA8WESC4qPaw
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAfjwFocURm7
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAAJpIIh2D38
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAFQ2M8HZC7L
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAXO2Ni1DbtV
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAmpiIiIspzD
現在卻。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAabfkxJ5Wu6
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA1qvXhjTCxe
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAJb2JaXpbkq
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAkJy7nSk0eZ
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAIAWs1u4qL1
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA6tuiU2V7TH
因為我的童年…1002Please respect copyright.PENANAoPo6dfkP9U
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAmfud4CFRRU
…真真正正的,結束了。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAkkAuQih41g
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAJnYn5gdJMX
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAstPPz2HUqE
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAaP7oMPqwFC
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1002Please respect copyright.PENANAJSZGPwQ3Y3
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAgpKkLqzuh1
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAYFGnI1e4gA
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAwh3xT9QbWA
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1002Please respect copyright.PENANACmWmPwM9p0
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA8ibHEjVUlZ
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAfggdS4cWQc
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA4FkTJrsDkb
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAtKG9DCuUvv
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAjk72n58lVo
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAW93wunarjg
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA1AEJWZCinI
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA0tLwauwaSv
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAmwqkltD9mY
愛慕她的好。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAryZBBcZidB
1002Please respect copyright.PENANATVOojF67ZV
便要接受她的壞。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAaX2reHyDa9
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAVtcQQ5RbYI
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAMt2ACX2w0I
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAVYhUaIfojO
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAaFeUoV1k0f
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAoKfEhiZCCI
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAuJYRCxmM4m
1002Please respect copyright.PENANATzHVEzbmCD
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAm5dqOrwiVG
1002Please respect copyright.PENANATJjFXGIJXM
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA5AoyzEEStb
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA8HLHNtkTbQ
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAPdgQWgrnRa
1002Please respect copyright.PENANATtPe2HbXTD
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAFSNs5IaWjQ
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAvHZNQjNDtR
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1002Please respect copyright.PENANABSU3wLomrk
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA0bRsmcLY22
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAGDm4u3SXjd
1002Please respect copyright.PENANATFxCud4HYY
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAriM38HitlH
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAkyDGE5mrWO
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAGDfQ9YaUR1
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA4TQJPnYg8Z
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAkccr0NPtIF
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAS0BGz5JT9j
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANA1TfJh8F7iI
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAJFthkjQHbR
然後,我推開了她。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAN5FkN1sGE6
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAccx2Xg6IgV
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAGnRfm32oeT
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAOT4wQdCEpS
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA4hezSBekRZ
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAGpEhF1sDC8
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAWwI5aQsUsB
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAhkiwMBVGev
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAzD9WEZrDv2
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAm7MqOd9TNt
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAf4rta5fh1q
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAAmPJ0p3fES
「係…?」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAAYBzk5abSv
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAFzXCuYpsou
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1002Please respect copyright.PENANArbZEGp7XtU
1002Please respect copyright.PENANACbtJzltuGF
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAeGhkZIQNi7
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAPRlTiZHwbz
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAgUaBSjhmE1
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAqYfLB0owcx
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAQqOW5yzuer
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAxDExX1beNC
「我先唔係。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANA0IikBcODUD
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAhxNKBOXPQa
我早就不是甚麼好人。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAfjwitkCHOe
1002Please respect copyright.PENANADbJLowrYIP
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA2ymj2tpk0z
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAQs6XR8KSD2
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAuUKrkz9yhA
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA3hfHbJOb53
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAP3qUHdDSTT
1002Please respect copyright.PENANADpuAKwcr6g
「……」1002Please respect copyright.PENANA42OkKGurJr
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA6dz5sBqNea
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAijH9X8ibC5
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAdAhPHxyzr2
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAlO1iwarc9y
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAtZb7tlNTBv
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAf7DL0j0fC1
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAYKaCLm08OD
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAHPprcDfW1L
1002Please respect copyright.PENANArBkadme941
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAVJEyLXoITf
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA7m0JzLkB1u
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAGgj0svo7Us
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAlgLDU9yMXj
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAK46tuTg6dC
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAw0pbqWk9KN
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAsDaGeppxCO
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAP8bkbPItVX
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANANfeI7lcG2A
1002Please respect copyright.PENANATUt7yapnIx
「呀遊…」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAXzhbtNf1lr
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAYQtTYTJF5W
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAV18xmrZIkn
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAJLQlkjpYM3
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAp4ovbplGYk
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAg6SZrSr8UQ
做不到。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAufKa1vU3KL
1002Please respect copyright.PENANADnjZUK5vCp
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAFwr8SSIAS3
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA7kZA0prGrH
做不到。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAt0GQjE1bZ7
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAFbmP6zePzu
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAVqDbz4Hflg
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAO1Y9441ZAs
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAGGnvLq9A1x
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAy1ITHIYNVl
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA7nEdfY2Hwx
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAvL1sLbQVDf
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA9CC0K8RiXy
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAegJkqcACd8
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAK9SD2jHEJI
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAwa4bOPs13U
既,沒法坦白。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA17dv8fXnLy
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAWvYfeVK3c0
又,沒法斥責。1002Please respect copyright.PENANATgoaHRjR6S
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAIiyiPkIqJF
既,沒法接受。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAcXzLW2FlED
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAfQGu65dvo6
也,沒法忘記。1002Please respect copyright.PENANACSLjGfLRcw
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而且…也沒法理解。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA6PbLiQlusX
1002Please respect copyright.PENANABygwZD8R6W
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAP4txz98BuM
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAA2ZSQp95bi
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAz1Of7cmSWs
1002Please respect copyright.PENANArfNcw5SFMw
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAzsPJRLHdOT
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA1UeBWwdFzp
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAg40UChEGum
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAy6khv7Gj5P
「……」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAeOZ0n7ZbtU
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAOLwRLHvZl2
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAxBTzT8rocx
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAx0xPStqeiQ
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAqPEoqLpBml
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAZMfyb4V7XC
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAibcNHvXCvs
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAgnACEtrlO8
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAB4EgScs94X
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAoe3NNeLjyM
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANA9JmBI9W2MP
1002Please respect copyright.PENANASSSjf1OarK
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAWMoJ92xpM2
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAwN5TsBC1JX
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAjwMFoB15vM
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAsvNyeStTCJ
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAs5v9e3PnGk
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAXGTr8fVioN
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA9VW3gCBPWO
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAl9q37RUiQR
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAn5bCRSDHA2
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA3SSwj5RHuY
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA06HYmbEa33
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAK6t5GrSOaV
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1002Please respect copyright.PENANAxnc3cjPmb1
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAmoKakDKNBP
咦?1002Please respect copyright.PENANADctEo5dz9S
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAM631sNNeJ4
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAuQRYpAA6y5
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAZeCpuB4PCR
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAsaqrvgPwBG
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAMyELXvUrtS
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1002Please respect copyright.PENANALVIEyxNDd9
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAN5puhDTfTB
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAnsZmpEOkfz
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAbbAjbP78OZ
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA2ns5FZErkf
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA3gZxOcZt39
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1002Please respect copyright.PENANA30tjuxJvdj
1002Please respect copyright.PENANASPzwPyfAaH
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAB4uaUBcSgO
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAeXRsfH8nPd
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1002Please respect copyright.PENANAEcHyiZlRnJ
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAD99b3jzcWb
…我真的不想。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAWQMLGSybV9
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAvM3CSm4GqB
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAb1SoWQ3vNp
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA2DM7ZEGNzZ
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAWKFws9ojBX
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAFWevqDrRra
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAzGVXCLicmp
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAYkwvBZmQGA
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1002Please respect copyright.PENANABl4fUPu3ai
1002Please respect copyright.PENANA92tPjwJ0Ia
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1002Please respect copyright.PENANAN46EW4MDj0
1002Please respect copyright.PENANAVlNEk7jTgw
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。