但現實是這樣又如何?1032Please respect copyright.PENANA5UhZEcOH7z
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA4OrjXaPkLK
沒法理解,沒法接受。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAZvvtIa7v75
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAUCKy0oE04p
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAtmt0o4ORO0
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAKASXHDDRYR
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1032Please respect copyright.PENANANVh7UXg7UN
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAtitopp1omo
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAIyDeRU5oCU
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAKlJt2kSI5X
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAOawqWDZRe6
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAxYblozEuaD
現在卻。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAkvp92NS5S8
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAZbxz8tX84O
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAE7utW7TAkv
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAyJGaqgZMoM
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAbEszJJDNon
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAOJs7qDwZAz
因為我的童年…1032Please respect copyright.PENANAVqZpAoMLoo
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAn453TWHALx
…真真正正的,結束了。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAPJYOwFBIdt
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJkWqS3TsR8
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANARMIckMpOZe
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAwyUnzZwyAN
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1032Please respect copyright.PENANACF19ajFk38
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA2sXJUnDkw0
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAUKTQle1LRh
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJyGUHQ2D8r
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEjmHGSRWVP
1032Please respect copyright.PENANALwTMS7UNbA
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAsc8r0xzVLQ
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAaOPuS7bqrJ
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAdd5E9Zqckq
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAxB4BftMNLQ
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1032Please respect copyright.PENANApqSXC29FGW
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAK9h8F9wQKR
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAaGY9hOFMBx
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAkFBJu1VCY8
愛慕她的好。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAa8hAZRC4nB
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAsLcxGbawDT
便要接受她的壞。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAyiAXKNXwXx
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEFVIIXJ8Ne
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1032Please respect copyright.PENANArDhiifKAMa
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA9p9JTEtqp9
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1032Please respect copyright.PENANALadWlcYxOU
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAI1V4b1l43q
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAqTP0yYZvaq
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAheTno1YsSO
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEMZI6Jymo8
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA1FFT0Lp48w
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEsZqMFho1D
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA1gKRlyTOSy
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1032Please respect copyright.PENANApUC93wGN8J
1032Please respect copyright.PENANALJh9DIdNIC
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1032Please respect copyright.PENANApBB4ixoRbO
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAohGmzTFdWL
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1032Please respect copyright.PENANARSu5WgMTp8
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAMIoL3508ZK
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAPJcBCdvyWq
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAWYIfpZXERN
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAOs0HUQJ2h5
1032Please respect copyright.PENANACJIf1tC3ZN
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAWURCyXI2bs
1032Please respect copyright.PENANALpVtcaxvnh
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1032Please respect copyright.PENANARQU0K3hwd1
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA3Qa8dKDjLO
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4j3mU1BL8
1032Please respect copyright.PENANApae6aExgTw
然後,我推開了她。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAhiLdamm0vT
1032Please respect copyright.PENANADmjWbJGulm
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAGcQSltbPgy
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAo5KNSWeD8T
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA5nOXhN6SYw
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAuRD5eq7Bb9
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAy2K4K1VzJT
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAAxFevpnyzS
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAQNoueWPr6I
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAMtKH047s1i
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAX7beyMPLp5
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA3yc10nBaJG
「係…?」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAQd5PjqbWMF
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA3p8Uh4m7Jh
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA4Fsiky4Y01
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAoQu0rONCAY
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAwZIyGHCzGk
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAz8nUM9Ielk
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAefxBD8b5lt
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAhbNMYfJFS4
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAaQ7kyza2Vp
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAzjNA8OnOnl
「我先唔係。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAeZE8zSLLpc
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAsHCaFHB9qb
我早就不是甚麼好人。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAq3IGEvm35M
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAthuDdpvBUD
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAWiZqsvVOB9
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAQdkNDruWu4
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAoLi8PUhdl4
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAoAMTPZTCrM
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANA4tE5DVTnKe
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAq0YnwBz3BP
「……」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAmPlUVxgO3F
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAGiValwovZd
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAOa1AYR9pNT
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA2uKrTWQYx1
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA6Quni4mJHN
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAAnQrMYBbuh
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA2r5hL3MEWF
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAxMwYC6gzaX
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAhUFFeup2Xu
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAfNz5BWrvDf
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1032Please respect copyright.PENANATPbilDH3EA
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAkFIyTAMtDo
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAx17fDcGGkN
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJaRJZLQc4z
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAyOfCBeRapJ
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAxW8RqWweEM
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAa41X5vpjRG
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAgSFhIPuZ0V
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAW3o7SG9EOI
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAn3oftGmabO
「呀遊…」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAkO818yuKo2
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA2XIJJ0nDW6
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAwYKk20oVkK
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAkKdsqxh1sl
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1032Please respect copyright.PENANACiyLNstC7I
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAKzKGCsq7ni
做不到。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAigCmDo2XOF
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA9kfs8z0Wpa
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA5IIy80cbQB
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAo4n2ZUl5rs
做不到。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAuUfO7m1GP6
1032Please respect copyright.PENANApdx8TlesGq
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA6EJSTzS5jm
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAphQuIJkBAh
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA59YHiUcS32
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAOiz8wDJZ9C
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAMda1FDFrHL
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1xYiVBl5A
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAk8Ua5udv2D
1032Please respect copyright.PENANALUsJFZpRcG
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1032Please respect copyright.PENANATxUud46D73
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2mT4SYcFv
既,沒法坦白。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAj3sIdMySVl
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAHMmlryEn9b
又,沒法斥責。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA4LtlAlv6wH
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAtQ2RrKhqAY
既,沒法接受。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA7kbNYKK6vQ
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAgMDkhBR7d5
也,沒法忘記。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAPcN1jaefH4
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAMdzfy1EAS5
而且…也沒法理解。1032Please respect copyright.PENANArTmT0ddCRD
1032Please respect copyright.PENANANpVWzJIuLS
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAkYZGmT2pzf
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAY8lGI033Hd
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAAqeGnEkixv
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAmDpmkKzPm9
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA1EhRBKBbNp
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA9kTFkckl8A
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAHFhWMyhNtx
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEKvValUYi6
「……」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1xJjLEidJ
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAG2VtoLVkKa
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAuy5g4TuTT3
1032Please respect copyright.PENANACcjxwj5tL2
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1032Please respect copyright.PENANADvGX2ZGUWx
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEdmxtWvtHX
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAF3pm87tIMq
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAiQILr8GCrk
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA3k38Rpcu5V
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA7MZvx0uurS
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANARbEQwC2BsE
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAcx9W6DCX6S
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANAM474eDPWEr
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAAo2t12wXac
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAhfGATD5HGp
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAS7Ljw1wd82
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAyM1gN8I4JP
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAXHji3A5Vf6
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAYPfbkj1l3m
1032Please respect copyright.PENANATZLTULiCuN
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAQuDGlBwXBF
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAEgJHyJowVL
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAflVVvHhLZY
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAOw0ory2mVR
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1032Please respect copyright.PENANA6R0jxRo8Hu
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAixUZB2QvtF
咦?1032Please respect copyright.PENANAXwDpw2ECNu
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAMWKZMSD8Hz
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA0ruTkRL64R
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAipm6fitUEW
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJxIVK7Qz1o
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAHLfCAcG3QN
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA1Wm1Rxf76e
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA3nIPbQ1Kz6
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA4Vpo46oDog
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAtrBuBXcXTi
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA0fE6dVaJ4A
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAjDeWYFxaGB
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAu935siJSjw
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAHsYhhVxFF5
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAlLT1fUMVsO
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAsu5XfiQlDX
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1032Please respect copyright.PENANA2Wbd3ULZNg
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAAq9Hm5KtE2
…我真的不想。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAggNWDXnDG2
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAjNsYOiBUVP
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1032Please respect copyright.PENANA3mcRGxPV0v
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAPmeSlEx5bm
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAKv5Foo9EAt
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAVZ00nww3z6
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1032Please respect copyright.PENANApoiQ93evIU
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAyQdMfG1L7U
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAfPtVcrzG3O
1032Please respect copyright.PENANAXTPo9XDbnt
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1032Please respect copyright.PENANAJAR9WxiG46
1032Please respect copyright.PENANA7Jg7sEmfyT
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。