童桐回到自己的家中後,我著她好好休息,由我過去我家那邊把枕頭拖鞋之類搬回去她這邊。1115Please respect copyright.PENANATvbAacoQ8J
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正當我收拾好準備回去時,我媽卻攔住了我。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAubenL2VgsP
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「過黎傾傾。」我媽說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAXBTP0QQEpi
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我爸在書房關著門,大概是因為颱風來襲而在家工作,所以廳中只有我和我媽二人,至於亞基看到我坐到沙發上,馬上躍到我膝上扭摸扭抱。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAx242sMR8g6
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我笑一笑然後抱抱牠,再給牠滿滿的撫摸,不只牠享受著,我也感到心中的壓力藉著手中的毛茸茸感覺釋放了不少。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA6P5dkKsYQX
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好可愛…1115Please respect copyright.PENANAxAQIVGRzDF
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參考圖 IG:bordercollie_08141115Please respect copyright.PENANA70JuMgicEB
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「呀遊,你對PTSD有幾多認識?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAPQuNy8Rv7J
1115Please respect copyright.PENANANpMaHK5hb1
「睇戲睇過。」我說,「就…有咩創傷事件後,會好驚相關既野,發惡夢,見到鬼之類,你想話童桐就係咁?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAi063AnIgVF
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「你既算係克板印象。」我媽就,「我之前做HR個時,試過有同事出過事,升降機工業意外,成個頭扁左。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAVikhJ0eED3
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我就不去想像了。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5J7TwX8T6b
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「事後在場目擊者,或多或少都有PTSD既傾向。童桐佢依加咁樣既情況,令我諗返起個時。」我媽說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAonba1Gi4sT
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「…你講下係點。」我說,「我想幫童桐。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAEmu92YNZMP
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「童桐可能係PTSD,亦可能係PITS,詳情既你帶佢去睇心理治療師,但兩者都似。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAAUDE4tQUyb
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「又咩PITS…咩16型人格測驗?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAgrWM2jeKMq
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「唔係。」我媽白我一眼,「PTSD多數係受害者身上出現,而PITS叫加害者創傷壓力,多數出現係加害者身上,例如戰場上殺敵既軍人,屠房宰殺動物既員工,合法開槍制止暴行既警察之類。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAqqVnq3lm7a
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「童桐明明唔係加害者,利律師係差館同我講…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0LniCDnYZU
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「呀遊,佢係唔係都好,問題係佢覺得自己係。」我媽說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA9bZAyLR0aS
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「童桐…已經係第二次遇到呢種事。」我心中一沉。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAYnDccDIDIv
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「嗯。」我媽說,「PITS患者一般黎講會比起普通PTSD更嚴重,呀遊,你明唔明,童桐依加係被好好好嚴重既心理問題困擾。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAW20CiZS8sB
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「嗯…我知道。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAomj0NULLJc
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「但你唔可以怪佢,佢都唔想,就好似普通傷風感冒咁,你無只係你好彩,總之…係症狀上先當成係PTSD解釋,只係更嚴重,亦更難醫。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAnYY29B1G7q
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接著我媽以她當年還是超級HR時處理過的經驗,向我解決童桐現在的情況。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAV7wLctcrKi
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PTSD可以在創傷事件後馬上爆發,或在數月後平息,但也可能持續,變成慢性綜合症。無論是當年工業意外翌日,在升降機內抱頭痛哭的員工,還是看到一向黏自己的亞基而恐慌發作的童桐。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAD6G1f1iQwj
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而創傷又可以被貯藏在程序記憶中,患者即使看起來沒甚麼異樣,但一但做出相關的動作,便會馬上病發,那個員工好像是聽到升降機超重的「嗶嗶嗶」警告聲而馬上情緒崩潰。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3BnXZJsFcB
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至於做惡夢,性情大變,失眠,逃避或對相關人事物感到恐懼,暴躁易怒,過度警戒,易受驚嚇,再次處於相似情境會感到不安,恐懼,呼吸困難,發抖等,便和電影拍的大同小異。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAADj1z8l3aS
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也和童桐現在身上一樣。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8zXf8PxQiY
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「但即使係點,呢個係病,童桐仲係你認識,你鐘意既童桐,你既青梅竹馬童桐。」我媽說,「佢只係病左,而呢個病係有得醫,就同厭食症一樣。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAiVzB39xbBd
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「一打完風我就會帶佢去睇醫生。」我說,「錢方面,阿媽…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANANBn9bPRISb
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「得啦,我本來就當童桐係我地個女咁,依加更加當佢係新抱,錢方面你唔使擔心。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAtu1yBio0le
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我愛我媽。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAuhyHEyZbZY
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「你要好好照顧佢,PTSD又好, PITS都好,都係有得醫,只緊要係你陪佢,照顧佢,俾安全感佢。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAinWezca2uj
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我點點頭,雖然不知道我能不能辦到。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAWBwfDIdzgq
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「喂,你有幾鐘意童桐?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAI88ahEuNAh
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無需任何思考。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAvBo7f1B4TT
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「要幾鐘意就有幾鐘意。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAs6vxm4Grwx
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我媽問:「照顧佢一世,用一世人陪佢對抗呢個病你願唔願意?講緊既係一生一世。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAui99bf9YDN
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「幾多世都願意。」我口出狂言,但我的確有這份覺悟。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAfOHAnyC1FW
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已經經歷了這麼多歡笑,跨越了這麼多眼淚,這份決意我背負得起。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4nk19gJf2t
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也必須要由我背負。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAhF8eL9TMEM
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即使我再弱小,這點我也不會讓步。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA2aLdGs0bYW
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「既然係咁。」我媽舉起右手,「就交呢個俾你。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAivX4Tq4duo
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回到童桐那邊,我首先拿出一個狗玩具。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAsnI82fXTnV
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「呀遊…?」躺在床上的童桐問。1115Please respect copyright.PENANApHjtjYLO9p
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「係亞基俾你。」我說,「佢似乎覺得自己做錯,叼左佢最鐘意個舊骨去我地房門口,應該係想送俾你想你原諒佢。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANARc0FYgCob5
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「……佢真係好可愛。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANApSWzzNaVWh
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「佢好唔開心。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA1JZXf60P3A
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「我…我知道…」童桐痛心地搖頭說,「係佢救左我地,計埋之前,佢已經救左我地第三次,但我…我一見到亞基,我就聽到架車撞落Kay既聲,聽到煞車聲,我仲聽到Kay既慘叫聲,我唔應該放開亞基,一日都係我……」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAnHH7tlzmct
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她深深地在自責。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5gMBjf8p9z
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別忘了,Kay在襲擊我們之前,是童桐的組員,二人在大學也是好朋友。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAMwJhVISWva
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而Kay不但變成拿刀砍我的女人,更加在童桐面前被貨車撞成血肉模糊。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4Wv4CsQLUK
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「佢唔會嬲你啦。」我把狗骨頭放到床頭,輕輕擁住童桐,「佢一定等緊你返去同佢玩,搓佢肚肚。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA2e9lWHBAZi
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「我係唔係癲左?呀遊,我…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAopcs5PtNrl
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「你唔係。」我親吻她的頭髮,「等打完風我會同你去睇醫生。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANADTY1zfvRXk
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「…我唔想入青山…」童桐是認真的感到恐懼。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7HSwK8Xrr2
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我笑道:「點會,只係見下社工,心理咨詢之類,記唔記得睇戲個種,坐係度同你傾計就收你貴一貴個種,哈哈。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAkv6sA1Xi2P
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「…嗯…呀遊,今晚可唔可以開燈訓?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANASEYqXTuRkM
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「梗係可以。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4qPIvVgmDp
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「講個秘密你知。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAHfMdORk8NT
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「仲有咩秘密我係唔知?」我說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAMvZTAnGpFj
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「其實我驚狗。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0otBZ3QBmt
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「下?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAKJeiTrHqB7
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童桐說:「記唔記得細個,有一次我媽咪黎探我,我覺得佢唔想見我就離家出走出左後山個度涼亭度?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAnincTUp7dq
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「哦個次,你仲偷偷地收埋學校個種膠水飯盒添。」我說,那次我上山找童桐,結果和她一起被狗追,還好我爸找到我們。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA23910htWlK
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「個次咪俾野狗追既,好在叔叔救左我同你…我個次之後就好驚狗。」童桐說,「所以我好珍惜亞基,難得我唔會驚佢,但我諗都應該係因為你…所以我唔想自己以後都驚佢…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAH5uPFiuTfS
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「慢慢克服。」我說,「我…我細個都驚坐過山車喇,依加咪又唔驚。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAGS8UXZLY7w
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不過原理應該不一樣。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3Cdk1w6KwM
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「咕嚕…」童桐肚子悶響。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZDxXFIm9MB
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「…童桐,你上次食野係幾時?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZd3miVWDU5
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「係差館,菁婷小姐買左兩餸飯俾我。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAK0pEuIxrx3
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「你依加肚餓?我去煮野俾你食。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeNohOP3gfr
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「唔啦。」童桐搖搖頭,「刷左牙,唔想刷多次。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA9AkrPaOwZX
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看她心情也吃不下吧,還是不要強逼她好。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAgSfxYEchU4
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童桐成個人都憔悴了不少,很難想像一個人在一晚之間能這樣落魄,下午和她去放亞基時她還精神奕奕,傍晚出事到現在凌晨,童桐卻已經變成了一個愁眉不展,鬱鬱不歡的少女,看著我便心痛。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZXdAJqh5Zk
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我真的好想她能高高興興,像過去十多年一樣。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAsLUVsAdlfJ
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我緊緊抱住她,她沒有回抱,但也沒有抗拒。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZdZnfLZfFU
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「唔好有事,童桐,求下你。」我在她耳邊說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANApSjnXCfMSM
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「……」她卻沒有回應。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAW3cLbVMq2R
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只要颱風一過去,便帶童桐去看醫生。1115Please respect copyright.PENANADFkzZjKAwS
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這和傷風感冒是一樣的,都只不過是病。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7WGIjYkbxb
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只要是病而不是甚麼不治之症,便能治,也必需要治。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAg5Pow6eG6z
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「…三號風球預計於明日日間大部分時間維持,天文台預計超強颱風氣槽將於明晚凌晨時份改掛八號風球。天文台形容,超強颱風氣槽風力強勁,速度緩慢,結構完整,堪稱完美風暴Prefect Storm.」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAMnyIQa8VYl
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只要風球一過,我便要帶童桐去看醫生。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4rdERAg4UR
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「…繼續返黎我地既節目。」電台主持人接話。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAEJKNFtsAnY
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「即使風暴再強,即使風暴再完美,都唔好忘記晴天就在烏雲之後守候。」他帶有磁性的聲音格外叫我聽得入神。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAUoCL5aawjx
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「世界上或者有所謂既完美風暴。但係唔會有永恆既暴風雨。風暴再完美,都會消散既一日。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAf3kb4HNRnZ
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「風暴再完美,我地都要記住總會再次見到晴天。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7bTFsHha5b
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眼角泛淚。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeG7j0yKHLT
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「呀遊?」童桐問。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAYV9JaH0pEs
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「…無事。」我把眼角輕蹭到童桐身上,感受著她的心跳,她的脈動。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAvjC4bQF3zT
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在我失去意識墜入夢鄉前我聽到電台在放著一首歌,最後的歌詞也呼應著窗外的完美風暴,我也擅自將之代入到我們的困境中。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA659VQm7mRA
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//還能互安慰1115Please respect copyright.PENANAmXdHEZOhfY
不必天氣多清朗1115Please respect copyright.PENANAhXhovpaj8k
狂雨暴雪一起對抗1115Please respect copyright.PENANAwP82cr5Fjz
任歲月再壞 不致心慌//
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第二天早上,屋中卻只有冷清。1115Please respect copyright.PENANALuU9zCHqzY
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床上只剩我一個人,我打開童桐家中每一扇門,爺爺嫲嫲在聽著粵曲,卻沒有童桐的身影。甚至有亞基在的我家,也沒有童桐的身影。
童桐不見了。
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