但現實是這樣又如何?1085Please respect copyright.PENANAb8qHqwHkHb
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAd6d1L1Y2h5
沒法理解,沒法接受。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA1UrhIXCzSV
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA6HEZPzutVh
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAQvgHMCZB4V
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAcqkjDHTt58
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1085Please respect copyright.PENANATn8BqdXjaA
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVsSuq5Js2g
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAxRITPfXrwm
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAf6W7HQphCO
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMU8mGOXuwY
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAxA8mUaxcfr
現在卻。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAWEVnofw1Rg
1085Please respect copyright.PENANABE5wio4rcw
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAiP5Vl1gtiG
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAUJzjxI22f6
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAQEJvjlzvSb
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAyqVaOlawYN
因為我的童年…1085Please respect copyright.PENANAneya49YxkG
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVbDH3ELqTg
…真真正正的,結束了。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAlyrqC6y1gW
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAAJ3pxU8DXu
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFaM80a7F4T
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAOtFg8Nxg1J
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1085Please respect copyright.PENANAyY2GeER8pv
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA8F3j5Jtlkj
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA0WnSLInPrp
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAp7QOSu8vVU
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAqbLFBgH4BI
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAJcD0VEsLjL
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAnJXzgySQOq
1085Please respect copyright.PENANArRQ31enhsS
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAfbEqOIHnua
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA5PTtcAs1WE
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA0eGejTvjin
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAN75D0lg83m
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1085Please respect copyright.PENANABHg7jAdXf5
1085Please respect copyright.PENANADX8uW2yqcN
愛慕她的好。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAIyGMETfeQc
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVCWzLDy3kX
便要接受她的壞。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMRhe27ByeR
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAN4aVqXvdBk
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAoGlByPdLdB
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAkgNwiGRJxP
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA5R3cQ4Zj1v
1085Please respect copyright.PENANADIb6AWVvH1
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAeHtKjINQmI
1085Please respect copyright.PENANARJ82KQLCKc
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAm7hP6j9Crl
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAscKji7huKJ
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1085Please respect copyright.PENANATdQUX08Qk3
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAckZzrPmyXw
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAcSgCb77bDw
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAaA1AH0UOMU
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAcdJYbk3ldO
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAjo1pC36dXD
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1085Please respect copyright.PENANALiDCHO0BDh
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAYTX0Tesexj
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAixnlWbtmnD
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAh5R0zLUUNw
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMHvIre89WE
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA7KKONTShaT
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1085Please respect copyright.PENANADBOB2buyWB
1085Please respect copyright.PENANApqN5DT7Gix
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA6sVBC7LrFJ
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAOWjG4Lzq36
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANA5ahv5uFmdI
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAEwqV2UL1bS
然後,我推開了她。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAnfChCa0pTN
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAoknLfdN7Zv
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAPmaRyjUEZ0
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMNB8CEHyGj
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA5iF2vmQR48
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAgXOgZWUZwX
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAAN0I0YWHpY
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA2AwDwTcvUO
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAnFyp0fnQrx
1085Please respect copyright.PENANADB1HjckpTT
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1085Please respect copyright.PENANASt0Zz9pHCM
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA5gqhstswgG
「係…?」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAPTbkEhlQgG
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA96izi0bXQg
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMZWry8om3x
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAnzML2XR9dk
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAQOlOGKfPlo
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAPB5HLebh4s
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAtJnUMOHfce
1085Please respect copyright.PENANANG9zzas7qk
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMrSkt4mj6X
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAHV6o16m0u5
「我先唔係。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAx2dbq1nzyN
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAR3QvvbqVUw
我早就不是甚麼好人。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAb0aBlOzZIL
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAloHbve4h70
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAjNNetiFHMJ
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAu0QDOGx7AV
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAfGzP3y8T1D
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA9i1As0Zjrc
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANABbRzSW93lx
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAEeAlNVVb5Q
「……」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAXwaj2h0XxK
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAgfx9SsMnqw
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAmMRwgXHy4H
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAP7VfkxwTYj
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAf1URUq9YCV
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAoE5XZFfCMP
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAJxz2aD13By
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA9AGhZDIaTd
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAAQh2WudGAj
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAjKsQy1eKLi
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMwnZDMsWaR
1085Please respect copyright.PENANApep4rM6HpV
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAGaXxSLlLz1
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA22zKpJOvhq
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA6oJkHCwrET
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAHKtTDJyhYe
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA8ihDrNZsK4
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA2mf8h46bPs
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAz7wKLKZtvY
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA4YIZoaShrp
「呀遊…」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVAUVlzBtmk
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVx1ZmnVH1l
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFYBZPzRo1G
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAalxtNQGg1h
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMS4hXtnkSJ
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAIohca4FVlS
做不到。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAvko7Rp4r2i
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA2ayF82tC4w
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAOWx7668NMQ
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAXx9F7KZG20
做不到。1085Please respect copyright.PENANADPkBcGhUyU
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAyroDusQruF
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA3GKQpskjEY
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA55PMADLtdS
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAlPGQCqiZnK
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAYzhL1htRgN
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAnZ7stkS9F1
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAfPIEMP4iVC
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFwA0DN6jzq
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAuJqZwIO7OF
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA69BmaX56TG
1085Please respect copyright.PENANARfBO8Hza8D
既,沒法坦白。1085Please respect copyright.PENANACubIDs6Slx
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAYo5YLsslq8
又,沒法斥責。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA5gPu0zpt40
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAqkQ8fqkx29
既,沒法接受。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVvzDM9BzUM
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFaNXjbmcIr
也,沒法忘記。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAXyTikoiQC7
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA6tj7Q3BmUE
而且…也沒法理解。1085Please respect copyright.PENANApiOPHMGKQo
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMLMdEuoGiW
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAnNiWsWunpf
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAu5uNIE0m4v
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAfX496NQGFm
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAWLWGrfv86e
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA8HvMytjS3f
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVQbn5OEqJi
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAYGouZVMUnY
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAt592ZFQquo
「……」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAKfC6oGA7G8
1085Please respect copyright.PENANATXQp5ZpF9H
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAz0cEjuSTkv
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAP9vHP0n1Oa
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAg9qfN7mHqv
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFz9LqSvD1k
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAe9R6RhOoaS
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAF3z25W7lYD
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAtM2nJnjPd7
1085Please respect copyright.PENANA0nmOuyqbFu
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAGfJ0Ger0Ke
1085Please respect copyright.PENANACDvQS197GN
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAzkhpkopQMD
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFTJdC9ZIZD
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAg7uHnyujug
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAe9JIPir6pS
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFOcyCKDPV6
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAgUUE9WCt5B
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAsIk6D9xTOK
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVOq911p1We
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAEVjNGJRnzQ
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAq9erGhWKhF
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAtg9mJkerlc
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAW1ZtBgLGhE
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1085Please respect copyright.PENANAXjWyEU5Cfi
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAUw68QhmivG
咦?1085Please respect copyright.PENANAhizCrQ4uUi
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAUDtsHu5Uic
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1085Please respect copyright.PENANACISRKBYfbL
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAHVXvqj3reO
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAG9CKUx72aT
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAO4OoVcfA06
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAGNeozn0k3I
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAMwII87Qsms
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAoQCSqyH2Kw
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAPPMUuCs310
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAH8G5Wt1Y8B
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAFEE713nN3R
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1085Please respect copyright.PENANATwoWQF9ED2
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAImF4MV8H0G
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAum3nz9Txk4
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAG95yF7mCVE
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1085Please respect copyright.PENANAozeULllM1J
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAkUF3GnswXH
…我真的不想。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAg7xIANeMNM
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAalTIJZCevU
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAsqQyt4kDey
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAVNQ2G767FV
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1085Please respect copyright.PENANA0DIs53wQZs
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAkVvekehaMM
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAvlg1H8idm5
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAchtDtgn014
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAPPSt9bqRvx
1085Please respect copyright.PENANAm08VlWHAjh
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1085Please respect copyright.PENANAjHrSPHlwQv
1085Please respect copyright.PENANADxX4EVae6c
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。