但現實是這樣又如何?1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvQmZYWKWEW
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAemZXCb4OSH
沒法理解,沒法接受。1106Please respect copyright.PENANABsfnu6KeQZ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANASq3MIHM4mD
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA65VB942jJ6
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAR3Gi8gRkP5
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvbtUzKKRpR
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA7d8O0T1eoF
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxdM4PLYmAz
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOx5cMjHnzQ
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA1eeCvnb3jy
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAiqXJib6s2Q
現在卻。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAASmLankFZd
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAAahuJmDqqR
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1106Please respect copyright.PENANASq692YetiK
1106Please respect copyright.PENANACO56fpTvEV
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAbCqwIAVZj2
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUOH44NZ8C1
因為我的童年…1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZrAD798ylG
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAPP3XxwZXyD
…真真正正的,結束了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAHcsIa4iTOe
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAP2BSlCKhoF
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAJzGnZfMeF0
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAXBI4C5QISv
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlCDkpFxV6E
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOsjEQkOmM6
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1106Please respect copyright.PENANARfZRDGVduJ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAC6mdrLVTKL
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkrGf7SaaW5
1106Please respect copyright.PENANApE6PVcYPK0
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAWxVSMiIRed
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAqEDIg8b5uA
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAAteJ5Gze5a
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA6JUz3pyDW4
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANACp5v8f8zGv
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAy7sxwWvxD4
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA66NKwqc0Kn
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwLku6qmlxo
愛慕她的好。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMZmg3Tu4G2
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwRv9uHiXDM
便要接受她的壞。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAHrdAmkLyqK
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxFGhvCq6PJ
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAEXhrVDQjN0
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAsN8oIdMs7b
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAp3iaMmWBZp
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAjQJCP25rUQ
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAEtSqFZWEK9
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAtQcsGdFKjs
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANADOEAWlRzXA
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOZGSAsJONr
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAhbB2xxa761
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFjM9EaPxE1
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfXMHByJjdv
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA7Pm4eW79iw
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1106Please respect copyright.PENANA1OjnS95Q7I
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAi1CEg9wmaR
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3IRTgN1zGQ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAJHU0v5Ya36
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuPf89oL7I8
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA0nlLMV1xWM
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAcdycQibgcC
1106Please respect copyright.PENANARjgaleTMxh
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuBwaf6Uf3n
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYBccDALx4A
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAWDlfdtjzdH
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAQyOCCsfOvu
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAS8tvAUFOjt
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZC9PGlQTY
然後,我推開了她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANACMpR6eSZJn
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAO2fLSqJKx5
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkfQ4zDJ04n
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0vcrxa6RK
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlCbvtLxzUT
1106Please respect copyright.PENANANPKt1Mfm48
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUy6d9MSBY1
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAM82xvZK8iX
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxtjQeH6Bdb
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAoRHhjmZXlr
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOD5oiaETMF
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAPpiwrr9Stl
「係…?」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAJj5Jk1Y1B6
1106Please respect copyright.PENANALSWXsoUTAb
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAAK80dEIvYN
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAF5lNBAqDLx
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOKvaslkilQ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAt38S6BFjH2
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlR47J3hNqf
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAA0miq6prRm
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAA4xZTAfgFr
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAaK2WZW74JE
「我先唔係。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAaAZ7PHlPMy
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUSZzVqbmzf
我早就不是甚麼好人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA9bZxFg1GVY
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5ty6ER0ohp
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlW6lzfPFSw
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkevw8wwc4o
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAIJAfKdurC8
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAk0qa8iQixB
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAtVkfXu6bc9
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZD9XN8f217
「……」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6urztqUue
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAb1QAB7Fzyu
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAytbJ8PYqfE
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5Lofyd95ce
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAx8KVLoKtBj
1106Please respect copyright.PENANACBZp8RTelS
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAVL3i7hLcAI
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAijUF1PCrum
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAbpFd0TIuSX
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAQJsW1vuQPr
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1106Please respect copyright.PENANApoLftez6oM
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlTK1YnMkSw
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1106Please respect copyright.PENANACNZFyzik3f
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAyX7KNnZvpY
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvFvymPAnw8
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4sXAhgU2Ez
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAz6TML4JCNi
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA65tlr3cuGy
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAzCiGZEy7U4
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAz57aY6CDvf
「呀遊…」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAR1ezn85acF
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5svdeGBJoK
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAdpA2o3M2n6
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMs27FdAlaT
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA2Q8fmYeKnB
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA2CImFyJWLw
做不到。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAoKxEJfhxAk
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAONm2D9KVYk
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA0ad662KYeu
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA8rEkPPNC4J
做不到。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAGvykI2gq7A
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAyXWLrLJKIZ
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAy5rmTaPm5Y
1106Please respect copyright.PENANADuJLZ2j8kN
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA8xEJWl7pcd
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3RaqivAbyq
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4VfMrLpB3N
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAjgIZVVe15z
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAe7ZlbMLusQ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfI9Jnba2j4
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYXUrVTPBBE
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAsebseeEllD
既,沒法坦白。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYlmyTYo5Qy
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAHmJmclJ3CU
又,沒法斥責。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAB55Lrz1zrS
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAKy8JGuAs8I
既,沒法接受。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAM8mAQEY3nK
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA8tTrpuhvWv
也,沒法忘記。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFLIMAHxmmJ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAaI6MsJEYYC
而且…也沒法理解。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAmzwBTjHrim
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOednUcBB1V
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA7olcLEt866
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA2fIN0spiNJ
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZwTKcy8Es4
1106Please respect copyright.PENANABAIMb15nbs
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3PWCThko8N
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA28wjop2FgB
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANA6AhflTCw6j
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAzUe1MvhMT2
「……」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAGsA70LA36O
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwEBxubEplf
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANA9VlOhrg46M
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA0YSjryvZul
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAX4qI4S9rVl
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAi0PVkJLfyj
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAoa6prJUw4j
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6HRNGJNzK
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwOsqhIac1u
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAC0YM9bti6w
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANA2xXxAiMPAw
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAdoaPXGddNa
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAyHWXGgKTLi
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfYtFEbTBqP
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5gJvf1Iqt7
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAiGQMxO9zCr
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA9g4ZpIUCVa
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5BeTMsX2CQ
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAi5QDPVmHlf
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvRIQLt0fQa
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1106Please respect copyright.PENANATrfgf1JBZn
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAjkMqODJvjK
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA1b6fxWdwx6
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuzK8GcXH0E
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANA6GDywanqk9
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAiXWzERpxHK
咦?1106Please respect copyright.PENANAqWUOxEdXGD
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAqNXptTzZVH
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOsSmMMfJM7
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3OnUy7R8aX
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuCnXxPdMKh
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA6Qw0Fp36en
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAJw7J8wtkrf
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuORgE6IOLK
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAG1bRDVKGxU
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAHqEP2vgRIl
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1106Please respect copyright.PENANASuhpTwbFHG
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAmp5KJwso1t
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA6jkf133ZSS
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfkOGYAPKIp
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAjI869S2a8V
1106Please respect copyright.PENANASSDxRI8OIm
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1106Please respect copyright.PENANAdEz1OHQIr3
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3NFtn7fYcW
…我真的不想。1106Please respect copyright.PENANARdTS6l0flk
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAXqgH6qLZR9
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA8t3lBKn5cQ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUiuQpH8bwM
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1106Please respect copyright.PENANARw3uwqHC7S
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAPmQHmjfq3Q
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAyjIjUKQD2m
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZEzm0Z6DnQ
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAWBU6d6GD7Q
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAEpL95mGpFG
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfTDUDHKCan
1106Please respect copyright.PENANARi4Tb29jv1
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。