但現實是這樣又如何?1138Please respect copyright.PENANAkmHCfbqRi6
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAwXSKlqnDTT
沒法理解,沒法接受。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA3bt1YYEiYD
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAX4ROj5wHgu
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1138Please respect copyright.PENANArz0zJPPoyr
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAexQYT9Ld8e
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAzTqVjtSGR3
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA6oq9ohUwfn
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAuOG4mflX7G
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAs446THyaeE
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAC5i9qQSbJT
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKTbMKihX8j
現在卻。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8qey7tkOxO
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAjkdMh1wedv
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAfTb9za8Q7m
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA0gDXqfeY7d
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAuFHpnpUmGi
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAbp8cAabnoe
因為我的童年…1138Please respect copyright.PENANAozUIiRsBP8
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAorKzpf8FS7
…真真正正的,結束了。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAfd2sU47nmL
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2EeRg6vME
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAAv5DOkoZRJ
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAtuIYueGrte
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1138Please respect copyright.PENANAejXn2H4CFG
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAHzWZHEbKw9
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAinb80Zl60X
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAo3j5pqiBQI
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAUBJWLDv7VQ
1138Please respect copyright.PENANADzpPEfyMbW
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAsGLTzWD0aK
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAOpY2nqDkbd
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8tgY5Xyr4W
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAFIVYO11eLt
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZRjNXYmJDA
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAaf7LNTEBI6
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAzkHYm1InL1
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAhXzY2LAJS4
愛慕她的好。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAzThhX3foLw
1138Please respect copyright.PENANATOlKPXjVfm
便要接受她的壞。1138Please respect copyright.PENANApin8K9rYXY
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAgKr48qzudn
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAeGjUrWatOQ
1138Please respect copyright.PENANANbPjpWkxoE
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA5FZ9nKMUZ4
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAHaCSaTZIl1
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAvRDb4JvSXp
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA1R22htz0dK
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAHZb9MNp5k6
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAmy7bMA1c7V
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAEXub5r0t2b
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAK5Ajpp7AvC
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAQb9AuISpq3
1138Please respect copyright.PENANADyYMAeaBcG
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAi4nfmrSOhK
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAeu9mx5Yd9c
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA7biYo3NYIp
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAMDuDTyP5i7
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1138Please respect copyright.PENANA5QHxPQJh21
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAV3H7PkilpT
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8RlsS5E0JH
1138Please respect copyright.PENANACviQUuoT5E
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAuvsepTaTfF
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAdeCIgMMrcQ
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA90l0XWejDq
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAS6PJcaHZwv
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKCQ8ZBb6c9
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAyPWhTeFhIG
然後,我推開了她。1138Please respect copyright.PENANACZQFpIseVw
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAeiC7MVBzMp
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAvWJxGGYTMO
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAAvRG3j3jAy
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAyy8w4IAX2X
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAr9U0ukXHXs
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANA6UR38pXHjL
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAqg1jZRiYKS
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1138Please respect copyright.PENANADkAw9NRjpR
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAM21F0kyYEF
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAkwpRFaDElI
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8amHHnlHnh
「係…?」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAvKTkFtYrV2
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAM4qH6Jgmnb
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAC3flvAcWaE
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA6XhbXkugXL
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAS6qZWJPlsT
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAnKah04Yj4S
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAJLZz6eeAop
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZ46J26x3gQ
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKgCr1wDnWC
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA5JwA0sbx9P
「我先唔係。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAlK7TpLadXf
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAH2l0i4ILkt
我早就不是甚麼好人。1138Please respect copyright.PENANARKCE7Anach
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAMtlDsr2yOu
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAJd5qSqfUBV
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAytIEPtaP5Z
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAjzIoxx80Go
1138Please respect copyright.PENANACV4EYmr2Gp
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAN1YPgKkWoR
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA36nnDZ1XBe
「……」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAsX9LTXtKTg
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAC246tv7xu1
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAEvlDVw8Jso
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAakMRVkzH7r
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAAg9KKbjd6P
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAJG36J1vkWQ
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZjaxb7fDSw
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA2Dtb0y2vY4
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1138Please respect copyright.PENANApaxnKiw3Eq
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8Wepg64t5T
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAzd0iXdWnPc
1138Please respect copyright.PENANADcy2DCLJY8
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1138Please respect copyright.PENANArqh7tgbsLx
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZlFk5dNys3
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAfP34Vqcph9
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAno8xsrxKJC
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAz8BNXCJ1ZY
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA64ttU5XQ6m
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANA57nJnlJPyP
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAyvAMFTXDPn
「呀遊…」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAkAxMEaxm19
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAiEKRDq4b39
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZxwnzD4ggc
1138Please respect copyright.PENANALvVp8LOYKK
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAdL3mn431km
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAqHGVvC1TFa
做不到。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAevEqjXjQJa
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAyN3MzsC4Zu
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1138Please respect copyright.PENANALDhWB1MUVs
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAJO23Ednbab
做不到。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAqBxOrqh655
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAjueQoioluV
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKrsd9w2kmh
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAJCEY55xmc1
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZhzvE6icvJ
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAEnyWRHVu0R
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8eHgKtzUhF
1138Please respect copyright.PENANArJMrT2OhG3
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAzaNy5SUhLt
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAahY8ItHSQX
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1138Please respect copyright.PENANApDRachvpy7
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAupmyn1ROpA
既,沒法坦白。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAnxkJyXveUR
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAIRQFNFIOf2
又,沒法斥責。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAqqUNSMdkL3
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAJeIEiflKWR
既,沒法接受。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAx4sfBaf8u1
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA3B8QIH3yYn
也,沒法忘記。1138Please respect copyright.PENANApP20zlDQhd
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAO5l7IWgDPK
而且…也沒法理解。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAksSbuBN1is
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAkBRU5NQb3I
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1138Please respect copyright.PENANABHWNOY3zjf
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAVPLIwRdGIv
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKWikzpIOC0
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAqhEB0uHUIg
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAD6lTd8hKC8
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAOpE1cWIDWB
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAEAoojjE65B
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAxbssiC3bnZ
「……」1138Please respect copyright.PENANANdxQfODeYi
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA69GZH1Drdg
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANASpfCQCXwPT
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAHaw7yKzBuz
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA9vCBZ3ibRC
1138Please respect copyright.PENANARB98telism
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA6hkrlDP9Bk
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAfNtBglOzhJ
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAWIHl7ThJMb
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAWbhaJbzp6I
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAinC4MoWWSc
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAHwME2L3TJ1
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAGm9ZS5nn7S
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKxBQVirrtX
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAmRWBU3tJzy
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAxuaFZOy39h
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAXrPphjJ8Ug
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAaG7DfT9SZ9
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAreZKlEhAck
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA6YeEW0tDRP
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAvCZpnJuTYF
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAHZelRM6hwB
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAnVYPSj7d2W
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAKzmgHsHuUv
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZdD6tm4srF
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAWEarWuETMt
咦?1138Please respect copyright.PENANAbL8GEqRFDp
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA2jwRN9u2YS
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAraMXXk0QZa
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8do2BWqjZd
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1138Please respect copyright.PENANACWCQRE3ELG
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAXTbAn2Xeyp
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAiNnkjWaz2v
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAN97M0Q5JBf
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9JYf36obc
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAAZi13k6C1s
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAt4psalHRkj
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAoLsZeMJl5f
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAP4qdJ9cF3P
1138Please respect copyright.PENANASXcWB88fDK
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAiGrep8DAIc
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAa9nn4ivMB2
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1138Please respect copyright.PENANAfBij8hz6ag
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAqjFRYUPkLX
…我真的不想。1138Please respect copyright.PENANA1KJU99C8SH
1138Please respect copyright.PENANA8GKIHN66tH
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAVdjPJGw2Y8
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAtTzTEeZXUo
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1138Please respect copyright.PENANANhHOxH5VgW
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAjkJQf4SnlL
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAMGAXtg4zFj
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAI0ggyhJ58b
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1138Please respect copyright.PENANAvExUMxVw0l
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAPufervBWHP
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1138Please respect copyright.PENANADKvqUwjQNI
1138Please respect copyright.PENANAVjVWNn5qRz
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。