但現實是這樣又如何?1053Please respect copyright.PENANAL99H4HIVH7
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAT0BCqqmGm5
沒法理解,沒法接受。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA3pnLqBV33Z
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAP4OvifEOcW
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAx7j1uIu0bz
1053Please respect copyright.PENANARS6zDowIKY
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAw7T6YuBjE5
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAI7nGMvk06b
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAaisWA0IrpA
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAOHprUnDWpb
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAG3B7bfLsNL
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAkONsatELgg
現在卻。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAUn4SDfJFrj
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAkkZDo0sO3j
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAstYAvkvde4
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAPjH9Tu75kg
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1053Please respect copyright.PENANArBPNNRvM4I
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAgLJVUteF9i
因為我的童年…1053Please respect copyright.PENANApWIbnKKRVL
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAe7hxmaQTjd
…真真正正的,結束了。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAHQdTPQpD1z
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAUEEAjAA2t1
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAfZ0sTzHVJb
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAUpjSg1MS3y
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1053Please respect copyright.PENANAd9NEVBnPqv
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAs9U6fBTqXJ
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAjlgbFqmlFs
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAFSSEgS0KiT
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAfYQqVd88rS
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAFZtBduFm9h
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAFlkk4j0Cco
1053Please respect copyright.PENANASYMlrGt7XK
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA07vs9PrZcV
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAfOxErqjMsB
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAIBEO62zKjr
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAusq689aLar
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAhCJjIQJqeA
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAhTeAFhU4zt
愛慕她的好。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAIujvDJKOgl
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA5tWZh6aVjU
便要接受她的壞。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAgkCMzgHdaA
1053Please respect copyright.PENANArKrT4jmFfz
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAHmSh2YvPsP
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA8x3ArwMoBU
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAQ36us80gW8
1053Please respect copyright.PENANALv546mUe3z
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAOc3qSOP7hF
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAwe7xMp0T70
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA0rlHvZOXAU
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAnqvaYnSWzl
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1053Please respect copyright.PENANApB4pxDjJiF
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAiMSsP9jr6Z
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAKvBGxy53Q2
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAAKQCe2KhLa
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAn5KRUhdruj
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAGySootgr3v
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAuhBrmnqPCM
1053Please respect copyright.PENANALfCVGXo7hG
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAmeleTkiWmV
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAzeN6LYBQbO
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAGuCqqgRxmF
1053Please respect copyright.PENANACMpYG5tnkc
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAerjkJZ01B0
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAcm91AXNlrA
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAIc3cPwAM0z
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAAFRnYuumhU
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAuxhEm5Gyz2
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAkELYfZTRsM
然後,我推開了她。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAqdMEzU7e4z
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAQT1c6vF69B
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAPfFEMmO1HO
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAcJ8LdTu8a7
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA9xITiWDitP
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAjSsg9KmMx6
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANA43RqEzyVOR
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAhyfmTRoMPP
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAZI35qCMEVD
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAEFZ2DLx2Ya
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAVHXAWfjDx6
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAB7K5Z8xYKn
「係…?」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAXgmow8ENUb
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAYDHXZFRiI3
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA1zav3LHGUJ
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA5Prel6Ki0i
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAH7LzAdpL9r
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAKEcGVHhnVE
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAYzqACgoILW
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAXqejI6SnUX
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAcOeHJtPEQe
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA8h6raoJMiu
「我先唔係。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAEXKYvTxjzn
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAIa2GhYS69A
我早就不是甚麼好人。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAvDHj85ebR7
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAyDGuYnrdVL
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA7JZeU36ZJt
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAhLHdu5JpLg
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1053Please respect copyright.PENANABDYZAQCorm
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAwYwOaHEe1o
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAXRetj6xe1q
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAiNm24xAfow
「……」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAiABbm1ts6B
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAiDFRYMDIxR
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAu395XC8Gk3
1053Please respect copyright.PENANANVvWqFdj4J
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA5IllICa26y
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA2boQRBkMvp
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1053Please respect copyright.PENANApM4JImEToP
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA9rFYhJBM8U
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1053Please respect copyright.PENANASC2d0VtTwc
1053Please respect copyright.PENANATLiggRVTwK
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAjdUoIh4lu0
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA1YNA7zrTgh
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAVwBctXxMsP
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAyx23Q4mw5K
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAOaYhAxgI4y
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAjKLhVAPCxV
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAjPy0PzM8ZG
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAvJnskNQvMA
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANA03IbqGi0Qn
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA1XmRvlwWlB
「呀遊…」1053Please respect copyright.PENANANONlbDxgG0
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA0fd0qBdVop
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAGhApJQZHQO
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAE42oSwQHl6
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAlcLcSbpXIc
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAcOqd6VRl18
做不到。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAloHXfbXxrm
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA4m63fFs0ZZ
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAuPcTk2AKyW
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAjvURpkdt5Z
做不到。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAeoXGZFXFWd
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAripGmWndTK
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAxtMeuTfnQh
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAnuqETdMLNj
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAv4Ven8p3Hs
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAc005LqGO4o
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAyPFYuh6zwl
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAq7Fl8iJ9De
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAQaq09Aprs9
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAD8QsBbcBNd
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA6CUBU621Lj
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAhGUAoyHEso
既,沒法坦白。1053Please respect copyright.PENANABfxGhcQLPq
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAdlAz28JIUN
又,沒法斥責。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA3khQYbuoan
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAPQSy8SzLrj
既,沒法接受。1053Please respect copyright.PENANATksiAYt228
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAlXFYh1xDep
也,沒法忘記。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAv1Yq7l8DR6
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA4tuX1z3fwS
而且…也沒法理解。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA3qngXlcPjJ
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAMZbKPLULpP
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAdDiJKHiwM2
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAEzSyfehzyG
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAljeTFTokiL
1053Please respect copyright.PENANApRuHCGjLzG
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA2B1v68TEQr
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAzHW1uXWrqB
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAWOktykyHKR
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAYoDyu2mhc8
「……」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2wMt0pO9V
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA0cGzF6xooW
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAhUOYrxkDKC
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAtYr7GIJ6IM
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1053Please respect copyright.PENANABcznCw3psy
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAzyqGY4GFmI
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAF1n9WMJZsp
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA8fIsEfJ0Mz
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA0aZp6GmeiE
1053Please respect copyright.PENANA64iM2npdr5
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANA53u8Mvokzy
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAz3rJPGMKT4
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAlclsesGVDi
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAUv2XJjyjNx
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAMeEKfx59fd
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAakQtKHb2SQ
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAmnIW434DwJ
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAZ39simSTpT
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAdYAY8f67OT
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAha0lY7gzUG
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAqZpd5ahXiW
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAnRlqdwUmmD
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAefL8ugUWGT
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAy2uFNrc38F
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1053Please respect copyright.PENANAZtZFjhaPAu
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAlbPCMHfIvN
咦?1053Please respect copyright.PENANAQTyn0A7VlL
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAdFd2ipfzYX
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAmRwyGn1RGh
1053Please respect copyright.PENANADtAEJtvznc
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAdt5BiyYaNf
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAAM4NoksUq7
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAxtDRCA0qC5
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAAVXTnYXElu
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAIoOJVdJFjx
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAtWM3EmuOnb
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAqGrHjTUiie
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAiWfEwugElB
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAfsFdbTK2Uo
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAwmTDf8ocEa
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA6BMb4BkzkR
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAstBRpaC3gX
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1053Please respect copyright.PENANAFqZjM2oH09
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAa4qxNwiAyh
…我真的不想。1053Please respect copyright.PENANArw4ImR3wIU
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAFiREAyeW6C
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1053Please respect copyright.PENANASLUfuHzh9f
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAoNQA0CgEsg
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAytbygUvK1d
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAvtxGkcFxBl
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA0umHJ1TUxA
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAZyl99WK7r6
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1053Please respect copyright.PENANA6fv37vfA15
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAcQxnrasJ5o
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1053Please respect copyright.PENANAg45m8VcgPS
1053Please respect copyright.PENANAnPOuX8FcmV
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。