但現實是這樣又如何?1019Please respect copyright.PENANAviOrZ56hcA
1019Please respect copyright.PENANArnvmzzIUy3
沒法理解,沒法接受。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA7ANYJDIleR
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAhYZKkiJkky
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAwNARLOzSLn
1019Please respect copyright.PENANACBk9uXjcjT
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAtgfQSHT2ZF
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAhwBOtGUcfS
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAfPJj9lMDiX
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA9OTy8Jxjut
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAo3Zrk6CA2n
1019Please respect copyright.PENANARJoTproZIt
現在卻。1019Please respect copyright.PENANALrSLtCW4R9
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAz1XSoToP9E
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1019Please respect copyright.PENANALn4GKQl7Sw
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAgtOcWQYzey
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAeufM36jIve
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAkwbnB0BvkX
因為我的童年…1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3hkELRdCVQ
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAPiRlUp3SuR
…真真正正的,結束了。1019Please respect copyright.PENANASBdRtzukmH
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAN37x9bZgGo
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAjjaQvdeOpE
1019Please respect copyright.PENANARMRoIi3E0O
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1019Please respect copyright.PENANAlFwVnXJerc
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAQoMqH9FkTt
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAUvC2xinqb9
1019Please respect copyright.PENANApqw5LpSFxe
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAM2TXVkxr0j
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAilxN0oqjiC
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1019Please respect copyright.PENANACcokN7huiv
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAv7L0oGGIoq
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAv5uR8AAWlc
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA89coVoiRrJ
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA0pARH7tNWB
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAeIdRbgmaiw
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA2p2oAmi8AA
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAMcpCFH8MDN
愛慕她的好。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAareKAk3d3l
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAjWxXq2LIzc
便要接受她的壞。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAhcnSjHrrvk
1019Please respect copyright.PENANACX0vS4RXlu
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1019Please respect copyright.PENANANtSH2t6gTv
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAwNZWFnhtYM
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAXIclLickws
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAWeh74PI6Ko
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3s2jGvoxHa
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA0x26A9coQk
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA2bm8RSb0wk
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAEzs6ldzrCu
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAx7yGk0EdxW
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAK91sEgEagC
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJMx1BcmM4x
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAHDwtqxgxKe
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1019Please respect copyright.PENANApXuC3GGhc1
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAwcNUCmSvZZ
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA48b4wIGmDL
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJD9kR1zJuB
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAFnMMs3iKP2
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA6GBLLoegJk
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAPqv8xKUht8
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAaUqDUbG9Oq
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAraB64pfzLQ
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAOBEo2Xm48S
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA2hOWGWpHWN
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAx2vrerzz94
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3xXLkmHT7m
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAmI16fF0rNq
然後,我推開了她。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAfkO8ZiYF2k
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAVtEIDeN5Xo
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAd1ZKlx79mM
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAjp0vsaUwMp
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1019Please respect copyright.PENANASPp6eVLyry
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAMdlqDc8LQF
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANA5EasT8HOBJ
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAgJjIUrTaMm
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1019Please respect copyright.PENANASY505wK8sy
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAq2toOcUsR1
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1019Please respect copyright.PENANArNtvfiaQyh
1019Please respect copyright.PENANARLxV8gwg0X
「係…?」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAOaEUidbvXS
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAiSWfmFn5Pc
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA17TgYEVphd
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAXOeBPhz0ai
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAUjwstEIMxg
1019Please respect copyright.PENANArvDUBlAdra
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAHYS9zC8Iyi
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAKVgeo5xjjG
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAmTPBvUhnSx
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAF4bZrnHlax
「我先唔係。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAqvJfDj0FQ4
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA5ewwIElHYO
我早就不是甚麼好人。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAdK1FxFvjRM
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA79Vo4GKHac
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAH1wNOsXoHA
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAZh8ZYJF67w
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA78VrRWBddz
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA5Hzs2azdgW
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3POMRxybDR
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJfAC2HXCZJ
「……」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAQ31fT1DAwC
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAASVh8zc2PU
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAygokXYIpuH
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAu6dL9QrZdp
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA0DQQm1CMiM
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAMff9Qf0sRW
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA2fr0Fz1dqP
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA1XKCnLP5JT
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAxn0h8QNTXq
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAz3SN3pZbLc
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAfhuIt12sSk
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAcqT4hgsAjd
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAR3lTu1Ptfy
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAXdsfK6LX6e
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1019Please respect copyright.PENANALHjk5EuFtq
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAci6d9c1nT3
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAUp2qiAetAa
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAHi65YjlixK
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAFWxuKiuMtK
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAz664dlZddN
「呀遊…」1019Please respect copyright.PENANA9C35Rfzlra
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAVsdbhoQY5u
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANARb5Rc0GbNm
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAU4Kcn1Glci
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA6WE5nA1fxa
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAFNGUFA44Fa
做不到。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAqi8C6dg7fe
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAxhMkoO9Krr
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA5V0S6JSoyn
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAvXEMRquM1S
做不到。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAwZny2J2LWh
1019Please respect copyright.PENANALZd9uJCpCa
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAjTcxHWua2u
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJVEX2zpuyP
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAkUIerUaukF
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3qKqFycULB
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAZHn7kQEBOb
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA6tZocfrIBy
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAmH53clc2Zn
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAIaup4qWcnd
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAbqRjP5ZX6G
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAr1Ueyi0M2w
既,沒法坦白。1019Please respect copyright.PENANANzm6spuTtz
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAmICIKFGwLy
又,沒法斥責。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAOgcZdYA6JP
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA8AJH2rq8xM
既,沒法接受。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA7Y4lP0SMbl
1019Please respect copyright.PENANABLXha1KLPk
也,沒法忘記。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAKnNMPspAoP
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAoIAh5W0upv
而且…也沒法理解。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA5sHoN7LdBa
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA6TrfD2tW8T
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAEOefFQ3NVS
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAG7q09sayob
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAFLo1XF8vL7
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAqtvTWDgliJ
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAwU82CdVfeC
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAQHS8hpp7nd
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAlgczddYEEJ
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAdNUXHWNHAE
「……」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAaI3TaJh9fp
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAirwdB3bySa
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAxi5zhfqVKa
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAsykLgQcPD8
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAl6LA3zgpd5
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAuNuV910aPG
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAXwSkTJCefw
1019Please respect copyright.PENANATAAgAsYw61
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAt1KApLXTHh
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAVy1s0kJAtL
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3a6cnULjLL
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAT6siOO8OQp
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAvnqhEiSut7
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJkrAP70C6M
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJWQDGUTsF0
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAC8xLiV94MP
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAejgfZzoSCO
1019Please respect copyright.PENANApM8u4q1wqy
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAAdsHHeykOg
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAkItoKwdGco
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAhmmmk9Z32Z
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3hhs0q3DHH
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAiPOQLGco9O
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAlEV1mc25Zc
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1019Please respect copyright.PENANAvbplbIQM4n
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAZm27q01zGI
咦?1019Please respect copyright.PENANA8inquvbBHc
1019Please respect copyright.PENANANCo2QqIoGT
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1019Please respect copyright.PENANATsK99imbOp
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAoejFXp3rwK
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAXwGg2zMif8
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA3JxBC0DvKW
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1019Please respect copyright.PENANALaxnQgUkHv
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAprUWihOFE9
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAWz0yN0wgZj
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAPNztUI3Cei
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAfMISAWg9K5
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAT2eOUiMTMc
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAJFrxvGBMxQ
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAxarHG7lyIu
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAPIkWCu0NUO
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA6lR2zWbj93
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1019Please respect copyright.PENANA7XNT2kUHh4
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAuJwtSBZYiI
…我真的不想。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAN6AcwWN3UW
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAZqzS6Ihh8p
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAvwQNDvcEgY
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAlli1dbaQPk
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAGQZ4NDuvAK
1019Please respect copyright.PENANATUWdQxtykr
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1019Please respect copyright.PENANAvwWDWJEQGT
1019Please respect copyright.PENANA7Eq5uQL4B8
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1019Please respect copyright.PENANApdb7VNBXh6
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAYHJZ2Rm9t0
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1019Please respect copyright.PENANA8Lns5krH67
1019Please respect copyright.PENANAKzh2btXGRj
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。