【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMdOOiLxyG
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzg9Nsp2i1N
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFz2sExqli
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYP6alxsJ1
感謝參與～62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHL6xyUCGZ
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4j40nmdvn
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRw7AZIKUw
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppKx9CZeG1
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nIp6i4JhA
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡma2iYhTcQ8
～～～～分隔線～～～～62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkVYe94zbx
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbq1ttoKWFC
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBa3aruFdC
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgT3VVCSJX
〈限制和自由〉62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUompV7U1j
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb708fdUSzP
penana.com/article/102489562Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfyz3X98SJ
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAPHIcjqik
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QBKnsmDby
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrHu1E4TWP
詩度 0。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd774Ms89hg
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IEKIdcTW1
～～～～分隔線～～～～62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIaGulJCB0
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQjQWAtmBu
〈問〉62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QQWHOCh5k
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79kh0VqvFZ
penana.com/article/102494462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohBJPhFZRo
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxY0se8YA2d
詩度高一點。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6UQ8YjvXt
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchiKqi42Bi
～～～～分隔線～～～～62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZtyfwJL8C
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlMIp29f9i
〈摩天之輪〉62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyg9SE7Wgz
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdX8tIb0PN
penana.com/article/104570562Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb314i43sHu
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0qdkoZhu8
詩度再高一點。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc68697RjPy
～～～～分隔線～～～～
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvynHuOnVD
〈蝴蝶酥〉62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAboC1S70Xf
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTPrWDqo2W
https://www.penana.com/article/159771362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HSxFHNiym
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NMdlOBXXC
詩度比前三首都高。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpXXcKrE14
～～～～分隔線～～～～
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOJ4XPptLQ
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6WQ8aKycA
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fpwRlKKLL
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt4dDZLD9h
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtLdEl0WEN
跟你分享。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrPpdYTc7Q
～～～～分隔線～～～～
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrszlo6iPkL
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LoKAsN8Cc
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uDVnz7IB5
【認識新詩的基本元素】62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLMpE6tZ3e
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFt14YWAO9
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2J0aSfwxb
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkvvbZVGdV
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU2bopqoyA
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jxgVGwAIK
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6u2seIK65
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxz5vh1WE8
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuB9lTCbkrT
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlIbbETJiq
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWdUbbD2od
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYWVj1EJPa
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pUiQKiuu9
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF1dtV2CMT
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3yR06zzI0
【這次全新寫的感想】
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYamAepa5WN
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nw5xDwChV
〈詠栗〉
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0Yojl435l
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYj8sFOYP5
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxigeRvlaP7
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvgwTFUwI3
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkkA9Hxrad
如果寫成
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCKsWPJRqM
〈詠栗〉
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lPVLEqh16
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0drtg7icq
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePPRUBViiq
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdVluVY2nD
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sq6Z7F7jk
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGG88GDWQH
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNd4dauRBW
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns18.221.54.244da2
