Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAJY3JJEbZ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY22sQLMGK
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNVAPhyJcD
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YNlEDjdpi
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVCGdlRfWF
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbO3QbNltIx
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3DuiKEhhu
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIG2UrWZzP
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRLvbsDJL3
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSaMiaRSC1
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1v06ZCT4z
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiPmN2GXV7
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1VG0StGUm
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LmymfdlMg
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknT4egqlXT
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wE2ItFMJ9
我：當然沒有啊。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOxNhoVuqW
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvcWscE1n5
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQ1G1D3ahJ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE6o0pgIbq
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHlNXmHgeg
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeq6AZ9TFZY
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsyrNk8Qv8
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWknVPPghm
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4N39Mwsm8
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MAxwNfNkK
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8TRZwFwvb
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjY1Moa05N
Priscilla：係呀。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYllHxbmUAH
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2XLvahWb5
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnXtEQEND0
（我對她微笑地問。）468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqfmoCf9w1
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEZVI3fZD3
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmYCUvee2y
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8sm4eSfSv
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYz4GsYWAX
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFOl6solu7
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJlGbaqeSS
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCITeG6qEX
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC4J8jDvUD
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcuDZDqdIK
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe77aE01AW
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8LM4TjcTG
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xYsvQxPGU
我：不如就開個account啦。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXI7CnYrlYu
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡif3L3zrdiu
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlB5lLjLkj
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXhzxXl4IV
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUxkCWM7TR
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCW04Wh2M3p
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbulgEaoAE
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9YNZcRUk6
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU6kFPTYQz
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlYfD5nQ6G
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjntzqF5zjI
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzO5qI3EFl9
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsanbXye9vZ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ3P53zumN
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lmMEuWFwn
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRi9LxDi67
我：睇完先再算啦。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60af0dyb53
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbaPvya0nA
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJYSSDQLCK
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjiSDUIu9O
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3ENEM3dwL
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9bCqwPPgF
-----大年初一的早上-----468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MXIeth6wS
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMsctXB1oF
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbed2uIsOMc
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNWaoykFDS
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTKu9LMTYg
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRULmHzt0Y8
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb8Trc6ues
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2VTJb31d9
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSfMdhPSPf
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffrfNeZxjU
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiw79Q01pj
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsXtS7Jt53
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fN2XY4ruv
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijgBeuSKiG
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3LpPJ9VVi
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6ItzzvR4o
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gOrTtiiDL
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrRiWlR5xE
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ861byXOZk
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVUQ5ASJZX
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGdeRfSSnI
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3V7WJKpL6
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GmAiaOSSv
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxRp8cbbrD
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem4o2TXzBQ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKSypOJDgr
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79tKVPWIYg
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBcyP8lop8
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuOdKVfMI8
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpG8ZY5AJb
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflxNRJC53n
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNG4MIGloyo
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoFwiisVjj
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXhvRtKGmT
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePKR0KI4Vc
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGPoDUT7TR
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxEpq6Mfi3
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7dfYAqvKk
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdjtAh3eVG
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwHQKN8YeY
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyZQHnH6qg
我：咁拍咗幾耐？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDOQzcjHmH
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNE5xNXcyN
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawiVFfsVcL
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJHyoypNRS
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZG9Wr9bca
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIGLdR0XGS
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FFF2oXusH
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MWyPYOkrr
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHN9jGPAMIE
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlEsMXKXbc
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3951iADEjp
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2jIB8d7Yv
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7XtrZIy9h
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoKabgnKzt
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgazTCNZjrc
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbG6YC5gvE
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpI1XGCCSa
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELDLObg1K6
說著，我又說起自己的情史。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7MiFuu6mi
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXxqTvQND9
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGH4wtPJvq
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjnS2aUnsh
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgsSwlX7U5
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6ADMlUFRP
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtAF8c9SCh
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6XA15sDsO
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGf6tojs7OK
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHvQu8e3y8
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpO5v29hQGW
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4AySylVWK
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXMrhn0gZy
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaEN0OWgrP
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7440s0WUh
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTWe4KRapK
我：最後拍左一個月就散。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7BtcFIDEx
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxbMoxsDBM
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSMTCr9HyW
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxPC8kM99r
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6vM9Ycph9
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHi2JAO1uk
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscpMETUja6
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcHLNt86ft
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVOdlImxuf
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgDecZbfWA
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZlwqlRBN0
這頓早茶，以AA制完。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1E5fPSf5H
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiQjmcbcqZ
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpdT4tO0Mw
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpR19BjIVW
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1MEJE6lih
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiJXEyHNtt
我：下次再玩啦！468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiifh7ztFgS
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3EZpvtJXX
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa4BXGqXYH
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DeL3mtBgQ
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CwlJIGyX0
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgxOBQYzSV
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPdHbM8kKk
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