Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCIBoHDes7
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJzvPbATIY
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvnT0MkkBF
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKfefMhxIl
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKxNBKXYnx
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbFfwgmhcp
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFr5XoGBEG
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z8Alsncxi
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyALniOCN9
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82C38mAhZE
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGKOu14jSb
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKas8fNGWu8
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk43xW171c
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLxdPETvcN
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9v5h6MRgum
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDfIPc1ufD
我：當然沒有啊。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkxCqjCQYv
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuQrkfklOA
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoOLub5Qzs
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDBfiqF3LR
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptwxuMqlyr
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpBalm6VKK
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76trkXJnMM
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hbZzIYSx6
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj6HQOSBaq
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUNAycghKI
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHeukGKMQi
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvp0zkn6NZ
Priscilla：係呀。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpw0MW8upzD
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjzymKm8Ot
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVCsuUGPYV
（我對她微笑地問。）462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK7nQHw8nZ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJnCDNLs8c
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi3x33A9xV
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8pCaHPFuD
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CjkJJoUOU
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDD4YFVbXw2
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3TNioDmHo
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusCYTM1OxJ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyHMaIi1y0
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8kky2Uhsw
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpxoFO9AeH
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJQVGi4NuS
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBD7otmqYW
我：不如就開個account啦。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgHW8QPQnB
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0QdrMVZoN
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5a8EPM6yMY
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXlBtdG3Ae
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgw5rVSJDM
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQKlqhmE7K
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiir22SZCFw
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m0ZcPd8e7
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLnwwgEa8f
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMq3vZLfjn
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7WrcQK8Ik
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mvf0rz57Z
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6vzrlG8CN
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rIJBKY92u
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthnhxVY9dd
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvnoF6HBHG
我：睇完先再算啦。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3WtqEfZ2u
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOQh6HUIYg
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX3WnVjgM1
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E4mdaS6Mk
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBzGbgQVpy
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc3vfYxI94
-----大年初一的早上-----462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXHonrdoSN
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamoftheEXC
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSg5jrRDRW
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw2n3Xm53A
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcoXDFNPN0
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupLTCBDAPz
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lApQhiyd9
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gG8Hifvbw
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXlx7vMxdl
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6E2EqfCmE
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlehuAevwd7
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3mn7xt1uW
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyDUJYkcrg
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaZpMuli3O
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5v3R0gaJW
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CaFHzkmXq
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWZKPkgona
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUsIlhBjAj
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MWp39h1js
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTo9Clyzhq
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJBvVTdsio
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwDTuO0nwH
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLwxwVk4Z9
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUFqr4Eaar
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyfXuSXh2d
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhW7PyecLJ
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WhIik5jUD
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjArV6Ea7FQ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl0iwmwpJj
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81NcBrkmOv
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6DqJFKOdO
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR68ujm5eDt
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2G29euWIb
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlbrqe0V9A
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzlfCihGZC
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQQP5OV3uJ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5myLjtjfU5
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFwbMXAxUR
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKct0rB9xa
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjGZMQ61Dh
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoNkISBCKw
我：咁拍咗幾耐？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdjivYJV4C
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCb9D76zJox
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGZ9FOc5GZ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQarmSoNL8
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LoXpARukF
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxmUekpSw9
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zKsjIyszV
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgQYhETNT6
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXP3pwrAS7
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvo8XWloZ0t
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLTufJzGyN
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CVAMF4HOS
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Vuzz9qdG9
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaeHDIpKHX
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBKKnVNlEx
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtG2lCHIjF1
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQQgrk0lzu
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3LSl74VWE
說著，我又說起自己的情史。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5CxosRqx8
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBbbnKLGBh
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT3GS2xDpy
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVLFugMFd9
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPeTsogH7b
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbL4KygyHO
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZmSL91ePh
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMkpMoeXHu
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr25cnfg5JL
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qp65goXDj
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w9R5yfPls
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAL44AAGdhB
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5rn49GZWZ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiAtaYZ7Zq
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa14czXXRu
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAkef0Nedk
我：最後拍左一個月就散。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cGZiYtM6I
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0P6CVzMI3
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqmHZJj94l
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fya5NQhfS
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadviANc0FB
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEAiXTZlab
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoPz08V0qu
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PL7AduSTf
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuK858EYq2
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUWZWVkWhD
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56JpuKgtAG
這頓早茶，以AA制完。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvXievtUFt
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUMleKQhVB
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAZAashYqO
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vQwIct4wi
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWg4wGxpw6o
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo5j9d0R04
我：下次再玩啦！462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehn9phl5K7
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxR6025hLIW
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLsJWemwCv
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPRQdiGLyO
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOSpuyBYvT
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVbzyzQeUe
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATWeoksXjF
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