Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRcLOwiMlG
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJETmvbjzOa
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9LSYiWTHc
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfLJkYCBXF
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnq7hSfimg
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqeQgj2fdF
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkfxF2tP42
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5GMRQsLlC
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYLf6WKEpW
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3XK2MDxTO
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxOSv6NMr4
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGk9XHFRdO
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdjH0eGTjJ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTEe3eh9ym
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlx76uBQK8
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI28sQg2ofU
我：當然沒有啊。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9oOXDVyf2
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO6pnnctSD
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZapV3vroe
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXjUPHwdBi
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1x9J45ePk
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAkPPbHGmS
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSqlufMVLm
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvDqwUKcbG
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn5OGwYdBe
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9u8clhaIQp
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMFOsZtnaB
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzuVfK7ea4
Priscilla：係呀。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dKl0yTt8g
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJWNKqAMF6
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5YermQ4Wl
（我對她微笑地問。）423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYi8sJYmUsK
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bsgKHJqdx
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoJOLsk05q
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0r5d54neO
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeKDgDYIef
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASaSSFD6da
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHShlJx2zJE
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1kzbaAMSa
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqxQkcc3Jl
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZzq9t2VhK
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCw0NBRN5F
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ61tpumpoG
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3MU9VXSja
我：不如就開個account啦。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHKeHQW3Ez
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmUEhSPfgD
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3W5xE2oM3
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ5fU18ROa
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgIrShvbDk
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuODgsjGmw
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDa82rCmV3
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyU49DDOFou
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO9BF7l0Wp
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6oF9Yjjm3
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiJPXSjjoe
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jCT3dFY3T
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oNhl3LCat
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt21rMCyq91
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8ryXBfeo1
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5e585YJcO
我：睇完先再算啦。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv35Dtt3T8m
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITKaIWzdgy
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBJPodFAW2
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EZ4AbSvFh
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lqPdRH6cT
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS6iDexiMh
-----大年初一的早上-----423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLhjFtacFK
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0KG4LaDGZ
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtUTyLkczv
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDTUE3le9S
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNI6SrrdY7O
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhHutPkiRG
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxGX2XaKzQ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxImWYTPbCS
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6amJXrFsbh
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZVBkOdCQl
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLt7FqqIuJ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwoQksFJWR
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaOljGU3d8
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhLAXUtIl3
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQneJFgwLK
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtQ8zpMtt1
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthBsc3yFVq
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBop4YZSNGd
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NBmOJfxSi
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS6ukzZ5mS
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJov3qHk70V
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo968LyrWh
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIErRls2P8
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqz3VBIH6y
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygnrdCaIwm
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbNVf1hQAM
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwmigBAt0o
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5wWhmBerf
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxgU4JfVRI
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA4EXaE6rX
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlZhqboRuf
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2PX1k1zIJ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wJnVSiVvC
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFbeXs69uf
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrGq3OEMnL
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFZI2OuHR2
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJFxP8VGCD
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRIKUh5P2V
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWBmyXMVFg
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gTlPlY5kK
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeDLhixWoi
我：咁拍咗幾耐？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEg5X0uqQt
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9IVJQLveB
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkgayMYS3G
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7xQbtMxsr
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXTbdiJ71O
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDevKx75BQb
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxXvde4QZt
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnWdEGcgsx
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgSEYxhGmK
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFtrSp5LVD
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpSThaMj41
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpe26OMT2mv
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt0XqbR5W9
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcChoGRZQlD
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfzLR4b8qR
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmbDxhn90F
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURIKQB06JL
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRAvaj7owi
說著，我又說起自己的情史。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjM65dEv82
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkNyuysSq1
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXC0txhr3t8
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwODB6t0KDe
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH4hkShODn
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDdIYGjRx0
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddtFPILt2o
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4NyL2jdJN
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU63fWplex
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uuVExKrCu
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf96vCrI853
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCitr9q9fWs
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMewS3QBLpj
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gSd6jU4xX
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoxxOkSVYJ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GPgzksNe2
我：最後拍左一個月就散。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BMCDIY1vn
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoWh2chdQ9
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDK1bSFWdX
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡana9MJdYXB
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5IW2FMzDS
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsS8JGdsMf4
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLBBjuHk73
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbPmlehQnW
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2tN49MTB0
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0AtnedaaZ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYar3VSQlSJ
這頓早茶，以AA制完。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWkGbEjDRa
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZqlukieYZ
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NEWNeqYkp
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4JGaC9K8l
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4slwkFoH4
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDlQhc3UGA
我：下次再玩啦！423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkUrfWdWcl
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQMtqWHvsf
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCHQBmsbtQ
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uTa1s7zRI
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCW9utBgIAu
423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XyH3ZY3JO
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。423Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIdYMpga9C
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