Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudYajrA72o
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3I4BzJhgac
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjPmZmKEXT
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OWoOWvwje
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITHYpXI2rh
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQHS9LXrUL
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4VVvdbYxb
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLy5JF2EWw
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGR4apgxcG
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TGs46dZw8
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuokjnA7cHq
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr2WAc3JJm
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqWMJcx6Dt
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmuTy97989
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IsWks8lkT
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7VOxkuB9c
我：當然沒有啊。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojM7orPbdn
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCx1ZKaIHGd
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9B77jnCf4T
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00iqr3Igo3
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IoJdAwxhS
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfmIUUOoqB
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQNjM3latM
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94UGicOWa0
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4P57dgazuJ
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAVJml4xLt
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJQErzTJYu
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1G4jvzsTC
Priscilla：係呀。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESL11WwV93
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtUKaVBUC5
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNBrhKh0Qr
（我對她微笑地問。）507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGMwxajhW5
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdEyBulbk8
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgvsuu6o3R
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJy9Vtju6Dz
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNVRj7AIAY
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuuNwKHKy3
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX37xqm7vIh
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlufyF77u9
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPoYGfdYZg
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUCRi1YUR7
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZXymL0Fcc
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE788OnswiF
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sed1EX7LL
我：不如就開個account啦。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP067ny99S
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlpCHrCMJ0
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGF64TfiO0
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdEqZz4oR6
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj8ci02788
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9ouwBOmC7
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszSxf7apus
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWuDQr3mcY
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXXvAQkioG
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduVs5Q9zwy
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsVPDvYP64
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbccxzSQIzu
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCK3mYuOt0
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7eaf2D4H6
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgzGmhKdhJ
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPVqrWw0cX
我：睇完先再算啦。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4Osz6Eino
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSwlAuuHRi
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBEJoAmM8E
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3waZiUZH9
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Bdp2FDZUT
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6F47NQ60K
-----大年初一的早上-----507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ5BpQCQlb
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnFPMuT9sK
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjReCgXTUXt
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBAF6DtAaG
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg20E7yPaVn
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI41SPWbhoX
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxComadF9la
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v1qCAhANX
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp498CLJkO7
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1g6UFHFWce
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7EU6dV47l
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1evuzIjXqn
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooELRa4ICb
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU7oJh8BTY
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmCH9SRs0J
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIBQv0hmLR
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtEqqPTmO0
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyapEDfyWZ8
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4RvBlEfvi
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0W8bGzW5w
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsR6CgYtWK
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaRMJIL9aB
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRf5LswMEQ
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOCcaWy3PE
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1ehmo9gaR
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiloSKIJcY
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC17hO2ae2
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnx8ahe1R4
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7FSDX5n6o
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KowpnPUKf
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpuHAZBWdF
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty3fScqu7f
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBF2bv44bx
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyR94n8WXl
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9TeK4mdmC
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5XeKLz6z5
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W7X20H6y2
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5QUrYpEXE
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrVyp1KpcY
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4frgnS3L6z
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGm8f5lwxJO
我：咁拍咗幾耐？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCimIO4mXQo
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkEy8ptYpp
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtB575Lk6H
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7MKYFMmzm
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMp9lXoNj3
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8lVOTNI3x
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE91f0zyong
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81QZ9oJsCs
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbar8SOEg9
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11srDsEDVd
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKtlAOMWBN
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19csiwWJAM
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5pDJ0plqV
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRylSFfnfgk
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8TPrtLh9C
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmc8eiwyGR
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5NaKdoLhx
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmzTl5Txsa
說著，我又說起自己的情史。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzjc9xm6JI
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPgAyIaP4R
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoI0q11GOuq
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PIA3x7VCX
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7O0mfhC4W
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4UlllX50t
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6SSW1mb0f
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjgeVZbXid
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKLThYyNsN
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooaZuRl3Ns
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJc0H1zjyJ
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcKt2ty4WZ
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyFvXIkvAE
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtil2hVsJIg
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInA8UHV3in
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJpyePISFR
我：最後拍左一個月就散。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkSMpxZmS7
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNhTx7aqQr
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHoT5yUIoN
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeF5fWDBpML
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOERr6e3R7
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FharH5Cpc
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7NqMINYXG
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNzOM4dWIz
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg91elofcq
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0gxtzCv98
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOtHWY8uPK
這頓早茶，以AA制完。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE43DWSnoiE
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDbSS2tDuo
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbxnB3MUa0
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iop5nyb9t
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtXyEuLX2v
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9oIwwH67L
我：下次再玩啦！507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpslFLBtgGI
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLPgn5IDgu
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzLrQuoyDh
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAluvx6dFQ
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnkQQlsi4U
507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2dSso8UbY
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。507Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wHztlmdWA
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