Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTw2hLWYbw7
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahLWE2tp9C
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK91HKNfL0J
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgTbBlIy1E
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkopt58keM
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4pEYukDNS
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEN8UnqlVIb
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2ViuIUh10
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbaK68cQWV
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFCCQbBWUs
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4whr1q4sr
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNGuKfk3Tk
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobkYLC4HQe
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVsxs3DjU8
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOwxihMVC4
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sOhxYCw1t
我：當然沒有啊。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4aUaChUrs
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kNHbsskbV
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftyiv0SkdM
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNODV9C5yf
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOy5wmAQ6k
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGHnenMppc
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HUqm8Jv9g
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8ptS0iN4a
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iCKo2PXJl
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqux0EDBIGF
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaqTXqaEIH
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECJq8xqppO
Priscilla：係呀。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOAUA5zY9e
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeW5dV5RIR
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kpcxCH5Fb
（我對她微笑地問。）446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQ9G3F2FyG
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAnqTeTFC4
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXLycylhKl
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2gwhjPmi0
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbPHisLFbw
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvO40Id6lZN
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6aVkYO0Ep
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQdcAwDaqo
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9HRMsJ8AS
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1oI0kpkTy
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY796yBgRAj
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMTiQ8E9B8
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfG8HXSIJU
我：不如就開個account啦。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tnKqno91q
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu24Ct6Ygfa
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgX4BL3CwjV
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYfRzbX2dP
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrMKTPpeQc
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqwjj1JJc3
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwXazJsMDG
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKJAmCEYzc
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mHK79Z4S1
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90jX1TGeTI
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PtCZhe0yW
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lnNy05zid
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRNtRnki9K
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zBv2spY3Z
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagrg1nK4ZD
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrinjX8Hwhz
我：睇完先再算啦。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIK5H7dadeW
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WPg9cIcv0
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLW9FxjSCsx
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOsmkArcMp
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1KNHfQ2HK
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hoDQLWlu9
-----大年初一的早上-----446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbPnqTgP8D
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9IB8n5lhV
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESsfCyxVuk
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0PTx0QhE2
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZOuO4xYNM
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4rdkzFOZV
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mqYAsI78r
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOdexP6dhN
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhPupJnsnX
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBzAgbWpIz
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURObEUcZMC
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADIu5AmTjf
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwwIFzc1jH
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iEL5JfD0a
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYXAIU03yJ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsuOKDeMyU
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6SYZ5wA57
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMMEQcNVB5
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhVewtIUhP
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx1aglO3ZF
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6l0l8PWi1
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM7LkJ4OXh
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08DduAdK7Q
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RKmula5AR
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdl3kkYbKn
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLpysjpgNO
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaJMl0ez86
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sl4F0XvzU
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mrMjSbMTm
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfGyJLsiJF
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfFIMBUqhM
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMXWSCN9WA
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8DyydFgML
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVzaN097vP
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡes5jexZN5V
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡji3JZMatHd
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdpDfZSjmW
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3JHqkNQud
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4bzWxZPLr
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdXJF9j6eo
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AlcSd3bYl
我：咁拍咗幾耐？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIYlnTp4Vh
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9B86MSQsS
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQVoVkIStK
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnR4oA0lOr
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAXkZC046c
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdi6NMuy9y6
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmpB6OfWHp
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriVdpBI6ns
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AwMwjHoDK
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fE2nLyxpm
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAx3vCmQEm
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiziJHd8GY
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd92OzqJUai
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fFi9mDzIm
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3dC1HgFaU
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpFijgSnTG
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZzYwmbS4c
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQS8F9kHWK
說著，我又說起自己的情史。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIqfCnETuX
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3nYXoIxIz
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOuBJ7IboA
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASVotcL7ZF
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlcKUM85ZO
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCf5me7v1h4
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuEVBYvdYg
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUaryV0liE
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkgv27P4QT
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeieVXJr4F
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcW5BkVHnR
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4xTrG0efq
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ414oMU0rYP
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oa8ZNNu2w
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOwE6rdPxb
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiv91LTG0xx
我：最後拍左一個月就散。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFjnKPn8jm
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOwmrWKGzo
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeP92cU5ZEa
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUYWcwp81k
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvlTHYpzBi
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG2eb7hCOb
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVRKkUjAjz
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS6yXpeDNc
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXPgFY3MNe
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRENgL9q4c
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKSLenFVaQ
這頓早茶，以AA制完。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxhbOkRpKJ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzxXb0rp7h
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb02fXxaiBo
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOwShNaxeE
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTw2LvzxH3
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuYSi1ztVt
我：下次再玩啦！446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTBufNMF6e
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj7WFlfab9
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaKUzE5TQY
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSUxXRCCfl
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNgEEOnUQC
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosRZqg8tg5
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7u3cyqKBXv
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