Priscilla:你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix?507Please respect copyright.PENANAudYajrA72o
507Please respect copyright.PENANA3I4BzJhgac
慶祝過後,我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。507Please respect copyright.PENANAyjPmZmKEXT
507Please respect copyright.PENANA3OWoOWvwje
我:你屋企人會俾我嚟咩?507Please respect copyright.PENANAITHYpXI2rh
507Please respect copyright.PENANAsQHS9LXrUL
Priscilla:我屋企人都喺上面,喺香港我冇親人。507Please respect copyright.PENANAH4VVvdbYxb
507Please respect copyright.PENANAgLy5JF2EWw
了解過後,才知原來她當初是為了工作,才來香港申請永久居民。507Please respect copyright.PENANAgGR4apgxcG
507Please respect copyright.PENANA5TGs46dZw8
最後,我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐,就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。507Please respect copyright.PENANAuokjnA7cHq
507Please respect copyright.PENANAGr2WAc3JJm
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房,空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房,她的房間也蠻整齊的,有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品,床邊也放著一些玩偶,她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布,來裝飾自己的房間。507Please respect copyright.PENANAPqWMJcx6Dt
507Please respect copyright.PENANADmuTy97989
Priscilla:你有帶褲來換嗎?507Please respect copyright.PENANA8IsWks8lkT
507Please respect copyright.PENANAf7VOxkuB9c
我:當然沒有啊。507Please respect copyright.PENANAojM7orPbdn
507Please respect copyright.PENANACx1ZKaIHGd
Priscilla:我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲,應該很適合你穿。507Please respect copyright.PENANA9B77jnCf4T
507Please respect copyright.PENANA00iqr3Igo3
我脫下外套,和換上她給的女裝睡褲,便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。507Please respect copyright.PENANA4IoJdAwxhS
507Please respect copyright.PENANAAfmIUUOoqB
嚴格來說,這條睡褲算不上是女裝,而是一條很中性的睡褲。507Please respect copyright.PENANAKQNjM3latM
507Please respect copyright.PENANA94UGicOWa0
Priscilla:同你講,格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍,但租就只係貴幾百。507Please respect copyright.PENANA4P57dgazuJ
507Please respect copyright.PENANAiAVJml4xLt
我:你呢度係專租俾女仔住?507Please respect copyright.PENANAJJQErzTJYu
507Please respect copyright.PENANAa1G4jvzsTC
Priscilla:係呀。507Please respect copyright.PENANAESL11WwV93
507Please respect copyright.PENANAMtUKaVBUC5
我:咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅?你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩?507Please respect copyright.PENANATNBrhKh0Qr
(我對她微笑地問。)507Please respect copyright.PENANAZGMwxajhW5
507Please respect copyright.PENANATdEyBulbk8
Priscilla:就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。507Please respect copyright.PENANAkgvsuu6o3R
Priscilla:我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。507Please respect copyright.PENANAJy9Vtju6Dz
507Please respect copyright.PENANAvNVRj7AIAY
她說完,我不心想:難道我已經落入了Friendzone?507Please respect copyright.PENANAnuuNwKHKy3
507Please respect copyright.PENANAX37xqm7vIh
Priscilla:你想看甚麼?507Please respect copyright.PENANAIlufyF77u9
507Please respect copyright.PENANAVPoYGfdYZg
我:睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。507Please respect copyright.PENANADUCRi1YUR7
507Please respect copyright.PENANAQZXymL0Fcc
Priscilla在iPad上滑著,表示她正在使用朋友的帳號,於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。507Please respect copyright.PENANAE788OnswiF
507Please respect copyright.PENANA1sed1EX7LL
我:不如就開個account啦。507Please respect copyright.PENANAYP067ny99S
507Please respect copyright.PENANAzlpCHrCMJ0
Priscilla:咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦,我出住錢先。507Please respect copyright.PENANACGF64TfiO0
Priscilla:密碼你自己定啦。507Please respect copyright.PENANAQdEqZz4oR6
507Please respect copyright.PENANAwj8ci02788
我:咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名,同埋今日嘅日期啦!507Please respect copyright.PENANAJ9ouwBOmC7
我:就叫「watergod20220201」啦。507Please respect copyright.PENANAszSxf7apus
507Please respect copyright.PENANAKWuDQr3mcY
雖然現今科技發達,有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼;但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字,還有今天的日子。507Please respect copyright.PENANAjXXvAQkioG
507Please respect copyright.PENANAduVs5Q9zwy
Priscilla:不如就睇呢套啦!507Please respect copyright.PENANABsVPDvYP64
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於是,她就點進了《勿說是推理》。507Please respect copyright.PENANAJCK3mYuOt0
507Please respect copyright.PENANAu7eaf2D4H6
Priscilla:你唔洗返屋企咩?507Please respect copyright.PENANAFgzGmhKdhJ
507Please respect copyright.PENANAVPVqrWw0cX
我:睇完先再算啦。507Please respect copyright.PENANAl4Osz6Eino
507Please respect copyright.PENANALSwlAuuHRi
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上,身子是半坐半躺的,各自地蓋上毛氈;只有把腿子捲起來,才會勉強地把全身放在床上,我和她的距離,已經是肩碰肩。507Please respect copyright.PENANAEBEJoAmM8E
507Please respect copyright.PENANAS3waZiUZH9
看了很久,她自自然然地睡著了,而我也借著自己疲累的身軀,打算順勢地睡在她身上;可是理性又告訴我,用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係,太冒險了,結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。507Please respect copyright.PENANA0Bdp2FDZUT
507Please respect copyright.PENANAH6F47NQ60K
-----大年初一的早上-----507Please respect copyright.PENANAKJ5BpQCQlb
507Please respect copyright.PENANAvnFPMuT9sK
我們的早餐,就是去飲茶。507Please respect copyright.PENANAjReCgXTUXt
507Please respect copyright.PENANAKBAF6DtAaG
「奶黃包!」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心,點心上的每個白臉小包,都印上了一個黃色的笑表情,我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。507Please respect copyright.PENANAg20E7yPaVn
507Please respect copyright.PENANAI41SPWbhoX
Priscilla:你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎?507Please respect copyright.PENANAxComadF9la
507Please respect copyright.PENANA4v1qCAhANX
這已經是不知第幾次,被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候,我總是要思考一會才能回答。507Please respect copyright.PENANAp498CLJkO7
507Please respect copyright.PENANA1g6UFHFWce
我:搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦,但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。507Please respect copyright.PENANAV7EU6dV47l
507Please respect copyright.PENANA1evuzIjXqn
根據「無性戀」的定義,是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到,又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。507Please respect copyright.PENANAooELRa4ICb
507Please respect copyright.PENANABU7oJh8BTY
如果直接問我的性取向,就如發問這樣的數學題:0除以0等於多少?0?1?無限?無解?無意義?507Please respect copyright.PENANAhmCH9SRs0J
507Please respect copyright.PENANAkIBQv0hmLR
對我自己來說,最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為;而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。507Please respect copyright.PENANAgtEqqPTmO0
507Please respect copyright.PENANAyapEDfyWZ8
都是那個比喻:我最喜歡吃魚,但不等於抗拒吃豬;平日如果要二選其一的話,我當然選擇吃魚;但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話,我還是會開放地接受吃豬。507Please respect copyright.PENANAL4RvBlEfvi
507Please respect copyright.PENANAT0W8bGzW5w
只膚淺地說我是異性戀,不準確;雖然在浪漫的情感上,我也是追求一個女生談戀愛;但在性的層面上,我的最優先傾向是戀物,女生才是其次。507Please respect copyright.PENANAmsR6CgYtWK
507Please respect copyright.PENANAYaRMJIL9aB
說我是無性戀,也不準確;因為我也有戀物的傾向,會看黃色網頁,這已經是一種性生活。507Please respect copyright.PENANAWRf5LswMEQ
507Please respect copyright.PENANAqOCcaWy3PE
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物,怕她接受不了。507Please respect copyright.PENANAm1ehmo9gaR
507Please respect copyright.PENANAOiloSKIJcY
Priscilla:講真,憑我嘅雷達,我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。507Please respect copyright.PENANAqC17hO2ae2
Priscilla:我又唔覺得你係直,又唔覺得你係gay。507Please respect copyright.PENANAMnx8ahe1R4
507Please respect copyright.PENANAB7FSDX5n6o
我:你第一次扑野係幾時?507Please respect copyright.PENANA1KowpnPUKf
507Please respect copyright.PENANAPpuHAZBWdF
Priscilla:8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。507Please respect copyright.PENANAty3fScqu7f
507Please respect copyright.PENANATBF2bv44bx
接著,她說起自己的情史,我才了解到,她有過至少一次的上床經驗,我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷;但估計她和那個洋漢的關係,都是停留在FWB(friends with benefits)的關係。我有這樣的推測,是因為相信,很少人能夠接受異地戀。507Please respect copyright.PENANAXyR94n8WXl
507Please respect copyright.PENANAn9TeK4mdmC
又以我和Yuli(Ch.19出現)的關係為例,換著是我或者是Yuli,對於在外地人物的感情處理,很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人(又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩)都知道,常見的例子就是,你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣,運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床;但,上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友?有多少人最終真的把「佢」(中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」,太二元我不喜歡在此使用。)抱回你的家鄉?又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活?507Please respect copyright.PENANAI5XeKLz6z5
507Please respect copyright.PENANA9W7X20H6y2
Priscilla真正認真的關係,是在4年前。507Please respect copyright.PENANAX5QUrYpEXE
507Please respect copyright.PENANAHrVyp1KpcY
Priscilla:我上一任男朋友係4年前,嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。507Please respect copyright.PENANA4frgnS3L6z
507Please respect copyright.PENANAGm8f5lwxJO
我:咁拍咗幾耐?507Please respect copyright.PENANACimIO4mXQo
507Please respect copyright.PENANAfkEy8ptYpp
Priscilla:都9個月,之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力,所以分手。507Please respect copyright.PENANAhtB575Lk6H
507Please respect copyright.PENANAm7MKYFMmzm
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候,我在想:是否她對我沒有feel?507Please respect copyright.PENANAiMp9lXoNj3
507Please respect copyright.PENANAK8lVOTNI3x
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後,她那兩段的關係相隔的時間,4年,也有點久,不禁讓我想到另一種可能:她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎?以她的條件,也經常接觸不同的人,要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題,要找上一個條件比我好的人,都不是問題,為甚還需要家人的介紹?而且到現在還是沒有男朋友?即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人,但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話,最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。507Please respect copyright.PENANAE91f0zyong
507Please respect copyright.PENANA81QZ9oJsCs
Priscilla:你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎?507Please respect copyright.PENANAJbar8SOEg9
507Please respect copyright.PENANA11srDsEDVd
我:我冇乜女仔friend㗎。507Please respect copyright.PENANAjKtlAOMWBN
507Please respect copyright.PENANA19csiwWJAM
Priscilla:下?你咁都冇?偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩?507Please respect copyright.PENANAe5pDJ0plqV
507Please respect copyright.PENANARylSFfnfgk
我:幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會,但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。507Please respect copyright.PENANAK8TPrtLh9C
507Please respect copyright.PENANAPmc8eiwyGR
我:講起上次拍拖,都已經係8年前,嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。507Please respect copyright.PENANAR5NaKdoLhx
507Please respect copyright.PENANAwmzTl5Txsa
說著,我又說起自己的情史。507Please respect copyright.PENANAHzjc9xm6JI
507Please respect copyright.PENANARPgAyIaP4R
8年前的那段關係,又是從網上開始,印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。507Please respect copyright.PENANAoI0q11GOuq
507Please respect copyright.PENANA0PIA3x7VCX
我:嗰個女仔,又幾主動,我從未試過做主動嗰個,去拖人隻手,係佢拖我手先。507Please respect copyright.PENANAB7O0mfhC4W
507Please respect copyright.PENANAa4UlllX50t
我:然後就係,「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊,只差攪野。507Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6SSW1mb0f
507Please respect copyright.PENANATjgeVZbXid
簡單而言,大家的關係就在stage 3(錫)止步。507Please respect copyright.PENANATKLThYyNsN
507Please respect copyright.PENANAooaZuRl3Ns
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為(所謂的Stage 4和5)沒有興趣,但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手(拖)、擁抱(攬)、親吻(錫),享受純愛的感覺。 507Please respect copyright.PENANAvJc0H1zjyJ
507Please respect copyright.PENANAUcKt2ty4WZ
就連我自己的愛情觀裡,也是相信只有「純愛」,只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠,再上兩級就不了。507Please respect copyright.PENANAfyFvXIkvAE
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這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。507Please respect copyright.PENANAInA8UHV3in
507Please respect copyright.PENANAxJpyePISFR
我:最後拍左一個月就散。507Please respect copyright.PENANAbkSMpxZmS7
我:就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道,脾氣又差,所以先分手。507Please respect copyright.PENANAWNhTx7aqQr
507Please respect copyright.PENANAiHoT5yUIoN
那個時候的我,「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡,連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺,我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。507Please respect copyright.PENANAeF5fWDBpML
507Please respect copyright.PENANAOOERr6e3R7
老實說,即使是現在,我也很討厭女生霸道,這樣我駕馭不了。507Please respect copyright.PENANA3FharH5Cpc
507Please respect copyright.PENANAq7NqMINYXG
Priscilla:我聽講港女係咁㗎。507Please respect copyright.PENANARNzOM4dWIz
507Please respect copyright.PENANAHg91elofcq
我:係,但你又唔好以偏概全,都唔係一定嘅。507Please respect copyright.PENANAF0gxtzCv98
507Please respect copyright.PENANAcOtHWY8uPK
這頓早茶,以AA制完。507Please respect copyright.PENANAE43DWSnoiE
507Please respect copyright.PENANAbDbSS2tDuo
我送著Priscilla回家,在路上,「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架,牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡,又是那做為做而做的接觸。507Please respect copyright.PENANAMbxnB3MUa0
507Please respect copyright.PENANA0iop5nyb9t
在過馬路時,我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀,想了一想,好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。507Please respect copyright.PENANAbtXyEuLX2v
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我:下次再玩啦!507Please respect copyright.PENANApslFLBtgGI
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Priscilla:來一個抱抱吧!507Please respect copyright.PENANACzLrQuoyDh
507Please respect copyright.PENANAgAluvx6dFQ
在Priscilla家的大廳裡,我和她來了一個擁抱道別。507Please respect copyright.PENANANnkQQlsi4U
507Please respect copyright.PENANAl2dSso8UbY
這個擁抱,只能算是一般社交式的擁抱;因為我很清楚地感受到,她只是來了一秒,然後就抽身離開,彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。507Please respect copyright.PENANA7wHztlmdWA