Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44EgQ5JoAV
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmPFVo4mcv
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8v31ykjvVS
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91JXBVk5aE
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RACHgCkkk
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3q6WgM4on
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNyi5sKOuM
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3uXv3UESc
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdO9Yz2LUV5
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2MV8tlnWI
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKeKNiaE9A
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09KI5F2yke
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxV0XLYlfc
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdy05yoQ3f
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppeIdZz8IH
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkx4Fhyjobl
我：當然沒有啊。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvSxxuJuzt
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1Pn88taJ3
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0FRn5hXhe
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHupvztg5eV
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAa4rzI4qJ
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzkevmLUnQ
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdzeCeDyhE
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ki97krmVM
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPMATSlJHU
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6IY91HEY8
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfsJ15kucw
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuykJJ2Hafn
Priscilla：係呀。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IHaXFgZRF
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPOXx5uZgK
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPU2AiE0SQ
（我對她微笑地問。）484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdYEFUd8tk
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnxvNLM3zE
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTONSYGgkc
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb4ku8sLQ1
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPA3cezkuG
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVXVMsiLyu
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3YU2LVLfF
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty0zcPsZmq
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXqhsnaWBI
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfvu4uvBQP
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrppqtXB5G
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfFURBwE1U
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdr9IzuHih
我：不如就開個account啦。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR95K7IhKp
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG7bOnTPzH
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv824kVLHQa
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbnxRlGOEy
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XYx168u8F
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA9gMLIAp9
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nCYU7miaC
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbRY5vGxFx
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ6CMLpP1B
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oq8pPLL5t
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAHmU3b778
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BXU1M4IF3
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IkCEzJ4g1
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTxpJlGZWD
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECoHcmerGB
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4M6IZBm0Q
我：睇完先再算啦。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkiQI8uYbe
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziNO6IV0Dd
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYBl2n5EWM
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoqu2Ou5sd
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMW9DcT0GB
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLPy6XSN2Q
-----大年初一的早上-----484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIQM9W4Hcd
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA62o9JeTZy
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH7wEpNpZ7
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MNuG8bQ8X
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpQ9gKeERq
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlQFWyH0bn
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnZCbdVyRD
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCI0Aop8g8
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLBwdUgoDK
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sWP8xkp4o
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VkuSWlls6
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsixMF8G19
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZIaHs4xI1
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDhcGw77fl
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSDST4LsLG
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYplRXYbYK
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3t7sbqeBbl
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrp3hXm75Q
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUTE8SQreM
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkV3Kk0450k
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3nsL1FJpJ
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJr3AbkRvF
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD81k4T5RG
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdFdx4pd1O
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzflz2XsOq
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNG8kKt2ngb
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBD4ZUkyD0
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwIjL5KcHp
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCMXUqILHz
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6qHbqSLKI
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99v6Ki8fWX
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbI5pdASyR
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgKNalyPo1
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLalTyEDid
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMcPfwdqja
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAJmXw7zj6
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT5frqjJPq
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtLOWSZdS2
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDa06GZksz
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FUjQHrVO4
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yXFoR9ATz
我：咁拍咗幾耐？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UsGjQyQ6O
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcSRy9bklH
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTUWF9ylDu
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gf6Td6FSD
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSDoNDG7K4
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFVVSllZgY
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVIAPsR1iK
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzha4EM1q8m
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXD0sXXReq
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoSigSFUC3
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgwAYbeII8
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY5MaGKW9Q
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RlrZbkhlr
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpexWSWww44
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNpRJw66yf
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdgtnUZe60
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetizHZlKuS
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIxnBAdKOW
說著，我又說起自己的情史。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07Nouh5olX
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxDPpdvhme
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN94zNjPL8
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHiOj3Ggk2
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry40GvESvc
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYHggB5RR7
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJZaF0uzZZ
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvmsfkFiBU
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOUFcHh01q
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMboVTfTv3
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeuaMpXjR6
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WwH2GBRlM
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGBzaJQy3Z
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhOE1erws0
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTttwNeKBPM
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmV8dtHv93P
我：最後拍左一個月就散。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHvWdBWB14
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yl1Mniiv5
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wEewUBMDE
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nrk7oKsNg
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwh73v6cU33
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxgnyrbelN
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYF669u92QM
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeA1XgM4K8
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YsFugcgeL
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ymrJy28qx
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamM7IS8w4L
這頓早茶，以AA制完。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uhZjd2cFt
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC0BdIt0QX
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP6NbigIy4
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLVeUXtmdY
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWi6z1kscF
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4uXs2zYiG
我：下次再玩啦！484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBvBZfHBKd
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqK62dUE1Tb
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq75GzGojM
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroWHUMzWIM
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPCi2EMawn
484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjid9s24ZKA
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgBJoFB54u
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