在TG上,大家互相交換照片,今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。526Please respect copyright.PENANAuGFkJwcAym
526Please respect copyright.PENANAuqUtLR6AGW
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片,她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照,便回應:526Please respect copyright.PENANANc2enOd0fX
526Please respect copyright.PENANAHgm3rBwvgU
Annie:你隔離嗰條女好靚,你啲frd嚟?526Please respect copyright.PENANAmtzC1tLNqh
526Please respect copyright.PENANA1MkNIYfx6m
我:梗係唔係啦,啱啱先識嘅(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANA73At94dIX4
526Please respect copyright.PENANAW51DsS1ETh
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看,又交流著化妝心得。526Please respect copyright.PENANApCyjpE0eFp
526Please respect copyright.PENANAdiNJufqm5q
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術,對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說,這三大話題是最長壽命的話題,能用來談很長、很長的時間。526Please respect copyright.PENANAK5aQmFBl1f
526Please respect copyright.PENANAMhcAQoMBdM
總之,我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面!526Please respect copyright.PENANAG3G9N2iqiz
526Please respect copyright.PENANAnA3JhlLYLk
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時,都必定認識到新朋友,男女都有,也是同樣cosplay的人,然後他們都會跟我交換IG。526Please respect copyright.PENANA9zbyRwz5RM
526Please respect copyright.PENANAwOzWIbVauR
在我的IG裡,粉絲頗多,主要有兩類:一是從cosplay圈認識的人,二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。526Please respect copyright.PENANAriizTJIW4N
526Please respect copyright.PENANAZdArKNqRF4
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文,只有十幾個讚好,但當我發佈cosplay照時,不論是男裝還是女裝,總會引來多3倍的讚好,真是人靠衣裝。526Please respect copyright.PENANALIg0EdRPva
526Please respect copyright.PENANAa3qDdxaURW
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大,但其實這只不過是假象;因為我都很少與人會面,平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。526Please respect copyright.PENANAiJBTaB4EVm
526Please respect copyright.PENANAmNXQb7QBdu
Annie:你個樣本身可以好女仔,出街實冇人知你係偽娘。526Please respect copyright.PENANAlcHkRPmMiU
526Please respect copyright.PENANAmqz1LwTCWG
我:但冇計啦我太高喇,實出賣男兒身㗎(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAb9kMVFzKqb
526Please respect copyright.PENANA8vqMTugRAC
Annie:其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣526Please respect copyright.PENANA5xLakouOoJ
526Please respect copyright.PENANAbEAudZON6O
我:做咩突然間講呢啲嘅?526Please respect copyright.PENANAzYQimESTbv
526Please respect copyright.PENANAyDUtZOnRBM
Annie:以前試過交換完相之後,條仔嫌我肥,就即block我526Please respect copyright.PENANARHKoe9gVN8
Annie:我真係好自卑526Please respect copyright.PENANAnaZpeP3zjZ
Annie:啲人成日都同我講,話我個樣唔差,叫我扮下靚就有526Please respect copyright.PENANAp7jUTnsvr3
Annie:佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪,但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知,佢哋跟本介意。526Please respect copyright.PENANAuhywbCOr8C
526Please respect copyright.PENANAUnRu1zhq4r
其實我也很清楚知道,這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌,而在表面的社交應酬上,包裝自己的說話,但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。526Please respect copyright.PENANANMs1Zj5xHW
526Please respect copyright.PENANAoe9RAwdlcA
所以我的世界觀是:適者生存,與其努力去改變世界,倒不如學習保護自己。526Please respect copyright.PENANArZLWR7cVMG
526Please respect copyright.PENANA0XkciR3QnA
偽娘也會被歧視嗎?當然有,只是我比較幸運,身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處;或可能有人心底裡不喜歡,但我相信既然有人不喜歡,那麼總有人喜歡,每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道,多訓練自己的敏感度,便可容易地觀察人心,從而使自己作更好的決定。526Please respect copyright.PENANAHyyO5MWMcP
526Please respect copyright.PENANAafOHJoB9BF
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時,我都說,即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份,當有人被我吸引進來之後,再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。526Please respect copyright.PENANAextrOxOQKF
526Please respect copyright.PENANAOygJrPSS7g
或許有人問:你這樣不辛苦嗎?不做偽娘就好了。526Please respect copyright.PENANAfFolWLWtgH
526Please respect copyright.PENANA6Gb9zfepef
我會反駁:食得鹹魚抵得渴,為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人,會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎?526Please respect copyright.PENANADV2YmKZ9r1
526Please respect copyright.PENANAGc0Ouod3Ao
我們又繼續聊,然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。526Please respect copyright.PENANAloPQpVNPEi
526Please respect copyright.PENANARfAlnwNnkX
我:我好想食豬扒飯。526Please respect copyright.PENANAXxRIhk8Xia
我:不過我想食你件豬多啲(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAmioZ8ABruv
526Please respect copyright.PENANAsLfQ0W9ajr
Annie:我唔係豬扒!!526Please respect copyright.PENANAJHkSfnZvj5
526Please respect copyright.PENANAfOyVN4SO6Y
糟糕了,我講錯說話,焦慮的我想嘗試修復。526Please respect copyright.PENANAXOAOBBSg2o
526Please respect copyright.PENANAGNGFE3hNLj
我:豬扒都有豬扒嘅好(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAmIb2jBTj9u
526Please respect copyright.PENANAdDWaphfL8Y
Annie:可以啪啪聲嘛(大笑526Please respect copyright.PENANAWKs9b9EK6t
Annie:同埋,我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒526Please respect copyright.PENANAUVu1rhqrMB
526Please respect copyright.PENANA0XqJq1o27h
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了,也刪了;總之大概記得,我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑,說過幾句;但是勾起了Annie的怒火,而我又嘗試熄滅。526Please respect copyright.PENANAegSh8RUfci
526Please respect copyright.PENANA1WqzVnvQAf
我:噢,原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。526Please respect copyright.PENANAU9J0BpGOME
526Please respect copyright.PENANAs3xHCRBxKR
沒辦法下,我只好裝傻混過去。526Please respect copyright.PENANArcj50wsMwN
526Please respect copyright.PENANASMY13sBHL9
本以為如此便蒙混過關,於是我們又如常地相處下去。526Please respect copyright.PENANA4mYXjRcQCk
526Please respect copyright.PENANAIKX8mKqLlz
接著幾天後,我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片;但是照片要修圖,要等待一陣日子才有。526Please respect copyright.PENANAAzxsie0zfB
526Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0jUooiYys
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。526Please respect copyright.PENANAVeWsiXjWrK
526Please respect copyright.PENANA2U0nMajfWe
Annie:你去影泳衣咁有冇相?526Please respect copyright.PENANA4GjrezbwR1
526Please respect copyright.PENANAguD3FFgPfR
我如實地交代暫未有相片,只有一張我當場的自拍照,是上身照,相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。526Please respect copyright.PENANAzUl78WqdXD
526Please respect copyright.PENANA1vm78cxmod
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝,露出大面積白皙的肌膚,正正是我當時的打扮。526Please respect copyright.PENANAHj6Fu9hqpw
526Please respect copyright.PENANA4zOtch5PdC
Annie:慘囉慘囉,連你都咁靚。526Please respect copyright.PENANAX6f88zQes1
Annie:我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺526Please respect copyright.PENANAQH09aHlO3x
Annie:驚佢俾風吹走526Please respect copyright.PENANAyxKPX4s6eG
526Please respect copyright.PENANAMbxsbQk9tn
我:你講緊邊個排骨呀?(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAJImxkdW3sZ
526Please respect copyright.PENANAyWAGZMJ2fR
Annie:我好唔中意啲男仔自大526Please respect copyright.PENANA9YG3K7g5OE
Annie:見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身526Please respect copyright.PENANACIZUqVFpOl
Annie:佢以為自己有六舊,有好大條J526Please respect copyright.PENANA5lU0paTYYb
526Please respect copyright.PENANA4tmww2hAW6
我:俾著係我直情同人講:我冇J㗎(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAk3BBje9tVF
我:冇六舊肌同大J,咁咪做返女人囉(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAH20XA9Ci1j
526Please respect copyright.PENANANui7zwYIWA
我不像一般的某些直男,在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服,我都會,只是我不會這樣表達而已。526Please respect copyright.PENANA3ms3V3u47C
526Please respect copyright.PENANAtcIn7KSTUE
事實上,我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照,還有假髮和妝容;並不是因為我對自己男性特徵(例如6腹肌)沒自信,而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。526Please respect copyright.PENANAqPaDbhw4sz
526Please respect copyright.PENANAT3eudtmsMu
以火影忍者的語言說,大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」,而我則只是在用「後宮術」,一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。526Please respect copyright.PENANAzT4jGKj5s5
526Please respect copyright.PENANAT7DKQZDZM0
Annie:半夜三更瞓唔著,突然性起,傾吓性?526Please respect copyright.PENANApuVE1P61V8
526Please respect copyright.PENANAv5znvtDyto
我:你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀?M到?(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANA02JFel6jI3
526Please respect copyright.PENANAiPHZ4geHa0
Annie:係呀,你又知?(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANAHFm4JlplbM
526Please respect copyright.PENANALE3ijOAf9m
我:我憑直覺亂估咋526Please respect copyright.PENANAOOvUtZX4HK
526Please respect copyright.PENANASEY2MnATB6
Annie:好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩?526Please respect copyright.PENANAYBrLZ5pskU
526Please respect copyright.PENANA6NP1CAeM1t
我思索了一會,然後回覆。526Please respect copyright.PENANAf6wRUO28mf
526Please respect copyright.PENANAZBSvPGQ8Rv
我:打呀,但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。526Please respect copyright.PENANAxbmBHcWcN6
526Please respect copyright.PENANA1nGu4tI26e
我的性癖,是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道,不是主要的興趣;因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我,是沒有用的;唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。526Please respect copyright.PENANAJcWRi2482W
526Please respect copyright.PENANAs9Jy0QQoLo
Annie:我屋企都有兩件sex toy526Please respect copyright.PENANAARtRsJS2hC
Annie:我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度526Please respect copyright.PENANA3C8JsMHvgq
526Please respect copyright.PENANAfFqc5U8y6q
我:你本身都係bi?526Please respect copyright.PENANAw474K8Veku
526Please respect copyright.PENANADgCDVrPaLm
Annie:唔係嘅,只係貪屌女仔好玩(大笑526Please respect copyright.PENANAwIOM4oLQJD
526Please respect copyright.PENANAsZl248dBtD
我:話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水526Please respect copyright.PENANA1JsCx0MGUS
526Please respect copyright.PENANAUnCxzj6PvY
Annie:你都冇閪,點出水?526Please respect copyright.PENANA3WImf1MA4H
526Please respect copyright.PENANA69uQqZTgtF
我:人工閪😏526Please respect copyright.PENANASI2Z1MKA3m
526Please respect copyright.PENANAVw1GCWTyv2
Annie:😳😳526Please respect copyright.PENANAnyF8JzNxa4
526Please respect copyright.PENANAh4QlBa7Bkg
我:你嚟上我啦(笑喊526Please respect copyright.PENANA131kPovZx0
526Please respect copyright.PENANAwhIlxYxFO5
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後;另一方面,我們已經聊了1.5個月,我三番四次約會她,她都不出來,漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘,下次應該如何提出約會,還是只保持網上關係就罷了?