Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoCdlyYJtl
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFb6LNKJxb
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqqIJOtpqf
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFQfoptJxm
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lhctKg5u3
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQw0sKOsxrW
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tpgpEEB3l
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnFPrcGraM
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAHF5emYiq
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilqUPQbGAc
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cmP1NtaxY
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSPCDfjNMh
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNinSi6uuE
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRNkz3hqFB
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJKL8sglfZ
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7z60SnEPF
我：當然沒有啊。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUA7pQAOXu
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu35FVPYa8
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz4WW3G49W
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfo1Tn7YBT
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM5CDe3dfS
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LRCFSouQU
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpGt2ORiQD
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pc9cChVXw
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFTdju8YHL
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIyq9ERG8X
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvsONxoZ2k
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡms4cif0G1c
Priscilla：係呀。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmIlcOAyDx
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFE3HlYKgN
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv00zTo2hW4
（我對她微笑地問。）424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ488UejoWWm
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLhoEDJ5Ml
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhqz63nzA0
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7n93McX19
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLHo82e5QF
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSP90NCQW9e
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDd6TXgcevA
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEZID1QYLh
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnKyFtdr3W
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9w6U4eWI07
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGoL6wrF3i
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoVlzkHPZW
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMBmBZ5iNt
我：不如就開個account啦。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQOZvh8LC7
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokFmw7kqs5
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rr3ecff23
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKVQ3MtEGz
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0JtpKAJEF
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoILBzItrh9
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgJmohMeWv
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6LCFG8QmH
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRw8OkuMPi
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnDWWsFVSk
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXPjGLLkZT
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEiVBtCLfO
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0Eaj2fmZR
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyQylW0Qji
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiqjZcYJ6S
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDiFGwwYtS
我：睇完先再算啦。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGys9H9GT9J
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtjBwJnCNn
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt9YkGgT5Y
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEO3nTO3RI
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTCoLEeXen
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgltT2lvfm
-----大年初一的早上-----424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQ2hH7m3un
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF14xH8AoRq
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulje9pntNX
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhibLw5vvIX
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzINA0ycfsK
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC3CiQE6b0
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFxISbEDbQ
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQ0qTY0h7x
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bHSPmYpjn
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJ3MzGJRfZ
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wBJzsv1mn
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvocoPQFUD
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq1qe3zeij
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH9nY4Zsqd
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1Iq6Ye74H
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ095lAqNkyz
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDYDXhpYJt
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6txsf4gj9
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwGsv8IWdb
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPKi71TEf1
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDU3YFJlf5
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYodgG54uo5
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrijU6FvBB
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk627bQCb9Q
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxZwJdOs99
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkziM9WYP59
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesg6KBz7df
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkVe09VREc
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XLMa3vsay
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0IRCa1zj2
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXTpIKc8oO
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRmEQgiC45
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlD92VamG8
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRkZcdnuzA
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2a15D16nn
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkpvj0AEMH
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljPVYcl0yD
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoWvcsxBTY
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwE3Ve1MRR
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLycxgWpcoJ
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1jxZ512BT
我：咁拍咗幾耐？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTJM1ecsnz
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi3KMfR5R7
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptzlfX3ZwA
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi8MBZyVsv
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5TusJVNwW
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8h3DZ86uHQ
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3Kc25ks6R
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkdmKXuL6Z
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88Dr5YtlPL
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcAhADyTGx
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWN1ybBz4G
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZrIxugfCn
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTLKIe410d
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRWaSwRqmV
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZJG6F0iji
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQy0EkOZcw
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeDR9kbwUq
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHmUfPG9Nx
說著，我又說起自己的情史。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0UbxQQxLQ
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOW4UUzf3R
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2E85l2gpDO
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNaQqzf3b6
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0730gx7oh
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ640k4OYVkH
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PFZSvpxuV
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm2R7p3lAp
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcXOyn06XX
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OGqMxLdKK
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVUTbPZKh3
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnq9CEopso
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9qj2zbq3U
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxjz5LYWCT
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9RYNFqSrA
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74dPvkimzj
我：最後拍左一個月就散。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS8e8jwq6z
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrji2qFZ1EX
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUEx27ZdJl
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP7C8zrGif
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c6boKSmPA
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTmVu4jO9u
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleqSqG4CRS
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2ljqOnA7S
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIgaZtr3TK
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNe2iM09vy
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkt7wt41I0c
這頓早茶，以AA制完。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY59QWD9F3
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsa01kBPKi7
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy3RdZa3zj
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIduvHMnT56
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn5T0hEpY5
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLyiP7bOrn
我：下次再玩啦！424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEAaJKMJ5m
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZPkAmA5RQ
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3jGaMgrK9
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghdwc1I40n
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWuJiBm0hZ
424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOHYxP55FR
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。424Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5kjpXNbXw
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