Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R5O4MH9Lb
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHHSL27M5b
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv6lHQeqFs
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5gnGcHpof
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGnKjG3rTs
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh1gH3Z6rV
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiTBLBCbh7
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHlgvbRgt9
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTyWGUb59d
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPqKZnDC5j
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFm0mbo9JBG
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujpOcldMfq
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFyryEK47q
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7l2u03S0m
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdFT3LjBNH
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqAwAXSb5B
我：當然沒有啊。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouVWryUTAP
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxrHCKn9Tx
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssed810Tan
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeXRzwjJqP
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbp2bBzPFh5
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhb6KvwjEf
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKljqBUeHa
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GuSWe5OnW
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZcsHvXEO9
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHrTleCd8v
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzgMPj5tng
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Y9LG3DPE5
Priscilla：係呀。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZbNLjiOPk
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf3GdMIpfP
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxWC89uJP8
（我對她微笑地問。）447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnkiJXtE0t
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2YUUs3x4r
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1p97Mq6BhB
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4X2gXEBVK
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw87vMU2OEM
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenhNPjBMwl
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPGu1m2gM1
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ2ITSMxdN
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4nUp9Xrv0
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVx9Sa7VKX
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrevRMI6OpW
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RnviHyCtW
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoDDEianEL
我：不如就開個account啦。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDeFSv7sYZ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurJWjDl9UF
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQaQ2DOAGE
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtlp5MNJ6X
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIINmoFsHkR
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKJ79HOcMm
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3DtqUT1Nv
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJp4wJ1VkbN
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOQYik7vgQ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttuIw6bpmm
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMOuC7mQAy
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBGg4kd7Xs
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzgmPINzXN
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieXivxozSU
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwgl3gOBJL
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWn1nj5fLWo
我：睇完先再算啦。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniGXfq2J9M
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xxBuolrrq
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kQyJvdPCK
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIG8Cb8RG8
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n8u0fHj3C
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuFsmDnwoI
-----大年初一的早上-----447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo4HqH8qM5
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZw9kOjGSM
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BmRBiHOjF
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGnt43VtDZ
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlW0kkBQzIl
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP25wKYAhlF
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPtDVf2oB1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxMq4oc8WU
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJBAQwwYy1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUqtdkySxS
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbKkGYEEBP
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGnUoLYSyf
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUT9hjKp3F
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNgUBvtHLs
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOitscCO0aO
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQvdEfcUuR
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6qB4ObScO
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qzy9njXse
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMx3CyWO2zz
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtYDmowkfm
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0C0EeF3mY
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS5fqItIUi
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKABF0lXZ88
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvEMmeUhuU
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgorkt3NM74
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YqIb4RBUQ
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIK2c6kiOjt
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbngoBDCph
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC0g4W4gxA
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHWiaqF3S0
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19ujK1xGug
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnwBPV9Gjb
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6jAyFri00
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRvOKiyeyq
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuc5aSdBcn
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ708jIEJsDc
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMO9uqwzHzj
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVA9viTU22
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeanobSggBE
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF16UvmNJzG
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoebsXz2wRv
我：咁拍咗幾耐？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUBQQwVTmP
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRZzTU9GR0
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOc8Zlh3KbV
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfihvVYu8Nq
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZIpzbJboZ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoOQbCPuN0
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkEctadbmJ
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKkSU5jcbT
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygdxREJOPL
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiTMvjsi8d
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ajJyrNzec
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobw8Q414Ys
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKdzCi39mt
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyXMCw31I3
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8vMBfvZe6
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclLUZ5IdCD
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHizvlhxVf
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Q5ZLnmTmd
說著，我又說起自己的情史。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1aeIIPP3j
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfWs50ODne
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrceEWDwDW
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhiIYOQiGB
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF2DlcJwUv
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzy9LIbXg4
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJj140KdxB
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfaEV7kbZo
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8Zg5nYmSq
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6brhJR6pkM
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAPrRzmATH
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27knQ1Pw8p
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyrzeReRP1
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSGWSe3ntr
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDFE2YMNOA
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasiWUTIWhm
我：最後拍左一個月就散。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDi38UYXAR
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscoEZNXOn6
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDgqxV94F2
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgke0EdMob
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMhldG1MY8
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTSHrLI02a
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUt9YRm1iLX
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuRdR2xc1M
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPu1Vq9tpKD
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVgL0W5d9k
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLNWQ5jYDV
這頓早茶，以AA制完。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYdufhlSI9
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZw2Or4pl3L
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutivI6uurk
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pluh5vy0v
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwClzvMhYz
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWIy4P4lD6
我：下次再玩啦！447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx17EkVwWa0
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg6ICnwvDA
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwFiarudmb
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPQxV42ppp
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIDZnXxHfC
447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCCFBt6xor
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。447Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbZOg0IZLo
Penana
search
Loginarrow_drop_down
Registerarrow_drop_down
