Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGimeADUOEu
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTRqG4xcJ6
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvxkuJR1MX
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkblx7tu5P
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKslfWthao
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp940avBscA
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfP4DdI4oj
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLFPFpNdNx
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSUQgqNG6G
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv227ivVwM0
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5m522XEe8
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9OewfxtdN
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTgIZn6nTe
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWQeooGOEn
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWOz0lbSf6
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9wUgElb4T
我：當然沒有啊。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IwcHhYnwf
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBgxp7cQ7W
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplwHfbMk7M
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalNwkN9QDm
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6Bre72O60
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVex933q2DN
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRpz1GkWND
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUjI6ehr3l
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLOaMLYSu1
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1YJUi4Mw4
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSRwMWbeQl
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjJjsySnzd
Priscilla：係呀。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxbP9nLvPo
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqfCub8eW6
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4rKDgq1m6
（我對她微笑地問。）508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNNJlAXKuf
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmCFD257Rk
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbMZiA91Ek
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMt7MaqAM7
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFafluMbvk
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBYXx7O0SU
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGFF8tkgfs
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbbAKWt86t
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaqKmUT48u
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf59fMac26
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrgM7fXSO7
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FaMSMNmCB
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjsbSMZtMr
我：不如就開個account啦。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aB91oGWt6
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ7LYgRocf
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAgO7Iz1HJ
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdCh4mRzLT
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBWkNmZRuo
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG580QIs1Vp
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1L0mbYrmm
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaabbx0Wxc
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNqewUdb9y
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOLOJfF7L5
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZhftmKYLL
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFpVwNoTty
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJtwBezpY4
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXu90jGWJLJ
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQksmLWVJQN
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOOzIxwGzQ
我：睇完先再算啦。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VHecYLvGf
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwCToPBAHv
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ131pJxLnEA
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAYPZ7Tc18
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQlwXjVMpf
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUgipPRFXt
-----大年初一的早上-----508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUsoAH6IRp
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBXTg4QDbx
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpyg2LNlp9
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8VLmg7IZl
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNzDSiH2Zg
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6deIOUZzu
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4p52d9KaiX
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMk0B9j5xg
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo60kt7Uenx
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3fjR9GKry
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZdbNsrNNz
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvxA9EbiMj
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8olnyJLJDv
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSM7EyeNW0w
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomtZG77oxY
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gEpNZMvHZ
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqE13ug3iq
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZz1iPlQHet
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxgtHTMK4t
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuwWhalVah
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZL4DzibvxZ
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRcXrmhiEe
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0QNzQXsD2
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEagrRWuwf
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbB4YpyhXh
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9z5rt7HVki
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIzVFYTjTn
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ojSEY2LFn
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2F13nXZJP2
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7XqgseYOr
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQf8sVVrEY
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb82HpdOx7K
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbd2QTFdrOq
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuvqAs3odU
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZKF1LsgOA
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIzXqeBdb5
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNl3idUplB
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8BvLkVin2
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8G3p3y1bNr
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRxhZmHLNr
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIL1PVQg8lU
我：咁拍咗幾耐？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatSyCexFjD
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuls1JOealm
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiEXCg1qGL
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz74df6LMi6
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF38M8jxh8A
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7Gzda3zb0
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveWnVbIsjK
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXH18i1ps8
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBzgkoE5GL
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNtnnp4HcT
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BhDhoj777
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OXjLPZdgG
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyU7t4KDv1
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjc3Kyjc3j
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OqMDauslV
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOG9PPhHyN
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHr5PRUlb6
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHY2VxNjHqp
說著，我又說起自己的情史。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45in8K6BFO
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I4XNlWsmA
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCskDuv3Dc
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlmlXVtCjH
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZDq1ajRBo
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6r1DMKjnK
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8x15y008f
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMmg2P5efw
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKV08OElH9H
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuZ9lQwUEa
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqj8xyOVwkC
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dAVABHayH
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXakZl6CX1v
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACcGflIdin
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHjp7G012B
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2wKPBA95M
我：最後拍左一個月就散。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw59uaCGzkH
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzvVbm4deb
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgQ0A8dA5O
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5lEcI1Hbk
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdwONxWXnv
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwVGJrabLT
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pvjUSIkM6
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJONinHlJd
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTux4T08URc
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7NKr6gF5L
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoNCnJj7H0
這頓早茶，以AA制完。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7ZwHKPm5S
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gRk27aNqP
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFLYm1GNDO
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVxZdfiQky
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5Elad7RJM
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4nbeAW0h0
我：下次再玩啦！508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2YG0oGL1F
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNlxOD7f4x
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s1Cs4fMSB
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtkuB5ENL6
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIoIbCtubN
508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06BZst0wjN
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。508Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJObDpeXKs
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