Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJpJVINLCw
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyIH5sJ5hj
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASUK9b0Pwy
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjBxiFaRNf
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8fTh4ibQq
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqbJLQwblR
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQr8VeFb0s
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje6zrHT67o
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZc1FAvOKw
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMQDWDDhTh
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTTxsQhleY
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLd7YVSdXuT
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCxpHpHDBf
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe18Tf5eAO
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvC0gV9ulrr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwD8GVboCl
我：當然沒有啊。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS48xhjW3X
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupdRh5yZq2
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pb7JkFMlp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnzPG9l7br
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Tg9JN5fH6
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRhJVoWES5
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdfri9IN0h
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh859QYDxdN
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0jgyy0BSe
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqAKke45tU
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQNPhLphJl
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SxXhE0Feo
Priscilla：係呀。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvSRGIr7SH
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0ipe6L9jM
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSIIQgJvAQ
（我對她微笑地問。）485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR97COmfHM
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmxigO3pqy
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlYJS643n1
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFdQsgQU1Y
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwLbLoN1BQ
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL3w8cIkTI
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8u7QmvHml
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiMv9mPGic
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9pNE6AF3P
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOfwnufE9i
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsDAjSkZ2h
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmETGAWTGo
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68MLG7di00
我：不如就開個account啦。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5zXlFyOuz
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkkbvo5M1t
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLwey6oZDJ
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb06QB9HiQN
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnidVM5Fsm9
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zAKz0QE07
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqdXKoPdyf
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq27Njqk9rg
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4q28gxTwji
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgy25Ew9Wc
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMDAUxLbYX
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkYdooszNk
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNDTOwFQD1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi91qMaqGrs
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKfMu9769Q
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52Qpm6KA3E
我：睇完先再算啦。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7wg9PDPin
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3RdQjk1AS
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFCVJAFtn1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWViY3dbVk
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEKtvpn7VB
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQ5yeVhkoe
-----大年初一的早上-----485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzqrHl4uA1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAbhInOYvA
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvfoL2kZPL
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUD1sN5vsM
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTabdOWYVra
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZBWcb9hIl
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhX0ikmQ9my
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7XrfTiHKQ
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgOMjaI0NK
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdX71dNnWnh
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6FW0FJ99Z
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4UEJ4gn7E
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsRR2sWZea
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkloTyCTv8n
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8LJTq11Ii
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2vwPp4zwZ
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMggW8qvJq
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfX5lHBh95
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxoJrDJbSi
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmOZu4X2Jf
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPLRwg8L9w
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAKL2mSiuv
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwjDm44QNv
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFi7iCyBF4
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1L0YSSgRQ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLmGE4OdLH
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ryKMa89E4
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIWcxBYv1w
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6pOBFWqf7
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ991i6gAZBN
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg06FbUP4iP
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlJyyBM9pg
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQMZkMxArp
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2Pp0yZrux
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHkJTJusre
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1imhJFAro
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x954qVQqk
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqS1WoIMFW
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqeDXNsGcJ
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1JQEDh6kp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyVU5cGuyB
我：咁拍咗幾耐？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUyvQzltlN
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV4CcQvu49
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1E8SiafIl
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKBReSN8G0
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqS7vk8Z6c
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALzQeTWFeg
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWZEnVFUa7
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnX384q7R7
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDir3bQu7cA
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqP6Hkz2AU
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgia6G8UnV5
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iTiPYdpIj
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DFioyDvWa
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uBX0MrQ5k
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBlRMxRCzA
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Sdawva5hT
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkbJNtXmvl
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp59laHUNq
說著，我又說起自己的情史。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KlP8Q0xo9
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNuc0lyVNp
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KQYEqd9xH
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOcFfQkK8T
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dpfCrgWON
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FPNOeiQTW
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg58sd07Ocv
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwRJY5a3Tx
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4qrzrDnjk
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywhLKeRKVK
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLI3MKTpUR
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDfhgtHXC8
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEUhTb1RSg
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpYdmXNcaL
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3qLJ00vDW
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUysFtw7m7U
我：最後拍左一個月就散。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYvWj5NcEF
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPC7R8BnWx
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCODKJ6Wum
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViMLApBCJl
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJjJSu1s0n
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWs6HlXM5uN
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj8raXkPM8
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHXdMbriFu
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBW4dylISL
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7rkqyxNe1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrBkLjkSNP
這頓早茶，以AA制完。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3kh4Fq5MF
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5NS8nTWtT
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmqABkn147
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV34oAlgdkE
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l2ZHI4r2T
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡks3O1VAszp
我：下次再玩啦！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULioP3z5bG
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjwug7uFAv
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiYvrVIqOL
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8mkcg3UIH
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmII89gaQy8
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkxP3G31y9
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC9PdkbZvF
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