我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIN82vwKXJ
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmzeByVtIj
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCne4A3Ghi
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOclDZIwAGZ
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nOwROR3Hk
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UzIoNcJO7
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dpPkcqQLZ
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpXyJWosBV
「妳是…？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPbi4IjC9j
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNA84QczEiv
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSYTyGHK0y
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr0VpaFFWb
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1ZiHzzArU
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSjsWlf6Km
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBB8TvI8UZ
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhLULpBKuc
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1YFau1JfV
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCk7pvFX3t
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGnd8WhZJA
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTyvZiNvXS
「妳是他女朋友？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFF1FjINNL
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi2QhdhkLv
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv30j709zpy
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKlCFWDjTO
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPEK3L13h8
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnwLkOmdc1
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQTxAdJw89
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKIEDNKrJE
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tyMbmHJGT
我一時語塞，沒能回話。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQu9Z0zIGP
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYAxWR0PpB
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZobahNaj9
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEdik4pSJQ
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT1s1jpbsi
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4YJRbByod
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0nn13E2g1
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9ynfUvjSm
「小姐貴姓？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqG89asWPTK
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSFzjYS2Tq
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrRvoZPXEM
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw8xRwXhz2
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWaHh39rwi
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX1dUd24UU
「糟。」我心想。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BINaYgn4i
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv8Vdu9RWm
她隨即關上木門。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9yz3UdrPD
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GKQAFVXJi
「她知道我是誰了。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ9SphYPSD
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKauer1iHBv
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBNwGaEIJF
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EUUd6j2JO
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOixezmT3IX
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPknmYzCyXl
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBMnplXXKR
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b0E3bpFwn
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPr0aM4czaO
就這樣升上了高中二年級，439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHqlAPuyFj
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Vxv0RkF8C
迎來了人生的轉折。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqI7APAbOd
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpscXT5gcQ2
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkU5Iv2qiK7
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy37FhjR3M
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUmOUksCxf
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmMy4yY6Q0
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudZ0TRuuHd
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjDclP0YhX
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6qzuMLokI
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6cggRPjR4
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM0PfjhpPK
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdDAE6GOQR
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mcPnY3nMQ
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT1QKxmIEj
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcSNI2RWcL
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXnoqtW3fu
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrsjPepeMF
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVCGKq1AfT
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjamR9busOw
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ye5SnHQJM
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzqFPeQiyv
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGqhIvt8kc
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IhgapwEfi
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXcqiLAHbA
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eGCikpbAi
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxxNgPEA4D
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTrKz9XVXP
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSyHED8SuE
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw9I0rSucw
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVci6NVfsDW
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC09b0V0egI
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LY5N6xges
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVYmn3cI1M
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATfoi75qAs
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmKpEi1mRK
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJY0APSDpy
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsKRDzKnuS
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYBARG2qfW
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHhtikFEgr
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMQ4UGt0ie
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3fXypW4Hr
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxjjjs2qNA
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvbrM7EM4J
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc614FNT2By
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3VHqzJW8a
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I9XfYAxz2
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuI43rUGiWQ
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOiCn4ipe0
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaulRoxgeT
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJeu2vPdKp
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeJrORQiHa
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RI36eOAw1
「爸爸。」我喊他。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J4Wdlkdky
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlhEnq3jta
父親抬頭看我。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhs5ziCmn8
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj80KfJAmGe
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlBGWnz55j
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNfSjQodBM
「我不知道。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hDKlTiOr6
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyLtiOBcPd
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfx7EKa6ld
「我和你一起搬走。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTG3zGGpZH
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaaM7606Vv
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKmogHDDTQ
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtExAgZKVcv
「真的嗎？」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauQYHW69uh
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgFyPMCcMw
「嗯。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJKWHvTPtX
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhk9lTcAOL2
「…好啊。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CTwbeIxoK
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPOfoS3FAL
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeOFEXhoY0
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkooN30G5eL
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY19FCYz0i
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0K0ZfWtFc
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbin7bzylw
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0oP4DiR5U
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZY9cMU4q0l
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0hWwGFlbC
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kGODlLMFV
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvmP3NESI1
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NgKm0gqLL
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXJANYw1Fz
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSghAQhEabv
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZ3epbwzUM
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI6Lw11Sds
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7NMkc7gcr
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKJYhzJAJH
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVBcEkytOd
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEaCDlzakm
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUx79lIsTA
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLf7wS698t
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jj73GIyVh
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMacbwILm5s
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO0dxOtJBc
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8PzCb2m2C
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ebxaMJaWy
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgRBzTPf0w
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCQz6SJcCY
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqt9jBVU2M
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QSAUUMA53
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb32DGcNyI
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVpq90XMbA
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGu0Sudn7Z
但那是另一個故事了。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2wI0iUv0o
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACYBzXdldB
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZpTnMlvP4
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YV610FYdy
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTxZEcoBqV
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOi8IGEveOI
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtdbGRLLiL
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3Hq8SqiKt
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwf1VvyQR9s
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbDwIkv7yh
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghkklJkoCn
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr0dNa0544
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mS9BQ1DRo
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmFYTv8jfp
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTccOgnN1I
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RkIO84jA8
難道逃出台灣了嗎？439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8yfga55Sf
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ze1e0SmCk
難道…真的死了嗎？439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62etf4Zv55
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ceVT1e4r8
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbkDHb3wwb
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22oFIgIXLN
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypk1LR8ndN
但父親不在家。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsnvGo39Nj
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KCQhrAYAq
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmRmXD7xvC
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ505490PfWY
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOkqfZ69mx
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtht2S65ISd
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSu4fXB02CV
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiHxfPxlIQ
「都是自己選的。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VoPyjC1qo
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr83at7UP6k
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHN7EDKR2SB
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DAHQrmAtv
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyP47NqrAjy
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfdLfuR71f
「乾脆，去死好了。」439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohm5ilsX3W
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2g8inqeKh
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzgk9OdsKx
439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKV4YZRoPz
待續。
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