我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6WuE6eqVW
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Cpr9d0OGQ
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBaxw1gjyh
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RreMb7T3o
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KvO3OIt1b
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcscYPdavjK
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCImEXbOFXF
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5YvNdXohi
「妳是…？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sBoVtwHrR
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxY37qF8P7a
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehZmCHr2Ol
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGgKJDvPbD
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNWgxftnMP
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaOEXF1NIz
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7DFaiGYX5
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc72qvLFfvg
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mNVDoFp0n
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3ju0aq3Lo
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2DV9vynwS
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg10q1ccMMA
「妳是他女朋友？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt35GmXmuha
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tqQJjwJfS
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4em2vf8AZ
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpX8P1xnN8
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28JiPCkXo8
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ8RkIzcOa
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDmN2q2vKM
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FfublFx3V
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs82AEVZaW
我一時語塞，沒能回話。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CScNEIUam
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxU8HIEOg4p
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5KqPy3W4a
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4rdM4v0yq
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlBC0e4TVG
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3QDBcZLNU
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneL8Lmq5t2
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9uom2pw5J
「小姐貴姓？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoU69wfpET
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKjpdv1Sl1
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFIMNbjwR2
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYABnVVcO0
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34qDmVnQy4
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdlrblOzDs
「糟。」我心想。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaxbY1LaJc
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvaQNyHjm0
她隨即關上木門。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5t3502283
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxokcEAGJJ1
「她知道我是誰了。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXr4TYrkIpP
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPYbiIMhY3
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ307YU0spFo
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E6ZYZTkXb
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiusZZZgZGR
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVJLfxxT4X
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwZNiJL4eE
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKLqWPvUa9
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzDGm4QhT5
就這樣升上了高中二年級，479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7yNLjK4WT
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwqwOqJuwK
迎來了人生的轉折。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVp9PYDvIr
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpd7hN7hNX
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9slHn6ZYm
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCrmFvrPzc
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqUvwFxDrC
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJp8zTQCZrf
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe8NJj9DRf
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6mPDwyzV1
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1sifEGlHN
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQXPn5Pa0p
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcZT7acwxj
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuaJZfssgi
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomAImctTLA
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKneeEiZyOs
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshA1KNXKW1
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhyzNXpNGV
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3i14mUPkj
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj38HOE2XDG
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1jaqjKOJl
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWb6i6CsBBl
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45KYpq3olV
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAJNLCcd2j
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzCw8uD3b5
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAxH7KBqmJ
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDawfkKyH2C
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT55MMeQeFK
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNLf7Trmvo
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6ve32jrXc
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8NcoQO6ni
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxc2BN1Lc9
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoZ6hGJUCi
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pAHyAy3os
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl75mTTztA8
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrs3kPVbH0
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ICVZNNm4O
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0uwudFqcY
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOG8tvq7eu
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a4G5K4j7s
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreY0itOzeO
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iSZhbIviY
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDkbuS8lIK
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9UvQEnjhu
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD04WAEs7Ew
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzs7vB6kObJ
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymchwJwfuM
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRnmXXYSI0
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1stMvXZojw
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnPymmfTaG
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24yZ1ulJHA
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPQTwGMYpK
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78S3PjKuBQ
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBKavGgYoZ
「爸爸。」我喊他。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7vXfAFmU4
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XSg7pcnQo
父親抬頭看我。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQiodgWtzD
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuuBuHjOKf
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OQuH87gSM
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOa5lOVZ6yn
「我不知道。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EBex4e5zc
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANZpK0HPf1
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT8Y8x7HvX
「我和你一起搬走。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLd786TCHoP
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAh7DwjORX
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jjQRhKwOM
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6Xaev5V5T
「真的嗎？」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZJzy1oO3U
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z6AkM5mpj
「嗯。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZavPRq3LJC
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdClxTKXB1
「…好啊。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9PX0Uqmmh
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20z8fVY9Uh
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfm0EsT26Np
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nhHLsPa0v
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDOeygFdEp
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBGgTUAuKV
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLziTED8zgR
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhLnlPVrAU
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiCinr6fCk
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowQt5naYrQ
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGMHuJcTFl
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2OXbMGZj5
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhLlxXS7QS
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWRUMe4xXB
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y9JmFQeu4
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41ongcDV3j
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9etkcXtC6n
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9l3TfOQqus
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BitcKhaN7
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz4jwKzPyA
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFovSf3CN7
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfCu3g33CU
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAwxQCEJKP
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3LzPG6JIR
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocS61r8aTX
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡun8tKwztHX
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5ibDGenCy
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRpQBQrOPi
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJAN9etolX
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lP96LkkQG
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZoatXmBH2
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWqbscLXYE
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuz5sSQAEo
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1igKyCsvw6
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnd1tDFc7T
但那是另一個故事了。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWURMsJtkf4
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafBnKsomNm
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaLaMsFC55
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzhjvz4aEz
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsWzZKBAHw
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtAl2ksMDy
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRlnAZ8loY
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZ3XKzaqnw
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3GjfuetHz
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TtcxnXdGI
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yL8SFcUzV
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLE5Mm735M
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWlVRnFESP
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVf3ScQMlR
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqzfLxVTIc
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcktF8OyS71
難道逃出台灣了嗎？479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwFMLA6YjL
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVv7hHRN1nd
難道…真的死了嗎？479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5uXVlTzKA
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFctoMsf1E
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcDO0yJ5Ok
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpewpGGm75
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgVi2GiODO
但父親不在家。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNW2NC2YPc
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLEZ1KzoKt
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAQ57ZEURb
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHA0Hh5I4f
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJsD8mHcnT
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DN1pV12bE
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBW3jadqLOI
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6ql7I3uAi
「都是自己選的。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC7XyH2gtG
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7th8eoGsz
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5juEyooX94
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdT1YwKOHB
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyTZPSlAcr
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwzqVVieRd
「乾脆，去死好了。」479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bgW0hrwUs
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0PiXDlS1j
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAcRqPuNQz
479Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszmCY7LSPl
待續。
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