我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCm1IWnDkB
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5eQWK26f4
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1p4BeeQBy
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrCHByDqfv
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzH84FCcO0I
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IZYYTftHt
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaRm391a4o
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5IbfSmc2m
「妳是…？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnrt8b3W2n
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvps08uMDFq
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpaJOwbThN
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gi6GKGPn1
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIMy105vEh
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQt7pTGlWVT
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbZUj3RVH4
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj9pdkznrR
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPsHQ7ntOO
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqkbVCSxc6
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KDzhldpO0
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXgK0rMYpJ
「妳是他女朋友？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xS8ZWBOss
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0qa6hNnR1
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgXQr7W1LD
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZCKQg47PU
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6jeDwUEk4
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHnVfjD0vP
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pZhrHeGHp
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCzvrWISkS
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIAHPMva65
我一時語塞，沒能回話。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWLB5dxPgG
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdC391HypW
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZStvXSzX6Z
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6V2BEPV8u1
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WFtAUrHVC
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96A3B0xaIM
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLHFgmJWZS
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT8nC2F7Du
「小姐貴姓？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFPTuvDq3A
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OtuMSTRZ9
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gKD9Csb5S
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zPMIceUYX
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPYn2GIvoF
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydd3bUIDTU
「糟。」我心想。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ39LbLWXi
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT5rj8eFzP
她隨即關上木門。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFg7k4fulF
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIS4tLc43E
「她知道我是誰了。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6daidpO6T
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkf4QWYKje
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShxdk1wqO6
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlJ3ChmV8W
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNgAze8vEX
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZNJ40XiuN
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkNIFfBS0C
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fGzMLMZ4N
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqLfqPGqq9
就這樣升上了高中二年級，464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A8pjoT1lO
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dWIMkPCGL
迎來了人生的轉折。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtymvfzd82Y
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Qs6lessuk
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0tE9HPChi
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lwMkhE97H
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NGT9WIv5t
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzIi4I5uJf
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsy7HfAo4k
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsae5SkPN8r
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dfxpVRefs
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvl4tszSAkx
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95avznlH7a
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAg01QVRHD
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdKERIJQPh
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMRHkST4Bk
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwL73Ow77z
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WXIyMMqfX
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3kHxi4jj4
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYCGHIeZ33
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxdl5mQNTM
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkMIyOqQx5
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKKoh7YhB8
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjKCo6o8PQ
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1QJzNcp6o
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbq7Jyji3ap
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOTU4ArSht
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMmlB5qqwq
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrZOvQREzg
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFp1jqTOAD
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPpM4BPb5V
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kc1jQgHXn
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8zxKLGMwE
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnE8Wn0VzwJ
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDr49E7wL8
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCLTolsKB3
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7G2jFcwtE
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHaPio4Tpe
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTOy5NPMlz
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF7ED6ZUno
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7HW9nLfRL
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZS3KoAU6M
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17Wq3HAAU1
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlu5MCuM2W
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uf7I6SKy2
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnTqZYCVmt
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmC8iv6kgrl
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlfzcRvifb
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ20BWf1Xb2
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumN1fckAY9
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9njGgQ3WnE
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeDNaHCrx3
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nALu8i6b1
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9BuTjzMgT
「爸爸。」我喊他。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fNmW1OoJg
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuX3clJCGb
父親抬頭看我。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZXIGqX3Mw
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXROaQM3QW
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UKt6bYcgS
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoBPT7uwxt
「我不知道。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4jYYoF0Vm
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGEjCyPlQT
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCBGGE9kql
「我和你一起搬走。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tEQrMwTxQ
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPMZM03A2c
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhIYr44XFc
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQSRsqRsz7
「真的嗎？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqNlDhKeWe
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUQHduHzpe
「嗯。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeF1yUNyUDv
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYm8f2bmPd
「…好啊。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqUoJF2L3P
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ59wJ9EuL
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczpF7m06ei
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOVfXpWBCF
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuTQxWKrLV
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcpqaeYcJH
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaW2ihnS4g
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wMpO7Ytyb
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6kOgL3oAW
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOiKzfle0m
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKQxSwNua7
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8bQkv0d6R
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA8oWwhOfn
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Wq9xAdV6t
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPIk4tguZZ
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVJ9ctpao3
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGjbM7j4wO
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1CPGu5mKf
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTbhcp0R0s
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzuIDLarwV
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDd3O7hBlG
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0P5CrAIgj
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZvDzrMyPh
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTuiCIlIxr
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAua6PxmcEV
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwNsxgVwE5
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkJf3s1tfI
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkVAOySHpt
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0M7hhqUg8
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJ2XwJoLrI
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk3OOq5XYB
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xxlse4yQq
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf5LzECb8N
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSONcLaEBr
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByJnET3bf5
但那是另一個故事了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxANGEEuSIF
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqL8OPjLQU1
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlM16OObDK
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCNGUO1Iu1
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMqJScm6FX
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpe73wV9NDe
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTBbqOsv25
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOddyuuKJW
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACd2gH6wk1
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIdZwChLAf
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g3Ae1Fdhg
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQJhWZo037
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAlSwHZ6RU
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkG0fNKWxqT
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4N5O3ELmU
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIGwQBMs1k
難道逃出台灣了嗎？464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLT41dXYU4
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpXZ4RGUqP
難道…真的死了嗎？464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8qIeZq3u7
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOj6aOTCTO
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27BLPMN6af
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCExGqwhdI
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8tsgk7cgz
但父親不在家。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKanp676NC
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLQtqR2Teu
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNhyY9ye6H
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxnvpwcLkO
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDStv0RerCi
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRbHdHVitt
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIohZEoxOda
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmMMcKH18P
「都是自己選的。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqERXudRpmP
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxymeucgdeB
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13vvjbgILv
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGhggEXTWu
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47gWloRAu6
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw6yIDm1Js
「乾脆，去死好了。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRhcAAvQFB
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8EyD67Jv8
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQF9x9fMZR
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfhzE3KPpb
待續。
ns216.73.216.247da2
