日子還是這樣在過，學校裡的夥伴不時耳提面命「大考將近，獎學金不能拱手讓人」的事，我知道他是逼著我轉移注意力，也就順著他的意，認真上班、認真上課、認真睡覺，好像我換了個叫「課本」的男友，天天與它相伴，沒見著它的時間，都在夢鄉。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHJZRpPz2I
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvcW9Qi78O
但，無論怎麼讓自己逃開，總有那幾個瞬間，會被回憶淹沒，尤其是，酸楚的回憶。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLOuahzGVp
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsjuxQebEh
我把自己關在家幾個禮拜，直到被朋友挖出門。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2shmL81sG
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEqExdG7Db
坐上朋友的車，也不是很在乎要去哪裡，明明身邊有人，但全世界好像剩下自己。
也許這些，都是失去愛情的症狀。
可笑的是我連自己是否曾經「擁有」愛情都不確定。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQRfJo5lI0
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkQCWPQ5Ak
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4Uy9hizXk
朋友載我到熟悉的山上，我以為他是要去山頂的土地公廟拜拜。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0cKMWagDE
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZXQz6Orrb
「妳最近不是很愛爬山嗎？帶妳來山上走走啊。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVjLqSKxYZ
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rYxpXCXU5
「……喔…」
我心裡一沉。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISuhT2BuBi
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRbQLMHE8u
他不知道我為什麼開始爬山，我又怎麼能怪他呢？553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpnAF8fhJl
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORKxzdKn4F
我們延著樓梯，爬到了山頂的土地公廟，便隨意照找了個地方坐下，那是山頂的展望區。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYfuAAMIZq
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbELdWD4F56
「那是什麼山啊？」
我指著橫過城市、遠處一座被雲海包圍的山。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KO8OihEzw
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFxuYSHO3y
「我哪知道。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E3yHpQz58
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Y2vdVi6L2
「……說的也是。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzUq42YHmI
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2ZvPvj3up
我才發現自己的愚蠢。
那是我和張先生一同爬山時，我很常說的話。
他總是像個「山的萬事通」，有問必答，即使在我看來那些山都長得一個模樣，他仍能數家珍般地，念出它們的名。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrVsmbXBBB
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXVha1GUhb
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaquePSFM71
黑兔子找我去唱歌，在包廂裡和另一個女生朋友故意想弄哭我，不停點悲傷的歌來唱，一開始我只是笑，笑她們無聊。
直到某首歌的歌詞刺進我的心裡，痛了那麼一下，我哭了，就停不下來。
兩個女生見我掉淚，居然也跟著哭了，還哭得比我悽慘。最後我還得幫她們擦眼淚。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmacNgt6f7
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIJixk0LlD
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRf0mGkF15
我很努力要自己不去怨懟、不去記恨，但總對自己被欺騙一事糾結，同時也怪自己不夠聰明、不夠謹慎。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupv0mitWNO
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gSnh39ij9
無法灑脫。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYwVEaWCi4
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIot4dppche
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUtYbOJfev
我還是持續的爬山，但不明白自己是因為什麼而爬。
我害怕自己是為了不忘記他，所以更不敢面對這個問題。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPsXTXAuNB
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNQOHpWBno
直到某次，母親找我一同去爬山。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgwPYLjaM6
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CTooR2xBp
那是一座有著神話故事點綴的郊山，山上的涼亭裡還用木板刻著傳說。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRtHf2ryHr
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJ0siUY18o
「這是我和妳爸爸第一次約會的地方。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHzP9EJxQp
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsnnEnaL71
母親突然提起父親，自他們離異後，母親甚少和我聊父親的事。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvIyxbxFjZ
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UC9rgEQn7
「我喜歡運動，妳爸爸不愛。我喜歡在舞池跳舞，他只想坐在沙發聊天。妳爸爸體能好，明明是蛙人，運動神經好，私底下卻懶惰得要命。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENtkdLFkOw
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV17rvfCSvZ
「但這是我們第一次約會的地方。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHch5tXuJ57
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IBt3ieRoj
我不知道母親為什麼突然說這些。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAUwmMX2mH
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYzrKqpvw6
「妳和那個來過家裡的先生，應該沒有再聯絡了吧？」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKoHsiv4H3
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1woBgxxobP
「沒有了。」我立刻回答。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6XDjQ742V
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBTMCxzXs2
「妳一開始喜歡上爬山，是因為他嗎？」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oBij0FhvW
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI10dSmrm8
「嗯。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew7dNU2xbO
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YSWvuIJIs
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aHMyyYNsp
「那他留給妳的影響，就夠了。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRuYKgKqhS
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgf37FEYrL
我還不明白。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxT2Y6u5M1Z
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYjMJJft8l
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPRtNof47M
「妳本來就喜歡小動物、小昆蟲，剛剛一路上來妳都在跟我介紹那些蜘蛛蝸牛，山區就是讓妳更親近牠們的地方，妳這段路爬上來有想到那個男人嗎？」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX7Jm2iKNA
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhShH4J4Mky
「……沒有。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWl3wQ51Ji8
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0gBit3LF9
「那妳還介意是誰啟發妳喜歡爬山嗎？」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYA6IcPDva
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLEICGV4Yp
我盯著她，努力消化她的話語。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgHIBrAFYM
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZJYqRpWah
「不管事情是怎麼開始的，只要最後有好的地方值得妳保留就好了。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGbk1b9Acn
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9br2Cqm2C
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLB0pebXRcf
「妳沒必要忘記。」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqBNSN8sZW
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmQIpXtL2W
我的眼淚差一點就奪眶而出。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1SjngB4Qg
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH5doHFJvx
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdzeF7TgMK
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後來。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XVR8GaWcj
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvHgSCqgQX
學期順利結束，我依然拿到系上的獎學金。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUeXRkhhdQ
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0cb40nxcc
真正了解我的家人朋友，都沒有怪我隱瞞他們，我以為會面對很多責怪，卻意外收到過多的心疼。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNv46HbsTF
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDYQTaz0bY
我去爬了更多的山，也因為山結交了更多新朋友，也間接因為爬山認識了現在的男朋友。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMc9yJGIm99
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdcXBp4moD
在之後我曾和幾個好友在居酒屋裡，酒酣耳熱之際說完了整個故事，朋友們聽到我查證的過程，開玩笑的說「妳怎麼不去徵信社上班啊！」553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRbSned8y5
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKstkgwGl3
而我真的在因緣際會下踏入了徵信業。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuC5od5ISyv
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjAs7Xub2R
看到了更多更多事例，才知道感情的故事，真的都是一個套路，所以我們總覺得「這首歌在寫我」，「這個故事在說我」…因為我們的感情路，好好壞壞，都差不多會是那個樣子。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgLGvwwNos
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvaohrXZ7Z
我沒有繼續怨恨他，但也沒有原諒他，我只是原諒自己。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAmWgX6dT0
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePXFI5y1uf
在寫這篇之前，我偷偷地搜尋了他的名字，發現他們有了個可愛的女兒。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCVwUvmt8p
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mQagaAgBg
「希望你專心愛她們。」我發自內心的想。553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sRP7vOPhe
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7p4rnm2wX9
553Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWq7TOAuMY
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完。
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