等我能見到他時,又過了一個月。555Please respect copyright.PENANAvbfWBTHYNU
555Please respect copyright.PENANAlqMZwpCpkl
深呼吸了好幾口氣,練習了幾次微笑,我才踏進病房。555Please respect copyright.PENANAHpSSYS7fXr
555Please respect copyright.PENANAvK4VwbXiSl
他盯著我走近,待我在床前站定,見我微微一笑,他便咧開嘴笑了。555Please respect copyright.PENANArNoDzSciGQ
555Please respect copyright.PENANABpbAA2Dm3a
「我妹怎麼變這麼漂亮啦?」555Please respect copyright.PENANA4zYOPvd1mL
555Please respect copyright.PENANAlFBLOHT5qK
我沒理會他的玩笑,只是看著臉色蒼白的他,當下覺得自己的微笑只是一道不讓自己哭出來的防線。555Please respect copyright.PENANARZjQdFI83T
555Please respect copyright.PENANAl2j1YeJrUt
我查過他的病,既然已到末期,治癒機率已經極低,幾乎是零。也知道他會長期處在各種疼痛裡。555Please respect copyright.PENANAkBK1MrIQW4
555Please respect copyright.PENANANnEnYuZI8Y
所以我無法開口問他還好嗎,也沒辦法要他振作,更不能祝福他康復。555Please respect copyright.PENANACQmaRYxiuh
555Please respect copyright.PENANAi8kvtbv2pa
只是他仍然對著我笑,笑得那麼真。555Please respect copyright.PENANA00aIV9lYAO
555Please respect copyright.PENANAguTLOiHHuc
「幹嘛傻在那裡,過來這邊坐啊。」他指指床邊的椅子。555Please respect copyright.PENANAR80EYxfECo
555Please respect copyright.PENANAFBZnNoM8mT
我走過去,把椅子拉近病床,坐下。555Please respect copyright.PENANABx5mHIqyZ5
555Please respect copyright.PENANAW473M8WOP7
我們幾乎是同時伸出雙手的。555Please respect copyright.PENANAW4Iu86TtbO
555Please respect copyright.PENANATlGFiWTjSE
碰到他的手時,我的鼻子就酸了,眼睛也模糊了。555Please respect copyright.PENANAHkvZRoDx8d
555Please respect copyright.PENANAZS7InHJetW
「不是答應我不哭了嗎?」那句話有著溫柔的指責。555Please respect copyright.PENANAP3J7bZeMov
555Please respect copyright.PENANAR3DEc4b2Er
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「現在有沒有哪裡會痛…?」我開口問。555Please respect copyright.PENANAK8BqXxFbh6
555Please respect copyright.PENANAVzcK3ec5xn
「每天都在痛啊,肚子也痛、頭也痛,骨頭也都會痛…」555Please respect copyright.PENANARsp8uwxMdL
555Please respect copyright.PENANA94NHvFp62w
他數家珍地說出,而我的眉頭也因此糾結。555Please respect copyright.PENANAVEUOnlM0Cd
555Please respect copyright.PENANA90emNST4BG
「現在不痛啦,看到妳都不痛啦。」見我皺眉,他胡亂地撒謊。555Please respect copyright.PENANAabTbIG8Naq
555Please respect copyright.PENANAyF9bwObDNx
我揉著他的手,好像有很多話要說,但又覺得沒什麼好說。555Please respect copyright.PENANADB8xW8dzuB
555Please respect copyright.PENANAIJHhNySReC
「爸…妳爸爸,有說什麼嗎?他知道嗎?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAGZBmuxCVr7
555Please respect copyright.PENANABKhbDUs9l6
我愣了一下,沒想到他會問這個問題。555Please respect copyright.PENANAShHSj9JsxL
555Please respect copyright.PENANAEyoStgdGg7
「他應該知道,但他沒跟我說什麼…」555Please respect copyright.PENANAgtAi4MHRV8
555Please respect copyright.PENANAKxlsL6Xh2A
「是嗎…我想也是啦。問問而已,妳不要多想。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAOAMFuiqgfv
555Please respect copyright.PENANAusnAXMLqcK
那一瞬間,我覺得父親的無情是無法被原諒的。555Please respect copyright.PENANAmQJhxlAtLT
555Please respect copyright.PENANADSSfJZdcTF
555Please respect copyright.PENANAkfMdpYOuB0
我拿出那晚編好的手繩,放到他手裡。555Please respect copyright.PENANA7yDUIzrATw
555Please respect copyright.PENANATvS7tcXnmM
「這是新編的。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAugxlT3XJnv
555Please respect copyright.PENANA7bYE7YAbvL
他看了看手繩,又看看我。555Please respect copyright.PENANAgADkfc3cWJ
555Please respect copyright.PENANAclUrG5TtgC
「妳幫我拿櫃子裡的皮夾出來。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAmMA4136K0i
555Please respect copyright.PENANA7BGg9vflqu
我把皮夾遞給他,他從皮夾裡拿出了…好幾年前的那條幸運手繩。555Please respect copyright.PENANA0h1f3cMZAo
555Please respect copyright.PENANAdUYMY298TN
白色的線都變成灰色,已經髒髒的了,他拿出來時還是小心翼翼。555Please respect copyright.PENANAfx1njdTte4
555Please respect copyright.PENANAuGXOlNVW4C
「妳看。」他得意。555Please respect copyright.PENANAkw5fdJH5Wf
555Please respect copyright.PENANAvYVWkCjyXO
「虧你能留那麼久,我之前皮包掉了,你的照片也搞丟了…」555Please respect copyright.PENANAMMOrMTPICM
555Please respect copyright.PENANAPRJwJJ3Pok
「幫我戴新的在手上。」他說。555Please respect copyright.PENANA2dWWaWTp3t
555Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ws8tGlHTe
我一邊把手繩綁上他變得好細的手腕,一邊說著…555Please respect copyright.PENANAAaRNLehjPC
555Please respect copyright.PENANAxtAF6WN6HZ
「我們以前還說要一起合照,但都沒有做到…」555Please respect copyright.PENANAEA12r970OU
555Please respect copyright.PENANAWGTbAdQJSG
「現在拍。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAHR4gdKlgfV
555Please respect copyright.PENANA8A7sUUj68T
「啊?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAcuexmBhA41
555Please respect copyright.PENANA0Y2bEYn2xr
「現在就拍啊,妳手機有照相功能吧?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAZNA56wo6hH
555Please respect copyright.PENANATCW2c95rPg
「有。」我拿出手機,翻開摺疊螢幕,開啟相機功能。555Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZN4kUAN64
555Please respect copyright.PENANA7Yexdpl6Gb
「等一下等一下。」他伸手拿了旁邊的眼鏡戴上。555Please respect copyright.PENANAezLXf4heVd
555Please respect copyright.PENANAlq0XFplvN8
「我這樣看起來比較不像流氓吧?」他又在笑。555Please respect copyright.PENANAOJeivZpEIj
555Please respect copyright.PENANAFByNAyHbXc
我笑了,起身貼近床,把頭靠在他臉旁,拿著手機對著我們倆的大頭拍了一張照片。555Please respect copyright.PENANAJJoUqHoWaC
555Please respect copyright.PENANAMzXyL4ZSFB
555Please respect copyright.PENANApCEgrQctXI
我坐回椅子上,有那麼一段時間,我們都沒有看著彼此,也沒有說話。555Please respect copyright.PENANAmR03jmI6G9
555Please respect copyright.PENANACRDJEKqTVj
「我離婚了。」英傑突然說。
「我被抓後,妳嫂子自己提的。」
「簽字是一定要簽的,拖著她也不對。」555Please respect copyright.PENANANi9I2JCayh
555Please respect copyright.PENANAse81dGQfZk
我想起那個沒有喊過他「爸爸」的兒子,但我沒有勇氣開口問。555Please respect copyright.PENANAhlmfBbASZQ
555Please respect copyright.PENANAR2aDFcZVWo
555Please respect copyright.PENANAPOPpCMejfM
「妳還有在寫小說嗎?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAM1mIkQvzPF
555Please respect copyright.PENANAKTIAc8JHd7
「…有寫一些小故事。」555Please respect copyright.PENANA2fU1LeLht3
555Please respect copyright.PENANAiSF3FXnk6V
「那就好,不要隨便放棄喔。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAal5Nd095zD
555Please respect copyright.PENANAOQW5l5KBMj
「嗯。我好久沒看到你寫的詩了。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAhzfJW9FhZ6
555Please respect copyright.PENANAN2MRXYcHr0
「我太久沒寫字啦…字已經不漂亮,腦子也沒東西了。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAwk6hnpHH1f
555Please respect copyright.PENANAuv1inigHdl
「不會啦,字跡不會隨便改變的。」情感也是。555Please respect copyright.PENANAkX06cfOmf4
555Please respect copyright.PENANAfeJ2RiyQaX
「妹。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAhneUBfsPr4
555Please respect copyright.PENANADfPgwmAneG
「嗯?」555Please respect copyright.PENANA3Q9s1TWAUR
555Please respect copyright.PENANAl3A2dk2sSL
「人真的要走到末路的時候,才知道只有家人會無條件的陪在身邊。」
「所以妳一定要好好珍惜家人,不要交壞朋友,也不要太相信外面的人。」
「也不要抽菸、喝太多酒…」
「如果可以,就回去念書,這個社會還是很看學歷…」555Please respect copyright.PENANAY2uDgDIZhM
555Please respect copyright.PENANAp4i2dPNFQX
我突然意識到他正在做什麼。555Please respect copyright.PENANAdls4Oy2Le6
555Please respect copyright.PENANAN98jZZ9X0t
像是交代後事般的叮嚀,我聽在耳裡,痛在心裡,但我不能阻止他這麼做。555Please respect copyright.PENANALorWciNX0g
555Please respect copyright.PENANAA3bpqzHoTu
因為我甚至不知道還有沒有下一次見他的機會。555Please respect copyright.PENANApSgnoq830Q
555Please respect copyright.PENANAWqBREDumfi
555Please respect copyright.PENANAyHf7OPZVG0
那天我在醫院陪他直到晚上才離開,他始終笑著,在我面前不表現出痛苦或難過。555Please respect copyright.PENANA6IEhVQ8SbM
555Please respect copyright.PENANAQs6hyaAj61
他也答應讓我再去看他,只是要先跟他聯絡。555Please respect copyright.PENANA3yFJrL95Lb
555Please respect copyright.PENANA8pXjHmXzvE
「我媽有點介意,所以不希望妳們碰到面。」555Please respect copyright.PENANA30rDeLM05W
555Please respect copyright.PENANAZGBQvzJSMv
爾後我又見了他兩次,其中一次他告訴我,他信了主耶穌。555Please respect copyright.PENANAYUibDBcNsE
555Please respect copyright.PENANAIV06L32Lzn
我知道是身體病痛的折磨,讓他尋求精神上的慰藉。他親自寫了信給教會的小孩子,用自己的經歷告誡孩子們勿入歧途。555Please respect copyright.PENANAADMGbHHSai
555Please respect copyright.PENANAPMbKJ5RkXp
我知道他害怕,知道他尋求救贖。555Please respect copyright.PENANA5QdKUaoC6B
555Please respect copyright.PENANAEa4keSF8sX
我知道他就算把地獄或罪人掛在嘴邊,仍是害怕受苦的。555Please respect copyright.PENANATcbRhZv8pH
555Please respect copyright.PENANAn5atKj3Wsp
我知道他也許到了這一刻才開始後悔。555Please respect copyright.PENANAlWEc8NZpCH
555Please respect copyright.PENANA25p5znldtd
但我是欣慰的。555Please respect copyright.PENANAt0mLwILHYU
555Please respect copyright.PENANAgYxErYxzhp
555Please respect copyright.PENANAWlionxPK8J
555Please respect copyright.PENANAi22MQkAqWJ
那一天來的又快又急。555Please respect copyright.PENANA0FQTCU9bFX
555Please respect copyright.PENANA9tPU7uNRM9
「妹…」555Please respect copyright.PENANAw6jSDEifBF
555Please respect copyright.PENANA7uipTcvbHd
我接起電話,只聽到英傑喊了我,然後是沉重的喘息與啜泣。555Please respect copyright.PENANAu6XfyvNODO
555Please respect copyright.PENANAv4Q1MD2pCP
「你怎麼了?怎麼了?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAfZeMKbuTew
555Please respect copyright.PENANA8oOdUyFnqp
還拿著手機和他說話,我已經起身準備出門去醫院。555Please respect copyright.PENANAIpeLjfZ48Y
555Please respect copyright.PENANAv1xslgognU
「我還不想死…」他哭著說。555Please respect copyright.PENANACA6ha2ZekT
555Please respect copyright.PENANAxFc3ugqlFp
那句話狠狠地撕裂了我的胸口。555Please respect copyright.PENANAYNfLkJgph6
555Please respect copyright.PENANAvrUa7wl7Od
555Please respect copyright.PENANAdkKVtaZJ09
我跑進病房,英傑似乎剛剛才穩定下來,吊著點滴、眼眶泛紅、面容消瘦,也比上次更加蒼白、手臂上都是青色與紫色的瘀青。555Please respect copyright.PENANAHwYRRSYcBX
555Please respect copyright.PENANAmVenFfO401
他的母親與姐姐看見我,臉色明顯地不自在。555Please respect copyright.PENANAyk78krDYWL
555Please respect copyright.PENANAh0tcDzF46n
英傑打那通電話給我的時候,她們是不是也在呢?555Please respect copyright.PENANAm9Ehy9hTIE
555Please respect copyright.PENANAJGaSCxgph8
她們小聲地和英傑說了幾句話,就走出病房,留給我和他說話的空間。555Please respect copyright.PENANAWv6eR2tEXn
555Please respect copyright.PENANAsEl1KctWqt
555Please respect copyright.PENANAdS6jNQgTfw
我坐到上次的位置,握住他的手。555Please respect copyright.PENANAt5lRALczI5
555Please respect copyright.PENANA1JoJMIiroH
那雙手已又更瘦更冰冷了。555Please respect copyright.PENANAGMn76MnqRw
555Please respect copyright.PENANAAlAyoYUhq3
「我真的,還不想死。」555Please respect copyright.PENANA94UupZNzQI
555Please respect copyright.PENANAutqwuMW4Ia
我握著他的手出了點力。555Please respect copyright.PENANAscih8s18Si
555Please respect copyright.PENANAOEvJt3BNAC
「我很害怕。」555Please respect copyright.PENANATttAPDUvcg
555Please respect copyright.PENANA41OdpdEURu
「我很怕死…」555Please respect copyright.PENANA1pyZhKRWnv
555Please respect copyright.PENANAgy5p00uvJ0
他沒看著我,只盯著手。說完,他的眼淚就掉下來。555Please respect copyright.PENANA00dS6s9wfi
555Please respect copyright.PENANAcu8zrsC95o
那是我第一次看見他掉眼淚,也是最後一次。555Please respect copyright.PENANAeNm4R4LfMH
555Please respect copyright.PENANA8TDGwDlmuw
「你已經悔改了,你一定會去天堂的。」我已經滿臉淚水,但還是看著他的眼睛說。555Please respect copyright.PENANA8mmFJlbsAP
555Please respect copyright.PENANAWTpuyfv01s
「全身都很痛…」他終於抬頭看我。555Please respect copyright.PENANA5mwdV2hF92
555Please respect copyright.PENANANRXqwhRfgS
我趕緊抽幾張衛生紙擦他的臉,他的雙頰與眼窩都已經凹陷,我的手盡可能地放輕力道,就怕他疼。555Please respect copyright.PENANAPATR87pgti
555Please respect copyright.PENANAKRHftTbg6z
「你很努力了,我知道你很努力了…」555Please respect copyright.PENANAcyJJjAko4b
555Please respect copyright.PENANAIwpNZGT3DU
我抱住他,驚覺他已弱不禁風的事實。555Please respect copyright.PENANA8F8aQ4Cbqm
555Please respect copyright.PENANAnci9kIYwrf
這讓我倏地停止了自己的眼淚。555Please respect copyright.PENANAyOJEiJ5gcl
555Please respect copyright.PENANALbB9Yrg5o8
「沒事的,你的主會帶你離開,之後就不痛苦了。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAv5gNqSc6Jn
555Please respect copyright.PENANAStVOTqI1JM
英傑在我的臂彎裡哭泣了許久,才安靜下來。555Please respect copyright.PENANAuxO4Gs9M4V
555Please respect copyright.PENANAktHjS5Y4AB
555Please respect copyright.PENANAey4aWtAOLz
「妹。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAJKC1MrAXpa
555Please respect copyright.PENANABSG2Vgoame
「嗯?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAHgQNy7ogcC
555Please respect copyright.PENANApDs9Ojhiom
「抽屜裡有一封信是給妳的。」555Please respect copyright.PENANATv7ouXuWZu
555Please respect copyright.PENANAVxRCi7vLkx
我打開抽屜,拿起那個信封。555Please respect copyright.PENANAc0DfHFPmiT
555Please respect copyright.PENANAds3SbSWEHO
「回去再看。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAiTgF16t0FH
555Please respect copyright.PENANAbA4bQb975F
「好。」我收起信。555Please respect copyright.PENANAlJFkha00Xk
555Please respect copyright.PENANAjyh8a6Zcsw
「妳回去吧。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAD6dwVycvjr
555Please respect copyright.PENANANVQIs8dgtB
「什麼?」555Please respect copyright.PENANAc4xjTOycGm
555Please respect copyright.PENANAlCMznksfiq
「謝謝妳來…可是不要再來了。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAeEvVjtAinv
555Please respect copyright.PENANAWrPwjMB5kE
「為什麼?」555Please respect copyright.PENANA1Z2kIiosWc
555Please respect copyright.PENANA28SWfZXkfK
「我不想要妳送我離開,妳會很傷心,我也不想要看到妳那麼傷心。」555Please respect copyright.PENANA5oRSvXOxZj
555Please respect copyright.PENANAbZhCBPY9qG
「……」555Please respect copyright.PENANAu63BoMzU2Q
555Please respect copyright.PENANAPFLocCNOez
「回去吧。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAiA5Po7nlyz
555Please respect copyright.PENANAgkCYFdxUsx
他看著我,又對我笑了,那個笑看起來很費勁,也是他一直以來對我的溫柔表現。555Please respect copyright.PENANA17YO21m09d
555Please respect copyright.PENANAL4ou144ivi
不讓我送他走,也是哥哥對妹妹的溫柔。555Please respect copyright.PENANAeXU2OU42tM
555Please respect copyright.PENANAAHsGoXXsnA
我又抱了抱他才離開。555Please respect copyright.PENANAsQIpG1sTcx
555Please respect copyright.PENANASk98x28vFk
555Please respect copyright.PENANAMBPsxEDJFI
當天晚上十點多,我收到他姊姊的簡訊。555Please respect copyright.PENANA1riiEDrB0R
555Please respect copyright.PENANAbZbVwWTOxc
「英傑已經走了。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAc7ks0kYuxl
555Please respect copyright.PENANA0P8jcTwfgE
555Please respect copyright.PENANAp209IsrdIY
那一瞬間我向心裡所有知道的神祈求,希望英傑能到更好的地方,希望他不要再受苦了。555Please respect copyright.PENANAgXgw8wBv4t
555Please respect copyright.PENANAtC2c0KWxyU
我打開信封,裡面只有一張書籤大的紙。555Please respect copyright.PENANASSiaZq8nP8
555Please respect copyright.PENANAdLgy2RkY3y
555Please respect copyright.PENANA1bLrX9I2e5
「Dear 妹:」555Please respect copyright.PENANARn7efB04iA
555Please respect copyright.PENANAkomnKky6yn
「妳永遠是我的天使,555Please respect copyright.PENANAnu9fBgIur3
555Please respect copyright.PENANA3J6BumyN9D
請不要忘記我。」555Please respect copyright.PENANAphdA4G1Foa
555Please respect copyright.PENANAewBCf9zaj1
「哥 英傑」555Please respect copyright.PENANAQHagK7U8WF
555Please respect copyright.PENANAkRPoy6AN8U
555Please respect copyright.PENANAK6ppn4ztra
我抱著自己,放任自己哭到睡著。555Please respect copyright.PENANAhzm9lCVjjU
555Please respect copyright.PENANA87Qa0XTqhl
555Please respect copyright.PENANApHhR6OJP5G
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之後的每一年,我不選在英傑的忌日,而是在他的冥誕當天悼念他。555Please respect copyright.PENANAaa2oW5i3gQ
555Please respect copyright.PENANAYzhFDwfWMK
每一年的五月三十,我都會寫一封信,表達我的思念,讓他知道「我沒有忘記他」。555Please respect copyright.PENANA0n6K9fbMbt
555Please respect copyright.PENANAOJfEkw7uJb
前幾年每到這天,我總是哭,總是放任自己因為想念而哭得泣不成聲。555Please respect copyright.PENANAQJgTzUSW1r
555Please respect copyright.PENANAoXykKfjFiU
後來的後來,我漸漸不哭了,但沒有改變在這一天寫信的習慣。555Please respect copyright.PENANAl7vCq6Aru6
555Please respect copyright.PENANA6Uvmvpekmw
英傑的回憶有時像巨石背在背上,有時像羽毛沾在胸口,無論哪一種,都是無法遺棄。555Please respect copyright.PENANAmNF9pvgmel
555Please respect copyright.PENANAxi3LfzqnMK
他走後,我便不再輕易評論一個人的好與壞。555Please respect copyright.PENANAz6QjVlo0Ru
555Please respect copyright.PENANAKv1obQ9iRu
曾經我在英傑的新聞底下看見很多網友的謾罵、抨擊甚至是汙辱,我感到憤怒與心痛,想一個一個回應他們「你們什麼都不知道!」555Please respect copyright.PENANAtd1sPDVkkM
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但我什麼也沒做。555Please respect copyright.PENANAgPCsTNnR6H
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因為那些人不認識他,也永遠不會認識他。555Please respect copyright.PENANA9kwdIcpdT5
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所以我再也不對任何新聞或社會事件做評論。因為我知道,我不認識當事人,更不能體會當事人的親屬心情。555Please respect copyright.PENANA2jpeUCywvP
555Please respect copyright.PENANA2LFe51HMpE
我回去念書,考進了大學,年年以取得獎學金為目標,只為不要白學。555Please respect copyright.PENANA8iuok1wcZE
555Please respect copyright.PENANAOIviy4wkCG
一直沒有放棄創作,可能也是因為惦記著他說過的話。555Please respect copyright.PENANAgA8THVB0NX
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說起遺憾,大概是我喊他「英傑」比喊他「哥哥」的次數要多更多了吧。555Please respect copyright.PENANAPP31PwhXve
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去年,我沒有寫信。555Please respect copyright.PENANA0qdGLIGqU1
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我選擇在當天完成他的故事。555Please respect copyright.PENANAxGdH2ufmKT
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他是一隻孤傲的鷹,獨自在天空闖蕩,受盡風霜,最後回巢,在家人身邊闔上眼。555Please respect copyright.PENANAujsQmjqtLt
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我是活在地面的狼,只能抬頭望著,用我的爪在沙上畫下他在天空翱翔的姿態。555Please respect copyright.PENANApLp0AOvAnt
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這是,我哥哥的故事。555Please respect copyright.PENANAHV3VeWbirj
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完。
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