我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7tPC0TGtl
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBO0THxWYj
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Wbwqn0hDO
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCEl81gGXg
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmBAp2jwBb
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCelLjVAwo
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtjcRKrDXR
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoQXvjN7Ib
「妳是…？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8IUjSIuTk
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ390tzoWL5a
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jHPJQtgJW
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FgxbHZdtb
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rWcEBvK0H
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CE0BfoVvs
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBdMcHXobM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYMDbv1srq
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsNJuxePco
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ3Qzw57Yi
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1Mcgxy3Bj
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHVHFk5i9Q
「妳是他女朋友？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nhA2tW2fD
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAGeAb6bZl
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrh9uP01p9R
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPeWouuOUS
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRE3ltMQQnh
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFT2xnITbBE
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cnxzGjEEn
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjW1puPM8Wf
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfA5BVHCDs
我一時語塞，沒能回話。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZ5m62GXLC
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpThSMusIP
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMbTjpXrK1
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcnGIIDeQz
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0HpLDIFr7
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHiBmURLGK
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJGDxsjHo4
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WXnwKzhB1
「小姐貴姓？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71e934q5cX
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaPZskifrI
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQbAE6ho8j
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQ8yipWOIp
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctz4Nwv4SK
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnuj4aBeYc
「糟。」我心想。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40y6ucMDDf
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodbcX9NgyO
她隨即關上木門。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAftRZ3jJw
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3sfu66eoE
「她知道我是誰了。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlUcj3ZdPL
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqT3erjqSM
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBDwXGkodE
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEu8JQc4DG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DyqQZS9MO
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoJ5XHlRGi
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9QDDftAn9
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPyUW1XnAR
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmER8X7lzlh
就這樣升上了高中二年級，418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXvmjx8X5I
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWebZYYVoka
迎來了人生的轉折。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ2TQmfUv9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJ3OM21stc
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VRs4Z6Quy
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1446Z9andt
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAlydv2blr
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcUQ4ecxH4
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8caqIoEZWT
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9RDAohk7l
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYPcYmwFsE
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd3hamYxvb
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uXumwz2Dr
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZTRIz500O
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pkixMTj4F
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmfTm50VKA
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI031HVzhis
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZ5R8Hjmp6
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JsMnG1Umw
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mkLRsC6DW
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsKyNfzE6G
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCP2mwSlvt
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡththbJgE82
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHb3l8A0DYY
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sV64spNE5
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vrYo8jAbN
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUk8RYvIa3
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBXRNBOxqB
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMjbUUEw8A
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBBsITUsko
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4thsRgwGDK
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1rwEej14V
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZJZvVtvtv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WJAjRLQaZ
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5gKyylVKt
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9mgva9KX3
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dAQVCRqK4
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcLWRsGHY1
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5mjfooh2K
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAWmrPgpUt
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbEnSivgVe
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7Z9TWRAw7
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gxpLQ8qJW
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJczeLS8oJ2
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt5nUB4IrH
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMieqI0fNbl
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCxjQ7Vn72
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJswlIERUa
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmzMgqhvvx
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h2Iqn6WrH
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4usFcOtmdo
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29xLn3ZwFT
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4w90MnLAs
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssQOYuTOrJ
「爸爸。」我喊他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUGZANWkHy
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR8SsKj9cx
父親抬頭看我。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBiwoT4W3V
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxkwhMPtIc
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TJ2cIhPeS
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuRbnzDhfF
「我不知道。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFameZRTruG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0icT1ilVtx
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LO6MXrNIi
「我和你一起搬走。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXE1xI55Dq
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYno9dp8mUi
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JqA92qzKc
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXgisTZBfT
「真的嗎？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb6pRxgiQZ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrj42QTFF3
「嗯。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDFRIHR8ka
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrdnCAI0Kh
「…好啊。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrTafB6qI6
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKjuSOQIQl
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9AVbnfVUZ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9n9Ou0tDY
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh06SeDV1zn
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAMDf2zcdT
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7wbPXRYlO
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5sRBBFNiG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVko5We7mp
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEEvg8Iqcy
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUv54C92FR
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfoeGh0bal
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZYFNmfgQq
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKI4fjtqTjB
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEmQn6JLvd
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN63WRVYB8
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8ghHpo0zQ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfyrgGwU9t
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByHBmZkbkc
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nxb0EQN1o
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMt2uvIuTmY
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFb38RS9Bw
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo0PCbI08y
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1Lj2D5CTb
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQABfFT6jy
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LpY6RYzNZ
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRmdthSu3l
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzA1xpYOyN
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAthyqjO0N2
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw7QxjsMT9
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvnOuYjatr
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5yFkLpI7W
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6mSo623Ia
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzctAfTNlZ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPM9tvvklR
但那是另一個故事了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXICFeKqmur
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcn0gNnnke
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7knFWvAH5
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZg6tnzEm9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBgiX5nmlU
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiJyxIqR7e
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcmXUsaeda
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyOKbt3icJ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dRPOj4Yel
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHviGIwkl9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ItIqdWySb
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jsMq0w8ot
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5tkKb1g7A
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGgY4mMv4u
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzdyqYrPxL
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsmogLUHbX
難道逃出台灣了嗎？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnDO8nRVED
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7EF51axzh
難道…真的死了嗎？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXaEHJHeO2
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMXKRXFli1
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb1G1z9jB3
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwekNsJSpvv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2NF4D6xLC
但父親不在家。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92H1MhjaQd
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZHhXmCGAZ
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2eOl5Fo15
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOK7fViWpBP
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdAeYZf6CT
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfyJo3Am7n
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSSd2dzOmS
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCo5ra0dfW
「都是自己選的。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ205QuB9ByZ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IeIKqFZTt
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8O682xPBw7
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYNncJdOZM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp0p52ysVM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfwawoMkMo
「乾脆，去死好了。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPrfrsL8Js
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGgBUh7e5f
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpBYUUhVTv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiMDscrRMb
待續。
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