我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunyV6mxWRS
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2JKBsbtQa
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAQqaaFUtJ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsw1YHBQy9
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOk4VWoa6cR
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzUonOAH7f
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBPid3tUJs
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXK3Nun24A
「妳是…？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LOIJctNvj
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rSbbHgfUS
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNs9UzC1o9L
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wKzVRWtjK
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCOHwGL96Z
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofR2U1XhwB
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7PDVAGmbd
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38n2EEMxU7
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8z44bIflq
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrdNzD7Icf
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAEmTlVIrW
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDYYWaLcIO
「妳是他女朋友？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKrR4vk6Iv
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaM0SlsBQ4r
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3dUHoE4N8
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ExlzzGZU1
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovXMDdI9vT
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68w2vTw07x
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyJzde0PdI
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdYeaPWPG5
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmdOHzBhvt
我一時語塞，沒能回話。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlJOPuie4K
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoExAYYuWv6
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovVfT5E88N
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFNo0mJvw5
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5XJGKqamz
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNH3P1UMWl3
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMfhexCf1q
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHNYrdyDHw
「小姐貴姓？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaDV17MjWF
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yVdWtnsd0
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKofeWyI4Cs
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxF8WhFhqW
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJKGPF0W3R
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFQSuQ18fV
「糟。」我心想。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIj0KSHNYa8
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYhXA2AxEF
她隨即關上木門。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxLCcWbc2Y
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMibsTYLlg0
「她知道我是誰了。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETyS8EDtem
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0hpstXdwL
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSkqTsHbvh
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQgGddlKoL
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz687gI3bh
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRttS5It6xW
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxlr6XHUIC
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyEpexCfMM
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXThgNf3dBL
就這樣升上了高中二年級，446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01TtwVr18r
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTSiAeZbbW
迎來了人生的轉折。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2ngWBvdJe
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1bIWZyu2Q
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNgN398w6H
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUB8hCp4Aj
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP757pO5v3e
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSvMQw7vFO
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTnTTnPlKj
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcalVHLSHg3
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7MWXKAlRQ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBJ5kgwsNz
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovd5g6cphO
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQItoGOHtz
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48sitA67XM
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjCkYdvHtM
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGZRAitWGf
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhm1WxcjI3t
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPe1MXjJF6
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZXklUWQ8H
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqvt6WQo1O
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Tpihn0Ba9
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGsKGt8VXE
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAbGFK3ZKn
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNqy1e5tkt
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdp9iiLQO0
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXArfGHIBT
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuDRDwfkZS
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oa6uy211r
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMQBENf5mF
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cK7AW5ALb
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzgAeuSPge
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DILp1b26D
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOqLTHm2wl
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyTM3FDCFn
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKXYtxM4Ox
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilEGWMBGaO
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIohwiM4lQW
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo7W7H3mO1
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpr6CYSTjN6
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lr7ulNnbh
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKYCEIBJCu
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQZd2WrIaw
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKm7xZiyp3
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzBAGBc7oX
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dFIsOLCwI
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvFQ7b1Tyc
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoroqMTOzir
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37rhEKmt1F
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFcDnH8QQL
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvesDztSoAl
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4VsCNcFYE
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmIIhi0Zsz
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiYZTqbo9K
「爸爸。」我喊他。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbrKY3ZH5f
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUNrpiCBKe
父親抬頭看我。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57rxSnVyTh
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44bg5FwNwa
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmKLsZoLPv
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsB0vT6qgC
「我不知道。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgl3xme0f6
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14ts2KFLlo
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE1mPDIVNP
「我和你一起搬走。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGm14TWU9O
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVZESShMlO
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR0OYora8V
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0It7h6rWOa
「真的嗎？」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYuQgXRIGP
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiAjUvldSX
「嗯。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8HJv07kPJ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OulTY0ppz
「…好啊。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiUBqN4aZn
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObhBUqtU7R
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrtbDnrIcJ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7mlbg6jqe
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oxbHGiANt
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyei7t30zOC
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrLPg6cNnu
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUO5GF2exd
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSm5HLMDO9T
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZSOhOaog1
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wXe8DZDjd
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQWao5c98M
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRd8V1P6BTx
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV87jnbsN91
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNb37WrlLh
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6jw0GaOVv
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOzZJOW0OC
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDqryRNTi3
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡts3U3vN0mg
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z2S598WiN
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscgLxvX5pr
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHU4btK58e
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T554BNp5M
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaObPFtqlf
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGYTnJsvlT
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeHwFuGoeA
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMcY7kqj0E
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayJoUTMgww
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQdWwb8NtY
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJRvPLFZQl
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2RqeO5OnL
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKQ9VKyqgS
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIBWukJV5z
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSkrwaWrlQ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI74lOAk8RT
但那是另一個故事了。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlyjlftmbN
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxcKge16dk
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DjlwwUGT2
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0CJYxFW3O
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeXUr898U1
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXek3loXRq
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvurltfEcdA
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zSGLQvPtf
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIibuDaI4Bz
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuIAGHxW7P
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzXtjEtIkH
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAlM8StWYv
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQaaKdRFcd
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwm7QzKmFh
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfLrQq7YbS
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwk3Gfc9vD8
難道逃出台灣了嗎？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhjL3Ohhqp
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSAsHEwq1K
難道…真的死了嗎？446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaAndLz0Wb
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8mqF7VRVK
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNJvZhisND
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNfmiR1Vie
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbvBMTJqQC
但父親不在家。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9MGwOULjo
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HFnz5b7cA
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIj1Qqoin5
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAwSxqzouo
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKryd3KZGRX
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC28PYbFeYB
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycbuxc3AsQ
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8f1J62c3Y1
「都是自己選的。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfEB8lnj4C
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDYOEAIqdu
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GsJH36QqA
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrbRwdAv2b
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRT55vi1Ig
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwoL3SFiCY
「乾脆，去死好了。」446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnockoDN1jq
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMWtSE7XzE
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6k43N0zVp
446Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj3oPvfMd3
待續。
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