我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TXGj1tf6e
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JZzNpeBdr
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlBgQIFnum
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdZy76CJyS
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS35YIdXpFs
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFijrILjOGv
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1alJ10izf
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNDdKVM3Qn
「妳是…？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZHcwaQp8o
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2lvhuyj4S
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqW8kpRSY1U
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzOCdia4GU
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9HbQcAyCi
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5F7MuK0dOt
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHx44tgitwY
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITYX8kSBeW
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCSEcT5b8o
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEYANMDpoM
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbyQVkGzN5
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOVUgZqVl4
「妳是他女朋友？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs4jijeM0S
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHYUBHvOQf
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzNjLa7Ad0
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiorFRPPMLy
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5ieQXCitr
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOObdicydZ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKk4UOK5wWP
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgkJ6Ywr36
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutGXvvgQTs
我一時語塞，沒能回話。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2z2TLsuyg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBH4yIH5ooG
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZnqA40WLL
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNZixZuwvY
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXFtXTAyeu
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3XN8dMN7u
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNOJzK3ICy
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaGflh9A6G
「小姐貴姓？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBpeDaNlml
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg4XQnZU2H
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYVby96IRI
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK2Oi7kv4f
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61FKYWnNcN
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpv9CN7aCt
「糟。」我心想。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFy4CsT75cc
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EU3Utb8on
她隨即關上木門。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAd2zrUB8J3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjNWoZKJbk
「她知道我是誰了。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtBoenAwG9
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhLWi5el6N
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvl8oBrkA5Y
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ4KpYdSgW
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUDVYKQ0vQ
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYYzLsbNXg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35Qq9u5IAT
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVdLN53A2c
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3ddJziWUL
就這樣升上了高中二年級，443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQT0NPotVm
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jPmPpeDvR
迎來了人生的轉折。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79wteunEW1
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQB6khslML
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fgquOj8wC
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKWkOYRM07
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbH5fuTcnU
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdB82J30GTK
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFv91IkzIu
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUoDJ8gyeU
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBl5lgoGu7u
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKkexOG0EP
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwS7iuUiQYF
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfpYK0ionO
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFSVKP70BT
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMOagWwgQf
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofnXOmUe4m
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvL82NuFe4
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqxOfep6fi
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVVpb30KZ1
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHN6v2o7vy
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMoaaXqXDo
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACKHQEGXgm
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuUCC9oFe0
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJfSRX29nL
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jx5Hvz7RK
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCZ6wnFkYD
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6PPVomosG
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLFcxhPZTf
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTwt93MDWp
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63DMI4mS5O
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsUisxZtd5
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqwZ1ufiVU
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfC3v7zHuK
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwI6ad9f0A
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfFKkPQdsB
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISxxzz8Dtd
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBGyMSSQck
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfG17fGeizg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2NbiLKslb
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15h24vC6CH
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhFMy5yWmb
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKWsW6qkpJ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb9vR0Vz9H
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugzeuYK22A
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVSiiZI2Yy
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvP052UR6zv
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuILYkr56ig
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrviGztINu7
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr49N3d5xG
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQzPijJRSn
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYbllEXXys
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1yqoudUxX
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LNo1b3Oh2
「爸爸。」我喊他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SwOyi8Ky5
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4SlZTHHV6
父親抬頭看我。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4009w8mNXE
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4jPab8iPf
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsi4oDhdJ3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAp4106dJI
「我不知道。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcM0oPQWKac
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl73mMPzDAo
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QPIDLWfq0
「我和你一起搬走。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzze28cszRt
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xfNc8bnqs
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxnHp84hce
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakYdu0eSIQ
「真的嗎？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ3oou5fxK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqwPWfBZJB
「嗯。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YDhK5cqVc
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYtZeGOvbU
「…好啊。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QrexUobij
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QFyH7fO57
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd0pTA1HBe
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7F3IHktVD
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzn1qIMO6dl
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxdZVJvV17
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfsTIZKzJI
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXrT8zirD0
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezxdAXHeJV
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡay2vFijUzM
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnp27d8xRae
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwEmAL8n6Q
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrt3yNJ9lC
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6clSv0caCu
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8Q5XCyikF
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0DuwRQoUc
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZYK0uVH7y
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNa9wKc9CAR
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3ps6uBUCM
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALTMAC4uyV
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffv2Gd6sHH
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZwR6wDvf1
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpLBQBls6l
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7F2NYb2y3v
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuobJRVnrs
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChvSjp6r1O
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dWbnfipHq
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYNbsmHXnU
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblHJzVfDIo
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfv7Dp4ZmU
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8tBe2tfNK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUS6uSk101x
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mbGlvd0Nq
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpT8815DLs
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8glfmeW1s5
但那是另一個故事了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkycQbS0CJy
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrH2FQpixe
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPtTAmeYWS
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAj7zDjcMQ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBjNuzcrUH
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKUPrD7HSq
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKn9Fx78PTy
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kJR9DBFHj
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLohv0r6Xkr
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i4AW3KrAf
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0FKxdojsu
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtILR76Sgx
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhmYcOlq9h
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEh2St1WYm
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfnNWJICNK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLN685z6j0z
難道逃出台灣了嗎？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITcj794Vhv
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難道…真的死了嗎？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WTCeKRWhp
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一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBCiLHuI2d
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但父親不在家。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqqzo6VAa0
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撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2u64QuacX
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04qUU4PC2F
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYHtJMCQ4m
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdM4x8LQrn
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwR8d37Jw3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGoLifhadd
「都是自己選的。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUroVywPnj
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91Sg9okb7H
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHILnx9UI3S
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3pEOxe3aC
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUDnBWvLHo
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRsDsYWqN6
「乾脆，去死好了。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrBEQ0fFZx
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkmp0S4cB2
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrJtDdV5LE
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9uNnHs2hJ
待續。
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