尋死的念頭一出現，我就被自己給嚇到了。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGwQhD4pLU
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4e4fkVk3O
「妳瘋了嗎？」538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7hsr8AnSE
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGylppKAwoJ
腦裡出現兩個我，理性的那個正在發飆，狠狠咒罵另一個我。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgy350vebW
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMZVuPzkml
而被罵的那個我，只是一個勁兒地哭。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUE5kmw0Pg
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtd8vI5vc4G
我覺得自己隨時都會爆炸、衝動行事，便躲進被窩，用厚厚的被子蓋住全身，連頭都包在棉被裡，不讓任何光線進來。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVqkKRNo0c
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX39E4ESXI
在充滿二氧化碳的被窩裡，我全身是汗，滿臉淚水。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYINK2zZxHf
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveVP0ZlMas
我側身把臉埋進枕頭，把尖叫送進布料與棉花裡。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0IzrLRsw1
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3QIh2anyq
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMDiFOOyuL
我往自己的腳下看，有一片草原。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19jtnU5yGs
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssLXMbO8zi
面前有一條石頭道路，盡頭是顆大樹。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96Sp04hLZq
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD8d1pw0Mt
樹下站著一個人，太遠了，我看不清他的臉。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIk1D1RJYs
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJX495JEp6
所以我走近，愈走愈近，直到我看清楚他是誰。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8lVKjbAhF
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKknjVqpyx
站在樹下的人是英傑。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAW2meQ9ot
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmvlZIl2lF
我跑向他，勾住他的手。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt7H8abfws
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGM1xa3MB9
他對我笑著，什麼話也沒說。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFBOoigOlg
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsm4PKxvZ0M
我像是要把這些日子以來，所有發生的事情都告訴他，開始滔滔不絕地講。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMronYM0xw5
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnQ80CFGZT
他陪著我走到我原本站的地方，就停下來。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL48WW8lxGZ
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbsR8fcpZ1
我還在講，他轉頭看我，伸出手揉了我的頭，就像他每次做的那樣。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5q5UVprqe
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfugbuKqwjT
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7KQMUvQpG
我張開眼睛，才知道自己夢見英傑了。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZFmVMrrWj
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRf1aJkEvT
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡib8GrPT7SS
我開始懷疑起自己做這個夢的原因。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLmFbNhOJT
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBLNNh88QG
是太想念英傑了，還是壓力太大需要出口？538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFkHntVKpm
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGykkx6hWk
或是…他真的怎麼了，才到我夢裡來？538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YcZhK7yaJ
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GmlMkGwxk
我心裡很害怕是後者，但我知道此時的自己無法找到真正的解答。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStjOojJGw8
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZehvMjAlJ
這個夢緩解了我的情緒，也瞬間恢復了大部分的理智。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLh96PbPiqH
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6wXUxkk1E
不管是什麼原因，都是英傑救了我。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvXvd0NqIj
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnl9KvNsIvK
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3nup5yRRK
我度過了心中的那個坎，日子雖然沒有改變，但我的心態改變了。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ4Tz7LXDp
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oYmYoz9nc
「沒錯，都是我選的。所以，我要更努力才行。」538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80Agm7yUTV
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykUl0zEdjf
雖然，從那個時候開始，過了很長一段借貸的日子。人都說救急不救窮，但我很幸運，擁有很多好朋友，如果我開口，他們總是不說二話的就拿錢給我；就算我死愛面子不開口，他們也會一直逼問是不是沒錢用。我拿著跟朋友借來的錢，繳家裡的房租、水電費、瓦斯費…然後在假日另外打零工還錢。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiKZWYQGfA
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEC5aKx2Cr
高中的最後一個學期，我也差點因為沒能繳出學費而休學（當時已有就學貸款，但沒有考慮，只想著沒錢就去賺錢，別念書好了），但我那班不知該說是兄弟還是恩人的同學，硬是把一疊鈔票交到我手裡，要我慢慢還，要我和他們一起畢業。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRwtvdWvj4
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfJhGi3B2M
我沒參加考試，畢業後直接去找了工作。我還清了錢，卻欠了好多人情債。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuqSzITcpI
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaceRm7QcH
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53zetxKwUZ
生活條件穩定之後，也談了戀愛，生活圈的人換了幾輪，越來越趨於穩定。
只是在我心底仍有一個空蕩的角落。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqsoAUz3t2
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQOVZMQPXP
我還是沒有更換手機號碼，一直抱著小小的希望，538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRX6D8BoC06
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrOEtBXBUU
可我已在心裡默默地接受「英傑可能已經過世了」的事實。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2yS9dcoS1
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdEup6hBXq
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6fxw45YJi
某天，我的皮夾不知在哪兒掉了，找也找不到。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wIBBcWgdF
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgf4L2uj4S
我辦了卡片掛失，心裡希望有人撿到皮夾，會願意送還給我。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvcTmPiqM2
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x2bpoeywo
這時，我才想起皮夾裡有英傑的照片，也想起我們說好要另外拍照留存的事。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WgFZ3cg6y
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEXfcJFp0U
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO15yFT0uGH
我的皮夾沒回來，英傑唯一的照片也這麼沒了。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESHwrnsCte
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrFqzYjOGR
有時候，我會懷疑自己已經忘記他的長相，便努力回想那段日子，但畫面只是越來越模糊。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiJMA1pEuI
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepOd8xxbzv
一年、兩年、三年，當我漸漸淡忘這段過去的時候，我卻看見他了。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsURyduMumL
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSca3bXShR
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXvofpOUE9
在電視裡面。538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xXNzbodxR
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRvlRg8prW
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnvGCYVWEp
538Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw8sXC1JNY
待續。
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