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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWSNKDlQJx
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfApuXFBv8q
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmB2ForU1Io
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9KGC0iSEI
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoDtLhmkIV
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybQiwtnDJk
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mCfmSQHfe
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQL1BcFMRpr
為何記住？我解釋不了。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT87qlFt12
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoZc2cdorR
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeo7AWkyFL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK62VNMQKup
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ973IZMCFSd
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaitw1KW2M8
其中一個是他。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuRhZtCLHq
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCkystCwRl
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NEcjHT7LP
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjJKa8IycT
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubw2JWiWUh
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4GFPtzsWA
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEO3yHQlgBu
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zDnkL1ca4
「你遺下銀包。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySieFo4tnN
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHMbJwUsPP
「謝謝。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJ3cN2m6QX
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUx1QEypli
「不用客氣……」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNEwWKConM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i0mNKYoLF
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVonVGT7kz
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP3MyJ43hG
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTQMwr6FeB
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzwl8MqHFM
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2icmGagam
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVf57gIeZN
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W0HZv3aXq
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRERscoOas
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjhR9983mI
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oFV9d0N2Q
「我是文班許家偉。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAz8F5XAYen
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfYtnpn8P8
「我是理班李浩榮。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQo8x7cgMN
其實我早已知道許家偉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1orQKkO8ER
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VlB2N4KZZ
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gtgLZVrKj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwYgNCG3NP
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonaTswHzKu
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTuGm0FOrp
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOGZ74nRUh
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8IwdlnbT5
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WO5KdW67O
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9roWihkmEI
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO5BcMO9hN
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU56CZJUKw
不服氣。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi5HYzWA0L
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhZST3oodC
繼續觀察他。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciNit5FKQR
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClitdL0CLn
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4whapFsUf
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmnaC3kLRx
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdOyCrQ2xa
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp4KfDdInI
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMkHE8Z4Ta
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKRShwE87W
我急步追趕許家偉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmTMbCDQTp
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwfNQ71b5z
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLU8IqB0iow
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUNpxTHt55
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9I3y3cvMK
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdHmhWDkSY
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj4TwZsd0o
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdo3kBzktAm
「你遺下了銀包。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8qmV3ihl8
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWzoRPNW1W
「謝謝。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHKHTAJ2qa
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4bU0d311r
「不用客氣……」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuYrFR3W3d
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8bQRWqOx1
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0sESlDpte
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYvlpLCdq6
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXo21RiIiR
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2aIY8VHK1
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYyaRV5GYd
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZFDchQaJO
我望入他雙眼。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Mh8KEiFQM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuyGHZK5Ny
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RDAlTqQ66
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tClxMWgMz
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdI4MuaBi9
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpvNAPQHI3
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanORBypyYm
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMPicMNJr1
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QtKPpdD7Q
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCTgGzJ1S6
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXqSkvIaVs
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddCZHR1rta
「我是文班許家偉。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxDEJGWGj2
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpetoMvo7Fm
「我是理班李浩榮。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQ4yqXFpGS
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkCNW3VRL9
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyHsfPI7yG
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv0lVmB3d2
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPbmBIRlaG
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lB7lBzoX1
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1YWiSf3kA
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFtcM8ch3o
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvbgQtWMTA
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnraEgWs3zl
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgo2sZDQAMT
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqw5KkKZi0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vVo0PtorU
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LqfcZODmg
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcfOvg5Yat
但我沒有阻止他。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJnKKLJ8Lj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrouUr1e6tu
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6IIFDjnDL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHztr8sYKs
我慫恿他繼續說下去。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokjaTkz8ZL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXYmoCSL8h
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BKLgJ0UfG
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAQvtc5rEN
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdkl7xRuWq
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKV4iaVPkn
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhXAOZttWL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPmZDsjBFu
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDpkZP5gcM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85cXVv4dFD
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvhYaTVijl
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AYpsjx6IA
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKvy92d3fj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOs0ky3yn3
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEm4SAceVv2
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3npFT5Rodf
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNyDYQBdlr
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlvs6lLgDd
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmyzKMpmbS
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLhkOrtNkX
但我掛念他。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHl96mmS1Xn
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRyRVvD1Mx
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPr0rk5FPI
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluiFwJEcZu
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtKdkNxZcI
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi0jOIOPmE
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZSsZ7mMuW
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgtGCqvsmy
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlYVpFrfbt
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnctxwO5qvY
不要說。不要聽。不要見。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4qPeIWD1P
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UFVdrWKmn
希望時間會沖淡一切。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldzOGNjor3
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lWQBKyBIo
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrev2stOsYS
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuo2krGh5u
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PHBbRwPa6
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt74aJkysCs
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltUX6tHVtP
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8MsJvBx7k
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT3yA5cZmH
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCnC9CxTfy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2ER36viRQ
「我也不明白。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSY8u8nc5q
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuS3LSKpjP
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQexFPTpXM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdApPRrQdgO
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCckVkquwc
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEtLMegwMd
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA3oD11rhE
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ooRgdUTT0
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lkD4UwhpK
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzRyi85sWv
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepxmG7kJnR
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDr7BWa9xr
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOiQNXqgeX
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OjXzjGYQn
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYkJS2iTsj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZ0iSUdsUJ
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1k7QXBvFa0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBsEARqqEq
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUojoZt5Prb
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2iXXyDCir
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQfvX9Efdg
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvOPH52SK8
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxwu7Yy93H
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmxWLp1pSB
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPGxkj6R7h
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSL1BsubOx
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteoE21X0jC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHmF81HbiJ
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAcmCPFKz8
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fSRCXamyD
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE1nerLO7c
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q0TVmwbtg
為何要走到這一步？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tcaHGkbuN
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHHyC4dRBF
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NSQmDsO4b
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvQxiNGQSE
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBesLMrBK6
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWigCfdPBz
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzdA6t16v6
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgL5G5ctAG5
「別倔強。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJ0uzh86MV
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkiy1yEhZu
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDceoAMtfWP
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa4n3a604l
「我想你放棄。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjPSXFaerY
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXURnLS9V5
「原因？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeYyEHWHHL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgROlls9Z0
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmudM2k7ktt
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPtvmhBCxF
「我知道。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b1Jff00Yr
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1O9g4JC4ie
「何解還要繼續下去？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGudslvfyM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh039us8Hqq
「感情易放難收。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl6GDwu3XX
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1G70EA4wf
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg5FcuW946
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8RIhrdwVs
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVk9VoJtTd
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LRvjhYVL3
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhRehuPZxi
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik8ePyX6FU
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPF79NYtWpa
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmUGlLpKFU
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzxGXaWIAQ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiq5GlxcNa
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVS3pDwmlOn
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoj47Y1Iye
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYukIDHUUfD
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyANGiGb2b
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVxe2WYmjq
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPsctNHMTE
小醉。半醉。大醉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AZ8E6YuQ0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCQkosq1A3
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ML1RqrVTy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYUWY9P6CT
「直接講我愛他。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInit2XsRPM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOfrlsVr6y
「如果他拒絕？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP9DJPBlZH
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtY5hBdVUY
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJSPOWgO8K
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13pO63J6cg
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LnpGIph7u
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzDb0UY0rr
「我當然是高興！」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktdZYx7dI8
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXlyQG36Sf
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X2rySmA6s
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkn8ch1jDDJ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxASPRuG7oJ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkSjHmWiwq
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2co5oOCTU
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuH29H3tpM
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3leQjvQPHO
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznK4W0SS44
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPgPRQNXmc
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje98MhJ4e0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVISyu2GBxN
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xiRSkTfKe
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjRyZMtJnG
「你仍然單身？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0RG8rIkhV
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaeh7Otlsb
「是的。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51LoeRhEzl
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSAclnPFhQ
「要我當媒嗎？」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt8yMyOPyC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOTtoonmb7
「不了。難為情。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7NZJz4Bts
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNUISpAuGU
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNtbrCfgJ1
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaCjFSfkYz
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdWbJW3vfN
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY0Mr1uHYo
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOXfaUnwUY
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYEVS831nw
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf49qkAngK
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk96eWYewdY
回家吧。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRmCgWHYwL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzaQFqk9N1
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLrCherIUA
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5exxeZhaM
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQtvdgMr0O
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGDzhuNNpT
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMLDK5kXzc
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbUKSVRYUG
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRxxlxAXgx
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPnZJpjaK1
大概是一見鍾情吧。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2i21JPBuJc
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZX34xHHEg
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSMfZWHLGL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwuxm6KINY
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb25tg0exG
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYGqFb4Pou
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBTgujHwMt
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7KyYMBGzU
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmimqq3PVB
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbfVt8DuIE
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvc4NEP8up
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YXs8uROLj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3OpOeEUv8
百感交集……611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XNFUiQXWe
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPARtM8Qd6
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq3DxHdN2l
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpuGkBoUiy
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfv7QLjHxZ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0K4uIcgERY
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hbQ6XNJVn
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBqECAkKmj
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgjXb13AZJ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWCfuNPwno
「認得。你是文班的。」611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIJ8ksb3ST
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBK1B4ILhb
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuV11ioKIi
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQpo5pF07z
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcFbmuGp9t
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK030Z9zkNc
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21aPfgfBNF
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrz72OFbyM7
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiOWnJ8KWz
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnN7NJB5fI
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83Xu5uInrj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzWEbnpzMg
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYwq6x7CBb
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBmtF7nP02
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTrh5eLhtl
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboef4n9OJc
我哭笑不得。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCy8FXXeXe
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoZPAviDLo
無意跟他繼續對話。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHfbi6jwRS
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIA9tEvUaYw
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTP4Rqcb09
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlofnAAsuzY
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
