x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KW5qpakNk
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXSApZ5GgL
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXN0axXpez7
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGguDNsJdI
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUgcrjQp8H
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyV7d86Tkj3
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjeQefXS9y
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx8OwWtM4i
為何記住？我解釋不了。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQSMly5kq8
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MYdkPRMck
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYRMgD4mFm
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJjjd1Bwnn
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxYNidsqxc
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPceEljX8I
其中一個是他。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH7eyt47I3
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa02jm2NZvj
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvym5jvOM2W
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Eo0H0fM0j
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cULoOq0s0
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgHF1ymJSI
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8083afc1ky
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V7zGFR03U
「你遺下銀包。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oDa0KkV1z
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq5ATxQXsB
「謝謝。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrLSCTFBEz
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiyiMu1fLn
「不用客氣……」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhowD6iZDX
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj5rwAM0V1
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5xoLFgE7D
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYTPytfAPt
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqobzLyZFLh
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9eSZTXjcn
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk78HZIOP1
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyp6YDFPNX
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4YHHqXhvX
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszSeunhgZ5
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zRnv4EMGn
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriGQrWjsWf
「我是文班許家偉。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO70vVnQKm
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobnMhcgP7f
「我是理班李浩榮。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQk0ePJWtj
其實我早已知道許家偉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGP4c9PCZKC
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbBHOBqFiD
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVbQLVBPHV
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXWWXrkOib
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8vZdNnYLo
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUOfdlqQna
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAh46Bbpzy
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsuDZiswci
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJsARx0AP3
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T5jAbikoA
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOW0AjFUE6
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstpGYzKekn
不服氣。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4nw8B8ihn
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawydnAyh5J
繼續觀察他。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eTBPVM3uK
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoZq8CGAqB
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLEp7ROxIh
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYCv3om7gL
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8aetNNjHB
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNglrcquq2
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtiiejV4IA
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjX2lrr6szj
我急步追趕許家偉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWil4UPCGJ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFw7yeQRWyg
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYlYW8EVPw
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3InENPVxY
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCl9TtJ5yl
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8awDiYCDg
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHC69ORsMBp
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsKwUBkfRF
「你遺下了銀包。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOxTpeuTwk
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACpzhA3y26
「謝謝。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddq4FEq9KB
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXM6nGRFMPV
「不用客氣……」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptM7gyeAWc
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9CHdxxkuM
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO1c50TMWt
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUk4ROk0at
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3KTE3gEi5
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3StJihZxz
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERLPDWuVZd
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmdIBXqt0D
我望入他雙眼。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sucDBX5LD
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6S2JWn3jz2
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOvIapUQzR
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0r87VMuuf
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTE0jWQKzY
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvB42eP2QS
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFfD9fELYh
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsRnN01Xkj
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5eAeRcfGu
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxB9qP6AEfn
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwmohy5gF7
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo6XanZtQZ
「我是文班許家偉。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvNWvx4O6V
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH8eo9Y4Fx
「我是理班李浩榮。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rkCCHKs8l
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgns0q9yGqJ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsHOPEfndT
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH76DCJGwgM
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ENbt31aRW
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4fEJdewgy
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AigRd52SI
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrH1kIwk02
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuUJMQ01Q8
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvF8n1J1ONs
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzADNrALhy
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPPJO1w21L
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1QTZoT8yS
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSPECXCaEe
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPlAOCLrH4
但我沒有阻止他。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnYgXUF3fP
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNKLRRVNRT
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHN8Ezm64H
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPnWPqpvm9
我慫恿他繼續說下去。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVNV5nGWzi
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQrNYzvZeZ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYdzURADN7
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdrt6zcYj4
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWEHWqGv4C
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjfIe2finU
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSWkPsLDvj
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGYFxkUDlY
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHFEPSKl3L
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXwCqHqUA8
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVRxJc6P85
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5gh7WMij4
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHxpJK4Vvw
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKkjaGNJKZ
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bgsHsRYwX
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82kvs2xaIy
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs997J8kWjn
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtnhamPZaa
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmq0KJMa83
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURS5z4Nbv1
但我掛念他。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDIztJJc7V
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wptQ2SaoE
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoFJF8S3X2
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1uHjLq663
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPpv0KaSbO
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUINl9vuRV9
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0LV3Is2AE
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyAI0vc4q0
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡye0JT10OUm
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBULfviaEp
不要說。不要聽。不要見。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBuH8HmL3z
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcW58ierXV
希望時間會沖淡一切。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahhP6I971f
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviLfoh5kCt
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukHr6vHoGN
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5IWnBxK2X
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5TnZAXaIG
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstuG2Dffju
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgBZ1yTU3w
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0a4B4hPYX
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXxhYuAWWS
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrOCgqgPQZ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cLBDko9dj
「我也不明白。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N8jzqeQ8G
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gs1k6A6gz
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWDdDrLHg2
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pvFKrxQBq
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfqsgMw9G5
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1m0bmrSRC
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LdpRhU1yR
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafVVCwyQWv
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdZKD0QAyT
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ354XaKgLei
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCZhJLtIlw
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ThZILfbPk
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSndPVCj9CP
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnMnrSrDHJ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpCgl9PHO6
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ229KnEke7w
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuvk8eCgx2
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUruOfCfOvq
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHkqEpC52H
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6VuEELI1w
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdq4qyKvW6
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VGinHPJYT
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf3YzJfqW6
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9owIosQl0m
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejcdTDarra
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ0mXB6P30
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22WvnYBKD7
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhvrT4pJ7D
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieCwKb0T0N
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mv8q5wEUd
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdUV4cpjrQ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pVaMUyPfG
為何要走到這一步？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxkFneQj0l
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHKFhyDxvQ
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5JkjVILBH
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZLrCed2ub
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a16wIjbJy
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqeX7WX4Be
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB45Tjs2RI
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkPuiHpvAy
「別倔強。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1LykHcgDE
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8Jdb4eGvw
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxHS2CJnte
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOO6ZIk15FT
「我想你放棄。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7pdquqm0N
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotTJrBk9oK
「原因？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBARSC0wLGl
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIeGjxW62d
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkdse7N2i5
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6Ur3zwolm
「我知道。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN9k0ztH7x
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eie1rcc2u
「何解還要繼續下去？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUcP4zv9BT
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAe6OCeJ5i
「感情易放難收。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcRbwuzMjs
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMhyoBFrdJ
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3AnrUgkx7
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxfLvpo8nH
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOBudRbu8n
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekqHdhtxXq
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMELWOU3C4U
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWUYe9dbNu
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwT36Ww8y8
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcyREGF3fs
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZSeBPomxg
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaufQ1x353B
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNH3wAw00S
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHrc3xDBj4
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirICIyyHQk
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvIEDIRgzT
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9J0OE15XU
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKZAMU2912
小醉。半醉。大醉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjw5ml67VAR
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv45mMSE7ZE
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UfhWDI5Lq
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlaTMGalEv
「直接講我愛他。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGpEUpRPaB
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQnfkxdSap
「如果他拒絕？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhCabTqO8V
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzQ5WBMcK6
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb31O2rLKL
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WXyjRBNAj
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58rI5G9i1B
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf45ck3Mwax
「我當然是高興！」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVBxGpg7Vl
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8A7rq7gkX
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61kEYOBWtZ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8F5a4Si8J
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrTh61T5XV
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWjybmFkKJ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2unEWwcEA
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8qNeXGhrU
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFHRnhMLQN
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7Mxkz2qHI
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uC2wHZg4r
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhseEJZ7Gvy
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4pKUsb88y
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1TftNrM3O
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfnDCwEmT5
「你仍然單身？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dliVfr2ss
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkTNm9yrkz
「是的。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVnpQ1pxsS
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSypX9wBggH
「要我當媒嗎？」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDb00yc71a
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutYOlZgfa7
「不了。難為情。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OPiM2r8ps
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5Xo7keky3
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSnysQh48e
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy96SAtOo51
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4gSdCDP6u
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQVhXE4Sl8
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdyjJDugbL
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuXae9sTQF
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0E630Prve
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gacSLHZiU
回家吧。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHFBnu4rbP
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcoGiPZcEU
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRViHKKska
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilRLdvYDF1
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXECuyN93R
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyTRIutM4H
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiGtqGnKM2
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKHOHBR2X4
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1lYJLnNwb
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKQTG6kCKP
大概是一見鍾情吧。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX1sRzvc6s
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFezvpxNV1E
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xMNtwknkv
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzuc2eMk3d
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVhRdU1MTa
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1PnB1wAbK
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSboIXhJQeM
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdN5tuqAB5R
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOkYi67oTq
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHz3NKryhK
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKm8jXmAqK
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6lM9PAZA8
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxRFY1XIix
百感交集……573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTorOaHlNb
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uwb9dSaUC
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnEQfWxOEJ
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO73LnGa8I5
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6yDA7Zwoy
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTd6zeWZpx
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtiggBLznj
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlLuTAqaXh
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQJLqaXA9J
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ983CDum7db
「認得。你是文班的。」573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMknxcjgivA
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jDGygRxdC
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41lEH4GfKI
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn3t1XG9sR
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRX7xaMwIFq
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhdtXe3nzY
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJ9zZdSTPn
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNl8p4wolL
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxpIWRP3iy
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r0fdTB3Nt
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBsUhlG0cO
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYBAEDKBSD
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2RTqYZ8Fo
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzg5gKwcR7H
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6Xh4cQ6p7
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKXzGb9gkL
我哭笑不得。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtOennUGL3
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVQ1m1grHW
無意跟他繼續對話。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCsj4niO8q
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGaYGK15wZ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMaH1EOPRR
573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbgUIf3CZs
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
