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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGO8cQbkJo
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZekFYGQmjD
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuEwpwf3r6
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdef1CCGMu8
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdJ74T49ej
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfU0R7RyM7
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWFKdralQc
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9mINWp0o9
為何記住？我解釋不了。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fZwHihG0v
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhpmQX4caQ
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcTHk7KqAs
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIS0I06Q0x
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sHkhvOB6k
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHQcXU0pwB
其中一個是他。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLntpDdFYD
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8MTdHB6m3
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOqoFZHZwa
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRus5OIY0a5
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnl4VG65YrF
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UclCkNED7
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaD7BaMQum
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEFXouBtAt
「你遺下銀包。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGWbUFgvil
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH48XXDcDnG
「謝謝。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDFN6LLLZR
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKNp5mFVER
「不用客氣……」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡra5eJyPi7b
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwMWabHqXG
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtaU6jusQi
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBIshPfqpp
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WwTUzh6Z4
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej0VAc9Uzm
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tPB8iwMeU
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1m88uglj9
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAjzUvveKA
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtHWeJR7Ed
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF9Nncp7TS
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1bl4uiFiH
「我是文班許家偉。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rBC3tTmfo
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcRQB27rzb
「我是理班李浩榮。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8DCLGLRtu
其實我早已知道許家偉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGupwFSYq1n
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSLyTnOzI7
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjuBkLGe3N
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMettv6slAj
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRrHMG6D1I
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hfeW0V4h7
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7J37A3FHfc
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67FIFjTsiA
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TzpKr6q9r
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebKOUsbSGM
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7EZchrCI6
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BKxbpBzAA
不服氣。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0AbrE38MD
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfekiBWdqPo
繼續觀察他。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdn6MwxNvh
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOBZgNyxfZ
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyor9TiZgB
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtd4tATg8r
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjoPpt9YwP
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5eluP5C9g
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTrxPA8WaC
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9rqaZowK3
我急步追趕許家偉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrWRGmuagi
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrj239RE8Vq
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRhMZi9h3j
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IDvB1VXS0
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFoVvt0XAg
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Bb6UEOtfC
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQN4In9ZN0h
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYL2iXNb3S
「你遺下了銀包。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUNSshVgq6
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAWa2LLofe
「謝謝。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRAVgF28o4
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmIZ9uof19
「不用客氣……」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU64NlHsJTD
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJ64wENidB
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8SgYXPepK
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEZ5ef91fv
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5Iv900Z3u
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgKPp1a4fa
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45NrSBy9x4
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5HgYWzcWM
我望入他雙眼。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOEIqZfq7Y
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN5AZBA12H
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn4bPK8xrl
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvSJGakUYH
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaFSUGLeZe
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lxvn2ptAD
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kx47e98m4
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnxMHzp1bv
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zHccP6c9T
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxsxp4n8RI
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC1YxtX9h1
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgMJ8SsW5g
「我是文班許家偉。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXAklXIEh7
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kTMY3BR6u
「我是理班李浩榮。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAZQ50QXXg
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlth76Bd4Ga
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOsDi6Py7V
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfeQcpSHwg
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr8KqLVhCY
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6NUXMn9eJ
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2c8QwbUJXS
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CJ98yHOkr
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw07Bh26n1
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzl6WVWDDEu
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkYYjdH2PW
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0s4KCODg2
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5FCp8okyr
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXec0zLvx5
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Reaj1IUkZ
但我沒有阻止他。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncdTNPcv6l
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbLOpquWcB
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9oy7r73lx
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbztzTegZlp
我慫恿他繼續說下去。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIfhKQuMUR
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6T6zn2zM9
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxCbnoVhta
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHrwRNus5m
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvxGVHS0XH
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLeUT0Bqev
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi9hs3MAXY
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8Jx9Fjw4u
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89Mr1fVC37
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9svLq9wx8
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvAwJuR6QA
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfm3ngNMMVA
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWQZ47uDc7
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT5NwLJdMJ
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE88CZQ584I
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2I4OqXQtH
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70Z2f9EuzD
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AJWlrW8Jb
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTgdqQBEC3
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt23bzNuJ61
但我掛念他。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09jm1A6HEn
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEzNEgZ6Gw
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uJY8hGznA
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh45BvBajvG
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEu3TkLqQR
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEdk9McWRT
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX4czSuY6p
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOUyMT2zKH
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVSwL70S6m
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MG8RS5Xm9
不要說。不要聽。不要見。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSH3sQT8HQ
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9U0pWxo1y
希望時間會沖淡一切。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKzNxSLyiv
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxp4x6vViVm
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhXE3IiYWC
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCiHQk9Rck
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMSvg3WCFQ
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BR8AJqZnX
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFcdMXDO5u
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24r7iOV2k1
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPdJCKWmJe
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx39a8dNwCN
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySrlY4UKM4
「我也不明白。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMXYOa7bbM
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFRW9p7Sbg
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyEqhuXE07
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmQqFruDw1
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHlN1SCM9K
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE0Q3NzyNe
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhb4AQZzhHS
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMCVAM6PyZ
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zDkyKuZ7U
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0BYqL9BFt
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf6rIDtyWN
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFu0nj8LcCr
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NSHRCSKX4
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFYiAGQpAW
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkm6oWJhiAN
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWaUqMg6Ew
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ25XkCoXZX
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd75wrHo20E
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo8wMwzfUI
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1mdFNRqIp
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNdw5BM6ES
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJipVKfhoty
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jvla1Lgxr
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsP5PGisd6
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6KgUREl6F
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBFuWDW58Q
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ndrQtjXC3
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4haSkBqe1P
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHfdTJPyg2
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQpct2kTK6
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UNhDByHTr
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFAnn0JlIm
為何要走到這一步？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVffgoqSRL
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduljH8HIiE
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fwAeQ8rb8
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EWIS6keXU
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FfC8eYe5X
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdteDBVRcP
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeaQuLzm79
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVA3wIxCUL
「別倔強。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CYGb0u4JN
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv53V6IZJp
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURjFkZS0vA
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVTY2ZiRvr
「我想你放棄。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa6cFjkPsu
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwAHeFYF5W
「原因？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi1ZKPB3Bj
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgW6OAPlOz
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3nyaSouhe
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUIjsRlxyr
「我知道。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyevy1FxHS
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjAKRYlJ6Q
「何解還要繼續下去？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdC82jWHums
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBznuFj2Po
「感情易放難收。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyDksXrlYA
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1OONjpM9W
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HbUvI0Jdi
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUODlQnl0S
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDKjHXwe7T
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTYVyw7eNF
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rvKhEdw6s
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnnWErJkt4
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh1Ts1Raxv
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFCoK1JH66
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoR1syz05D
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAlJ98yUzM
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWv93BPfsa
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FFlIMfILu
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FwgWgxA7B
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDnLfMLuwv
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEPz5lghG1
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTXYHltW9i
小醉。半醉。大醉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ230pdke6P4
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFHEi3yM8o
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCOz09WdVC
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoUfa8W1Wp
「直接講我愛他。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpWRot9x8t
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ4XrTqPhh
「如果他拒絕？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaLnuki2rd
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ4sCTCOiO
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ECmTG4Qb9
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1wubb6es7
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfrwzhYTvS
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0XsqH9PYG
「我當然是高興！」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O7Y77PjBR
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRNZyVpvR4
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jtJsH3FOY
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2D9h3NSjg
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso7l9lTQQv
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmcmYRluCN
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXJZrbC8bb
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapDepNAuWK
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3eRavuVVb
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BT5Hh5jGz
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9Ut1CQpMj
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpV0wnbhU6I
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ0MJhXcVR
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoKPJBjVpx
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaLm58E9YF
「你仍然單身？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1OCzCglRK
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANJJ6MTaZe
「是的。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw4Euy414H
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JgE8PbbF1
「要我當媒嗎？」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5v61ODngx
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3sASOQJUb
「不了。難為情。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHng4Z5CHo
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiBMf3bs1U
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBqoNmvF36
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOJjWt49Bd
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtVFNgBBdk
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrPLJMKsoT
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZcxze9Gap
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVuiJmT49Y
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23QgCI79kJ
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGypnGqAXuD
回家吧。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH14cUstIh
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoIqXU7vA2
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzF5Ll4wMy
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9UuTya7ch
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMpKhoNNf1
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhoALzMmu1
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrAPZlxPFe
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdXO9jsI9i
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKy6MCiLdYP
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hoH6Yuw5d
大概是一見鍾情吧。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN3JvzyYrg
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HVZnjUBP7
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv319UJG2D
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYLwgyXRsA
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWSHcelYqZ
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5p0Uh7JWF
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhPUaFp1gY
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbz9smMHOb
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pIfDqJQFG
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ268JAudPRL
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3qLAGuFqL
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPOPO5x5Dn
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHHFnnsIpM
百感交集……525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUhKmWk3Lg
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFFnQTKeE3
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsh1tmt02W
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyvyKruDIf
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrDKGq4GRV
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPbvs1qcVT
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztTWEohUpQ
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPstquGpL6y
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQVOd0V1nf
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KKFnaYcCQ
「認得。你是文班的。」525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jFzyI5rKB
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8whOgeW2jk
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJSKRnTeUS
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjVC1gmTX6
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3YenW7ekI
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfoRNqzKzh
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRNfEP8qC0
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrlE9LIWTD
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKZnNUDvZ5
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzDcWOy1CX
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeZTNYkjGR
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFI36YMNQ9
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EXGTYOTUI
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0pXWghMpR
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMkl7GSN1D
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q5fLConV9
我哭笑不得。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4ZNZWZHDe
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYWE0SHmZa
無意跟他繼續對話。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjnXcs7092
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyiLuS0N2K
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4XLD383RX
525Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSav4vXa1o
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
