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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqW2S0b9nNP
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa0OEwgUP4
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNXvbOZGKA
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0N861fJgSn
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLPFqwkuFM
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8FUyMUXG1
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFGv5ZclHM
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfYS9CFb8K
為何記住？我解釋不了。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE8JDY73AA
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3N1aLAp7W
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aaGq5eunI
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiUJeaSkQT
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1zyaPe2pm
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjJn4qTE2y
其中一個是他。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7amUAlfdc
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqJgdHGbIg
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlKN48hNZP
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm22lgGE5Ll
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH5dwyuhm9
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN3etAKCBf
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Rp3248yuh
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudtXv3FbKh
「你遺下銀包。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspTv9uL8Ct
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8G63EMdVt
「謝謝。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vSdQgqg4S
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOquBLoVn9
「不用客氣……」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVTdlfcENt
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWq1Dv4JvK
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJG1MCANXb
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWpG8ilO7m
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOjUd3DWEE
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMgINwerZW
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sTobYgg8Y
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaeodKga4q
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlEHuL5Yn4
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVObBKxgR7
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoTK5WoeOJ
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGMwUkM781
「我是文班許家偉。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFl3hezk8Tm
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom42icqWaR
「我是理班李浩榮。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTaRgQHnjo
其實我早已知道許家偉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsJSrquVZl
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM3QSfNumR
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7daG0ZTQg7
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsQyg1dsrM
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qbl9HLnk7
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06krCR7iHt
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFZc00D3YI
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOT0EHsKQn
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpNLewtgN5
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBagsBcwokC
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntldG0HzyB
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENbJcnHs5y
不服氣。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqHqsE9Yq9
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxs3DukhFC
繼續觀察他。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lwuJp6Tx3
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZMSYrjvub
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK6kTdiKWT
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSoxhUcppv
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFi6m4v8bN
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF41ZtR2lev
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbAtuzZlms
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCXcGEjcVV
我急步追趕許家偉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QafC6XtZe
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9J8a5M7wO
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BM6WMPReE
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAsRk7rx8P
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXK17VJoHAY
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCa7jwlxK7
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN2BGY5jcv
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwTorzD8W8
「你遺下了銀包。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwIl6qcACV
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkhktRmfhJ
「謝謝。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVimX8ZTGOI
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6E4PLgSVf
「不用客氣……」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJStX7wNViW
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4c8c2p4Tgf
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghIFdOyfsG
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ekR9R09wm
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1yqhqf5IB
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrGe6SfYhc
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHr5JAicwM
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQ9OOitKrD
我望入他雙眼。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYkEt7m8qH
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZJEloRav1
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5VmTT12Bp
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8o0qwXMwkS
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiHkQzxHAI
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmHy2RkT2d
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3wj4YchFK
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV48fUr39Jt
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHUEEIOpJo
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWu3sSMe7M
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UMP7RyuXP
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQQ8MMACxW
「我是文班許家偉。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMq5PU0QEOm
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SzrAhk6ru
「我是理班李浩榮。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdOBQmJeyl
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHSySv6FvO
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUoaYlfYHH
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96zW93e6FK
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnwuJgS7hg
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8UlkL1Wvs
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf322bLOZ6M
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUke7lSfGp5
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a5oIg2GfY
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSyrR7u6S9
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qQ9mMNAZT
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpapv8kSQc4
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMDMz0LzjG
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh9vdquVAG
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttj6F9qHdf
但我沒有阻止他。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7sliiAeG3
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7SGzbPwN7
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7NPXxTafr
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqtU6bBGyS
我慫恿他繼續說下去。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIaFq7BuDg
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eGIZPIdRg
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefi9Cd3jvs
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6kMq0neEJ
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjTuvK11v5
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP7xdtuBHq
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc7WchM7oF
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7is1WkKUE
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHEa7HNJXU
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WkjDV2gd8
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ7PBDOHwZ
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wUiiRAbPU
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpfhBHaHPG
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtRxfsRU6n
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZMRxkznUF
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOBCRQWvY2
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWNvhv8xEk
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwDi9Q52Ge
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxRHGQnXy2
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QcXIygFp1
但我掛念他。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqzAWdBDEZ
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPutd5tj82b
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q8S6tZHLy
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqoYUvX7Sm
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcpXV8jU0K
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7rR2YwKKB
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXn3d7nhEV
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2hNMS3p4U
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7YnzglvOX
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgbiNw2Uzt
不要說。不要聽。不要見。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEKgo0ledL
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpApo58loSJ
希望時間會沖淡一切。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5YDXZenwT
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyXAig3e3p
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufDe5kslQs
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHFJJaWP92
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaX69Gfy5HS
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2APbF3VoB
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrx7aNhWNj
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaLa37sknl
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIncuvoq2P
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pPC6gLq3K
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsx6OQIH6DC
「我也不明白。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0QbQoGU1F
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5v7tVymjM
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQw2AiRi1X
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75lmfHIp6J
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJbAfoTqcO
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXKthayTfm
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DgBYyIH5L
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvs8GsXiBf0
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2BOmuh2UY
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmK2GWvjTM
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpQolip7bf
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgdhHJesFT
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmZiqB6Tbm
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPgtJF51UR
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7ewh1koNk
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzti26Y3nV
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrv3HDhozAL
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUTY1Po3wZ
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccaINsTI7X
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDYzbZRD4v
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3vr5BMoFu
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjbBkPfY14
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUSQB0mL5m
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02epon394j
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7FeuLCR12
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9XeBw9FQt
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVyJ7ntNpl
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0rqhWpNv5
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPY6JCqtbm
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHHhDCH30m
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTufs6zu5n
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcAVjsnLnm
為何要走到這一步？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp7q7UbCZK
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLJ835LYYm
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUcjeRy5MJ
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3W1giNxaZ
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvLw4v3oLk
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTi7fBCCT5
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4RZBIXeVu
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhHfnQnDVH
「別倔強。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGwq7CtoBh
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZuvwregZz
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmA9ltAVKBh
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nKxtbQxIP
「我想你放棄。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8YXOwhiDF
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIfBrDa2j7
「原因？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt8W6wjK7y
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9T0FpfaXPx
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKXs0DD8fu
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOth9PHgiR2
「我知道。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJ8UXiJxLs
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66Dr0r9lJo
「何解還要繼續下去？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejAE97DTdy
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6prWtE8UdV
「感情易放難收。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFASKH3hGmP
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBimOpdD1r
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY85cAO0qMR
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYMWk8MsDT
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlJ4Ps8XGO
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRITcRfuva
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnZq8LlWk4
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJpKWmrKb2
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4gdgee2nd
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqzEchtZbu
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeqm19qdom
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKSbooptge
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1IX7Pgduf
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPZ7XPB6W2
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmge9fTQTU3
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tWR7WdPUU
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroofAE8UsV
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6Q7bXCA0k
小醉。半醉。大醉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnx1L1mgVF
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSILgBkbBsT
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeZU5Ey5jx
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJdSoPoqgD
「直接講我愛他。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqndp6N6vFz
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBfdC4avlx
「如果他拒絕？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTCS3cHkH5
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXMVEd5I0R
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsGwN1c1Wy
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPmc9wHKjl
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXL405Sx0c
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIznW9bZiVc
「我當然是高興！」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgBxVDAotl
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5VLwySHZP
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WjNtwz4E4
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDJ2KChJ3w
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUfnTlAJx2
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy90xizKGg
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIs3XUeTtS
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth3RyCFtx1
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSwC2Otb8Y
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfO96cQlu4f
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1Krz4DUE2
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWrX4t0iRk
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjncoeJFXl
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3hUPrcRH2
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPBDjYC4J5
「你仍然單身？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlxoM9QJSK
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleg4Yo1QzC
「是的。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtQUtfamQ5
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj40RXmTPq
「要我當媒嗎？」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFgNtx43Oa
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQdqniZKLy
「不了。難為情。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XALzd6iVT
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7jUVVHSvt
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYQowxZCVH
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS011Q10HcG
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kpisDP7YN
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpTUGiLkda
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXryGanrw2
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1erkbnkkQ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYcP83zdlv
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJD7buBeAAQ
回家吧。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeaPrctuxc
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7vkuoHXIK
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jrLX2JjFk
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpDdU3L7x6
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63Xet6FfTI
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXpsaNiDLQ
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf90Cjii0Ze
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVigKz6sTRm
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4NoWVwaIr
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwOqnehBuE
大概是一見鍾情吧。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1CdHQBLOU
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtH7an5Ba5
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQLZwBD6pF
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXBBnWhu7n
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgv9Y2QqIO
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuuFcXUVt8
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN23Dp3Qh7
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNr0M2XgPv
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMcHDbOIqX
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEzHh82MEN
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchYk7xqhWG
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyXPBqya3C
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjSpO1b4Fh
百感交集……500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyapIRej2A
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu74eG7DGTG
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWjhepb7rw
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcpGGhp3hM
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsMFZLdEv9
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkF5b2lBVe
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5zu2HPnDq
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kdn5SfMIw
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdq646LPA4n
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkBVTu54dy
「認得。你是文班的。」500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkhmGoylAk
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0xeM7uNEE
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyEMsSFvye
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rCV9f14Ej
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzcQdcr8YZ
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVHhAZYUnu
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM7iK2xRqD
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpBE6HWDGU
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkwuMdae0H
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSI2jZcpfH
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3w76VmPNb
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBjXNo65MS
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKyY4CgJac
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHsJKp9DsA
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebkSTF6eP8
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnpTVN4WWl
我哭笑不得。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3mBXpSDyM
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41u805LrEO
無意跟他繼續對話。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19XhQKr6ug
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90Q7dScc6U
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpecDco7ErA
500Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSHn9lf04u
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
