x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDe3EOqDBud
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48rgSU9LeU
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3hYsXKS7m
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmNl7jzp5P
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW20tdyNmM8
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUWUDi1RpR
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wSDgZAvMX
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5EJdlMbbc
為何記住？我解釋不了。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74TEOezN6O
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSMDnZCQy1
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTEpqtfhpX
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdHL0F7NLk
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2OEw0sOVB
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAsGUzqiaP
其中一個是他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrQnEoH8D0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HAGqhcwir
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHa05jXF2l
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafZLBqJSBQ
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNc0TwSebL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡravndDnHob
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41WIS1mAII
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqKACvuVdu
「你遺下銀包。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0uWKM8hAF
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcpUm3ADhj
「謝謝。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJreamZLaWr
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVArpn8kbo
「不用客氣……」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHxNtcuigf
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcer4TK6Nkc
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHonA5ZTRpd
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjkMcISmBZ
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fvdBYyjVp
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywIAEpDWl6
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3Zy7PoGkV
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJErgHOHbK1
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXVwXAuiQe
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh5XMRSAUo
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUn56NBizFa
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA3wddgZll
「我是文班許家偉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKTK3cSQFC
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiUnjcaByJ
「我是理班李浩榮。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeNtwdRWK4
其實我早已知道許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYM0Kuyyzq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AlW43QM8m
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghm3PnRlIH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnbBCdhekN
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S54bNp32P
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfwun3n804
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt36wzt529s
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3JL2e7rTT
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlIY8bbzXs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iTgC2tmr8
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJO1GJ8aP4N
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM3SvRYK3s
不服氣。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ywFK3Uf3i
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvymWbmzH5l
繼續觀察他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfval2wCs8K
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2aKJOBYNx
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCjE9BQZIc
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ1iMttfCF
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbffEVrYLH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzppMag4lo
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUG9enej9U
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51RkWEe7bl
我急步追趕許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQUSFMJnih
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFjDEoK1X2
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3clsttpLKb
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPCTg5ez8G
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTuxf76Ju2
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouP6WGtSRi
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1pKv2UL4K
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcEPBiT8Qw
「你遺下了銀包。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWxzVWXcrE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsCojSqybK
「謝謝。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY9l9kambj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhttYAhv0V
「不用客氣……」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJru7UahVO0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPUr0IUXEI
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnFrShcaUs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdD8wEoFRNK
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJViHEviFY
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjSIYD20c2
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80Kn0byqj2
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBM0UVaFZTy
我望入他雙眼。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGftzu3oF4
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEaj4h699q
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQpza2qdsr
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfbFRa8y26
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5EzbghYln
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXpylwFEBc
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFmpL6LWkj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOKYKFP2dX
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnLDNr0tiH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sDFBm0e1I
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhgyHsLr2s
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDN3aFUx3w
「我是文班許家偉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnYH3oQco1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUkhyQPXyc
「我是理班李浩榮。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWxGECjwnS
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRGb0wsd6K
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jhGf35bLQ
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnxIVj94sV
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76urbTdAje
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NJN2Nk3MG
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1UIXFzwHs
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrp13rWhbjj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ39dqkKoG0
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoECUlwBZkB
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6FpOcDENn
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjG5LLtLFh
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebuwMXTAQz
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17CXdI3NFQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnP8EwrkQBL
但我沒有阻止他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ369HjhKznM
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWdOdbdxBU
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuc8sZcuUe
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAmeAi0YBl
我慫恿他繼續說下去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVurEEiaZYM
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XcaZaqhHQ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡny4qcy1sRH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARRPLNFeeM
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML45j86zX9
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4BaonbeCM
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAokm53CozD
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6QSZi3u3i
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4LBO6Oq30
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVwV0rmXfz
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4qzgnTzl8
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8run2ZkC6
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgFoWro0IR
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDrj2Gr5RY
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcngZp4JCT
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQUgBqDVdR
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbTDi3rLeT
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrT77v9In4
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3FTxx6Miw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3TMEFC565
但我掛念他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fdjGRoHei
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK2iTRxRqh
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBzwJ3HBwI
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFym7gmypR
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0NaumWK5a
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof0nzBJY7B
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjIKajrtRE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQChENbxWyd
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7i5cYzmfS
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡum08x1SvIN
不要說。不要聽。不要見。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKeqwyQoit
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwmAW2NjQv
希望時間會沖淡一切。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtcdPQh36r
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJ7iaMVKBi
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Y2s77ykYA
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa7qyCgQck
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBYFedUhTD
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44XjUOjNgV
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ak30gY8C2
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaR0YSTu2n
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDku3nagYw
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjchFO3Gks
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTukuTZnsH9
「我也不明白。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDUpuBQVz1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjIwsOQSRm
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdIK6DD93S
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmFm0rAnKM
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvjoaNL0PP
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4wFUflpe8
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlj1jb40okh
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wUQiBBxni
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRu3ppeJM0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHSESXRuOJ
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZdiBqtdyG
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIvvPkgKN7
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKuveSokwK
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjPR2tWlUD
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBNH2iSiSP
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLgOud6z25
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMw6usohc1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5n55NoXP6s
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL08VPeKdf1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWUmyvPWOx
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OjhpXvyPW
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQeCztzzCE
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKjMm8qSB9
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79mQXUzKZW
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhXDkEANTQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLzq9BzEQj
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJVTNcfXDy
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJjcKvEPGw
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjksRwqnuZF
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VokroIJOL
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVHer01vvG
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlriPMku5zh
為何要走到這一步？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtoQzHM0o1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz66JUOKivh
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlvf4Zglrz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbfNNqq3B6
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutOkSoQVMr
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXU84g19uiy
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNlIWMNrgH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqWJXgH0LR
「別倔強。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfELkZwRcbK
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDx4I96No4
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2HKaf14Ey
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggmMlAOwzr
「我想你放棄。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmOQZ3pzgr
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpoQ67s5nD
「原因？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCz12Vpg1J
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXNjB0woGh
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCohMzT1WcQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkf8sLV3zZx
「我知道。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaZ3UmpzlH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpP8r8uAQi
「何解還要繼續下去？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzhJsT7fgE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRlgA9VoZ5
「感情易放難收。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp27plSwy7z
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkPpoiIz5X
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aQkwbFKec
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SA7N3mYfA
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTKa8mSSIt
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOBSME5Aro
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdAweJLbNZ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5RVUflsz2
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK88sk4A02
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv9z1S0OxL
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaa4BzqWiu
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWWQNufIcu
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9MTIUCoWx
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bTePukoNO
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifIWD0AfBz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZVR5oA5Vs
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVhh3HynML
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUJ4ugl3b3
小醉。半醉。大醉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkgPXuD2sE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFd8671UIF
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNMuPKYEJI
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA0RJv6TnW
「直接講我愛他。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrn39C2G2uE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuydwyJZqY
「如果他拒絕？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvkohseFgI
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdBLhIZ1ys
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡha1whGPh5n
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eUi3UmFT1
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡete1rNobcs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbPy1cI8yU
「我當然是高興！」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmvnbLFEo7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6ATir4Uwu
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFNacM1Ve7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZKg6uEMJU
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU7ehhc6M2
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ILg1GWNtw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkhWhg8cZ5
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLokmLgijBe
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokvW9ZPmM5
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cor3kXFzl
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScKQV8eFOv
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitb1zm6RsZ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf1pHcLQj8
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESzNievZDq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EDBjZ8oyY
「你仍然單身？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34g23FYXTp
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMrmsd9AJI
「是的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNo5lqBFQnz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHOPoALLFy
「要我當媒嗎？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRe1N8crvh
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEADao5OqE
「不了。難為情。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbN6TfJR9tf
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFkq6cXhM1
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv11in5W8Md
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9z4a5FClmC
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLYyg9qPGH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZ51iq55dp
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wYTDICdc1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5e4G79ca6
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmi2A0MmKB
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpYjXMGrrk
回家吧。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSwg8bsygv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqyvUbLr1o
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlH201RvjQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw27uMxYQ8j
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIadYtdPO5
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKUx8rAYE2
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPE07xmhrHu
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfQUXsRiCC
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkvJkQqb6M
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96x7dhmKuO
大概是一見鍾情吧。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZi2uIMsaf
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gbf8aoAwk
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cT7GHGdUH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHx6uCEScTP
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERzI64KBjq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAX0Ka2r53
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxRjInwXRY
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvXFL9L515
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcBfgFXIam
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZXivADnKO
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFl1NPg3K0t
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlfWJP1Ifi
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldRyiBTSPZ
百感交集……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIL3Qd42vf
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvFzc0wNfS
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPrlGWcTnd
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3EP2et3mk
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMVGsHxvaW
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueUyfUiRcc
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8lgvBBXYe
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq4QOqwFwj
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCgBjOyyoV
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZbSAjNdSM
「認得。你是文班的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUV6IHwf4o
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxRAQj6KAC
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVn5NF0XKT
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhrq5jVkRE
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNohC5OL42D
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡai10Qxs5RN
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bsj2rQPla
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiI3ROkjDOF
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6R8LHhMT4Q
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EkPs7J11p
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1axcVWU3w9
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJaSvRAnwh
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEDE3BCHvw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gyGo2cAjF
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbQJuGUMnz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEqYyk5ypn
我哭笑不得。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoGGf0mmkn
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoev4baqPki
無意跟他繼續對話。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGlyC2x4db
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgctC9gNM0
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16RoPIiSfD
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFFXjUru8k
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
