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接到出版社新指令當刻，我意識到寫作生涯正要面臨終極考驗。在我面前僅餘兩個選擇：屈從或離開。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyWuCFZIYD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzPDVTFGIb
我笑，笑自己，笑自己毫不猶豫作出選擇——屈從。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW4N2TDXdL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUOgGUgr7A
「好的。我會試從這方向去構思。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAbZ6KMDYU
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj64EjM20N1
「不是試，而是必須依循這方向實踐！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDhSmujTFo
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAa899uimA
「好的。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGzdzLd1nq
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYzt53A2Uw
多聊幾句不著邊際的，編輯突然說要忙其他工作，我也識趣乖乖走出辦公室。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TzJtz4aGn
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStthZ5rrs9
在咖啡廳一隅找個僻靜位置，點一客蛋糕，要一杯咖啡，細閱悉才會面時寫下的筆記。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnwXR7pRCg
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPa20AixHG
嗯……該怎樣形容此刻感受？被否定？被看貶？被強逼？被侮辱？以上皆是。但我沒料到上述所有感覺綜合起來得出的結果並非「憤怒」，而是「無力」。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRJbfNkd8C
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0THio8RPsy
潮流，風潮的流動。流的，動的，變幻的。追上潮流就會成為大眾模楷，追不上潮流就會被淘汰。我明白這是自然不過的淘汰過程，所以無法生起憤怒。若說真要怪罪任何人，也只得怪責自己——我還未開明得敞開心胸拋下固有思維去順應潮流——可笑我沒有絲毫怪罪之意。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ1PQTmB1A
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp9XJyBMDX
對於今日困局，我早有心理準備。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLhTTdcO8c
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWWqBblvX8
不過在發生當刻，無可避免覺痛。大半輩子的努力付出和個人信念被一下子全盤否定！一直以來支撐我孤身走來的精神支柱被一下子推垮！我還可以相信甚麼？我還可以依靠甚麼？530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcIGVgETQH
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Vh3udd0t6
內心波濤洶湧，表面淡然幽雅。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZP1oYOh4xg
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Byldy8FhS
既然過去和將來沒有必然因果關係，那就好好享受當刻這口蛋糕、這口咖啡。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXqz5ZgBxE
家，書房。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNULOyO3Fn
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HB3gzrl6D
開始鑽研編輯提供的清單上所有作品，看看時下作品有何熱門題材和成功因素。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHlAe4Kk6c
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQ67ahITgx
修仙、穿越、同人、BL、絕境求生、困獸鬥、對抗強權、自殺、權鬥、道德批判……題材五花八門，卻也萬變不離其中。基本元素仍是沿用多年以來最受歡迎的愛情、成長、友情、英雄主義、個人主義、諷刺現實，變的只是包裝手法（題材）或呈現方式（劇情必須極端、人物情緒起伏必須激烈）。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcq6eKFTOEl
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH986s0jdoM
這下子，我似乎明白了「甚麼」，心深處卻又抗拒這些「甚麼」。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UrXo2kzsg
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nXWyMSu0M
我放下資料，離開書枱，走到窗邊，倚窗抽菸。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV27knN56G
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJA8vfiUY0
嗯。獨居果然是個正確決定。爸媽受不了菸味，與他們同居只會悶死我。他們常唬嚇我說抽菸習慣會嚇走好男人。我對此一笑置之，沒有反駁——兩老將近七十歲，我沒可能單憑三言兩語改變他們活用幾十年的觀念。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFYbFDAekT
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnnqUF1WkU
情況有如編輯的幾句說話沒可能扭轉我沿用多年的人生觀、世界觀、寫作觀。若說我不思進取、固執、老土落伍，我會承認，然後反問對方認為我該根據幾多人幾多意見去改變我的思維、活出我的人生才算得上積極進取、從善如流、新潮前衛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Wr5CPCHAY
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUT8cgrfpf
相信對方會熱諷一句：「難怪你的作品賣不了！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgrV4wNYLb
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikRn5oEBEB
情況正如兩老常於親友飯聚場合當眾冷嘲：「難怪你嫁不了！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOorqezjPH7
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPl020iNz3
唉！感覺真糟糕，卻沒奈何。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTYqWGkAZ8
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdGj4QmShx
只得再來一根菸。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6L4llShQhm
動筆。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouGkVt9kDb
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTycSr82ro
主角沒頭沒腦掉入不知哪來的時空裂縫，進入神仙世界，與位列末席的異性神仙共同修煉，推翻殘暴不仁的天界首領。然後與己方戰友鬧翻，開始明爭暗鬥，爭權奪利，結果禍及人間，令長站道德高地的主角黯然退下，在人間結識天真無邪的凡女，情愫漸生。誰料昔日天界紅顏湊巧下凡，得知凡女與主角關係，醋意頓生，視凡女為情敵，施以毒手。主角同性摯友為免主角煩心，暗中保護凡女，卻不自已對主角生起愛意，向主角表白……寫得順暢，寫得精彩。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjmzK0c4xz
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezgdugTf7d
完成作品後，我馬上發送電郵予編輯，內容簡潔直白：「我寫不了。請另找高明。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeArpb4nznL
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZc6wCPh0a
刪稿，關電腦，將手提電話調至靜音。世界與我無關。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXDdrbmRE8
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaKci0udTp
我卷縮被窩，無法入眠。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErH8RQs1JY
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3J6L3Hr9fj
我在這世界存活幾十年，如今首次意識到自己與世界之間的矛盾何其激烈，而我自己對此又是何等無能無力無奈。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vzxocRREj
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPbpradwC3
那種震撼令我忘記各種宣洩方法：哭、睡、逃避、傾訴、吃喝玩樂……530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yrBBL57cB
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡff0whsIPwb
整個腦袋幾近空白一片。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsX3E4M0lD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkebUubmglq
各種情緒猶如乾沙，沒能被搓捏成任何形狀。若強行抓起沙子，沙子自然而然從指隙流走，掉落地面，散開、飛逸、無影蹤。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHys7pTmok
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dflnUUJYX
沒法子。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGifPXT4O3
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj8mF61nCt
只得待時間為我整理混亂情緒。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4rlNAD0MY
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAlinHN260
正如只得待潮流將不思進取、固執、老土落伍的我淘汰。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvmQrGe8g5
