
燃起盆內的炭後,我連忙狂灌紅酒。本以為要兩支紅酒才夠我不省人事,豈料一支經已綽綽有餘。很高興,我能在感受到熱力前昏睡過去,免卻更多痛苦……971Please respect copyright.PENANAuq7jFBxXVC
971Please respect copyright.PENANAH9o95Q7y0A
不知過了多久,我漸漸恢復意識。971Please respect copyright.PENANAN9evb2hxnU
971Please respect copyright.PENANAYJrBtV9PJA
真是失敗的傢伙!連自殺亦告失敗。971Please respect copyright.PENANAes7gQYWLYa
971Please respect copyright.PENANAeFiwlWnQX3
我目光散渙,緩緩掃視四周。我正躺在地面,在床和房門之間。估是從床上滾下來。我望向火盆和剩炭的位置。咦?怎麼不見了?難道包租婆到來過?除了我,只有她有鑰匙。難道是為了免卻報警帶來的麻煩,乾脆取走火盆和剩炭作罷?我要控告她「擅闖民居」和「盜竊」!噢!我在亂想甚麼?我仍拖欠她租金……971Please respect copyright.PENANA2dW9rEfHfK
971Please respect copyright.PENANAuHKY6o5e1Y
勉力撐起身子,才驚覺自己一絲不掛。我徹底驚醒,連忙檢查身上有沒有傷口或甚麼的。沒有。挺直腰板站起來,金睛火眼環視四周。自己留在房內的行李袋、日用品、衣物、雜物等等,統統不見了。十分不對勁!難道我真的死了,自己正身處死後的世界?我是鬼魂?昔日看過的鬼電影,讓我很快就意識到自己已然死亡,是「鬼魂」。971Please respect copyright.PENANAMbaCj2wkrH
971Please respect copyright.PENANAeDsVVGd6x6
可喜可賀!終於死掉了!我難掩興奮,馬上測試自己有沒有獲得甚麼超能力。971Please respect copyright.PENANAm370DepNtM
971Please respect copyright.PENANAC50mYNYHPK
穿牆過壁!我直衝房門,不痛不癢就穿過門板,來到門外的走廊。冷不防,背面有「東西」撞來,利落地穿過我的身體,繼續開步走。一頂純黑色鴨舌帽、一件灰藍色男裝汗衣、一條深灰色三角骨褲、一對白襪和一對破爛波鞋,各安本分,併湊出一個人形,一個活生生的「東西」。971Please respect copyright.PENANA5aT8Er3UA9
971Please respect copyright.PENANAzrly4CG6jC
驚魂未定,我呆站原地,眼巴巴看著那「東西」掏出門匙,扭開門鎖,進入附近的單位,關門。十分平凡的舉措,以萬分不可思議的形式呈現出來。我意識到那「東西」是活人。他看不見我,而我亦算不上看見他。971Please respect copyright.PENANAVaEFeNdoCf
971Please respect copyright.PENANA1RHuHWK4z7
我心神稍定,穿牆進入他的房間去。基本格局和我的房間一樣。一張鐵製碌架床、門後一個趟門衣櫃、門側一張小桌子、天花吸頂燈、窗口式冷氣機,沒啥特別。971Please respect copyright.PENANAcgNmRv4XJ9
971Please respect copyright.PENANAkmQvtfQXfY
他沒有開冷氣(包租婆徵收的電費貴得出奇),逕自坐在床上清衣落褲,甩鞋脫襪,只剩下一條內褲。內褲對上的位置,有一堆泥狀流體,沿著既定軌道排隊。位置較高的,色彩繽紛,依稀辨別得到是三絲炒麵的食材碎料;位置較低的,彎彎曲曲盤踞著,卻紊而不亂,由淺至深呈現令人不安的啡黑色,以濕潤至乾癟的質感訴說它能產生出何等嚇人的惡臭。971Please respect copyright.PENANABincW70HX3
971Please respect copyright.PENANAClQySWcyB4
我轉身到其他單位參觀去。目不暇給。杯麵麵條被無支點的筷子扯到空中,自動輾碎成糊;鉛筆在書簿上飛舞,留下歪歪斜斜的醜字;一根香菸被火機點燃,在空中來來往往,將白煙硬推入無形的管道、兩瓣墨黑的氣囊。當白煙經管道和兩條小管逃出生天時,香菸亦慢慢消逝成灰……971Please respect copyright.PENANA4DPDSJpjl7
971Please respect copyright.PENANAAFQbXaoUaS
單是遊覽大廈裡的單位,已花掉我大半天時間。到我下樓到大街時,天色早已入黑。街燈黃光依舊黯然,身邊卻是一番有趣的風景。無數衣褲鞋襪四處遊走,甚至穿過我的身體;車輛彷彿有思想的,懂得自行看交通燈號,適時開車或停車;商店的門自動開開合合,讓無人的輪椅安全內進;超級市場的貨品,佻皮地由貨架飄入購物籃,或是悠悠直接飄往收銀處,由旁邊的銀包為其付款;餐廳的廚房裡,刀起刀落,食材慘被利落砸斷……971Please respect copyright.PENANAwA90h18W2l
971Please respect copyright.PENANA0kpUq1lHhs
我在廚房的角落看見正在溶雪的牛肉塊。淡紅的血水流在工作台上或滴在地上,再悄悄溜到溝渠裡去。肉塊是啡白色的,該已雪藏半年之久,死氣沉沉的。但就是這堆毫無生命跡象的肉塊,讓我再次察覺生命的「存在」。971Please respect copyright.PENANAeVLyr6qYWj
971Please respect copyright.PENANAaW41BlHLzR
這堆肉,是來自多少頭牛?那些牛生前會吃甚麼,糧或草?住的地方會否很逼狹,就像我住在劏房裡那樣可憐嗎?牠們會親眼目睹同伴被屠宰的過程或親耳聽見牠們的悽厲叫聲嗎?會傷心嗎?971Please respect copyright.PENANArZSsrhu7sS
971Please respect copyright.PENANAROsFyIze2N
「請問,有沒有見到一頭小牛走過?」有一成熟女聲從後傳來。971Please respect copyright.PENANAxMBOlqCnDv
971Please respect copyright.PENANA5RSDhwUKLF
我初時沒有意識到對方是跟我說話,未有理睬她。但無視對方半晌後,我才猛然醒悟:怎麼我會聽到「聲音」?自我醒來一刻,我就沒有聽到過任何聲音。要不有如斯精彩的世界在眼前,恐怕我早已被這份異樣的寂靜嚇破膽。971Please respect copyright.PENANANUX4WQuvlz
971Please respect copyright.PENANAOzz6f5pNHG
我猛然回頭,和身後的一隻黃牛對上視線。我十分肯定,牠是看得見我,但我不肯定說話的是否牠。牠也是鬼魂嗎?曉講人話是牠的超能力嗎?971Please respect copyright.PENANARzWY6vYlET
971Please respect copyright.PENANAfzrlcaP0PP
我搖搖頭,連退幾步,心生見鬼的恐懼。971Please respect copyright.PENANA4ISLQmg6bt
971Please respect copyright.PENANA1JcFBoSG4E
「那真可惜。」黃牛沒精打采地搖搖尾,轉身穿牆離開,消失於我的視線範圍。971Please respect copyright.PENANAVRqM29W5HD
971Please respect copyright.PENANAN53vruWsGs
心神稍定,我才開始後悔。我該跟上去!可能會遇到其他鬼魂,從中得到更多關於鬼魂的資訊,甚或是知道「投胎」的方法。971Please respect copyright.PENANA2YcxE7minX
971Please respect copyright.PENANAMOqIlER8B7
衝到大街,已不見黃牛的身影。971Please respect copyright.PENANAMbVANmCdJh
971Please respect copyright.PENANAqDIPxOpQ24
牛!牛!牛!你在哪裡?我扯大嗓子,高聲喚叫。聽來很白痴,但我無所顧忌。該不會有認識我的「人」會看見我的滑稽相吧。971Please respect copyright.PENANAE2rzn9GBv2
971Please respect copyright.PENANAaYAeMWcme4
沒有回應。971Please respect copyright.PENANAvJNifZ92Vf
971Please respect copyright.PENANAslU4M8IOZV
我隨意跑向右邊。一直跑、一直叫,苦無回應。昔日由街頭行至街尾,需時二十分鐘;現在用上跑的,時間則更短,估計要十五分鐘。我這疏於運動的瘦削青年,一口氣接連跑了十五分鐘,竟沒有喘過氣,大腿小腿均不覺痠軟或抽痛,全然沒有肉體的負累。我會否還有甚麼未被發掘的超能力,可以有助我找到那頭黃牛?971Please respect copyright.PENANAl4gA7gicov
971Please respect copyright.PENANAOht2NcQbJY
飛?飛上半空,該可以看見牠的身影!我模仿小鳥的拍翼動作,拍動雙手,上下上下上下。可惜,雙腳不曾離地。難道我太重?難道雙手的力量不夠支撐身體?難道我根本沒有這種超能力?971Please respect copyright.PENANA7hK7go5nXf
971Please respect copyright.PENANAiD4agcOyCT
「哈!」黃牛的聲音在我身後傳來:「你在學飛嗎?」牠面帶笑意,從不遠處緩緩走向我。971Please respect copyright.PENANAGjLR1nnF6T
971Please respect copyright.PENANAsdOKlVhz24
我被牠突如其來的現身打亂了思緒,變得語無倫次。是……不是!971Please respect copyright.PENANAcKHO8GaJ9G
971Please respect copyright.PENANAinocodH3gv
牠的笑意更深。971Please respect copyright.PENANAyFnKgM0aLy
971Please respect copyright.PENANAIfH89h8TcZ
真糟糕!我被一頭黃牛恥笑!971Please respect copyright.PENANA13j4dw9niG
971Please respect copyright.PENANA3ca9y1SoAD
我在找你!我連忙換個話題,避開窘況。971Please respect copyright.PENANAEp4ou4CBA7
971Please respect copyright.PENANAZjbs4dXGob
「我知。我聽到你的喚喊聲。」黃牛收起笑意,換上鄙夷的眼神:「不過你一邊叫、一邊跑遠,教我該怎麼回應你?」在牠眼裡,我該是個愚笨的傢伙。971Please respect copyright.PENANASUrtdAAci1
971Please respect copyright.PENANANEXVc3UW9v
你可以大聲回答我,或是直接跑過來。我教牠。971Please respect copyright.PENANAwWQt943eLB
971Please respect copyright.PENANAA1qmpfS8rF
「是你在找我,怎麼要我主動方便你?你又不是要給我甚麼好東西。」黃牛毫不客氣:「看你的狼狽相,該是剛斃命不久的。想要找個前輩來倚靠吧。」971Please respect copyright.PENANApWg8mQtI8A
971Please respect copyright.PENANAHRhLjFk4B4
被說穿了,我語塞。971Please respect copyright.PENANAFDOTyL6ALM
971Please respect copyright.PENANAI3yRslp2sM
靜默了好一會兒,牠率先邁步離開。沒奈何,我如喪家之犬一樣跟在牠身後。971Please respect copyright.PENANAY8C0rppPW5
971Please respect copyright.PENANAl8AQOGnAWq
不需再細分人行道和馬路,想走在哪就走在那。黃牛喜歡走在馬路中央。牠沿著兩條行車線中間的白色油漆記號走,四蹄故意踏在記號上。無聊又可愛。971Please respect copyright.PENANAgwzKwSZARn
971Please respect copyright.PENANAXS9SFAKEMP
「你不需要害怕。這裡沒有誰能傷害你。」黃牛心情愉快。971Please respect copyright.PENANAzIQIIpqSP1
971Please respect copyright.PENANA7pwzJO7R28
全世界只有我倆在?沒有其他鬼魂?我不明所以。即便細小如我城,按道理,每秒也該有數以千計的生命消逝。人類、黃牛、狗、貓、老鼠、蟑螂……醒來至今,早已過了大半天。除了這頭無禮的黃牛外,我沒有遇見過其他鬼魂。971Please respect copyright.PENANAqKoVFsDrpU
971Please respect copyright.PENANAWUbToM4Ww7
「不!當然有其他鬼魂。不過,沒有緣份就沒有溝通的機會。」走在前頭的黃牛狀甚感慨:「此時此刻,我倆除了被『活物』穿過,同時被無緣份的『鬼魂』穿過。鬼魂的數量遠比活物多,但我們感覺不到對方的存在,亦溝通不了。」牠故意走上人行道,任由衣褲鞋襪穿過身體。「這是『朋友』告訴我的。牠無所不知。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAIVd9ZaXUfa
971Please respect copyright.PENANAzdj6e5svw6
我跟黃牛有緣份?我想像到自己正被無數鬼魂同時穿過,但我無法想像到自己如何跟一頭素未謀面的黃牛有緣份。971Please respect copyright.PENANAAiNl0hKvla
971Please respect copyright.PENANAfEMpp6LlVu
「我有要事在身,不能照顧你太長時間。」黃牛想起了甚麼,眼神顯得落寞。971Please respect copyright.PENANAFph8kEwbr9
971Please respect copyright.PENANAorTecXfXsY
我強擠笑容。不如你介紹「朋友」給我認識,我就可以直接向牠了解更多,不需再麻煩你。971Please respect copyright.PENANAGRcRwWmO3F
971Please respect copyright.PENANASuocOE3gug
「你朝著那個方向一直走,就可以看見牠。」黃牛冷冷地用尾巴指往某個方向。971Please respect copyright.PENANAjmmHhfJ2wK
971Please respect copyright.PENANAEllkD59AlH
在清楚了解狀況前,和有經驗的黃牛分開,是不智的事情。我連忙想個動聽的藉口,好讓自己能繼續跟著牠。你要辦甚麼要緊事?需要我幫忙嗎?當是報答你的指導。根據剛才的對答,我相信牠有一定的智商和歷練,不會提出天方夜譚的要求。971Please respect copyright.PENANAS94tUdKSw0
971Please respect copyright.PENANAVQKs3FLVh6
黃牛愣住,仔細端詳我的表情,似乎沒料到我會主動提出幫忙。但我很有信心,牠會留住我:當智商去到一定程度,動物就會懂得使用工具,包括身邊的同伴。971Please respect copyright.PENANAGaoBb8yAqZ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAgzAPZoZZsi
「我在找兒子。」黃牛很感動:「我生前眼巴巴看著牠被人類帶走,沒能找回。現在失去肉體的束縛,才可以了無拘束去尋找。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAoM7zdhy8xS
971Please respect copyright.PENANAAhBgPTQAxr
我馬上想到一個關鍵問題。假設相遇是必須講求緣份的話,黃牛找不到小牛的唯一原因,只會是「緣份已盡」。若是有緣份,無論如何都會碰上的。在約二千七百平方公里的我城,高樓林立的環境裡,我和黃牛在某小小餐廳的廚房裡相遇。除了緣份,還有甚麼能解釋茫茫宇宙中的遇見。971Please respect copyright.PENANABCmOjVYNbo
971Please respect copyright.PENANAC8cMUbtG2T
我沒有將這番話說出來,還裝模作樣地詢問更多有關小牛的事。971Please respect copyright.PENANA7euJGBot3E
971Please respect copyright.PENANAZaRE3LxhAp
我們可以去牠逝世的地方試試看,看牠的鬼魂會否留在原地。小牛在哪兒去世的?971Please respect copyright.PENANAd1UQ7QgoEB
971Please respect copyright.PENANAd86F6GqJwD
「不知道。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAyazsNY5aqw
971Please respect copyright.PENANAdo7i1NtjpW
我們可以去相關的地方看看。小牛生前有沒有甚麼喜好?971Please respect copyright.PENANAfv0x47QfzQ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAbhLWHNcCse
「用尾巴驅蒼蠅。」971Please respect copyright.PENANArhrZ93ZIAU
971Please respect copyright.PENANAQWyAbBXJXG
小牛被人類帶到哪裡去?971Please respect copyright.PENANAvOHVNvu2TG
971Please respect copyright.PENANA0mL265UaNI
「運牛車……」971Please respect copyright.PENANAzh816S70dT
971Please respect copyright.PENANAineoMFFbDL
基本上,所有線索都斷了。只能靠緣份。971Please respect copyright.PENANA4VSeKqxWML
971Please respect copyright.PENANArR1Y5OHseB
每提及小牛一次,彷彿往黃牛內心插一刀。牠的步伐越益沉重,眼神越見哀傷,牛頭越垂越低,四蹄不再執著於馬路上的記號。我於心不忍,沒有再詢問關於小牛的事,甚至為了轉移黃牛的焦點,主動講述生前的見聞……971Please respect copyright.PENANAiPlhB4W1uy
971Please respect copyright.PENANAjqDsGFLTHF
無月的夜。大部份活人均已回家休息去,泛黃路燈的照明下,大街上只剩十餘套衣褲鞋襪在緩慢走動。部份偶爾會在過路燈口停下,讓汽車先行駛過。更多的是無視交通燈的指示,直接衝過路口,活像在街角亂竄的鼠輩。971Please respect copyright.PENANA89RN00x8pC
971Please respect copyright.PENANAZUEoBKuHvt
這份無聲的混亂,散發出濃烈的死亡氣息。971Please respect copyright.PENANAAlJLtyy4UQ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAmCBPmIo3nm
生前,總渴求死後世界的安寧;死後,卻覺得生前的世界更接近印象中的死亡。971Please respect copyright.PENANAITeeRNxiid
971Please respect copyright.PENANAaLcSBfFQj1
生前,除了工作時間需要說話片刻外,其餘時刻都不需要溝通,枯燥乏味得與困在棺材等死無異;死後,我和一頭新相識的黃牛談天說地,分享活著時的所見所聞。971Please respect copyright.PENANAEe6MyDEB0z
971Please respect copyright.PENANAozyOhxdrGC
牠說牠的兒子右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣。不愛吃草,但愛嚼草;我說我唯一的女友有一頭烏亮順滑的及腰長髮、精緻脫俗的五官、姣好的身材、白嫩緊緻的肌膚。性格單純可愛,善良正直……971Please respect copyright.PENANAC9vCNZSbYd
971Please respect copyright.PENANAP2Dy9pcOyb
「既然你愛她,為何你會選擇自殺?」黃牛畢竟是一頭牛,不懂得複雜多變的人類世界,沒能理解人類的思路。971Please respect copyright.PENANATMY1LAvVOh
971Please respect copyright.PENANAzEVDDI8dym
有數之不盡的原因。我不打算詳述,以免對牛彈琴,白費唇舌。971Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8KqdD2AVm
971Please respect copyright.PENANAYEx5pX0IgH
「你已經死了,沒有肉體的束縛,你現在可以全心全意去愛她。」黃牛是單純的不明白,沒有批判之意。971Please respect copyright.PENANA1kZAmYj2iJ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAtFuGA8Byrl
還不行啊!我苦笑。執著於沒有好結果的感情,是很痛苦的事。所以,即便和女友的感情再深,我也決定將其埋藏心底作罷。971Please respect copyright.PENANAntdHHyraNt
971Please respect copyright.PENANAr9QL1uJ3l6
「原來人類的問題不會隨肉體消失?」黃牛衷心同情人類:「那可真糟糕!」971Please respect copyright.PENANA16QI8EId97
971Please respect copyright.PENANAOP4nX3QF2p
我無言以對。怎麼說?人類的問題確實沒有消失,但將我逼上絕路的問題已然全部消失。住屋、金錢、前途、道德、倫理、政治、家庭、事業、健康、生活環境……統統不復存在。971Please respect copyright.PENANAts1oYa1pKs
971Please respect copyright.PENANASbz1LHb6KF
很悲哀。人生的基本事項,竟是我尋死的主因。而更令我感到痛心的是,世上絕大部份活人仍然需要面對它們。他們有沒有能力解決這些問題呢?如何解決呢?971Please respect copyright.PENANAY58jQOraav
971Please respect copyright.PENANAn5MeMqStd2
不!我不該再為這些東西動腦筋。這不再是我的問題,而是活人的問題……971Please respect copyright.PENANABU7HjiMEcN
971Please respect copyright.PENANAMhxvzNgc3z
「或許,你可以守在她的身邊,直至她逝世。只要她一死,你不就可以馬上和她相見,永遠待在一起!」黃牛的腦筋挺靈活,很不錯。縱使牠漏算了人類沒有「一生只愛一人」這特質。971Please respect copyright.PENANAZtIVPDLFse
971Please respect copyright.PENANAboG4HHaSrT
我正要開口否決牠的建議時,眼角瞥見藍中帶紫的天際泛起一片淡紅朝霞。頃刻間,來到唇邊的說話被莫名的寧靜驅散了。黃牛似乎看穿我的感受,領我去一個「好地方」看日出。971Please respect copyright.PENANApQddEGY8QI
971Please respect copyright.PENANAqQsTo6qIyD
寬闊的大馬路上,四蹄兩腿齊齊拔足狂奔。無視迎面衝來的汽車,無視交通燈號,無視規則,只知向著日出的方向跑。跑著跑著,我突然發現自己是一隻正在跑道加速的飛機。跑到前邊那個交通燈口,我就會自然而然飛起來。971Please respect copyright.PENANAGptQoXfIB3
971Please respect copyright.PENANA0fN82aI0Jk
對!我一定會飛起來!971Please respect copyright.PENANAmXRByaVxLW
971Please respect copyright.PENANAtXAMKyCxHy
跑、踏、跳、飛!971Please respect copyright.PENANAXl2rL5Brzs
971Please respect copyright.PENANAsCCZGnrkuv
雙腳離地,輕鬆趕上拋離我十多個身位的黃牛,還在牠面前來個花式飛翔表演。971Please respect copyright.PENANAKYfWCa1dXJ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAP77V69cKC9
「哇!」黃牛被迷住了,興奮大叫。亢奮的身影,在車水馬龍的鬧市中尤其奪目。971Please respect copyright.PENANAR7Vw7lVdVf
971Please respect copyright.PENANAXObhi1YXXm
我回身俯衝,雙手一抱,將整隻黃牛帶離地面。牠比我想象中輕盈得多。是沒有肉體的關係嗎?管他的!快樂就可以!971Please respect copyright.PENANAIv3BkHyUCq
971Please respect copyright.PENANAbq9FZuLc17
朝霞顏色更見鮮豔,火紅鵝黃亮橙,誘人耀眼。黃牛驚恐至極,又叫又喊。我懶理牠,逕自飛得更高,高過附近所有大廈,得到一個遼闊無邊的視野。朝霞變淡,取而代之是一片無瑕的魚肚白。懷中的黃牛忽而安靜下來,靜待主角登場。金黃亮光先行開路,將眾生靈的注意力聚焦一點。太陽冉冉升起,令天上其餘色彩啞然失色。沒有肉體的限制,我放膽直視太陽。971Please respect copyright.PENANAA0xhVc4akw
971Please respect copyright.PENANAW8QCLqFhCc
純粹的白,純粹的光,純粹的能量。純粹的情感,純粹的快樂,純粹的愛。971Please respect copyright.PENANASzcjCggyH6
971Please respect copyright.PENANAOoE3Q3XodN
「小牛!」黃牛高呼兒子的名字。971Please respect copyright.PENANAg1t4LbZ1oq
971Please respect copyright.PENANA6j38B9TUL6
我高呼女友的名字。971Please respect copyright.PENANA3KfBviP0xe
971Please respect copyright.PENANAJdOQ8AdCf2
明明知道對方聽不見,偏偏就是想叫喊出來!明明知道你再感受不了,偏偏我就是愛你!971Please respect copyright.PENANAt2SBDyc36T
971Please respect copyright.PENANAkRSUrvR0AX
太陽高掛半空之時,我們亦回到地面去。馬路上,並肩漫步,相顧無言,無視心裡頭的大量疑問,享受日出帶來的美妙餘韻。日正當空,我們來到海濱長廊。踱步,閒話家常,享受海面的粼粼波光。971Please respect copyright.PENANAAnqy4uCnZc
971Please respect copyright.PENANASuhoabEQq4
「我決定了。」黃牛露出罕有的溫柔微笑:「帶你到『朋友』身邊後,我才繼續找兒子。你可以在『朋友』身上得到很多資料。那會對你找尋女友下落很有幫助。」牠竭力以自己有限的所知去理解我的世界,為我操心籌謀。果然是當媽媽的好料子。「我起初以為你在漫無目的地遊離浪盪,現在才知道你也有想念的人。思念是很痛苦的事……」牠將自己失去兒子的痛苦,代入到我身上。971Please respect copyright.PENANAbVinWWKu43
971Please respect copyright.PENANA8pFxOG1JJO
我眼眶濕潤,掃掃黃牛頭上的短毛,加以安慰。料不到,與這頭認識不到廿四小時的黃牛,會有如此深刻的情感交流。971Please respect copyright.PENANAg5LZi4EWA7
971Please respect copyright.PENANAobPjNNxyxk
「好!坐言起行!」黃牛立即換上一副精神奕奕的模樣,衝向護欄,四蹄一蹬,直墮海面。971Please respect copyright.PENANA2xPKN4K1bF
971Please respect copyright.PENANAK69d6WFMBK
風平浪靜,水花沒有為牠濺起。四蹄平穩地直立水面上,不受波浪影響,如履平地。牠回頭喚我跟去。971Please respect copyright.PENANAAXZQyq7o4P
971Please respect copyright.PENANAM8XpB1XumC
我望望大海,再望望自己雙腳,不期然憶起兒時遇溺的苦況:雙眼澀痛,刺鼻的泳池水無間斷湧入鼻腔口腔,四肢激烈亂舞卻抓空撲空。掙扎無果遠比一擊致命的痛快更見殘忍……971Please respect copyright.PENANA6T8SbdYYQ2
971Please respect copyright.PENANAPtbzxoFt1i
雙腳猶如釘在地面,久久不提步。陽光很美,大海很美,奈何我不敢上前。971Please respect copyright.PENANAFEHCnkQ2r7
971Please respect copyright.PENANA5dt2z7gxyt
恐懼面前,時間彷如無物。我的思維、大海的波浪、粼粼的波光,都靜置在恐懼當中。明明知道自己已然死亡,不會再經歷那種苦痛,為何就是放不下?971Please respect copyright.PENANA9NvZ46uu9M
971Please respect copyright.PENANANpL7D4fPXE
黃牛沒有催促我,輕輕抬頭莞爾一笑:「怕水?」971Please respect copyright.PENANAuGXENdwDO5
971Please respect copyright.PENANATKWdFXQlX9
我點點頭。971Please respect copyright.PENANAKQp8XcjsbD
971Please respect copyright.PENANArC6ACKAfD2
「騎在我的背上吧。」黃牛前蹄曲下,半伏下來:「算是答謝你帶我飛天看日出。」971Please respect copyright.PENANA6zpNEVe72S
971Please respect copyright.PENANAZOIQGPiQa5
我毫不忸怩,馬上跳到牛背上起行。牛步四平八穩,不會顛簸。971Please respect copyright.PENANAeaEba31coS
971Please respect copyright.PENANAyNDfQNkque
我問黃牛,你怎麼能水上行走。971Please respect copyright.PENANAUbHmKB926I
971Please respect copyright.PENANA89vlKjB4Yu
「覺得自己做到,就會做到。」971Please respect copyright.PENANANphVF4M2yN
971Please respect copyright.PENANAYjF5YF1OQy
甚麼?971Please respect copyright.PENANAMqKArnAexT
971Please respect copyright.PENANAbnvWFi1wMU
「覺得自己曉飛,就曉得飛;覺得自己能夠水上步行,就可以水上步行。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAiEa46oVZbl
971Please respect copyright.PENANAz9JqCETcPW
你怎麼不自己飛起看日出?971Please respect copyright.PENANAIdjerRspmV
971Please respect copyright.PENANAlk9W1YXeXW
「我畏高。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAdSG3Vbx758
971Please respect copyright.PENANAHPXES55aVL
我笑了,黃牛也笑了。971Please respect copyright.PENANAHoLZOl6bdJ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAsMAnLjJNoi
的確,起飛當刻,我純粹覺得自己可以飛,並沒有質疑過自己能否飛起,就像我認為鬼魂定能穿牆過壁那樣理所當然。971Please respect copyright.PENANAqx0Qkk849p
971Please respect copyright.PENANAtUPPbLYQbw
茅塞頓開。971Please respect copyright.PENANAFluGgWxrqF
971Please respect copyright.PENANAgWUfEnaBlr
我雙手一撐,躍下牛背,站在水面上。沾沾自喜,一臉得意:「好。到你!」971Please respect copyright.PENANAulXWJHyE6x
971Please respect copyright.PENANACYscWAzr8a
黃牛愣住,浮游於恐懼和快感之間。971Please respect copyright.PENANAYiNCISRCrC
971Please respect copyright.PENANArsfjMIT4xa
說不定,你將來可以教小牛飛,看盡世界的好風景!971Please respect copyright.PENANAcPtFx00zNq
971Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4hQWCXW6g
黃牛笑了,臉露神采,四蹄稍稍離開水面。971Please respect copyright.PENANAQR6SvfEPXB
971Please respect copyright.PENANA9VCesPf9HN
就是這樣!我鼓勵牠。四目交投,要牠忘卻高度,記住小牛精靈眼眸的深度。971Please respect copyright.PENANAvA4Rp8GCdJ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAoAas0j9hQY
「小牛!」牠高呼兒子的名字,就成功飛起來。971Please respect copyright.PENANAgAo5hlnzpF
971Please respect copyright.PENANAlewoW97zGI
我尾隨牠,飛越港口,在離島著陸。971Please respect copyright.PENANAlJXOZbE3J2
971Please respect copyright.PENANAoCjBDThi0I
烈日當空,遊人稀疏,商戶店員在簷下陰影搖扇乘涼。我和黃牛浩浩蕩蕩來到古舊的廟宇。無人。香火疏落如禿子頭上殘餘的髮根。我抬頭望向那莊嚴卻滄桑的木雕神像。這自身難保的傢伙,就是黃牛的朋友?971Please respect copyright.PENANAJwmUIkGlbd
971Please respect copyright.PENANA2sZ7xXb2B1
「小牛終於回來了。」祂的聲音像柔和的風,又像滋潤的雨,是聆聽者心中的風鈴。971Please respect copyright.PENANAmO7dm4WNqs
971Please respect copyright.PENANAjr6GhAashM
「不。還未找到小牛。只是發現一個人類鬼魂。」黃牛狀甚灰心。971Please respect copyright.PENANAjF6kHfS25O
971Please respect copyright.PENANAPSDb5DYIBi
「這是小牛。」神像肯定說:「小牛投胎多次,早已忘記曾經的『小牛』身份,亦忘記了你。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAHQerqqjFEr
971Please respect copyright.PENANAPo2DGVeWWb
不知是否我的錯覺,總覺得木訥的神像在望著我,以一種極其謐靜的目光。971Please respect copyright.PENANArXXMMahtDv
971Please respect copyright.PENANAN9VWLnbbmT
「我怎會不認得小牛?」黃牛激動地喊嚷:「黑白分明的圓眼,右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣,時刻擺個不停的牛尾巴,左額角有道小刀鎅成的疤痕……」971Please respect copyright.PENANAwKhny83T5p
971Please respect copyright.PENANAjeSzqYnbDw
「記得你家的風景嗎?」神像的淡然,反襯出實相的殘忍:「柴枝和枯草搭成的棚,棚前的碩大黃皮樹,樹下的大片青草地……」971Please respect copyright.PENANAAZht3W3u3L
971Please respect copyright.PENANAujmn7Q3OSd
黃牛點點頭。971Please respect copyright.PENANAe3TMai3puD
971Please respect copyright.PENANAwLsCy4rLpB
「它們還在?」神像以簡單的一句話,引出黃牛晶瑩的淚珠。971Please respect copyright.PENANAFUVop0aawT
971Please respect copyright.PENANAU2RJHG9cuY
「不在……棚主老死後,子孫將地方賣給一個富翁。富翁僱人拆掉牛棚、斬掉黃皮樹、清走草坪,在空地上築起一間漂亮的大磚屋。後來磚屋被拆卸,先後改建成學校、住宅、大廈……」黃牛頓了頓,轉頭望向我,一臉不敢相信:「現在是一間餐廳……」971Please respect copyright.PENANANEMpbdsjVS
971Please respect copyright.PENANA4xvENWwEkJ
眼神相交,我大概估到黃牛在想甚麼:這就是我倆之間的緣份。971Please respect copyright.PENANANVSXkxcLnP
971Please respect copyright.PENANASkswF565jC
整個空間倏忽靜默起來,彷彿只有我和黃牛的存在。971Please respect copyright.PENANAxBokor4m2A
971Please respect copyright.PENANA1OTLyHQEaM
我們的緣份並不是始於今世,亦未必始於黃牛知道的當世之中。很有可能是更久遠的過去。在地球誕生之前嗎?是在宇宙其他角落發生的事情嗎?不過,那全都不重要,因為我們連眼前狀況亦沒能弄清楚。971Please respect copyright.PENANAUc3WZIS5dw
971Please respect copyright.PENANAMe0aQULl1m
「昨天在街上流連,突然感覺到小牛在附近。我隨著感覺走,走到餐廳裡。找不到小牛的身影,卻看見你。我只把你當作和我有緣份的人類,沒料到你竟是小牛……」黃牛破涕為笑:「真糟糕!我竟認不出小牛。我真是個很糟糕的媽媽!」971Please respect copyright.PENANAAwoP90kvZE
971Please respect copyright.PENANAb7Fw4BeHKD
不!不糟糕!世界時刻在變,認不出來,很正常。971Please respect copyright.PENANAegkHkJ6cd5
971Please respect copyright.PENANA0I1pfYrdfp
「謝謝。」笑著笑著,黃牛的身影隱去了,消失無蹤。971Please respect copyright.PENANAvOBMQSpPMP
971Please respect copyright.PENANAJE2EUN8xO5
心頭若有所失,眼淚在眶裡打圈轉。我轉身望向神像,冀祂能指點迷津。971Please respect copyright.PENANAPAu5FYWlye
971Please respect copyright.PENANAxCqzAOcepK
黃牛到哪兒去?971Please respect copyright.PENANAmpdFORyYVR
971Please respect copyright.PENANAQCWaj0Kco9
「黃牛到了下一個階段去。」神像說。神情似笑非笑,既冷漠又仁慈。971Please respect copyright.PENANAN47rlryA0Q
971Please respect copyright.PENANAymJbezLZzE
我沒再多話,隨意找個幽暗角落躺著,好好整頓思緒。呆望漏光的屋簷,看見空氣中的微塵,有光又有影。它們緩緩飄落,穿過我,落到地面。渺小卻必然。和我一樣。971Please respect copyright.PENANA5aies1SdOv
971Please respect copyright.PENANADoBe6pmb7N
甚麼是「下一個階段」?971Please respect copyright.PENANA5vc5bVKcwZ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAA52DsHTHGl
「投胎。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAjtGyGH6E0z
971Please respect copyright.PENANAnTe8TA9jZ7
甚麼時候會到下一個階段?971Please respect copyright.PENANAf9ovCLO25R
971Please respect copyright.PENANAG4lHY7Nkzi
「當你不在這裡時。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAoqYleppEL0
971Please respect copyright.PENANAiwj56oFe0a
我如何不在這裡?971Please respect copyright.PENANAYVbGpECql0
971Please respect copyright.PENANAmtutFzYddN
「當你不想留在這裡,你自然會離開這裡。」971Please respect copyright.PENANA3oBAh55x7c
971Please respect copyright.PENANAmqNLmGEVZx
我已不想留在這裡……971Please respect copyright.PENANA0HTkmdADaa
971Please respect copyright.PENANASlyFyHcTy0
「不。你想。你仍然緊緊抱著這世界。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAuJlyVtszA1
971Please respect copyright.PENANAnSDDIJn5Pt
甚麼?971Please respect copyright.PENANAMwTOFqEXGN
971Please respect copyright.PENANA7xwRTS39GI
「你認為鬼魂一定能夠穿牆過壁,所以你在死去不久已懂得穿牆過壁。當你覺得自己會飛,就馬上由不懂飛變成懂得飛。當你明白在水面行走的原理,你就可以立即踏步於在水面上。表面上,你接受了自己失去肉體這事實。971Please respect copyright.PENANAipCpzA2hDG
971Please respect copyright.PENANAn18IzNV81v
可是,移動時,你會用腳走路或用腳跑;你感知周邊環境時,會依賴眼睛;對黃牛說話,你依賴嘴巴和聲帶。事實上,你的肉體經已滅亡,你沒有腳、眼睛、嘴巴、聲帶。你只是習慣性地以為自己正在使用身體。你仍然未真正拋開你的『肉體』。」971Please respect copyright.PENANACyLNiQDf1m
971Please respect copyright.PENANAgU0vruR03Z
那我就忘掉自己的習慣吧。行!971Please respect copyright.PENANApoDQPWNWx3
971Please respect copyright.PENANAdk8d6rzVl5
「要拋開你慣用的思考模式。例如,你一直聽到黃牛在講人話。但我告訴你,牠不懂講人話,純粹在吽吽叫。你聽到牠講人話,是因為你認為自己只聽得懂人話,加上牠是鬼魂,該有超能力。『懂得講人話』亦算得上是超能力的一種……諸如此類的。你仍然下意識地將自己在人類世界得到的觀念活用出來。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAYPeJpwjMuP
971Please respect copyright.PENANArCJq5XhrpD
那我就忘掉這些觀念吧。行!971Please respect copyright.PENANAT9ygiRL1zt
971Please respect copyright.PENANAay2XkvcFSR
「最後要放下執著。就像黃牛放下小牛一樣。」971Please respect copyright.PENANA8YSHHjzZ6c
971Please respect copyright.PENANAPsGVpmTNeu
我驀地想起黃牛的說話:思念是很痛苦的事。頃刻間,我分不清黃牛的最後表情孰悲孰喜,抑或是當中不包含悲喜。我亦分不清自己是否要堅決放棄那痛苦的事。畢竟捨棄痛苦的同時,對立的快樂亦會消散。971Please respect copyright.PENANA7LRB5cU1hM
971Please respect copyright.PENANADBtjC7D6T9
黃牛失去小牛會感痛苦,是因為牠擁有小牛時會快樂。971Please respect copyright.PENANAZVoWhBzj5E
971Please respect copyright.PENANAYtJcAnXRjT
當初我選擇捨棄生命,是因為生存讓我感到痛苦。生存讓我感到痛苦,是因為我沒能擁有那些讓我感到快樂的。惟失去生命以後,我卻發現「那些讓我感到快樂的」大部份只是過眼雲煙而已。971Please respect copyright.PENANACtRovzCGcg
971Please respect copyright.PENANA7IRtoOV6Di
無論生前或死後,唯一穩佔我心頭的只有女友一人。971Please respect copyright.PENANAe8d9257Q9r
971Please respect copyright.PENANAF84ydELQuv
昔日與她分離,是因為我自覺沒能照顧她。在這亂七八糟的城巿裡,人類能活得像樣已是很了不起的事情,養活父母、照顧妻兒更是人生的豐功偉績。我的人生結局,證明當日的分離是最正確不過的決定……不!不正確!決心分離和自殺才是真正斷絕緣份的方法!斷絕了人與人之間的緣份,亦斷絕了人與可能性的緣份!971Please respect copyright.PENANAoVAwlLcHRo
971Please respect copyright.PENANA8kLOGgRxVQ
我告訴神像,我決定多留一會兒。我想待女友死亡後,給她講解這裡的規矩,就像黃牛照顧我一樣。971Please respect copyright.PENANACKybdnHtcQ
971Please respect copyright.PENANAiiqaDcqwiK
「未必可行……你們之間的緣份已因你的自殺而變得極為淺薄。除非,你們之間互相存有十分強烈的思念。就像黃牛對於小牛的百年執著。」971Please respect copyright.PENANAh6r6chbDf6
971Please respect copyright.PENANAwZOo0je7ff
原來黃牛已尋找小牛一百年……971Please respect copyright.PENANAipMTVNaMhi
971Please respect copyright.PENANAiGgu0gVDYc
「明白了沒?」971Please respect copyright.PENANAGnqRzqvOPe
971Please respect copyright.PENANAJKO4rjrkbA
明白!無論結果如何,我這就去她的身邊,開始我的執著!心念一轉,眼前景觀立即粉碎成細末,瞬間重組成一個小小的睡房。床頭櫃上的相架,放有一位高貴婦人的相片。我認得那溫柔的笑容,屬於我曾經的女友。
註:971Please respect copyright.PENANAToNe4OfyC5
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