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我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVT2RnwVO4
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbojQGrJlmT
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaovgx9ejTB
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhaWaGU2tj
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9YZ6Tkdsx
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHQ6gzOH9X
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtEXTFWSvl
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAzIBe3dtQ
壓力似乎一併消散。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBNCvc1qQo
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ABBABblq3
茶盡。我再續杯。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM23dcUxkZ3
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1WsA45euH
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8L51Ot7pgQ
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMrnyT5tTK
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yrfAYvTiY
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI44pJpI6Ag
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFi6niel1S
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZWWXmSylR
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡValoB1nIb5
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgM2ju6p7QF
夢醒一場空。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl0H4HoPUj
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k6Cm5xpA9
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvY0gloJzxp
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6UxpawFa9
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrsoGIzzvc
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zPeFSO7Eq
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdB4aJXlLU
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKS71aBNps
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGHcFkmj0Z
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c1Q76y1ER
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT399pJGAKD
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx2cuILr0n
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1T4P13GARA
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFip8c52mUX
我沾沾自喜。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaCm0ux3RV
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRtildaOhE
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5A4mR1kNPa
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJNgb25oca
但我沒有向同學們坦白。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMq93ROlRr
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbfOTRzfdH
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJUfC4Y75I
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DaCrieVvb
努力，努力，努力。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCGw2GyoaF
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5U4TP99Eb
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaM9knHk7Jc
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxeNyTPKxH
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4QMq5D2jk
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQFuctJTYU
以為。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yo96B9Jyi
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayK2tZLC4t
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAf16pWZTxy
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPEu6nz7b2
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiYxyX033p
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiWvBUAC8C
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtj8SqEo9aF
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS70gxqgxIU
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy0Ujwo8ri
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e3r0HAySr
我的作品感動了我。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDSjirsxn6
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabJl9t4oZf
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmFmJhZME1
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1exaaLhu0z
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0ObDrSgNx
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgsmV8NlQ0
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4QE3ptqxa
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDidzVdUwP
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymoMtdUBvB
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXW4uyESYW
熱茶又涼了。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98VVxW92IQ
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2Px62yoLR
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcM0dv4Av9
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jTps37uKj
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT9iRgrxz5
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOT1SirUqma
我的作品只感動了我。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6kcCA8Ogr
540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1keRSoXhs0
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。540Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjaGdjdbBY
