日子還是這樣在過，學校裡的夥伴不時耳提面命「大考將近，獎學金不能拱手讓人」的事，我知道他是逼著我轉移注意力，也就順著他的意，認真上班、認真上課、認真睡覺，好像我換了個叫「課本」的男友，天天與它相伴，沒見著它的時間，都在夢鄉。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGCFUK7KFT
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但，無論怎麼讓自己逃開，總有那幾個瞬間，會被回憶淹沒，尤其是，酸楚的回憶。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC20R1RMTlV
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我把自己關在家幾個禮拜，直到被朋友挖出門。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVovMs4FPN
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坐上朋友的車，也不是很在乎要去哪裡，明明身邊有人，但全世界好像剩下自己。
也許這些，都是失去愛情的症狀。
可笑的是我連自己是否曾經「擁有」愛情都不確定。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjLf8BVRVm
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朋友載我到熟悉的山上，我以為他是要去山頂的土地公廟拜拜。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNgUiI49PI
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「妳最近不是很愛爬山嗎？帶妳來山上走走啊。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGzdd6zwoA
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「……喔…」
我心裡一沉。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDqelQVPzX
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他不知道我為什麼開始爬山，我又怎麼能怪他呢？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfKcB7JOnd
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我們延著樓梯，爬到了山頂的土地公廟，便隨意照找了個地方坐下，那是山頂的展望區。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiMHJFihru
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「那是什麼山啊？」
我指著橫過城市、遠處一座被雲海包圍的山。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWNSpHc4fp
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「我哪知道。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13tlxNUOo2
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「……說的也是。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtBSXpCww0
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我才發現自己的愚蠢。
那是我和張先生一同爬山時，我很常說的話。
他總是像個「山的萬事通」，有問必答，即使在我看來那些山都長得一個模樣，他仍能數家珍般地，念出它們的名。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqNWGWvvrs
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黑兔子找我去唱歌，在包廂裡和另一個女生朋友故意想弄哭我，不停點悲傷的歌來唱，一開始我只是笑，笑她們無聊。
直到某首歌的歌詞刺進我的心裡，痛了那麼一下，我哭了，就停不下來。
兩個女生見我掉淚，居然也跟著哭了，還哭得比我悽慘。最後我還得幫她們擦眼淚。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHNAD7MJrX
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我很努力要自己不去怨懟、不去記恨，但總對自己被欺騙一事糾結，同時也怪自己不夠聰明、不夠謹慎。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xvhwI0Hpy
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無法灑脫。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ0W1DCeJH
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我還是持續的爬山，但不明白自己是因為什麼而爬。
我害怕自己是為了不忘記他，所以更不敢面對這個問題。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uNqrzsE1E
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直到某次，母親找我一同去爬山。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNydCERUVjF
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那是一座有著神話故事點綴的郊山，山上的涼亭裡還用木板刻著傳說。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqh9ZI6eGxO
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「這是我和妳爸爸第一次約會的地方。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnrZrO9Afp
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母親突然提起父親，自他們離異後，母親甚少和我聊父親的事。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR6hOvHlmE
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「我喜歡運動，妳爸爸不愛。我喜歡在舞池跳舞，他只想坐在沙發聊天。妳爸爸體能好，明明是蛙人，運動神經好，私底下卻懶惰得要命。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNtKvGu2Yi
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「但這是我們第一次約會的地方。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvzspUOoah
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我不知道母親為什麼突然說這些。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArFInzHjgt
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「妳和那個來過家裡的先生，應該沒有再聯絡了吧？」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FIjIjJJt7
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「沒有了。」我立刻回答。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebwvkLnsvI
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「妳一開始喜歡上爬山，是因為他嗎？」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoXz5SWeGo
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「嗯。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqN72l8b3z
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「那他留給妳的影響，就夠了。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQW2t1Zh3SS
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我還不明白。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3o3rrs1Ig
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「妳本來就喜歡小動物、小昆蟲，剛剛一路上來妳都在跟我介紹那些蜘蛛蝸牛，山區就是讓妳更親近牠們的地方，妳這段路爬上來有想到那個男人嗎？」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sjL3XTOJ7
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「……沒有。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrV6hZ2bwG
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「那妳還介意是誰啟發妳喜歡爬山嗎？」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmo3UbveP9M
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我盯著她，努力消化她的話語。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbnvz91rk2
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「不管事情是怎麼開始的，只要最後有好的地方值得妳保留就好了。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKV7agySWpZ
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「妳沒必要忘記。」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOHjwBKfmz
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我的眼淚差一點就奪眶而出。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazNpUZvR4T
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後來。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dwZ5q6JCv
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學期順利結束，我依然拿到系上的獎學金。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCzojjZSS8
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真正了解我的家人朋友，都沒有怪我隱瞞他們，我以為會面對很多責怪，卻意外收到過多的心疼。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHMG7UOkmB
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我去爬了更多的山，也因為山結交了更多新朋友，也間接因為爬山認識了現在的男朋友。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBAKgIPNt3
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在之後我曾和幾個好友在居酒屋裡，酒酣耳熱之際說完了整個故事，朋友們聽到我查證的過程，開玩笑的說「妳怎麼不去徵信社上班啊！」554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCemCwZ1YRr
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而我真的在因緣際會下踏入了徵信業。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIV9yBm5pJ
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看到了更多更多事例，才知道感情的故事，真的都是一個套路，所以我們總覺得「這首歌在寫我」，「這個故事在說我」…因為我們的感情路，好好壞壞，都差不多會是那個樣子。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oCi8mbZ5D
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我沒有繼續怨恨他，但也沒有原諒他，我只是原諒自己。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNlNTzzx8U
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在寫這篇之前，我偷偷地搜尋了他的名字，發現他們有了個可愛的女兒。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxFxWmT0A4
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「希望你專心愛她們。」我發自內心的想。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPS9nL2ugN
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完。
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