我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdxYjSavq0
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8ScSdg4pi
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5FNUiJH1v
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7EudFE1KQ
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2RcSD2d5O
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7JqO7MyON
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJBYqDTX4d
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqyk5JDnQ4
「妳是…？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSMetcFWtN
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoShvlA7UM
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EnVYlasZC
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl62Wpl3kvm
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnDoCDqPg4
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI0TgQ85aC
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrURwfDtaCU
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY5iKgYpl4
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwiWtigI0F
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXo4imkqo2
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp111vk2efS
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqxnLpNqfo
「妳是他女朋友？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHfhYznOJV
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9GBOCVPly
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsWxnhE2TN
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIRjpVL1EM
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIfI9unoR2
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh4ZAkNH1C
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvP962272Ks
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1gLkwdJxy
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6apeJx1gY
我一時語塞，沒能回話。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14uMjtUvxZ
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQmYhTLJT2
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhau6PqlApQ
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNvVCSjM1J
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESG3v8fi2n
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJzWDcIeEL
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HzbgYt9pA
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPYW34SWhi
「小姐貴姓？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZL8oNjtob
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKFQlKzw9y
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3ik3YZbMw
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0BRF0FE3J
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKB6Dm6iUI
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCSQvD1uU7
「糟。」我心想。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VK5lpltL0
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pWB7lEtk5
她隨即關上木門。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHPzLXwj69
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcPKQxcRp7
「她知道我是誰了。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzISivcAQK
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbBvIZrarC
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3CZJBL67f
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RBbVFergA
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2mICdzB77
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYK1jxXqdS
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56cKM3gT84
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMbtkk34Nt
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteO4PxaFsS
就這樣升上了高中二年級，442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡro88tj20iZ
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0znuOPrlh
迎來了人生的轉折。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlF7Bz7k0wB
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05gMpauOsE
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k8RFd0BDN
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1aRRagVMC
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmrEvWj2d3
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpQnvCD2xp
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ17fCdwXcS
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMKdgbZpqS
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnfweCKiqH
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu5pOuQyya
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDV75kw1Bx
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrGGPeI9rm
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHwq5ZtKDh
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwjnEfwZsr
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAlgkVnCjU
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGzWChia3N
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqc35C6ibXt
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuhHR25eIu
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTiZClPnXy
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9NNOHT6gI
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxQASWStvb
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcDXeXaCIC
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZldWmw8Xp2
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkS4qlBmiN
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66vfJPFhmu
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7o9jkgQ0f
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21taSklLhx
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmL24LighT
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaoHZgK0Oo
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAevDLwnPV
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OEZ08uNDh
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhFefniUg7
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrc4HnOxku8
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuUlePS5NX
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5XKx7Yj59
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO2xZrdsOA
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhizHQKCpR
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBMCoz0D5c
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3KxazYUSG
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttyH9t6k1D
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡum6oXWXpdK
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaRUaCiLeL
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvE6LvTIdHA
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl45nfNmbe
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL0O1KUhO2
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC6erGRzfC
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWebxrtYHx0
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5trlJK8Rc
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0tb3gpCAd
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDkI6LHdMx
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtY3Lnjqps7
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo1y8aqZ9j
「爸爸。」我喊他。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnm9DO5wJHJ
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyesZxX8B8f
父親抬頭看我。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA4ur0sOsk
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DfKAZpVKw
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfA9BXur3k
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3QiyL1PRX
「我不知道。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9z70UlQpnH
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9FTyjX0Qz
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkNalMWeMV
「我和你一起搬走。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rOTxKbxiy
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbVbEo34u2
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVy9VuIQ9E
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl21XBu8b42
「真的嗎？」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVVSqUGo1v
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rIyK2OTH4
「嗯。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BLcdfcUsF
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcjFnCf6K8
「…好啊。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeLu0S691a
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hssc9xx8w
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIKtCiv6Eg
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPiOosuRn4
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG1uslOyJs
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JOS5L4BeM
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOoogifgv6
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMg2OATpUP
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBlyz1S07s
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkz6H38tRQ
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqRDN4b9Xf
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PJAkxmuC8
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSJwNDiilm
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdUcTHXqNx
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKxhC5rtxA
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuuWN52plx
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo01OTXWnJv
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHdAeqkYPB
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhZqeI3T6X
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AkaX4xuTe
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxf4kYVrDV
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOyhpeF5Kl
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lpjVYICqc
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3mRM7zVGf
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi0UEUw8gc
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzHVkfVZwC
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QTgxIfkhX
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5OM1fGwUQ
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNHBZO4NyM
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeC7jtCnAj
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGKH5Uen2U
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mVxshFRS9
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmkthVyLLV
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZ3h8kpzpa
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2znRGPGVo
但那是另一個故事了。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQAXQTD3TM
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFgjFNw17M
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVE4n0QXfia
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5NMvwdFC1
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvthGN4wrF
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ126fabnjhp
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRJGCKxaBT
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrpWHLfyjB
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0F1KFyPLo
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthp1eMxTbq
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjoMwQRb0f
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OkV8uUuMG
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0TaE5d4Sg
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdtmMmfes1
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUuE7gtF5G
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8xUy36T8O
難道逃出台灣了嗎？442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshPuOATMm4
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6autSsKLW
難道…真的死了嗎？442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLvQLbWQPs
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSwUtlYcen
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK2OoMN7JU
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQFtkMWLvi
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oxh84TCTo
但父親不在家。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtxRGWthXE
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdn1ILc2Nye
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2ZRkAk2Nw
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvv3RU5D8k
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXjLLmre5J
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡit3mxYpS6l
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt4jQtxLpS
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhxq6P8Ct2
「都是自己選的。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmGlbFxzIJ
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzX6QVX1b8
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rVbxrV1BL
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ502c42R0lx
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ALzl7BuaU
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYlwstKlIc
「乾脆，去死好了。」442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQa0V6oZSxR
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNPiVUvuw4
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGI08hcmhw
442Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIjgXsiJSg
待續。
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