我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGP0mCcrCL
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1rWsYgTy0
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLHV0HFpQd
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pDQ3UsaBN
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqt3SjYdL1
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZabtrEXGBk
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde1F6x09lQ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWfDA0X9gt
「妳是…？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwa1EgHqcL
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBmAYJizfo
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITqMtjTg2i
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWUsMCnxqN
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlzsx6NG8V
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUpx3CodH8
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRjZFTll8g
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQHzwzYJNp
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSGRvsy9fL
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj265wMGbq
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosA8rkn1UC
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsBZNjEyrx
「妳是他女朋友？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO6dXAM0e0
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8gcCMldSF
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsIGxTKfpF
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm3AH2qitJ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYiooeuiMR
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8imxbS5bf7
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdtsXFQQvz
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0I6wAv0GC
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w8woGi1QY
我一時語塞，沒能回話。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlUJT2nYmz
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdhKSSDgAI
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LD6j5F7tE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpVM5rJUaG
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAudcbCiYd
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6VbPlZeiP
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqNKiXErlo
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqnO7b4jly
「小姐貴姓？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW30uLV0TW
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jYZEhhTwW
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLoOA6Ywf9
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QYAwteehv
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPv2DH3siE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dbn5xfCB4
「糟。」我心想。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXFKfgwUjA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fefod8Vf6
她隨即關上木門。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I3jOvEdrx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqozOLgPx1X
「她知道我是誰了。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXKDZhEo9Q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4FtHnF26w
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOtqnRfzwJ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yjI0gFrWP
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQcb99uWu6
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DsWxFfnMw
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3LRsmRpIn
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZHIIn6wyT
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZaqYbl8QK
就這樣升上了高中二年級，466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K7qfVtbuS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaIdggUt1i
迎來了人生的轉折。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoooTE58V5
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0vRtQYj4S
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui6yzjxxr7
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGco79At9e
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjDQIFdIAV
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGFrOa8lnx
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd2Q3c9NW7
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVSW5TGPaL
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWGlK6gZgB
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tZvzQdQ3u
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hwxNB1l0h
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Mz80xcpyl
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVXvr0bR2T
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJBtRzOtuR
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIC7rV9VRRw
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVDUwuDsh2
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvOsd9aVhk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzTV27aceD
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tjw8hnURE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYADVta9QN
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwl1b7rQo5T
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡov8QjUSPrn
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0hhu7fa99
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtL7NjT790
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelIfVhkXGl
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SRrMWKhGi
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF2ISh1ARE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0EtxHFZhE
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphotIsLE6s
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUMIuLUpzy
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pYpGWJU6c
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnJZOkRGzF
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAaPTTeA9n
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QsffeW9B0
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ln32EkLLw
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8N7QllWvv
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4nKyiBe2v
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpsUKctvlF
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyL6rlsqvB
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAgfuztTRZ
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxW542S95b
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulp4VDfjZR
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKa3oIveOW
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtckpGbUVc
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQf69KQl1pp
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXyDNlcdX3
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmjbVM1CIk
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZhNo8Xyk4
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUfaSUCZUo
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEk2pR9TBtw
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYThVScyyf
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHEyggSlov
「爸爸。」我喊他。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgefq5mrs6U
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghq6dtn7RW
父親抬頭看我。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoVS7m0DeA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNr5yHfkXv
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH02at7BoRA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0j0lvJpIw
「我不知道。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvwMdmc3vl
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlriOOOF47
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRu5k5i96sU
「我和你一起搬走。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFrE0Mvarh
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzldJDc52q
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGc27dSg92
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡps0pav0nC8
「真的嗎？」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyDuIQrpBM
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaNUKa5wJ0
「嗯。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsh3YaQhqK
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTBHy0kV8W
「…好啊。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIVgtivsrl
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja1ooBA2Vg
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU28OysgiP
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZRwRFsnqz
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1U376VsXd
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdITcnckzS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWfAL7DNP6
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlIrMuXxV2
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikg2kW9bLl
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxpW2opUiz
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8grLwvn6ZB
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyp9sdtDKM
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvV37RGIFjg
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mVGTDD0F8
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApcHAB4dkI
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybYcYYl0Tz
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnaCs1G3sr
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszqVR4lEZa
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKm0OT6TxBv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWQwAeqmJx
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQwqEjqx8q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOCq0m10t3
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04pD6GaWJq
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76nyxeCmoH
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgktaMvojFN
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmGrUH2fRF
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnjEe29r4f
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLgakSocAB
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcPapnejCS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPCcEuQ66x
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVhtoA7o2n
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZPRGhRjJP
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzVGJdrlrF
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNX5v9BzMFI
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNrVqd84vo
但那是另一個故事了。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlTjQFjTMm
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLTtI86aei
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktMSLDbmqs
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrzLiXmvW0
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrIselfEax
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BibcCzZeO
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseV2fUzp4J
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKDu5kg4aG
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbNbq8Sax4
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4fFqihh8d
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uinxYmV18
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCIdVGhqgW
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ3dzUthur
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKbiS83OdE
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAPv5AZkdz
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsEkaOB15i
難道逃出台灣了嗎？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliE1otTJxQ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDi1pTB3PnC
難道…真的死了嗎？466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnVHTjBi3H
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS4XNA0Jfj
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIoOSyLBz2
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHR1cqJOCH
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiCihAnFsf
但父親不在家。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCErdD5KBUl
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QcVlGyJ84
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvZ0qqN2tv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3bN5QIsTT
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnfQH1NI8q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XwAeDHuTx
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5jG9C4yaY
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHj0gmILJBD
「都是自己選的。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIRkSWq5Ht
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbB40ztPGVN
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyacycSknI
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKWTNzNrwR
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqk6vRGwVg
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7z6x9mBrS
「乾脆，去死好了。」466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLR9Mu8C4e
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIZ9tOunIS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPSsKJlFfE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQMDzSa5bi
待續。
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