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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYjNc9SZBD
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9v2wJNC55
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd74EjkurUB
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQApbNi95C1
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYcQ9UVKbS
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUf9LXTBnW
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHkVan3OlL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWtZJOxAk9
為何記住？我解釋不了。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVtMkTgLJx
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdXDOrIOhO
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULijgpbiT3
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD71AkKKxN
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJduXOBC3D7
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYO5UFoSmf
其中一個是他。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOGQ3iL5C1
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKTFxLgNmu
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5VeZZayTG
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfJVZizjTy
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNHEzRZyNg
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS02XeCBx64
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkR5Lb2CUY
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvn30XqCTtf
「你遺下銀包。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4pyBTzSXv
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgGZ6gKho9
「謝謝。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7M0wqSg0Np
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSx174egaY
「不用客氣……」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAGtXC8SnC
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQnYFe6Av9
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP4AhT0l56
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQieyDdyrw
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfzBRGS7Sd
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunPMXXhVXU
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIjmUZgbX1
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlGX3Ev5Ie
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQevS1oeYR
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDpA9yrzTZ
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wWQ4HdU0l
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMciibvfqk
「我是文班許家偉。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsn4YqaI2j
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGatRj2OupW
「我是理班李浩榮。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmefgtaUGI
其實我早已知道許家偉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIA0C3drP4Y
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvtGEY5jar
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sFB8upZec
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8vlhNkz1Q
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yE7Tp3Kze
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SWZ7e3QDN
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJiJisaBm3
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYhTmhzldS
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeNMTqy7es
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4CdA9Bcz9
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsZyI78POk
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe25QcKZkfy
不服氣。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjoeqaoMDL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnoTJlfXC1
繼續觀察他。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFxIl5ZTE6
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISVvTuGW01
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1dw3m7OOW
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ484Qpieqwd
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xazCLNWBk
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ExiSMX7uM
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRU2VqJqZZf
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3n2GqITTA
我急步追趕許家偉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL3qZXsHLL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMPp7hjMNT
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegBIqm4hoW
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9zTBLHRfY
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfuFe4obvQ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qr2nAKQeB
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG8P5gS6Yg
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGudBaE24A
「你遺下了銀包。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv4SNOMtwr
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ1pWIuFQI
「謝謝。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkaOKQIY4N
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShjlWWqgu9
「不用客氣……」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kUhtRy2Wa
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbemLgaUnRH
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLQCtmdyr3
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdGGfDnp4B
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYLbBgc7yf
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLvcnn0GBM
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJRm3zmQCg
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpNXMeeg6I
我望入他雙眼。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSEPOTiVm2
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9W9GvwJ9L
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7njFKEYyZ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfVHchRrSj
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1gpWYBdI2
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7u1pCCtvmW
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOh4YPvbMi5
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84Z6RaaMLi
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IPSWV0F4o
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nYNfwYkBC
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr0PsGPa95
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj9IYV2kqe
「我是文班許家偉。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNiGt6QjqZ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoupP252P0
「我是理班李浩榮。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYCQXoSBSJ
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNhtLjiGib
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRvtne4Ic0
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pLbfvOeaK
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35dLLpRuGL
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTse8Uxrq13
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1g1MkWmWB
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NSUwyP4tX
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMguDeNmzjQ
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtUCxk3jSA
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPRU41vMAg
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXVbqTHw5m
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KdHNo4eeR
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuQaMvKaol
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJT5MQhh7C
但我沒有阻止他。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEtgOZ5g32
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1y0sjly7Y
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2fezYPDxt
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvpqtJp0rj
我慫恿他繼續說下去。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvfc30kTHp
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF9mchioCG
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCHr9V3UHy
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfO2gOHiaKQ
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJ7ucOnwFc
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45equ7BOiX
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFxFcGLzeS
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsutbny2C7R
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcXR3vyt36
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3wVUmij5e
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh0UKCW1cd
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdyHbTQ6Iz
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ6kGVBwWr
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJXBoLtvHj
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnDkb5drVn
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLTbVR2NTT
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHYJx3lPYd
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQShETubT4
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6CE6AJG9g
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2LNd6B5N8
但我掛念他。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrFeizCIbD
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IS26D99Ig
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEC8rnBaCES
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F2ghDyptu
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dR1ginUXL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tmhgLioEX
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XeUZiv1iT
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikoNQ8mk4M
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG1MxUoxBC
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DMt7vIChC
不要說。不要聽。不要見。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7rZZF6THq
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvIbNEFVlN
希望時間會沖淡一切。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJvV5rh4KD
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCjx6aqO2k
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj8ZaU2gU3
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbqzKE81gN
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WOjn93i7k
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuIeIQcWIB
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaALw1kRdX
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxwAN4kk1z
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXlHAtLxEi
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeOnrrJWwf
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWQTyEuiec
「我也不明白。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0fgUNWcsg
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qxf2xVFuY
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ywMlagKI4
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZAsnHt8ZB
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1x71vinBT
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG0MlTMKWO
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLPFBXe3hT
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGo56mQWt6
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedrbG40nEX
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWnbR5ZlV8
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWvhSNdHG9
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MFL4HbUHc
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sfHFh11Hq
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFy6ElMpYIu
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡba9opfC3OI
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjx8yWZFdmD
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdgIPvK5Ve
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcKYOuqqZK
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAR9hgFGZxH
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7WypbRp8g
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3UALuM0M2
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaR2aHRcj6
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHC35Gsj7cx
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFat7pznlr
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtyuptEwjU
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvk6iRb9IH
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZY7loui9F
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHQflDS5nb
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOuLPdpBjX
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8PaYBk8mB
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPfAVRHYhw
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKwCiMSskx
為何要走到這一步？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTCMn1sZ9D
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFoM1lpbzN
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yh5m8txmK
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn28zHw9Qyc
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkWIr0TFfr
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojasYlxMa2
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wLB5u94bf
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJekIs5RLX4
「別倔強。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroD96I4Njy
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsGlQzx7Ep
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZOKpxEs6l
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEB9RjfMg9
「我想你放棄。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHaeUfDbUO
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqihpkeNBm
「原因？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5qi1XAnAr
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzTxpotbIC
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NakyCx7ei
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuNcBjwigt
「我知道。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNPxdI0XFj
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoPb7hvOXO
「何解還要繼續下去？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlhblkPJEZ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhx9s9FBrZ
「感情易放難收。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01Em93L2Nm
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJmhtFWxVW
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh3YE5NtaU
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuydyzevXB
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNn29RGvm1
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpP1nGHzXD1
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ieqYpZry5
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47aiM10daU
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgRciWywcz
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02VyHeRHVO
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8osVexi6J
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8zIpouP01
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2mhPhzWzL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8WLMLXbEM
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOYsiL1CW9
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtzh9OXCGe
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGrDBE2vKE
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZOfsy45be
小醉。半醉。大醉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7StEMF08C
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN42dTekeIT
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC52kKveId
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tNhccK1sF
「直接講我愛他。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufohddRA8Y
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjGfRtyYzq
「如果他拒絕？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOGU6jLccS
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuE9JIJfFz
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNVVYKhTzJ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAHDbSUYvK
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDttQV5ycF
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yL3qZFWiW
「我當然是高興！」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlLrzMy8aI
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZqt2d3ZVa
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5Ff2YxmKa
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8u1ULmluQ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvOiwYs1T6
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBPRtOI2OQ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7YF4aodQe
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ptNoHAB7l
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVjIYzEIRV
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ0KA0YwZC
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jBw5FnROP
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakiCxgtaZ0
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHt1FStMmk
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNUzQpk4ji
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW05W5nJ3kD
「你仍然單身？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ393IXmXFtN
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgZ8YYSDoT
「是的。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNrKSfpLgh
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1aGJMfUlf
「要我當媒嗎？」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf9M4muRvc
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvKW40J0hU
「不了。難為情。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4M6pbW7IMN
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CgkxojJhB
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSTFRtz93B
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ywKSMpAF1
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRTYM6OHxe
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTS15Umif0
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AHBwPNBrr
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEzJ9hnhvd
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9GqQldHJ6
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXU48mMY56
回家吧。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKHihgCf45
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xZaVNnuQx
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7ISHhHyxH
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydTxSLv8Oh
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVEXcVRbaD
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Pqb53gF6l
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUZX1wz2FF
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBhfUiSsBO
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbEV0vsccz
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJx9foknPs
大概是一見鍾情吧。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIRxfohk7L
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEQrGvbDkB
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e3eeYZNGL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZQ7HgAG7K
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr87PSssef
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn4fqGQOef
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlNxXEPStR
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡww89TnqNir
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVe346yDym
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yNhX7s6lc
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9vIuE51ZI
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzWPSxT6Iv
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfTKBIh2aW
百感交集……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPUGYOt0cJ
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8syyCA9II
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z0k9csqgt
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelmgYQ5YsG
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj90pXnORB
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGovCr2OVp7
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW4pxGTsVw
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbAzGmWdO4
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTnOoeVIia
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXdaJycPBM
「認得。你是文班的。」575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszREqLhKhI
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimiKWUWqXk
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXUu5wJ8ek
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMSiMbTMFa
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kZuA5eg1t
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAS85tj5ny
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3NPUjBXRh
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffaqFGFC5T
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNh4Xc1fpD
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NSkqi86YM
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9PePEgnB8
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SJfWHGw15
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyFUhsm3Xk
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMY8nC4P7V
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb50iPfYGL
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZV4JWxRIFu
我哭笑不得。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEdeuIr8nK
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEPJjIIwpV
無意跟他繼續對話。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fQbVKyFZV
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aVMMdoUuo
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0oKFJh9Pz
575Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFW8x8tZoV
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
