x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGTJD65f3x
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6JS4tXE89
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcvakOYCkj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5MP2OIcQA
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3B34T6dv4
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MFVgrYsxW
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHalGr3ndC
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYbUCRZD8j
為何記住？我解釋不了。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnWRrKhIHq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqCVi6QtW8
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDv0iSxLHu
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH73Nm3Re9K
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxloC2ymqyz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSmGkzL96e
其中一個是他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxYRshC357
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwGv3iETcd
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWqlOPATLA
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yMCPLRLrp
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcuukCO0ul
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vfD4FdGqY
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNTpeBKWjT
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnbtxFhXBk
「你遺下銀包。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJntedk3qL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9x1fIs1l9
「謝謝。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF25OfNcnj7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjr36wRnMB
「不用客氣……」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObBZPYXiEp
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡco968N4A3s
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxR0z1EUku
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeP6GqiO19y
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspcWbLnvRh
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9H8LCtJvmJ
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4SeokZ5Pd
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTF5QhZOcJ
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIaGSTYggU
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3t9epy7xl
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgqx8tH11E
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkzxOpvVcm
「我是文班許家偉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvihCQJNSjj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPip82BqM2B
「我是理班李浩榮。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC62rqtgtyq
其實我早已知道許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghFrsKpLK0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjJHZ4jSxJ
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6jGiKN2Xs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCc9mviz56
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlZNuEvjD9
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZiYKFKfhz
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHxDqM2F69
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtG5HoQL2xG
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiVz18lG9L
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU0AteUTuH
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMLe4mxv4M
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBpPzi5eJR
不服氣。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgmTBzwcnD
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3Cs60zAq6
繼續觀察他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91ZTrb72Js
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8gbwdpZr2
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIu17xpqrNq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8OGGB8fWh
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskK72W1Keq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1OG0BZ2Ji
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdD4D6p2cQv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vjhiyOpGo
我急步追趕許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXpCg6l15t
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6jsTr7DpV
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXT5M5Usn4
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS6AgOsS0R
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ1huZpURh
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkFI5BV8hw
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUESjN0F7Kv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbbU0lS4bM
「你遺下了銀包。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVv4u1Xjk6
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBMH8XMRIn
「謝謝。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VPGgGJWDw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMjYcNy1uP
「不用客氣……」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS0FdM6G70
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTH3ck3zlr
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuR5Ftik6K
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnMPgG9635
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG01ArSJbdw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4t8EcDSq0o
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWA1gXpdN08
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweIfb8LOJ4
我望入他雙眼。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p6ITGvEPm
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHapZ1oPaoI
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6f03VR02N
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHXxlVn2SE
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56cis134cU
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcCgGHRpu9
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ivx6t3hM4
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GfzmfXUCf
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbU2t4RfpR
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSmHYHEpni
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFq2gdZFHU
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY7k1ygp1F
「我是文班許家偉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVj3zsbrMx7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMftIp1Apg
「我是理班李浩榮。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xtFryHoxD
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNRrAwgHW9
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChyjP3GGLu
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJibYIrZvS3
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe5Q4xE1wx
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfj9uGBIMve
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfhwbEK77D
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKYnIhS1Hz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwW6622ALc
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6QN728FtN
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFd3bOEnd2
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiTNANGw89
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ybQUU37nA
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5kdqHZqjY
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9liEjulCc
但我沒有阻止他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3n4KaT4hu
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSWnrhyzM8
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6opc2IFp39
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡym1PUnc1W9
我慫恿他繼續說下去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRynUPwjhV
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJO0Sq9Vfh
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF315iunKH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKbsZVuG6G
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSQeAyudbv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2dYwEuWKZ
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinB6XnuZLd
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7MsvH54iq
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsWIImqbLj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZblpIWW6JP
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBg8HukbDxD
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIpgYWVMx1
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyHAqR4H3R
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31UZ6pyiKO
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShONTepUz5
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WN8xZcPB3
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL2RkVMt7B
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9PBqa6kyq
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9XInNt3cX
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hmGxwyWSL
但我掛念他。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8z6ZCCugJ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxk0ecZovzM
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGswiBothY
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcRS3ZSgKt
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2i1iU0WA8
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax4YjDO5iM
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhelg4PNQo0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymdKekXiol
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKocT6vRGm
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ80qF3jr1
不要說。不要聽。不要見。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZTXrVmTZW
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnu840wFOu
希望時間會沖淡一切。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLlpVkMYgH
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITHRohv8wZ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToak4TXPdl
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OXDez54pO
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxPh8RtIV3
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkyrNrBSPj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VpqKECZSJ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQQKByulG7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS34fhvEFwt
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSq13mvq15
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyu4utEXKvc
「我也不明白。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEezGL1uuxQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB2k5KBA3d
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjqDiljrWE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYABtggd0hm
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboRNZB6EB7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE0ddbV9m8
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOSeOG2JHv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEo5KbDFzq
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENBlWc6RDz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4WgIuGI53
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG8X5Zll0d
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jDWo3iN5G
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKpf6idprS
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF1tLee5u8
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vCX7FMPXR
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYI0j08dOE
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmQphjcRyz
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1zGTGgUBR
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3s2OgDWNWL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZQ8Mbolij
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYdcNQKks3
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TJmvgVPQ6
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4Y5lrYJtQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jrBh1ybUX
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPkkKgkk23
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TjpFMxV8l
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzU8qNVNbQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB69QpADU9I
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NcM2nUbbd
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWToIRlsHN
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAH9N9pdOR
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvP9O8zVcOQ
為何要走到這一步？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk7eS3mn7Y
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCY2gkRDHHY
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxmVrPmc18
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OqY1vZfgN
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgHUN3NGxH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIMPIh0BQk
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fE8sTw0oJ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINaRErC6OA
「別倔強。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqdmIRDsUH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCI8G2029Ni
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGkaPO0Qs2
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbihGzDirh
「我想你放棄。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCCL2E4EIP
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i5XVI8t46
「原因？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5lsgnj84a
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QovZOd1lN
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYIgFkiZ7Y
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqR6VfaQ65
「我知道。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY64R6wnvE
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTt3Pf5TnV
「何解還要繼續下去？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxDJ1t5qcJ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIQtEZ3bfl
「感情易放難收。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97NZjH9Ur8
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zkk0uTbql
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8kcbbDlRf
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwn6itsjtRV
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLueKQMgCPN
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxA8UoLFXG
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEvFuiIC0y
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D9vnLcVWD
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRU9vl6T22
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sDj8hdNzb
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMS0MaaO2H
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvmEW71LYp
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZjOBRO3pp
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4jbDFjLA5
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpggMfLH865
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJseudb42MI
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnO8dQY9sFs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDPPFBhdcJ
小醉。半醉。大醉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51CZQIb3So
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBh4j2MM0my
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRzdr9QCz0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9CjaB95l7
「直接講我愛他。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaenO0XG2S
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsyDRZcGa6
「如果他拒絕？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEH5iEEUhBS
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YhzRGXbaO
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mY4kDz3Mi
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCMeiKd5C0
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFVGs21PRs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Q6ZT3XOe4
「我當然是高興！」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡze5AmbiZXR
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVNiB56msd
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pXLHaOAGs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcHTrBUxQZ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSBpSphVwX
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFkk7Ti5Ls
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8f9nyC7IzH
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dRRDgQIIZ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡby6cTHBkRh
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwjNs5Imkx
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdCu8miCZe
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6cNvR6S1U
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nW9hieXrx
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo79TTkQmau
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI22yKg2B4e
「你仍然單身？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr88AUiuK64
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k9NBPhzKE
「是的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7cl12JLwM
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDq2TyHj0c
「要我當媒嗎？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpiFa9doGU
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMp8WZROP8
「不了。難為情。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbxhjn1JvI
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq7Itok9H0
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYQARI38Mv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVQKvYY8uh
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZul6Y2y66
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtP6XT9Bz21
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWwdh4KIIo
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGi8rY0PMv
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5OwyxcUfH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1cNtgHDTT
回家吧。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0jcb7il2X
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ54MrReZvl
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZTUE1gai2
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUKZ06Gi5t
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUYpmLClWq
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sYrliJq71
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9H0Qjj3UhO
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETzH4jurar
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2JnSp6t7l
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8r0nyxWLX
大概是一見鍾情吧。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAIq13ANfu
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvc6H8lavND
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2Tbd4tPgO
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v4qGJdh0J
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pVlwpdnAS
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbDSdWTv74
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3VgBf4xlC
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfFHqcK6uW
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4IvKSUPax
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cx5l8T5iN
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwd72PHeeR
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8CXUsZZW1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RiSazvAGg
百感交集……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHp3QauR7F6
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRTXDAMP1x
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfPU21dTYM
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAllxz6xd9
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGD00itvU3
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinpNZb7NlF
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdeOhEUOVY
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHm335GIdv
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7qrLuwriw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrqdpnvWBG
「認得。你是文班的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjzYyf2xse
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlf1osYMLEB
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5gSMDF2tQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxVfpPPKrU
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMdCTTGik9
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3xZ4MNkrP
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxkr5owO34
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkTapnYwZh
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQJOy4x8kT
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65yrmBaSUO
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8KWJOi3pA
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt38BUhankx
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3tgVkVNZb
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQnuT286dK
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHP1IC4BvA
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiu0Z0V8Nl
我哭笑不得。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqNnLP0ZF5
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tssUBmxOk
無意跟他繼續對話。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhZ7r9CYHc
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgFydf3S9A
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt67doZdrj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfifmwwu3g5
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
